EXCUSE ME!!!!

I was standing under a traffic light waiting for the green man to shine...and i heard this familiar voice behind me...

"Excuse me, Miss..."

I turn my head and saw these 2 familair looking boys...I am sure I have seen them somewhere...
but they are not calling me...they are talking to the lady beside me waiting to cross the road...

One is about 11 and the other probably 8 or 9 years old...

"Can you help us buy cigarettes...."

The lady just took the money and buy a pack of cigarettes for them WITH NO QUESTION ASK!

It may be interpret as the act of kindness....or being helpful.....BULLSHIT!...what is this lady doing!!!!!

Now I REMEMBER!

These 2 boys stopped me on my way home along this same street and ask me to do the same thing...BUT...I rememeber...I rejected theor request and told them..." you shouldn't be smoking at this age...(infact shouldn't smoke watever age you are in)...."...and they say..."It was for our mum....!!"......RUBBISH!...ASK YOUR MUM TO BUY HERSELF!!!...wat kind of mother.


Yah...that was how I met them....and today...it happened again...and I am determine to get the bottom of this...I stayed around and watch wat happen despite the fact that I am already late for school....Saw the lady came out with the cigarette...cross the road finally....while I am standing at the other end of the road...WATCHING....


the 2 boys....put the cigerattes in the pocket...and cross the road...took out the cigarettes....and a lighter.....unwrapping the plastic pack of the cigarette.....as they walk into a corner facing door of an apartmentone... one of them give the other one cigarette and he took one himself.......I PRETEND TO WALK PAST THEM AND GIVE THEM A HARD LOOK....and they saw me....while they lighted their cigarettes....they wave and say"hello chinese girl"...looking NOT GUILTY AT ALL though they are caught yet not afraid...


I knew it.
And I shake my head...

I have plans...to actually put notice around that area to warn people not to buy cigarettes for these two boys....I hope they quit smoking...there are better things to doin life.

170505

I wonder ...

I am just wondering why do I feel particularly restless today...and then i knew why...
I am up at the EMA for the whole afternoon trying to duplicate my video..and whenever the DVD burner is doing it's job...I will take a little walk downstairs...and will end up in that comfy space i have been residing in for the pass one week or more...and will be a little disappointed each time to find that the owner of that studio not around...4 pieces of DVD that i burn....4 times I went downstairs to check his presence...is it becos of the internet connection that his space offer...or is it just him ?...I wonder...

160505

However...

Something did cheer me up a little...this guy whom has been sawing and drailing holes...in the studio...brightens up my day basically...just like how coffee can perk people up in the morning...he perks me up.


160505

Pissed off...

Not that people are out to piss me off today...but is my mood...and everything seem to be WRONG! today...so WRONG!...that i felt like kicking people in the ass....THAT PISSED OFF!!!...but...as usual...I will keep very calm and quiet...and suffer internal injuries whom only I will noe how serious it is.

And...today...despite the fact that I have complete a major task...which has been bugging me...i dun have that sense of relieve....becos what is going to come ahead..is going to be BIGGER!

Thus...the bottom line for today's mood...PISSED OFF!

Beautiful Sunday...

And beautiful sun...nice weather...but in this studio...freezing...and I am having a headache now...hence I wanna go home....but before i do...I had to go buy some grocery....so that's all for today...nothing much.


150505

Weird Feelings...

I have been residing in this space for a while...in someone's studio...nice and comfy...of cos...the main attraction is the internet connection...but slowly...I like his company...although we dun speak to each other all the time...and I am typing on my laptop mostly...and he is doing something with his computer....the atmosphere is lovely. The only sound...is my fingers taping the keyboard...and his processor humming...while he is picking on some techno gadget.
Recently...this is how I spend my time.....with him....even though we dun speak to each other..sometimes...he will show me some of his stuff...and i will show him some of my pic....at the end of the day.... we will say " See you tomorrow..."

This has been the case for a week...since i booked the space to do an installation and his studio happened to be beside it....

and...just few days ago...we are connected...as I add him to my MSN list...we chat online......even when he is sitting just next to me...I will send him a message in our MSN...and he will reply...all that...without a sound...even when we are just sitting to each other...ONLY OUR FINGERS TAPING.....

Weird feelings...really.

140505

FAQ.

"SO...when ARe You CoMing BaCk?"

This is the Number One Question That I have been asked since I arrive.....
And the answer is....

"I dun noe..."

That's all folk.


140505

Look...this is Alec...my studio neighbour...I was sitting behind him when i thought...this view is great...plus plus...that is me...see my shoes... 

Ohh...something he said..

I forget to add a part of our conversation ...during that lovely lunch I had with Olive boy....
I told him I am planning to move my stuff from home to the studio....and what i wasn't expecting is when he suddenly said this...

Oh..do you need help?

WAT?(I said this at the back of my mind...but I said...)

It's alright...I am moving them bit by bit...


Like real....of course I need help...and if that is you...I will faint.(and again I said this in my mind)

Actually....I am so puzzled that he is so helpful...or are people helpful by nature?...or he just happen to be a helpful person...I dun noe...but but....I just wonder if he meant what he said...or he is just being polite....and yet then....I wont want him to see my horrible mess....well well...the mix feeling was....even if i suspect he might be a gay....i dun want to scare away a gay fren.


But but...of cos....at the bottom of my heart...I secretly wish my GAY-dar(radar detacting gays)...is not working accurately.

But so wat....?....even if he is not gay...that doesn't mean he will like me.

Nowadays....being a woman is not easy. Not only do we have to search constantly for the man of our life....and before we confess our love for them...or even try to hint them that we like them......we have to first determine if they are gays or straights ....how tragic. What have we done wrong to deserve this.

140505

So blind.

I am.
I have failed to notice that i have got very interesting clasamate...and felt that it a a pity that i only got to noe them better in these last few days of my studies....

People like Heather...my new good fren in school...whom I wnet shooping with one day....Laura..a very nice albino girl...I always think she is beautiful...becos she is so white.we are talking about some simliar things we do for our art...and i like her work...very poetic.....and she told me about this old fashion book shop which i like a lot....and Sandy...my techno freak classmate who collected as many computer monitors,keyboard, mouse and cables as I have collected my junk...he has got a whole room of computers...in the school storeroom....and I like his new spec...and Vangelis...his digital stuff...that sound piece which I have mentioned...very interesting...I have been residing in his studio space like a parasite feeding on his internet connection...and I am very grateful of him to let me....Alec...my studio neighbour...whom I share the same studio space with...we have coincidently placed ourself in the same space for 2 consecutive year( we got to choose our space every fresh year...putting a number...and we just happen to be together)....but we never tok much to each other...except for leaving notes on each other tables...saying things like " Heres the pen i have borrowed from you..."...and one that he wrote i rememeber " Sorry for the splatter on the wall...I will paint it up later"...and my reply...' It's ok...leave it...I like it"...and ocassionally....when we are both in the space....we are very quiet....one evening however...to my surprise....i saw him hugging a guitar having a drink in Sandy's studio which is just outside our studio....and he plays nice music....surprise surprise....did I also mention Soren...a Danish classmate of mine...he is the joker and graffiti boy.....was my studio neighbour last year .....he is funny and frenly.

And so...yah... I had been blind.
So blind.

But is glad that it is never too late to make new friends.

120505

OCD

I told Jm that I suspect That i might be suffering from OCD....and I kind of felt very assured that it is fine by his repy.

He said, for OCD as long as my life is not affected by it...it is ok.

Yah...i suppose I am ok.

I hope.

120505

OliVeR TwISt

I was making the last few bite on my lunch..and i heard someone came into the kitchen(studio kitchen)


He : Oh hi..

Me : (turn around to see who is it)Hi....

He : Is that Miso..?

Me : Close...is green tea...both Japanese....

He : Oh...are you still having your lunch ...can I join you?

Me : Sure.


I lied.
I have already eaten 5 pieces of bread with pate...
and thought I should save the rest of the loaf for tomorrow.
I am finished but i lied.

Anyway, 10 seconds later...he came in again.


He : I saw you very busy in the EMA recently...working on some videos?..

Me : Yah...not my major work though...but i thought it is a pity not to do something about those footage that I have been accumulating...

Blah blah....

He took out his baguette...and cheese...and ham....watever....starts to rip his bread into half and stuff the meat and cheese in it....while talking to me....

I took out another piece of bread and start to spread my pate...the 6th piece of the day...to extend my lunch hour...for him...

so he ask me about what I am going to do for my degree show...or what i had been doing....I told him...the bottles outside the kitchen open space is my recent work...and he is a bit surpirse.....he said it was a nice piece of work...and he thought it was quite poetic...

Ah....he is the second person to say that my work is poetic....which I am really pleased. ...and i hope he really mean it.

And...he also notice the colour arrangement....i have made...of cos...it is an obvious way to display.

oh...and so...we came back to the question about what i intend to do for my degree show...I told him...I intend to exhibit the whole lot of junks in my room....becos I have been collecting junks for a long time and accumulate a lot of things in my room.....I even told him I suspect I might be sufferring from OCD...he thought...i am too calm to be one....becos I can still talk about my condition like a third person....which seems to him...I am still very normal...fair enuff...maybe I am not as serious as I think....

I understand that I am not doing my image any good by telling a guy whom i used to like, that i have messy room and I might be mentally not normal...but i thought...since my crush for him is over....it is ok to tell a fren ...who I am..and not worry about spoiling my image...so...it is a good thing...i am not having extra heartbeats when i talk to him yesterday.

Anyway....we had a nice lunch chat....he finished his sandwich...bite on a pear....
and he run for his lecture....

