Tanya

This blog is dedicated to her.
I used to think that this lecturer of mine dun like me.
Maybe becos I thought she feels that i am a lazy student who is never in school.
Or somehow...I felt weird when I see her...or maybe guilty.
Becos I am really not in school most of the time for the past one and a half year...
Recently, since i have semi-moved into this "new" studio space...she sees me everyday.
Becos the corridor is out side her office.
And whenever she walked past recently, she will make comments like..."you two are going to have square eyes...."

Or..."dun stay too late"...
Suddenly I felt that she is a compassionate lecturer in a way.
Maybe i have wronged her...
Or even if she dun like me....
she is still a concern lecturer...
Yesterday...she walked past the corridor again...
and she come to me and hold my face with her hands and say...
"let me look at you sha...and see if you are still alive..."
ah...I almost burst into laughter...
and feels touched...she cares.
And she left telling us not to stay too late again...and
she said the ultimate statement which makes us all burst into laughter...



she says...

"We know you guys have been surviving on cakes for weeks..dun think we can't see that."

We laugh...

she knows.

This morning...there was a new packet of scones on the table...and she walked past again saying...

"new cakes?"

Ah...isn't she sacarstic...in a concern way

Thanks.

010605

"what are we gonna do?"

I was here early...to rush a last minute editing for my postcard design...
Sit down and start my laptop....in his studio...which is now...also mine.

Then he asked me this question suddenly.
"what are we gonna do?"

I thought he meant the degree show.
I was puzzled.
I thought he is quite ready for that...as far as I can remember.

"I thought you already know what to do..."...I replied.

"No...what are we gonna do..?...we."he said.

"we?....do wat?"I asked back...

Then there was a silence...we went back to our work...on our own computers.
But...I cannot concentrate at all...
I dun noe what he is trying to say...
I felt like bashing him up.

310505

Round 1...FIGHT!

Round 1.

She stayed.
On and on.
Just sit there and chat...look at him work...
I just had to keep quiet and do my work.
She wins.

Round 2.

Still there.
I send him MSN...
Tell him I am tired and hungry and is going home.
He was laughing...
She got no idea who is he MSNing initially...
but she is staring at his monitor while he type.
Then she turn and look at my laptop.
I hope she did made a connection and realise it was me.
Even if she din...
I win.


Round 3.(final round for the day)

I MSN him..becos I have decided to go home.
Becos it is painful to stay on with her around.
Not the first time...if you have read my previous post.
I packed my bags...and left.
She wins...
Becos I let her.

Hence...I went home broken hearted.
Not really feeling too sad...but a little...
weak.
Weak at heart.
Like I have used up all my energy to love somebody.
And...al these...can be wasted.
BEcos she might be his girlfren.
I never asked him.
It is silly.
He never said anything.

Maybe...I had been imaging again.
No one taught me how to fold a paper aeroplane...
No one was by the EMA door..calling out my name...
No one was throwing Shuriken at me...
No one buy me rasin scone...
No one buys me kinder bueno wafer...
No one was in the studio with me...
No one went shopping with me in Sainsbury...

I am just imaging.

I went home with a confused mind.

310505

This is the image I hand in for my degree show postcard...I believe I've made my point clear.
Title of my work is confirmed. Not at home.