I had a realisation tonight....as I stare into the mirror looking at my long curly hair....
I realise I have been doing injustice to my hair for many years.
To be exact...more than 20 years...
To be more precise....since the day I was born.
In fact, they are given to me by my mother through her genes.
It may sound as if my hair is my disability as I describe them....they are actually a gift.
They are lovely...they are long and...
They are curly.
Despite that they can be quite tangled and messy at times I never despise them.
I never cut them because of reason such as I dun like them, or try to straighten them because people think I should. I usually cut them because I am sick of my old image and want a change or simply when I feel like it but never because they are curly.
However, I realise I have been doing the greatest injustice to me hair since I was born simply because I never let it be what it is, and worse still , I try to tame it.
As I remember when I was in primary school, if you were to ask any of my old classmates...they will tell you how neat and tidy my hair is...I suspect some of them might not even know my hair is curly.
In secondary school was worse, where I will wear a hair-net to school to tame my hair...because I gave up combing it.
Or when I finally decided to cut it, I will put a lot of oil or hair gel or mouse just to comb down and stop it from frizzing.
In my JC days which was perhaps slightly better.....as I slacken my control over my hair to let it “be messy” a bit....simply maybe becos I get used to it...but still I never let it down and let it flow freely.
Until I was in NAFA, when things starts to get even better.....yet, no matter how messy, I will still bun it up or whatever to keep it up where it is...never dare to show it publicly...maybe only among friends and family...as they get used to it....but still...I seldom let them down to curl on their own while walking on the street....only very ocassionally...when I am at home...only.
There are of course many reasons to why I did all I can to tame it....simply because people expect me to do so....like it is something unruly for them to accept.....and improper to let my curly hair down...they think it is scary....
In fact, most of my Chinese friends will advice me to cut or go rebonding....which none of them so far has actually say they love my natural curly hair...NONE OF THEM.....sadly...But things are different with the ang moh though....I always get very flattered when they like my hair....even before I came to Glasgow....I have friends from Australia and Germany who like my hair a lot....and classmates now in Glasgow who simply envy and feel jealous of my hair.....even my Greek friend and Nigeria friend loves them....only except all the my Chinese friends....regardless whether they are from Malaysia, Hong Kong or China....none of them like it.
It is sad, because I have been doing injustice to my hair simply because others dun like it....though I never despise it....It is bad enough to simply try to tame it.
My hair is just like me.
I should like it be what it is....since I am already courageous enough to let myself be what I want to be...why can’t I let my hair be so as well.... what an irony.
Perhaps I should free my hair from my own oppression and let it find it’s own freedom and identity like I did to my soul. I dun see why I shouldn’t let my hair be what it really is. Perhaps that is the key to why I always feel there is still something not right about myself....something not completely unleash.....
With this, I have made a whole new decision. I have decided to keep it.
Long and curly as it is.
Lovely.
Frillyobject.
23/09/04
2.28am