I am thinking....if i am still having that stupid crush i had for him like last week...I probably would have been dumbfolded when he start to talk to me....but becos I have already gotten over him...it becomes more natural for me to chat with him...like he is a classmate. And...on top of that...I am beginning to suspect that he is a gay...so...I become less touchy and felt very comfortable talking to him now. ...just suspecting...becos there are too many gay element he is emitting....it is a pity...but i made a new friend.


Oh...and before he runs for his lecture...


He : Oh...I forgot your name...your name is?

Me : Sha... and you?

He : Oli....


Ah...
Actually I already knew his name long ago....not that he told me...
I found out accidentally (who am I kidding...ok,I found out intentionally, happy?)
Oh...and did I mention it before?...
Oli is the short for his name Oliver.
And Oliver is Olive boy.
I named him olive boy becos he wore an olive green sweater when i first met him...
and i swear i dun noe his name then.

What a twist of fate.......
And my title for the day...never been as appropriate...

Dedicated to this new friend.

Oliver twist.


120505

Confused weather...

Yah...I saw the sun today...suspect that it will be very cold and cilly today..and put on an extra wool...it is the case here that it will be cold when you dun see the sun...though the sun is hot...but the temperature can drop to less than 10 degree....anyway...so i play safe and add more clothing...BUT DAMN!....is so hot...I perform strip tease on my way to school taking off my scarf...unbottoning my jacket slowing....and took them off one by one...until my hands are full.

What a day...if everyday is like dat...Glasgow is a very nice place.


120505

Promise delivered.

Yes...I spent 7 hours yesterday to clear up... as promised. Rather disappointed that I did throw away some egg cases and milk cartons along the way....but i manage to stuff other junks under my bed. On the whole...I hope the inspection will turn out well.

Oh..by the way....my neighbour from room 4, Julie...she is gone.
I saw her room empty when i am on my way out....quite a surprise becos she had a big party just last saturday.....maybe that was to celebrate her moving away....she is a nice lady. and....she works in a pub opened owned by one of my classmate....wat a coincidence.

Anyway, yah...today is a fine day.


120505

The girl who never throw anything away.

While doing my research for my degree show...as I have finally made up my mind what to do...I am SHOCK to realise I might be suffering from OCD...while you thought people who suffer from OCD are people who keep washing their hands...well...this...I mean me...is an example of OCD actually....read the below...and you will noe what i mean...


From : http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1282/is_5_53/ai_72007030



"The words "new neurosis" are oxymoronic because the tics and twitches of humankind are eternal. They are also universal, so imagine my joy on finding a twofer: a virgin forest of deadly nightshade with a signpost reading "Only in America."
It's so new they don't even have a name for it yet. Calling it "collecting" or "hoarding," as two recent newspaper features did, is a pathetic understatement. The world has always had collectors --- John Fowles wrote a bestselling novel about one --- and there are so many people who never throw anything out that they long ago acquired a name: pacPsychologists who have begun studying call it "OCD," for "obsessive- compulsive disorder," but that pales beside the behavior involved, which is to "disorder" as Bill Clinton is to "fib." Yes, this really is a new neurosis, and so American that the best way to describe it is to lapse into the literary style of Helen Gurley Brown. It's about people who never throw anything out, who save everything, no matter how icky- sticky-poo-poo it is, until somebody calls the Health Department!!!
To call such people slobs is to miss the point. Slobs might be messy but they also have a social life, so that when a big date is looming they pull themselves together and neaten up. OCDs, on the other hand, don't have to worry about what people will think because nobody can get in the house, including firemen.
Open the front door and you risk being buried under a landslide of old newspapers. The house is literally packed to the rafters with a mountain range of stuff that normal people throw out. The OCD navigates around it by a series of narrow cleared paths, like the trenches of World War I, past old Christmas trees, stacks of unopened junk mail, empty blister packs that once held baloney and batteries, used printer ribbons (and predating them, used typewriter ribbons), hundreds of expired grocery coupons, plastic forks that come with take-out food, TV-dinner trays, margarine tubs, pieces of broken dishes, burned-out light bulbs, and in some extreme cases, old cigarette butts, used paper napkins, and even used toilet paper.
It's shaping up into a great little mental-health crisis, complete with the usual exculpatory language. It is estimated that OCD afflicts some 2 million Americans, undoubtedly of all races and creeds, but this figure is probably low because OCD is, of course, underreported. Its victims almost never seek treatment, naturally, so only about 5 percent come to light, usually through health violations or eviction.
The problem, needless to say, goes back to their childhoods; most lived in a home with a hoarder and learned bad choices. OCD can be treated, but not with force, like the man who rented an industrial Dumpster and backed it up to his mother's door. Nor does it do any good to offer to help them clear out the mess because they have to reread all the expired coupons. They might also start "churning"-the psychologists' term for moving their detritus from one pile to another to fake tossing it out.
Treatment consists of a long, slow program in which the threatening subject of throwing things away is never mentioned. Instead the facilitator emphasizes the importance of understanding their motivations, taking them on visits to dumps and yard sales, guiding them through a series of mental exercises until they lose their fear of making decisions and develop what will no doubt be called "discarding skills." At the end they mark their successes with little signs reading "This is a flat, clear surface."
But they still won't understand themselves and consequently will slide back into chaos because neither they nor their earnest facilitators will admit that America is the root cause of their behavior:
1. Nowadays, being ready and willing to make a decision about anything is all it takes to be called "judgmental."
2. There's a name for thinking that a torn dishrag is worth keeping. It's called "equality."
3. When the word "inclusion" is rammed home in every public statement, some people will develop a warped need to see how much they can include. OCDs are merely insuring that no blister pack is left behind.
4. They harbor a repressed, politically incorrect lust for revenge on the criminal class and OCD is an acceptable form of emotional displacement: They know that if a rapist managed somehow to get inside their houses, he would be suffocated in a barrel of plastic bags or impaled on a splintered mop handle.
Articles about OCD fill me with hungry glee because I have the opposite neurosis: obsessive-compulsive spartanism (OCS). So does one of my favorite novelists, Kathleen Winsor, who described our common persuasion to perfection:
What a relief it was to have anything done, finished, over with for good. So you could throw it out of your life and forget it and go on to something new. Some of her happiest moments had been spent cleaning out closets or drawers, throwing things away, knowing that whatever the symbolism they had had for her, she was destroying it. Each time she finished with something or someone and knew that she had finished forever, it gave her in some sense the illusion of having been granted a new beginning to life."
Whether it be possessions or people, my motto is "The more there is, the more there is." I ache to hang a "This is a flat, clear surface" sign on the whole world. Give me a box of big green garbage bags and a baling hook and I'm one happy misanthrope. Now that I've donated nearly all of my literary papers, my surroundings are acquiring that impersonal emptiness I've always craved. But it's still not enough, so I've decided to start my own disorderly-house consultation service for OCDs. It won't interfere with my writing; in fact, it will help it by keeping my name in front of the public via my website: www.letmeatyourFKinghouse.com.k-rats."


Well...you see what I mean?....Those scenerios that I have just highlighted....is MY ROOM IN SINGAPORE... and...almost my room in glasgow.

Well at least i understand why my room is health hazardous....becos fireman cannot enter....ah....
I shall remove all the junk from my room to my studio before the morning of friday the 13th...I promise....probably gonna live in my studio from now on....

ANd....i wONDer...if I sHould Seek heLP......maybe I am really sick.

SCARE ME!

110505

Classical Music...

I am not a classical music person...but lately...this piece of music keeps repeating itself around me...and so much so....I am very amused with it....

A classmate of mine is doing a sound interactive piece of art...whereby he install a webcam in a space...which happens to be the space which I booked out to do my art...and the story is...the images captured by the webcam...will be translated as the movement will activate the music...that means...when people move in the space...like walk pass or wave their hand...the "piano" will start to play...and this is so amusing becos...i will intentionally freeze and see if the music will stop...and run around to listen to the music...LOVE it....


And this piano piece....I have been listening to it for 3 days since...
keeps ringing and ringing...in my mind when it is not playing...

Then...today...I found out...it is..

Chopin
Valse Brillante Op.34 No.2.


nice nice...i like it.

110505

Wendy's reply...

I pester wendy to read my blog as usual...and this is her reply.


I want to found out how my best riend have managed to accumulate another mount of "her precious" in a totally different country

but most importantly how she excel in an environment so different from the one we have shared for all these years from 13 years old..

from jap drama to appreciating american sitcoms


I am amused.

110505

one of my bottles... 

My bottles :) 

ULTIMATUM!!!!

I was informed by my landlord last night that there is going to be YET another Health & Safety Check on this coming Friday...of all the 365 days...they make it on a Friday the 13th.... and the below is an extraction of roughly my conversation with my landlord...

Landlord : Oh..Sha(my name in short)...on friday...
there will be another health and safety check...

Me : Wat..this friday?...or next?

LAndlord : This friday.

Me : On the 13th?

Landlord : yes, at 11.

Me : in the morning?

Landlord : yes...

Me : Ok....I will do something about it.
(walking towards my door)

Landlord : No sha...you really have to clear up...
Becos this people are very particular...
(saying this, he demostrate by wiping
his fingers at the corridor wall and give
a hard look at his finger, pretending to be them.

Me : Ok....i get your point...
( I opened my door)

LAndlord : Sha...I am serious...you really have to do
something...this is very serious...very very serious...
(i cannot remember the exact number of "serious"
he uses altogether in his speech....)

Me : ( By this time...I have already opened my door and
get halfway into my room...i look back at him...and say)
Yah...I understand.

