Gone...

I know my blog sucks nowadays...
Either it is too boring...or i have been moaning over the same pain...
again and again...

Even myself is sick of it...

And the worst thing is...
I seem to have lost my joy in writing...
Something must have gone wrong...
somehow...I am too conscious of an audience somewhere...
I feel like I have to perform....
and act as the ME...online...

Maybe i should stop blogging and
go back to writing diary in a dark corner...
and be myself again...

What to do...
Feeling rather down now...

By the way...
Just found out I missed the dateline for an application...
Not something i MUST do...
but I missed it anyway...

I guess I will just work for a year...

Maybe I will end up working and working...
and give up all my dreams...

Today's mood is 4.7
weight 57.5kg...
Notice i am gaining weight everyday...
That is why I did some skipping just now....

Hopefully...I can be ideally 53kg by october...
and fit into my green dress again...
Maybe that would cheer me up a bit...