When I was 17...

I was naived.

and now...I still am.

Been to my blogpal's site to check out his latest music...
It was called.."Naive".

Brought me back to that instant..
Slow-mo...colours fading....and you see two figures...walking under the rain...trying to share a pathetic brolly...that is the beauty of rain.
Or you see one girl writing something ...sitting on a bench..smiling...
Saw a boy...sitting next to her...

I dun have any feelings for him now. But I will always smile when I remember those days...
Naive...very naive...

Thanks pal...you reminded me of my beautiful 17...with your music.

www.ghostnotes.blogspot.com

sha
230505

Ah...you know what...

I miss out an important lead as to why he is different today...

I send him an sms yesterday...and he replied...and I replied...and he replied.

And it was quite sweet actually.

230505

But...I am smiling...

I am confused...but I am happy...despite the fact that I am scared and probably trying to run away...I am happy..I know...becos I can feel the smile on my face...

However...I came to realise another point...the people here like to call people "darling, honey and sweetheart"...like they will call "Miss or Madam..."

Maybe I am imagining things...

Whatever...

220505

"Hello..dar.."

WAT!??!..

Again..wat did you just call me?...or are you calling me?

I didn't ask...but I am screaming in my mind....becos I heard him call me "dar.."
Is that a language misinterpretation?...is that greek?
OR that is english...and he meant "Hello Darling."

I was tongue-tied...but i ran away...walking towards the office door without stopping...and turn my head and reply approximately 3 seconds later when I am already roughly 6 metres away from him...I ask a stupid question to start for the day..."are you here very early today?"
actually I am not interested at all if he is there or not in the morning...I just need to fill up the empty space in our conversation...in case he realise I am "stuck" with words.

"half-nine..." he replied.

Anyway...the atmosphere is weird today.

Suddenly I am scared.

I remember my conversation with Yahui...
I asked her..."what if he also likes me..."
she said..."you know...I think I heard you said the same thing to me many years ago..."
Indeed...when i was 18....I ask her the same qeustion which i just did. And the scenerio was...I was in love with this guy...but realise that he might also like me...become very scare...and ran away...in the end...that guy and me..are still good friends...but nothing really did happen between us...

I have this history of running away when people like me.

EVen when the person who likes me is someone I like.

What is wrong with me?

He better be a good runner...

220505

In PAin..

Ah...a woman can become THAT jealous...
like stabbing me in the heart....
and yah...
I really cannot bear to stay here any longer...
makes me feel like a THIRD PARTY!
And so...this shall be the last of my posting for the day.
Go home and recuperate.

Need strength to love again tomolo.

220505

Smell & Touch

Sense of smell

I notice he smell of washing powder yesterday...
and he wore a different jumper ...
that must be a newly washed jumper...
the smell of washing powder never smell better...


Sense of touch

I notice he shaved today...
very clean...too clean...
I told him I prefer him yesterday...
And he commented that he dun shave very often actually
(then why did he shave!)
and he ask me if he looks younger now...
(I like him yesterday...I repeat)
but he said...it is nice to touch after he shave...
(ah...yah...I wonder how it feels)

220505

The higher I float...the harder I fall...

Just a while after the greatest bliss...
I had the greatest grief for the day..

That girl whom I saw just now...came back...
I can feel that she is here for a reason today.
Just sitting between me and him is obvious enuff...
although it might mean nothing.

I am more hurt than dead now.

She wins the game today...
becos I dun understand a single word they are speaking.
They are fellow greek.

I shall die in pain.

How dramatic...all in a day.

220505.

Paper aeroplane...

I was folding a lame looking tiny paper aeroplane...with some rough paper on the table...
and he said," you dun noe how to make a paper aeroplane..?"
yah...I dun noe...I never noe how to make a proper-can-fly paper aeroplane...
It is a very boy thing....or maybe i did noe how to...but I forget.
And he showed me.
We had a piece of paper each...and we fold one each.

"like dat...like this...and you fold like dat...turn...and fold like this...."

And I did it....he said the trick is...to have a balance paper plane..so that it will fly very far away...

Fly it in the corridor against each other..
...and thought it was fun...

Then he said," Come...let's go to the top floor...!"

"Huh?"

we ran to the lift...

3rd floor...

He forgot to lock his studio...And said..."I hope no one will steal our computer..."
we smile naughtily...as we wait for the door of the lift to open...

3rd floor...

we turn left..MFA studio...and no one is inside...

but...from there...the paper plane will only fly within the building...

and i told him..."let's go to the other side...so that the plane will fly past the road...
we did.

we open a studio window...and at my count to 3...

"One..."

"two...."

"three..."

Two paper aeroplane...

fly....

and landed...

on the road...

we had a little giggle...and went back to our studio..

And that is the happiest thing today.

220505