Landlord : (Stressing ONE MORE TIME) Sha...I am not joking...
If they are not happy with the place...
They will shut the whole house down. VERY SERIOUS.
They will close this place down!

Me : Ok...I get that. (Calmly.. I close the door and locked it)


And my heart sunk.

I cannot understand...what has the mess got to do with health and safety.
The mess is innocent. They have done nothing wrong. They dun look good...but they have a heart of gold...and had done no harm to anybody...why do they have to force me do this.

And if the health and safety inspector is going to close down this place...I believe they should have more than one reason to do it...and NOT becos there is one messy room in the building. AND...if you all really want to know...the bathroom ceiling has been leaking since i arrive one year ago...and the tap is running 24 hours a day and the landlord never repair it...the windows in Room One is smashed and not replace for a long time...and the old door downstairs is older than me...and is rotting....the garden has grasses taller than me at one point...and the carpet...look at it...it is sooo dirty I had to vacumm it 4 times and lay newsapaper on it before i dare to walk on it...the fridge was full of mould when i move in...i had to disinfect them before i use it...i never had any complains...NEVER...even when he switch off the heater thinking it is spring...to save electrical bills...and my room is freezing...when the temperature at night reach ZERO...

I SHALL CLEAR UP AND MAKE SURE IT IS CLEANER THAN WHEN I MOVE IN!!!!...I SWEAR!!!!.....anyway it is time for me to do so....for my degree show...they will have a new home...my studio...and shall never have to live in that miserable place i live in....and to make sure that even if this place were to be shut down....IT HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!!...I dun want to be blame for making people homeless....and...the hoorible thing is...the landlord sound as if....if the house will close down...it is only becos of me.

As for the health and safety check...if it passes...good for everybody...and i can stay until october as planned....if not...TOO BAD!


110505

I walk past that shop again today and notice a new display....and look at that...the one in the middle...ahhh...I LOVEEE that colour... 

The best thing...

The best thing...that is happening recently...is that I finally can enjoy the privilege to go to school at 9am and stay in school until 11pm everyday...is a 14 hours things for me...and i love it...i like to be doing something...enjoying the process...and i am doing it right now....wat more can I say...and the next best thing...is...I HAVE got internet connection NOW...becos I have become a parasite to my friends studio....sitting by the corner of his studio...feeding on his connection wires to enter the internet....this is the greatest discovery since i study in this school....that i can have 24 hours access to the school and internet...NOT officially though...I had to do it sneakily...and whenever the sercurity comes and check...I pretend that I am from the MFA....


100505

The logic behind the fickled mind

There is a logic to it. And as simple as you can imagine. It is simply the mind going thru the process of choosing the best...or just what is the most appropriate . However, this trial and error is not about right or wrong...but rather THIS or THAT. So if your mind hovers around THIS and THAT...THIS or THAT..this..this that this THIS... that and this...you will realise it is the This that you really want when the statistic shows that THIS is the thing that keeps coming back into your decision. And hence...a decision is made finally. As for those who can make up their mind easily and stick with it...it is either they dun have much choice.....or this kind of person dun exist.

Who is NOT fickled minded? You tell me.

100505

This whole mess...

My mess...JM said he is sooo haunted...he got this urge to come back and clear them up for me...in fact...he already had a concrete plan on how to do it...first he said...he would fold up all the clothes....then....the newspapers by the door...THROW!...the empty bottles...THROW!....trash...THROW!!!!...I wouldn't blame him....becos another friend of mine, wendy, also LOVES to help me do "CLEARANCE"...and her kick comes from throwing away all my things...but there is a twist lately.

I have been trying to justified the reason for the existence of all my junk...why they are here..and why i keep them in the first place...and so...my degree show...will be about them.

Not sure how it is going to be like eventually...but something is already hovering in my head....and...in fact...that something had been hovering in my mind...for a long long time....

I told Wendy about this great big plan of mine about showing my mess and I was shock when she said this to me...."yah....I thought you wanted to do that long ago...isn't it?"...INDEED....that's what friends are for...they remind you of what you always wanted to do... and constantly provoke you to do it....until it is done.

And one more thing...she is coming.
Wendy said she is coming to Glasgow to see my degree show...
I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact thatI am going to show my mess...maybe she is just curious...afterall, my art...are stuff she used to throw away for me...

Or is she more interested to see how clean and empty my room is by the time she arrive....if you know what i mean...

You reading it now wendy?

100505

CAn I change my mind???

Ahh...I have been reading my previous post...and thought maybe not...


" the poor, UGLY guy was an artist who played drums, knew your name, loved messy rooms, long curly hair held in a bun with chopsticks, strappy shoes, sleeping in, fickle minded women, could change every lightbulb in the house, can ride a bicycle, and would give you space when you need it, but respect your property and would move to singapore with you or wherever you want to go....."

yah...that kind of guy I probably would have fallen in love with BUT...BUT BUT BUT...you know...sometimes when you fall in love with someone...it really doesn't matter if he plays drum or eat drumsticks...., love or hate my room...know how to or not to change a bulb....ride or falls off a bicycle....and in the end...the reasons why i have learnt to change my own lightbulb in the end is really becos...i dun want to fall for a guy just becos he changes my bulb....if you know what i mean...you noe what i mean?

SHITT!!!...I am confusing myself again....I dun noe what i want now.

I think I need help.

100505

Answers to the Questions.

The following are questions from cushman in response to my previous posting "The law of evolution".....and my answers.




"What good is a delicious, perfect-tasting orange if it has no seeds?"



GOOD!!!!.....nice and juicy...and you dun have to worry about swallowing the seed accidentally...while enjoying it.




"Which is better, a camel in the desert with one beautiful hump.. or one with a big ugly hump?"


Depends on which is the one that can walk me out of the desset...remember???....either beatiful...or "RICH".....if the ugly one is "resourceful"....why NOT? Again...this fits the fittest survive theory....NO CONFLICT!



"Would you rather have a Hot boy friend with no personality or a poor, not so good looking guy with the best personality in the world? What if the Hot guy couldn't have kids? What if the the poor, UGLY guy was an artist who played drums, knew your name, loved messy rooms, long curly hair held in a bun with chopsticks, strappy shoes, sleeping in, fickle minded women, could change every lightbulb in the house, can ride a bicycle, and would give you space when you need it, but respect your property and would move to singapore with you or wherever you want to go? Yes, he's ugly, but he's the coolest guy you've ever met. Well?"



the poor, UGLY guy was an artist who played drums, knew your name, loved messy rooms, long curly hair held in a bun with chopsticks, strappy shoes, sleeping in, fickle minded women, could change every lightbulb in the house, can ride a bicycle, and would give you space when you need it, but respect your property and would move to singapore with you or wherever you want to go.....

IF there really is such a man....

I WANT HIM !


p.s/ does this mean i am NOT A SHALLOW PERSON AFTERALL?..whahahaha


p.p.s/ I am almost in tears wheen i read about ur description.....i mean...i really wish he exist.....

p.p.p.s/....and btw...who says you cannot watch the video!!!....gimme an address(send me thru email...in case the whole world will know where you live) I WILL SENT YOU A COPY!!!!!....HALF OF IT IS UR CREATION!...this video will not be what it is without ur music.


060505

My friend knows me well...too well.....

This is the line my friend fairymud ends with in our MSN conversation this afternoon....


fairymud says:
   ok cya...update me of ur plans (if any, or too many)haha


so so true....a fickled gal....if i actually has any plans....or in fact just too many....


060505

A response to a response....

The following is an abstract from JM's blog about me......and oh...yes...I am QY.

"Came back from a trip to Scotland not too long ago. Met up with my dear friend QY, and stayed with her for 2 horrific nights (sorry QY, it wasn't really that pleasant) Not because she was a bad host, in fact I managed to persuade her to turn off the TV and music so that we can have some moments to catch up. The thing with her is, she is an extremely untidy person. I still remember the time when we were in Sec 1D, when I was the untidy one occupying 2 tables and yet my books are just piled everywhere. Whereas she, on the other hand, has her stuff neatly put away, never leaving too much stuff in school, her hair neatly constrained in the hair net that she wears everyday. Did I mention that she has go a really neat hand writing? Well, how we've changed!"

I almost suffer from serious internal injuries after reading his blog....not becos I beg to differ or disagree with him strongly....not angry in anyway and not feeling offended definitely....the reasons why i felt so painful was really becos...I wanted to burst into laughter but cannot...becos I am in the library...and becos of this so strong urge to want to laugh but cannot....I am in pain.

I felt so wicked.....that he din realise...I was already an untidy girl 10 years ago since he knew me... he din realise AT ALL....allow me to illustrate...and shed some lights...


"stayed with her for 2 horrific nights (sorry QY, it wasn't really that pleasant) "

Opps.....too bad....I told you...haha...I am so wicked...


" to persuade her to turn off the TV and music"

This might be the part that JM had enjoyed the most throughout his whole stay...but for me....It was my greatest nightmare.....I did it...becos I rather listen to the silence than to hear him nag...(sorry JM...I am being frank)


"so that we can have some moments to catch up. "

yeah..right....some moments....he falls asleep when i start talking....how nice.



"The thing with her is, she is an extremely untidy person. "

*NOD NOD NOD NOD*.....AGREE!!!!!...I NEVER SAY I AM.


