Smile...

Smiling isn't suppose to be difficult...but to me...it is actually tedious to even move my face muscle to create a superficial curve on my face that looks like a smile....how pathetic.

280105

Something happy...

Yesterday...I met an unexpected friend...who is actually a friend's friend whom we had dinner together in a dinner party almost a year ago....i forget his name but i remember his face...he is the dentist guy who study in glasgow and i thoght he graduted and went back to singapore last year...which is why i am surprise to see him...he came to the restarant i worked in for dinner...ahh...this restarant i worked in seems to be a place where i meet a lot of friends...anyway...yah...this dentist friend...he is now working here in glasgow...after he graduate....and i like the thought of it...not as if we are very good friends...as we really hardly know each other really...just like the idea that someone is there....though i also met a lot of singaporean people in the restaurant i worked in....the rest are horrible.
So yah...quite happy to see him, really.

270105

Difficult Task

One.

Wake up in the morning. This is really difficult..and is not easy since I was kid which explains why i am always late for school. Recently, it has become more difficult when I have to work so late.

Two.

Sleep early...working late is already problematic...and yet..i cannot sleep the moment i reach home...I somehow need time to chilled out for a few hours before i can sleep...which will be 5am by the time i am ready for bed...not helpful when i have to wake up at 8.30am in the morning.

Three.

Do my art...extremely difficult. Without money and time...everything becomes almost impossible. I dun even want to talk about it. But had to face it. How can I find art making difficult...I never did.

270105

This Time of the Year...

As i was walking home alone in the middle of the night at 12am yesterday....i suddenly stopped...becos my tears are falling...and then it started to stream...the warm tears chilled out as it slide down my face...and makes it neccessary to wipe away from my face becos it will make my face freeze when the wind blows on the wet skin....
This is the time fo the year where I will become very weak and weepy....the depression state..which is very normal in my working cycle...becos i sort of enjoy this despression occasionally....however it is not doing any good to solve my situation...and i hate this... only makes me feel useless anmd helpless which i dun like the tot of it.
Finally, I have made up my mind NOT TO STUDY MFA after my BA...as if i have a chance to get the offer...i cannot even be sure if my results are good enuff to do MFA in the first place...the studying part is really killing my passion for art practice...the more i spend my money on school fees...the more i hate myself for choosing this path. What am I doing.
270105

The Truth About Being An Artist

This is all an illusion. The truth about being an artist is really not what people think. Especially when freedom is concern, a poor artist do not have any priviledge to the so called freedom everybody thought we have. Of course, we need to have the same definition of what freedom is...in this case freedom is not to worry about having a roof over the head, have no problems paying bills and do watever they like. I hope that is simple enough. But even this basic requirement is almost too hard to achieve... My only regret now is to study overseas....not that the experience is not beneficial....but the amount of time spend on earning school fees is ridiculous...and i wonder if i am really studying here....so what is the point...i really do not know. And after this...is probably a life of writing proposal...for fundings....making art is not a cheap hobby....maybe being an artist is really not what i want....i guess...if i dun want anything...life will be easy...easier i mean. But since i have started it...I got to finish it.

270105