Second Choice.

My life...very interestingly is a result of second choices.

When I was a little girl in Primary 6...
RGS was my 1st choice for secondary school..
I ended up in RV, my second choice.
Turn out to be...not bad.
I enjoyed my days in RV and made valuable friends...for life.

When I was in RV,
Hwa Chong was my 1st choice for Junior college...
I ended up in NJC, my second choice.
Turn out to be..GREAT.
I enjoy my days in NJ and made more friends...
Found my dreams and made up my mind to pursue alternative.

When I was in NJC,
I thought I will choose Lasalle to study my art...
The fees then was too high...
I ended up in NAFA, my second choice.
Turn out to be...full of surprises.
I enjoy my days in NAFA, and as usual made more friends...
And carve a new path for my life.

When I was NAFA,
I wanted to study pottery...
I made a silly mistake because of a
misunderstanding of choices of coursework...
I ended up in the sculpture department, my second choice.
Turn out to be...FUN!
I enjoy my days hiding in the workshop to make things I like
Made sculpture my major and change my life.

When I graduated from NAFA,
I wanted to study in Edinburgh College of Art.
I ended up in Glasgow school of Art, my second choice.
Just because I happen to walk past GSA's booth
at an educational fair...
Turn out to be...days I never will forget.
I feel proud of myself remembering how hard I work to complete my studies there.

After I graduated from GSA,
I wanted to pursue my MA in Tokyo.
That long awaited MA scholarship which I am finally eligible to apply for.
I was inform on Monday...
They intend to cancel the offer of this scholarship.
What's new?
My life...
I suspect this time,
I will end up in Rotterdam, Piet Zwart for my MA.

My life...not too bad...even though not made up of first choices.
All of them turn out to be...of no regrets.

That's life.

My Life.

Thank you, LW.

There is this chinese saying...

塞翁失马 焉知非福

(Blessing in disguise)

To me, I want to see this JCCI incident as such...

Yet, at this moment, no matter what, I am in pain.

I will sometimes went into a daze to enjoy my own depresssion.

I am depressed.

The wait is too long.

Yet in the end...for nothing.

I am angry to be exact. With myself mostly.

Even YH and SY , my two best friends, did not see the important of this scholarship to me.
Not being able to fufil this scholarship dream will affect my life for the next 10 years.
My art practice, my home, my space, my savings, my family, my location, my way of life, the language I will hear around me, the weather around me, my skin condition, my diet, the air I breathe in, the food I eat....who I will meet.

I am sad because I am at lost.
I cannot visualize myself anywhere doing what and for what.
I am LOST.
Even though I actually did prepare myself a Plan B to go Netherland to study my MA if my tokyo scholarship fails...I did not prepare myself to jump into plan B before I even try Plan A.

And at this moment of grief...
Someone manage to divert a ray of hope into my depression...
And shed me new lights...for my future...
LW.
I would like to thank her with this post.
She manage to cheer me up in the mids of my angst with one sentence.
A brilliant twist of the great wisdom of 塞翁失马 焉知非福 from our chinese forefathers...

She said,

"Maybe you are fated to marry a Dutch."

Hmm...yah.

Why not.