"when I was the untidy one occupying 2 tables and yet my books are just piled everywhere. Whereas she, on the other hand, has her stuff neatly put away...never leaving too much stuff in the school"

.....see that part where he mention about his own condition....he occupied 2 tables and has his things piled up....indeed...many always complained how untidy he is....me....my table is empty...that is becos I got too many things and i knew my one pathetic table is not enuff...... hence i bring home everything!!!.....i dun like the idea that half of my mess is here and the other half there.....the table in my studio is very neat and tidy as well....but look at my room.....I dun leave my mess outside...I keep it at home...becos I really do prefer ONE BIG MESS...than 2 small messes......if you know what i mean...not sure about the "neatly put away" part....maybe he imagines too much....whahaha....they looks neat...but were in fact all jumble up in the file!!!!


"her hair neatly constrained in the hair net that she wears everyday. "

....noticed the word "constrained" he uses....indeed...CONSTRAINed...is the actual real word...my hair...they are naturally curly...but they are not "normal"...becos most chinese had straight hair....and also becos of the strict and constrained environment I was born in....I had to put a hair net to keep my hair from bursting and fluffy....and appear to be neat and tidy...to blend well in the environment or watever you can imagine...and....the truth is....my hair is like me...BORN TO BE WILD!!!!...and if JM choose to use constrained....to describe my attempt to keep my hair neat...he should have realise...I am actually not a very neat and tidy person...but he din.




"Did I mention that she has go a really neat hand writing?"

This line.....I FULLY AGREES....until now.....but..really depends on my mood...



" Well, how we've changed!"

This is the only line throughout that I have to disagree....becos first of all...I am actually the same....according to his description ....as for him ....from 10 years.....I am sure LW will agree with me....he IS THE SAME in many aspect! Dun noe if that is a good or bad thing.

040505

The Law of Evolution...

My fren, Yahui, always say that I am a "shallow" person becos I am always after the look of a person more than a person's character....and I admit to the first half of her assumption. but not the second half...in fact...I am equally concern about a person's character. But first of all...let me explain why....I am "shallow"...in the first place. As I was watching a TV program yesterday about Human evolution ....I realise I am in fact INNOCENT!....it is not my fault...I can't help it!!!...just as I need to eat, shit and sleep....looking out for good looking faces...is in my genes..and hormones...NOT ME NOT ME!!!!....which is a fundamental law of evolution..."fittest survive!!!"....while you will ask me what has pretty faces got to do with survival...well...I am sure I dun have to go into details...but we do noe that "attractive" people get their way rounds better....and of cos...attracts opposite sex easier...and hence has higher chances to reproduce offspring....and blah blah...and hence....becos of this advantage....my genes and hormone instigate me to look for a good looking guy...so that I produce better looking offspring...so that...HUMAN KIND WILL FLOURISH!....ah...how noble...this is for the future of mankind...and of cos...if i cannot find a good looking one...the rich one will do as well...rich enough...as we can understand...can afford to raise more kids...logically....ah....but that is on the assumption that I do find someone and produce an offspring....but what happens when I cannot find a suitable good looking guy or rich man?....yes...I would rather die than to anyhow settle with any other guy for the seek of reproducing if i cannot find the best...becos according to law of evolution....those who cannot survive well...or not good enuff....shall face extinction....and die out...hence...yes...i should logically die quietly if i cannot "improve the quality of the next generation"...and to do good for the evolution of mankind...I shall sacrifice.....sooo...WhO?wHo?who?...who says I am shallow....I am just a helpless genes carrier... a simple human being.


040505

Happy..boring....depressed...art making...happy...

I will eventually become boring when I am too happy...becos a happy person is a person who has nothing more to say and do but to enjoy and enjoy...until she gets bored...hence being happy will make me a very boring person soon....and i suspect my blog is getting boring lately becos I am too happy to grumble, fantasize, and observe things...too happy...and then i will eventually becomes bored with being happy...when i become too bored....so bored...and becomes sick...I will become depressed...and goes into deep depression... so depressed...and start to make art again...and this is my legendary art making cycle...whereby it keeps moving in a cycle round and round with my emotions of being happy, bored, depressed, make art, and happy again, bored again, depressed again, make more art, and feels happy again..and again...and again...the only difference only varies among the intensity of how happy I am becos of my art making...or how bored i can get when i am too happy for too long...or how depressed I get when i am too bored...how good my art is when i get too depressed....and so...the cycle goes go...and live on...meanwhile...I am at the stage of.....making art work...and feeling happy......and i dun noe how long ikt will last this time.


040505

Happy...really happy

I am really happy nowadays...becos i a finally doing something That i should be doing.....as an art student...to go to school and make art...and yes...I am happy with this fact now. And I am also happy becos I now have a nice classmate who went shopping with me last monday...finally...I have a classmate fren....becos I used to be so busy working that i dun noe most of my classmates names....and also...i am happy today...becos another classmate play a joke on me in the libray this morning....It only means...I am finally existing in this school properly....a carefree happy student.... And this is sooo not easy for me since i arrive..and only can enjoy this simple bliss when i am finaly graduating...which is quite a pity...nevertheless...i am really happy

So happy...very happy....Absolutely....magically happy!

030505

The danger and excitment of a fickled-minded person

Yes...I have finally realised that I am a fickled mined person....or i knew it all along but didn't really acknowlege the fact. Yes...and the reason is becos....it is always hard for me to made up my mind easily. I remember a few years ago...I was in this sand sculpting competition...and i have about 5 days to complete my project of a 5 metres high sand sculpture..together with my group of volunteer helpers....for the first 3 days....I manage to complete only one third of the whole thing...not becos i am slow...but becos i keep changing my mind....until the very last day.....i give a long half an hour break for everybody and sit under a coconut tree and think....and think....forcing myself to make the final decsion....and then....half an hour later....mind is set with a dratft in my hand.....and it only take the whole team to finish the rest of the half of the sculpture in less than 3 hours. That is the excitement. and i love it. Now...left with 37 days before my graduation deadline....I am face with the same struggle again. should i do this?...or that?...or maybe this with that?...or only that with this...and wat???....ahh...it is always hard...not the production but simply deciding....so far...as long as i have decided to do something....it shall be done...and the only problem is always...not been able to decide it....If only i can make a decision.....things can be done a lot faster definitely....but i know it is not possible..becos...the real reason is...I really enjoy all the excitement of doing all the things last minute and JUST IN TIME! And most importantly....becos it is last minute...i am not given the time to even hesitate and regret...hence...I simpy love it. And One last thing...even if i do start early and make up my mind early...I probably will change it last minute...that is how fickled-minded i can be...so not worth making up my mind too early...really.

030505

The truth...

Ah...i have doubts occassionally if I am a lesbian or not...although I am sure i like man...but this girl in my school always attracts my attention....she has very long hair...very very long...like me...and likes to wear checkered shirt like me...and wears dirty old jackets...like me....bun up her hair with a chopstick....like me.....and while I was suspecting my sexual preference...I realise it is not a girl-like-girl situation anymore....It is a plain..."I think I love myself too much" case...becos...she looks likes me...not the face of cos...but the dress sense...and hair....so...the only person i am in love with....is actually myself. This is so unhealthy.


290405

Decided....or maybe not.

Yes...I have made up my mind...for my final project..and the only problem left is whether it works...I hope it does...I really dun noe...and well I tot I may have decided about things...I always change my mind...and watever...i am just fickled minded...yah...that's it...what am i talking about....I clearly have not made up my mind..STUPID!

290405

Lazy morning..

Yeah...yesterday was a gloomy day....wet and gloomy...I woke up at at 7.45am before my alarm which will strike at 8am...and reset my alarm befores it starts to annoy me...i reset it to 8.15am...I tot..I really dun have to wake up that early since there is no lessons...anyway..yah..I went back to sleep....8.15am....I wake up again...to switch off that bastard...walk to the oven and preheat it...so that i can toast my bread....so..while it needs time to heat up...I go back to sleep...8.40am...I wake up again and my oven should be ready...i throw the bread in...close the oven door...and go back to sleep...8.42am...tot i smell the bread...ah...must be ready....I force myself to wake up , swtich on the TV.... boil water to make some tea.....check my toast...ok..can be better in a few seconds time...quickly brush my teeth...open the oven door...take out the bread...take out pate from the fridge....spread it...and eat it....one piece...two piece...drink some tea....three piece...four piece....open the oven door...let the heat out to enjoy some warmth....as it is cold....sitting near the window...then...switch off the oven....sweep the bread crumps away from my t-shirt.....stand up..look at my watch...9.20am...switch off the TV and...go back to sleep....10 am...wake up....look at the clock on my mobile...and go back to sleep....wake up again...look at window from my bed...and go back to sleep....wake up...and go back to sleep.....11.30am....Woke up...and finally decided that if i dun wake up and go to school by 12.30am...I will not be able to make it for my lecture....i woke up...finally...jump into my jeans....wrap myself up with scarf and jacket....11.45am.....end of my morning struggle...and back to reality.


280405

Sunshine boy vs Olive boy Final round

I just realise i have not seen Olive boy for 2 days...and i only realise that today...which means...I have successfully get over him...ah...that is how fast i can fall out of love with somebody...scary.

I saw sunshine boy the day before...and we have a short chat about our panic over the graduation show...we had a good laugh over our pathetic last minute struggle...watever...

And so..we have come to the final round today...
nOBODy wins...and everybody wins....life goes on.

280405

True enuff...

Pisces

Getting what you want has to do with support from others than you think - and if that means smiling when you want to be grimacing, then so be it.


Indeed...I suspect that will be the forecast for my next 30 plus days before my assessment...where i will need..A LOT OF HELP...from so many people...I probably would want to scream for help in the back of my head when i panic...but have to smile so hard to ask for help...... watever...by hook or by crook...I SHALL GRADUATE!

280405

The fate thing...

If fate is responsible for me to notice olive boy..than fate is also responsible for me to not fall in love with him in the end....I armed myself with the digicamcorder like a professional stalker with a tripod....waiting for him to appear for the past 4 days...and he is nowhere to be seen until i finally see him in the lecture theatre where I will be too embarass to film him...knowing that there is a row of my fellow classmate looking at me....from the top rows of seats...in the end..that was the end...I din manage to get a single shot of video of him...none...nothing... and today... just one hour after i return all my video equipments...HE WALKS INTO EMA!!!!!...that is what I call fate. And he smiled...the most hurtful way....Apparently...he was forced to smile at me...when he sees me...becos I smile at him...I hate this feeling!!!!

250405

This is the pair of shoes I really wish to buy....arggh....so expensive...look at the price...£34.99!!!! ...

Oh...I really feel bad about it...

Yes, I do....I do feel bad towards JM...not becos of my messy room which I have concluded that long ago...but for the fact that I din sent him off this morning...not even to the door...I just good bye to him at the my room's door...and he left...and I continued eating my breakfast....and then less than one minute after he walks out...I jump into my jeans and wanted to catch up with him...and at least walk him off...but then...I hesitated again...and finally decided to go back to sleep since I have already finish my last piece of bacon...... I totally agree with his logic that I will make him late becos I walk too slowly....he is actually just on time to the bus station if he leave immediately...and I haven even get change....so...I decided to let him do his own walk until when he left that I realise what a bad host I was...I always am....whenver my frens come to visit...and to further illustrate how bad I feel...I fell asleep after feeling too guilty...and end up having a bad dream...I dreamt of JM walking to a wrong train station and missed his train back to Manchester....ahh...that is how bad I feel...until my subconscious make a nightmare of it....and I made a big move to top-up my mobile and make a call to him in Manchester telling him how bad i felt....

And so the conclusion was.. ...though I am still not remorseful of the mess in my room....hope he did enjoy his stay in glasgow..and even if it was not as pleasant as he tot would be...but at least a very educational enriching one....which he agrees...ah..watever...glad that he is gone now...and I can watch my TV finally in peace...he knows what I mean.

230405

Lightbulb story.

Yes..I am obssessed with man who can change a lightbulb or rather help me change a lightbulb. But at this point, only my father ever really did that for me...and he was the reason for my silly fetish. I remember when i was a kid...and there was once the lightbulb went off in the bathroom and i was too timid to bathe. My father save the day and change the lightbulb and i tot..hmmn...my future Mr right shall be someone who needs know how to change a light bulb. And so..that is the story.But all my frens tot it was a silly fetish becos according to him...all man know how to change a lightbulb...fair enuff...I am not against his statement..it is an advantage to me. Then over the years...I have been observing. Unfortunately...I am the one who change my own lightbulb. all the while And the closest...is that lightbulb guy who offered a lightbulb from room 9...and leave. And so...being a person who believe in absolute independence....I have manage to change the lightbulb several times over the years which I am growing proud of myself each time i change one. Yesterday...my fren JM came to my house. A surprise out of schedule visit. like i mentioned earlier in my previous blog...TOO BAD...he really ended up sleeping among my trash...his complained was...he is greeted with a pile of papers and notes when his head turn left...and a mess of wires when his head turn right...then he is traumatise by the fact that he can see chunks of my hair all around my place...his dying wish yeaterday was to take the first bus home the next morning...i guess...but anyway...yah...yesterday was the ultimate chance to confirm that this guy and I are platonic. i open the door...and switch on the light...SNAP!...it went of after a split second...the usual...the bulb fused. It is about time...the shine-life of the bulb here is really roughly about 3 to 5 mth...and yah...it is about time to change one.. at the very moment when JM is at my door step...I was secretly looking forward to see how interesting occassion it can be...at least to show that (a) at least this man knows how to change a lightbulb and
(b) if this man shall be the man who help me change the lightbulb.

I remember LW made a comment like this just yesterday "you never noe"....yah...i though i never noe...

Indeed, I never know...and you never know...

Guess wat.

I end up changing my own lightbulb...and he just sat there to watch it.

That is it...this incident has fully indicate that there will be absolutely nothing other than frenship between he and me. And which...in fact we have long concluded this before he came and visit.

p.s/However, I would like to say this to JM...greatest apology that you did not have the privilege to stay in a at least better looking condition...Too bad...becos you came without proper one week notice...I think i did warn you before but you din heed my advice. Sorry, but serve you right.

220405

Sunshine boy vs olive boy round 5

Yes...I saw sunshine boy...he was walking in the lecture theatre today behind me...and that's all..

While i was not really conscious about where olive boy was...I sat down and saw him sitting two rows in front and on the left of me...then he change plce with his fren and ended up two rows away, in front of me...with my direct front row empty...therefore had a very clear view of his every movement.

I took a picture of him.

In fact a few pictures of him.

Then right after the lecture...I walk down the lecture theatre and he saw me...I put up the usual "not very obvious..but is smiling" look when i see him...and he..apparantly saw me but din have any bigger expression than a look that indicates he probably saw me with a less than a 1 second glance...VERY CASUALLY...and that's it.

How sad...in fact, the saddest for the whole weekend...worse than the last two days when i din see him.


And hence, nobody wins today...not even me.

Sunshine boy vs olive boy round 4

Today..as mention earlier on...olive boy is Missing in Action!...completely nowhere to be seen...absolutely gone..totally crazy for me....where i sit in the school lobby with a digicamcorder pointing at anyone who comes in...but not him...


However, I did see sunshine boy with his usual smile...and he handed me a leaflet telling me about this gig he is playing...apparently...he plays a guitar or something...and is in a band..oooh...if he is the drummer...I cannot imagine...but anyway...


Today's verdict is....Sunshine boy WINS!...with the fact that olive boy is missing...but than...the presence of olive boy somehow is so much stronger especially when i dun see him all day....strange.

210405

Where is my olive boy...?

He had gone missing. I have book a digital video camera for a week..with this evil plot to secretly take footages of him..although i did mention that i am not obsessed with him...but he is so far the only person i want to look out for...and so...since i have a video cam in hand..i thot i want him in it...but i couldn't find him...which he will usually be around in the building...he is nowhere to be seen for the whole day...i went to EMA which he is always in..and he is not there...the kitchen...and he is not there...the lecture theatre...he is not there..the lift..and he is not there...and no where?...Where is he? The highest possiblity is of cos his studio...but but...I can't enter his studio...he is from the MFA..which is out of bound for me.... :(

210405

One week notice...

I am not a particularly organised person...in terms of projects...I am always on dote on time...to the very last minute...but not the organisatiion of my room...I am plain lazy...and very messy...and I am not trying to be humble..when i mean messy...it means...REALLY MESSY...I have a lecturer who once saw a picture of my room in singapore and make the following comment which i will remember forever..he says" If i had a daughter like you..I will hang myself..." I hope you get the point..that is how messy...mind you..my lecturer is also an artist..who is not very organise person himself...and then...I remember a few instance when frens had to come to my house to do school projects...i can see the "horror" in their eyes...they are simply horrified...and whenever there are relatives who come to my house for surprise visit...my mum will lock up my door and force me to get out to watch a movie or do shopping outside until my relative leave...and she will tell them that "my eccentric artist daughter dun like people to enter her room when she is not around...she locks her room when she is not at home...ahhh...."...and becos of this..my relatives always think i am eccentric...and for close frens...they know how messy I can be...and always offer to help me do spring cleaning...which is disasterious for me...becos their version of spring clean...is to throw my stuff away..No thanks.....there are also instance where I cannot stand my own horrible mess and really do clean up...but usually with very strong reasons such as...I am going to have house visit by VIP...such as..during my stay in Glasgow...a couple of frens came and visit me in glasgow...and to show that I welcome them...i make an effort to clear up my mess most importantly with partical intention to clear up a space to make an extra bed...for instance...I spend almost a week to slowly clear up my mess when my fren liwei came last year...and also spend like 5 days to clear up when lim and family came and stay...spend a week again when valerie and her mum came..and etc...even for Michael who just down by for an evening ...made me spend at least 3 days to arrange a few things...hence the standard procedures of informing me of your visit is very important for me...at least ONE WEEK NOTICE!...and hence...it comes to the main point of my blog today...my fren JM is suppose to vist me next monday..and i had all to be arrange...by monday...but he made a sudden call yesterday and say he is coming today...WAT!?...i told him he will be sorry...becos he gave me a less than 24 hours notice and all i can do...is spend 15 minutes to wash up the dishes...pile up all my notes...and vacumn the carpet this morning...which i spend less than an hour altogether...anyway...serve him right for not giving me an earlier notice...he had to make do with making his bed among my trash...too bad!

210405

By the way...

He must be somebody that I am utterly obsessed with for me to do such a thing...

I have been seriously considering Cushman's suggestion regarding making some social interaction of my life as my art...of cos..this is nothing new in the art scene..or even..not new with what I always intended to do...I have concluded at the moment that olive boy is NOT YET a person I am utterly obssessed with for me to do such a thing...but...there is this ONE GUY back in singapore whom I always wanted to do a video about....but it will be a rather pyschopath and creepy thing to do...and would probably scare that guy off before he even want to tell me his name...and my frens has already branded me as a potential stalker ever since I told them about my idea...
But watever...I am too rational at the moment to do anything silly at the moment...at least not now...but that idea...will always be in my mind...until i find someone that I really want to do it with!!!!...I promise.

P.s/ No person was harm during my process of thinking.


200405

I am sick...

Yah.....I can feel it.....first of all...is my voice...I am losing it...and every word i tried to say become so hard that i have to use extra strength to project it...and than my tummy...I need the toilet...plus..my head...it aches...then....my hair...in a mess(erm..it is always in a mess but i tot the idea adds to the visual effect of my current condition)..and er...yah...I am NOT in my usual self today...I hope you get the point.

200405

I think..I am not in love..

I just like the idea that i like somebody...that is always the case for me. Everything is not real..and the only real thing is me...or maybe not even me.

190405

50 Days to degree show deadline!!!!!!!!!!

And I haven done anything!

Bright yellow...

Saw olive boy today...he was wearing a bright yellow wind breaker...yah..that's all about him today...and yah..I dun noe if he knows my name...couldn't remember if I ever told him...or dun noe if he would rememebr if i did told him....and so...yah..I dun noe...in fact...i dun noe his name...until i found out "accidentally" on the booking sheet of some school equipments...which I am not even sure if that is his name....

So..anyway...I am too shy to ask.

180405

That Thing You do...

Yah...that show...I remember was a BIG hit among us teenagers..when I was 17...and guys from other classes will act cool and form bands...to play the theme songs from the movie...me however..have only heard about the show and hear the songs...but never did watch that movie until yesterday....and OH!!!...that drummer is so cute!!!!!!...and SMAsHING!

I always like drummers...whenever there is a band...I will always notice the drummer first...I think they are the coolest....and I always have this fetish for guys who drums....ah.... although I am also mesmerise by guys who plays the piano or the guitar...they never hit a note in my heart like drummers did...setting pace in my heart...and so...yah...Drummers are number one!...

Then...I like the pianist and guitarist...I remmeber going to a bar with a fren and saw this guy playing the piano...and my best fren and I was like staring at him for the whole evening...while we will exchange hostile glances(my fren and I) becos we are eyeing the same guy...and we both concluded that if we are going to have sons in the future...we will definitely send him to learn piano....silly..but I am serious about this idea..really!

An what esle can i say about guys playing guitar...they just make a very beautiful image altogether...sight and sound entertainment...

And so...yah...I like guys who are musically incline...they just makes me feel very happy...i mean the music... of cos..The guy is a bonus which adds visual to the whole thing and adds to the beauty of it.


180405

Sunshine boy vs Olive boy (round 3)

Today is a big day for the student in GSA to go visit the Art scene pop Diva of the 80's...Barbera Kruger..if you can recognise her name...she is one the the prominent conceptual artist of the late 70's and 80's til 90's or even now...blah blah...she is not what i am going to discuss about in this entry though...yah..it is round 3 of sunshine boy vs olive boy today.


And so...I saw sunshine boy first. He was of cos with smile...but..ah...too many people around today...and he din smile at me...maybe becos he din see me...and most imptly...his girlfren was around...and so fair enuff...sunshine boy did not smile like sunshine today...however...I noticed...he was wearing olive green.


And then, olive boy...he was with a fren today...and he din see me...it was crowded...with at least 300 student....and he was...as far as i can remember wearing a dark coloured coat...and though he din smile at me...strangely...seeing him is as if seeing the sun shines...

And thus, today...no one wins...but weirdly...sunshine boy wears olive green and olive boy smile like sunshine...getting more and more confusing...

Sunshine boy vs Olive boy (Round 2)

Wednesday night event was yet another day for me..and today is happy day.

First, I met sunshine boy...he is talking his girlfren when i saw him, not smiling like sunshine todaybut i dun really mine......and so...i walk pass saying hi...and enter the lecture theatre...

Then, tO my surprise...there sits Olive boy...and he smiles like sunshine when i see him..."hi!"...he looks very happy to see me...strangely...maybe I look too happy to see him too. that's why...but watever...today is a happy day...happy enuff really.


And so...on wednesday night ...Olive boy win!

Just a survey...

If you have a choice to live in anywhere in this world...where do you want to live in and why?...put it in my comment boxes please...I would love to hear from anyone anywhere.

150405

How expensive can a tube of toothpaste cost me...?

Yah...how expensive can it be...It cost me more than 2 hours yesterday to decide which brand i want to buy...and I ended up buying nothing...becos i can't decide and the shop is closing.

This has got to be a problem. Although I got no idea what condition I am actually suffering from...I know this is not healthy. Perhaps due to the miserable pauper life that I had been living in for the past one and a half year...I never felt being more ill-treated by myself than any one time...that is becos..I should be able to afford that stupid tube of toothpaste now...but i couldn't make myself to buy it. I have become that stingy.

Well, my basic logic was...to get the cheapest....of cos that should be easy and plain enuff to follow...just check out the price and pay for the cheapest...how hard can that be?...then, the second senses come by and tell me..."girl..you can afford it now..dun be too hard on yourself and buy something better"..yah...so there is now a choice between...the 69pence,100g, housebrand toothpaste or the £2.49, 75g, Sensodyn(toothpaste for the sensitive teeth, mine is sensitive)...hard to decide...the thing about need and luxury...then there is this in between...the house brand toothpaste for sensitive teeth...ahhh...the best of all thing, cheap and essential....at £1.69 for a 75g....then there is another....choice...Colgate for sensitive teeth...cheaper than sensodyn...slightly more costly than house brand...and is only £2.39 for a 75g...blah blah....and the list goes on...there are at least 5 brands of toothpaste for sensitive teeth and more for the whitening...blah blah...this and dat...

I can't believe I am spoiled with choice now that I can afford it...I used to survive on leftover toothpaste from my friends who visited me in glasgow and left their toiletories before they leave...and i have been using all sort of weird brand from hotel package travel size toothpaste...Darlie...Fresh & bright...watever...and the last real tube of toothpaste I bought in Glasgow was "Smile"...which was a promotion pack..cost me £1.99 which comes with a mouth rinse of 200ml plus dental floss..which I tot was a real bargain...and I need to buy it anyway and has been hunting for one all over the city for the cheapest possible buy in town...at that time...toothpaste is just toothpaste. For sensitive...for whitening...for tar removing...for advance total dental protection...gum protection...mint flavour...special flavours..watever....I dun care..and is not interested.......

I dun noe if I want to call that a bliss when I can afford it finally but cannot decide which i should buy. MAybe part of it was precisely becos there is this bug in mind..."my past experience told me...my teeth is still bright regardless of what paste I use...and my teeth will probably still ache even if i use a sensitive toothpaste to brush my them."....so "why spend more when I can spend less"..haha..sounds like some commercial lines...I can't believe this can be such an issue..becos it is just toothpaste...And guess wat...just this morning...I have officially used up the last pea-sized of toothpaste that I could manage to squeezzze out of the corner of the tube of my toothpaste which I had been using..and by hook or by crook I got to buy one before i reach home tonight...and I hope I shall conclude with what I will buy evntually...well...if you think this is exciting...wait till i tell you about buying toilet rolls...but for now...I guess I have bored you enuff for the day.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

150405

Far far away...long long ago...

was talking to a fren in msn...about my primary school fren who passed away recently...the feeling is weird...becos It is like...so far far away...and long long ago for me....to remember him...and he will always be in every single one of us in our class's memory..
140405

The thing about music...

Yesterday...I was blissful enuff to leave school at 8pm...it was rare becos 8pm is usually the time I sell myself to money(working as waitress)..however this week due to the turn of events I got to enjoy the beautiful fact that I can be a full time student...sorry out of point...so let me continue with the story...I left the library at 8pm..while the sky is still bright...it is spring...then just beside the library...I heard some Jazz...LIVe hazz coming out from the student Cafe, we call it The VIC...nice music...really nice..and I can't help but to walk in...to my delight...the cafe was quiet(in the sense there isn't a lot of people around as I have expected) but Loud...becos of the live music...there is a stage...with 3 people on it...a gal playing the flute...a drummer(very very smashing!)...and a someone at the other corner which I couldn't see becos i was only by the entrance...maybe a base guitar or keyboardist...i am not good with recognising sound of instrument...anyway...yah...very nice music...I was tempted to stay...but I find it weird if I were to just sit down and not have a pint...everyone is after a drink...but I couldn't bear to feel alien if i am just sitting down to listen tothe music....in the end...i left the VIC...with my heart still drumming....Live music...I regreted but i have to leave...becos i dun feel comfortable enough to stay...dun have the courage.

130405

NO Picture NO Talk.

People has been trying to matchmake me off recently...as if ..if I dun find myself a boyfren...I will never ever find one.....or..maybe they really think this some guy out there is just for me...for example, YaHui, another of my best fren..she is obviously trying to sell me her boyfren's best fren to me...telling how good how attractive...blah blah...but..I have never see him..not even a pic...hard to imagine...a faceless person...like this...how good and how good...so legendary...even the hero of a romance story has a face...this person...YH's boyfren's best fren dun have. Then was JM...his polish room mate...faceless...again...whom JM rate him as 8 out of 10...in the end...my eagerness for a picture of this guy scare him away....he says he dun like desperate women...i dun like desperate man too...but if you dun show me a pic...i just cannot imagine. Then...Gerard..a fren of fren of mine...trys to matchmake me with an art scholar who is cute looking..blah blah..whom I think I know who is it...not bad...but with one single problem...I couldn't remember his face if I ever have meet him..i probably has heard of him many times becos singapore's art scene is really a small scence and everybody knows everybody....If only I could just have a picture of him...please. I cannot live in this kind of trauma when I had to undergo matchmaking without a picture. That should be the foremost important thing to take note of if you want to matchmake somebody with somebody...it is just too much to ask someone to imagine another person whom you describe as "cute"..."good-looking"..."charming"....give me a break, show me a pic!


P.s/..it may sound superficial that I look out for how a person look before even getting to know him....but as an artist...visual is a very important factor...I repeat..VISUAL IS A VERY IMPORTANT FACTOR...not that he has to look like brad pitt or george cloony...but i need to see a pleasant face first or I will get very distracted all the time....you know...like you see some colors not right on your canvas and you just cannot live with it. Hence...bottom line in line with my title( my habit of writing)..NO PICTURE NO TALK!

120405

On the move..

As far as I can remember...in my consious memory...my family had moved at least 5 times in my entire life...my mum would remember more..probably when I was a baby... and if you know how truamatising house moving can be...it always involve a lot of dumpings....and a lot things lost on the way...with each time our family moves...my mum throws away something from my thrash collection...until now...I am still bother that I cannot find my primary school year book...which I suspected it was thrown away mistakingly as old textbooks....or old magazine...and was upset i couldn't find my secondary school chinese essay exercise book...where I wrote the some of the few essays that I have been proud of...I remember I got an 80marks over a hundred for one particular one...when 78 is usually the highest we have heard of..and 80 is definitely rare...then...also...my JC notes...with my scribblings of poems all over corners of my economics notes.....such memories....and this time...they are moving again...and I suspect my mum can be merciless again...I dun what she can throw this time...but I know she had been careful these days...becos she knows how upset I can be...and not to mention...I cannot find all my 'O' level certs and 'A' level cert before I left singapore which i put them all in an envelope...(i hope it has not meet it's fate yet)..plus a lot of my other stuff, it is really not her fault becos I know I am quite icorrigible when it comes to organisation...which I will put it in a nice term call the 'chaotic order'....in chinese there actually has such a word for it called "乱中有序"....which means..."orders among the chaotic"...I has already pass down specific instruction to my family that I want all the stuff in my room to be INTACT...and to sum up..in order to threaten my mum and my brother , and my father not to try anything funny....I would like to declare my relationship with my properties....THEY DIE I DIE!

120405

NOT AT HOME

This is definitely a ground breaking news if not life changing...if you know what I meant when some people decides to sell all their properties and move to a new foreign land..my family just did that..or was about to. Their decision to move there was not sudden...but was sudden enough to shock friends and family..and then..how about me...I was stranded in a foreign land now..and by the time I graduate in two months time and go home...I probably will have no home to go back to....well it at least solve my blogging problem as cushman has reminded me with his comment....and yes to reply I will still blog...becos I will have no home to go back to when I go back to singapore...hence...still NOT AT HOME. What an irony(if I used this word correctly..JM,my fren thinks I dun noe what this word means)...when I can finally go home after my two years of sufferring in the foreign land...and find myself no home to go back to...then I will never be at home...becos there is none now. Guess I just have to make one...and call it a home...so that I will always be...AT HOME...but i just wonder when will that happen...ever?

120405

The health and safety check...

is annoying me..when people knocks on my door early in the moring....I was told about the health and safety check about a week ago...and was politely reminded by my landlady(landlord's mother) that we better keep our room nice and tidy...becos A LOT of people is going to go in and out of the room to check the sockets..power supply...smoke detector..fire alarm..watever you can think of to ENSURE WE DUN DIE IN THIS HOUSE....and so..it began with last week..it was a brief experience of less than 10 seconds...when a man come in one step into my room...extend a pole to the celling to test the smoke detector...working...THE END. It was a close call...becos my room at that time was , I had to admit in a mess...and when i say a mess I really mean a mess..and not trying to be humble or anything...Then it was this morning...another man...came in with a meter of some sort and checking out the currents from the sockets..blah blah..I am glad that I spent the weekend doing a little spring cleaning and throw away 2 bags of thrash...plus do a bit of laundry..plus..a little sorting out of my stuff...sweeping the carpet..blah blah..and though it was still NOT VERY NEAT AND TIDY...it has been the best condition so far...in my room for the past 3 months....then...the landlord came in...with the electrician..and left my room saying,"shiah...you better clear up ur room before my mother sees it...she will freak out...".I get his point....it is a good thing my landlady just drops by occassionally..she can be particular...but my landlord is ok with watever....but then...i was rather unhappy with my landlord's comment becos......(a) I obviously have already tried to clear up...not that I have finish...but I never finish clearing up in my life...and (b) just last week he saw my room...and i told him I will try to clear up..and he said it was ok....he dun mind. Of cos I cannot blame him...he had responsiblity to ensure health and safety in this building. What can I say...I hope I can go home soon and answer to nobody.

120405

784533 vs 763092

These are not pairs of numbers you can easily remember unless you have very good reasons like they are numbers that represent your another half whom your are born to search for. If you have watched the movie called “turn left; turn right”..you would noe what this pair of numbers means....As some people may believe that a person is born into this world in search of their another half. And the story goes...boy meets girl, lost contact..and meet again finally ...the end...it was the simplest plot...but the most difficult....yet the most romantic....The movie was inspired by the illustration of a Taiwanese illustrator and the book itself is good enough. The movie...slightly disappointing. And yes, I am giving a movie critic at the moment though it was a little late becos this was a movie I missed watching 2 years ago..however, never too late...thanks to wendy, I watched the movie finally 2 years later... If the best ever movie is rated 10 then this is only 5.5 or to be generous 6. First of all, credits are given to a certain degree of faithfulness to the original story by the illustrator, Jimmy. If you are a fan of his illustration...you probably want to watch this show and see how much the director can brought to life of his work. Hence, and precisely of this reason...I gave a 5.5 rating. Becos of anticipation...this work is disappointing. Though I have to admit the music and characters in the movie did give it another life to the story..but it was a different life...something was lacking...the simplicity of the simple plot was missing... . But then, there is a difference between ratings and “value for money”....this show..is best buy for all the ladies..100%. money back guarantee...if you like Takeshi Kaneshiro...he is that kind of guy you would love to be searching for your whole life..and wished that he is the another half of you whom you have been searching for...since you were born...and you know what, me too.

110405

Poles Affinity

Poles affinity...sounded science...like chemistry or physics or some mathematics I am going to discuss today..indeed...this topic needs a lot of chemistry to happen..oh yah..and very physics..when it comes to forces of attraction...and definitely mathematic simply with the probability of one thing meeting another from this world..it is like a chance out of millions millions...even more slimmer than the £43million lotteryto occur....that is..Poles Affinity..and that happens to me recently

It happens when something struck me while I was watching the VCD that Wendy sent me, “Turn left, Turn Right.” ...about what has been happening to me..about who are being mention and appeared over and over again in my life recently...the Poles, Polish...people from Poland, as if they meant something to me.

The weirdest connection I have connected so far... I see the connection, observe this phenomenom, .draw the links whatever you can describe and made my conclusion...maybe you might categorize this as yet another of my fantasy or I am imagining things...but I am sure I am receiving some sort of hint...definitely..some sort of signal to show that there is something going on in my life as I couldn’t use a better word than the following to describe it, I call it, “Poles Affinity”


ONE

Obviously, the polish people whom I have been living with for the past few months...my polish neighbours...they are not one or two of them...I suspect at least 2 families of poles are sharing the same roof as me...perhaps 6 or 7 or more...I dun noe exactly who and how many but I know they are there...becos they dun speak English. but I can hear them everyday. We share the same bathroom...where I can smell their burnt out cigarettes butts beside the toilet bowl.....breathe in the same air from the corridor and leave the house by the same door.. and have the same key to open it...of all the people...why not a Scottish?..an English?..a Chinese?...Singaporean and Polish.....affinity...


TWO

The Pope..the beloved...not my beloved but the polish...has been the focus of all media regardless which channel I tried to escape to...hence had to surrender to the fact that whichever channel I watch, it will remind me that he is a polish...affinity?


THREE

This only happens days ago or maybe just last week...my fren JM ask me if I am interested in Polish and had a cute polish room mate to introduce to me....and as usual, I will give the “fanatically-desperate-respond-to-any-possible-cute-guy-living-on-earth-like-the-last-man-I shall-ever-met” and literally begs JM to email me a pic of this guy IMMEDIATELY...I managed to scare him off..while I was just trying to be funny...as expected , I was flatly rejected...by that art critic polish cute guy even before meeting him or see his face...becos he thinks I am too desperate...fair enuff...but what struck me was...another polish...affinity..???!?


FOUR

The VCD arrive only this morning and I opened it....it was from my best fren wendy...she sent me yet another scarfs and yet another watch, and yet another cute hangphone danglings...I say “yet another” becos these are not the first time she sent me the same type of stuff which she would sent me...I loved them becos, I collect scarf and I obviously need them, given the horrible weather here... and I am in need of watch, becos the one I am wearing now was a gift from her for my last birthday and I dun noe how long it can last me...and the handphone danglings are never enuff...you just keep adding to ur mobiles and makes dingling noise with them when you bring them everywhere..I like them...to cut my story short as I will go on and on without touching the main point of the story....she sent me the VCD.. “Turn Left, Turn Right” about the story of two people who are fated but never seem to meet each other...like they are always around at the same place....but cannot see each other...the saddest demonstration of affinity...and the most painful...and the whole story.....a hong kong-singaporean production, story based on a Taiwan illustrator’s work...with a Japanese-taiwanese male lead and hong-kong female lead.....with the whole show....linked by ...a poem...written by a poet who is a...you guess it?....POLISH...??!!!...yes...yet again ...polish..affinity.


FIVE

Just as I was utterly overwhelmed by the various polish happening in my life...whom are all the polish who suddenly sprung out in my life out of nowhere..while I only heard of Poland when I study in Secondary Two doing my history project about Hitler and WW2...or occasionally heard jokes about the people from Polands are called the polish...other than that...NEVER EVER...have I heard of Poland or poles or polish since.
Then with these string of event, I check out my Britannica on my laptop for a little more information of Poland...and right before my eyes..I see a Poland flag...and my jaw dropped....it was an inverted Singapore flag without the stars and cresent.... white and red....“Poles..apart”...literally inverted?...attracted?....speechless...polish ?affinity.?



Finally, to conclude.....please see my title in great appreciation as I am amused by how I can see the like even with this silly title i make out casually....my title.. “poles affinity”..it means...poles with a double meaning(obviously..) poles as in polish...and poles as in opposite poles(which attracts..is this by the way physics??!) and ......affinity: an attraction forces between ..attracts to , liking...watever... .if you know what I mean.

120405

That is how desperate...

yes...how desperate I am to go home...I have been checking out fligts to go home last weeks and had a pleasant conclusion that the cheapest i can find is cheaper than I have expected...ONE-WAY ticket...yes...if i am rich enuff..this is the time.

110405

If you happen to be a polish...can you help me translate the following...

"Please be informed that the walls in this building are not sound-proof."
Yes...I would like to put a note on my door in the hope to "communicate" with my neighbours who dun understand english...to inform them of this terrible news...and..if they have nice and peaceful sleep at night most of the time...that is becos the rest of us had been very considerate...not that the place is sound proof in case they dun noe. Maybe,...they really have no idea that they are being heard...but then again...nobody noes what they are talking about becos they speaks in polish...and i am not interested really...I just need some sleep. Thanks!


110405

And the winning numbers are....

7, 11, 25, 31, 50....lucky stars..1 and 3.
If you have got an Euromiliion lottery ticket with the above numbers dated 8th April 05...then...you are the lucky winner of the BIGGEST EVER EuroMillion lottery Rollover...of £43Million!!!!!!!!! I spent my 7th April very happy just with the thought of "maybe i am the one"..doing my window shopping with the mentality of "ok..if i win..I am going to buy this shoe size 37 all 3 colours...plus this skirt..and that...and this...ah..I love this...oh...I like dat..."...though in the end..I went home with a shopping bag of 8 rolls of toliet rolls which is only what i can afford and had to buy...and none of the above mentioned this-and-that, I am happy enuff...the tot of it..is the happiness i have felt...and that is what I call hope. Hope can be a powerful thing...though the next morning...i was disappointed that NONE of my numbers matched...I am glad I went for that window shopping therapy....better than nothing.

110405

Headlines of the day...

Farewell Pope...yes, live coverage...more than 5 millions people sending him off...big funeral...and the part i am most impressed...is the humble wooden coffin he lies in...hope he rest in peace although I may not have agree to some of his believe. Again...this incident has informed me of certain things that i am not aware of for my whole life...an informative journey...as the media blast us over and over again with the life of the POPE everyday...I now know that the Pope is polish...and Poland used to be a communist country and also now know that Roman catholic oppose abortion and use of condom....plus the pope is a well-travelled man...blah blah...i guess he had live well for his life..I would conclude that i admire him in some sense...not for the religion part...for the fact he live his live with a passion till he dies...to me..he is an artist.


Farewell Rover...yes..MG-Rover..the car company which 6000 livelihood had depended on in longbridge of Uk has annouced it's end yesterday evening when their proposal of a joint-venture with the shanghai company was rejected. The Tv broadcaster made the comment of the whole thing sound as if it was the chinese at fault for the end of the british car empire...he said something like " Rover fail to savage the company becos of the chinese..."...??!!?... and the whole story is...Rover is already in serious financial debt plus plunge of sales...and is hoping that a joint-venture with the Shanghai company will save the company, unfortunately becos of Rover finanicial status, ...the chinese conpany will only agree to the partnetship if the UK govt is willing to give a loan to the company for this joint-venture as a sign to support the "fact" that rover still has the credible status for a partnership...meanwhile the UK govt insist that they will only approve the loan if MG-rover can confim their deal with the chinese...so...in the end...END of story. I was pissed off by the fact the the media makes it sound as if it was the chinese fault that Rover face closure..and the chinese were to be blame...they commented that Tony Blair actually make a 25 minutes overseas call to the premiere of china for the deal and the reply from the chinese premiere was (in singaporean term) " NO money no talk"....I was angry with the way the media put this whole issue in..yet..i am secretly smiling becos of my superiority complex of being a chinese...finally...being a chinese is not about having a coolie ancester...but a deciding factor of the world's economy...and to speak a fair word for china....this deal...was a failure becos MG-rover fail to convince neither the UK-govt nor the chinese...hence if the Shnaghai company were to be blame...I dun see why the UK-govt should be spare the responsiblilty...and finally...if you were the chinese...would you agree to an oversea business deal when you know ur business partner is not capable of even securing a loan from his own country...we chinese are not stupid!

080405

The reasons why i dun see my neighbours around lately...

usually....my neighbours will blast their hi-fi ...playing the usual "out of reach" from Bridget jone diary soundtrack...and vacumm their carpet at the same time...waking me up from my slumbers on sunday morning....but last sunday..it was peaceful and quiet...for the whole day. then..it was peaceful and quiet for the next and the next until today...still dead quiet..and you know what...i dun see them around either..and then...I realise...it is becos of the pope. My neighbours are polish...I should have see the links...they went back to Poland to pay their last respect...no wonder it has been quiet. Hence, I would like to thank the pope for my peace and quiet for the past few days, he is a nice man.

060405

It's cold...it's really cold...

It's cold...it's really cold....out there...i walk out of the school library and immediately change my plan of wherever i plan to go..becos I just want to go home....with this kind of weather...everyone would only want to go home. To further illustrate why...I start with the people i see on the streets...there was this girl cuddling herself up in the wind...and her legs...if you can see what i saw...were like frozen meat in the freezer...purple and bloodless...i can see that becos she is actually daring enuff to wear a mini skirt without stockings...but she cannot be blame becos...spring is not suppose to be like winter. I hung my heavy-duty winter bubble jacket up finally in the wardrobe last week becos i was utterly convince that spring has arrived when the temp reach 16 degree last week...It is cold not becos it is cold...but becos it is not suppose to be cold and yet is cold...it should be spring yet the cold still lingers around like winter....it is cold becos people think is spring and wear less..becos they think is spring now and they switch off the heaters...it is cold becos spring should not be winter....finally to sum up my blog today with the weatherman opening speech which i heard when i reach home and switch on my TV to watch BBC weather report....he says, " WINTER BITES BACK!".

060405

Sunshine boy VS Olive boy

Yes...i met them both today coincidently.


Remember that guy whom I mention ages ago in my blog who smiled like a sunshine...whose girlfren is my classmate...I saw him outside the school today while walking pass the bus stop... it is holiday now and no one is usually at school...while i walk pass the bus stop becos i happen to went to china town to buy stuff which is near the school...the small back door of the school opens and he walk out wheeling his bicycle...ah...nice...I always fancy guys who ride a bicycle...reminds me of the hongkong movie by leon lai and maggi chang...with the theresa teng's theme song....and I remember being able to ride a bicycle is one of the prerequisite for being my boyfren...I remember...
As usual...he smile at me...with sunshine.


And this guy whom I meet in EMA and later in my work place to celebrate his birthday in checkered shirt and olive green sweater...yeah...saw him in the library...smile at each other on the way...then..when i left the library...he was outside unlocking his bicycle lock going to leave...HOW COME ALL THESE CUTE GUYS RIDE A BICYCLE!.....we smile at each other again...and when i walk pass him...he asked if i am still working in that restaurant...i told him i quit becos of miserable pay and working elsewhere now...but goes back to therestayrant for the good food which reminds me of home...we part and say see you later...with a smile.


And so...sunshine boy vs olive boy....nobody wins...or..if anyone did. It's me. :)

050405

Finally...I realise the difference...

I have been reading my friend LW and JM's blog and realise what they had in common and why I am different. Their blog are full of reference from friends about them. Like how they react to their friend reaction of them in some or many occassion. For me, I seem to be more of a self-obsessed brat living in the world I live in with no one talking to me. Strangely, i seem pathetic..and friendless. Or maybe I just dun want to portray myself in my blog as how other see me but who I am with how I feel for the world i live in. I hope I make sense with what i am saying...

But to make a contrary occassionally, I will like to respond to a comment my landlord make last week about me...he said'" Shiah, you should be a nun"...indeed...in terms of lifestyle...I seem to be a boring person to many people in UK... though i have been very lenient in my many other aspects of life. I dun like to go out and stay at home if i can...or go to school...or else it is work work and work. I dun drink coffee..dun like chocolate dun like coke or pepsi...hate to smoke and dun join social gatherings in school. I am practically a loner....maybe i did give up a lot of so-called luxury in life for some stupid ambition that is taking me to no where. But I believe in balance in life. The zen of it is that you give something you take something....Though like JM...although I am heading to something so abstract...I think i know what I want...or maybe..I know what I dun want. Maybe I am a nun in some way...but what's wrong with it... What's makes people think that being a nun is so negetive...I am sure nuns are also happy beings just like you and me.

060405

Reincarnated.

My nickname online was reincarnated blah blah...and my fren ask me if i just die recently...which makes sense becos i need to die first before i reincarnated. This puts me in thought....i felt reincarnated becos i of a news from home that relief me of all the suffering for the past one year and a half year...i din die...but i got a new status. I still feel reincarnated...but I din i die at any point...dying probably. So I was wondering...maybe i did die very long time ago which i din realise...watever...to complicated.

050405