Again and again...

I have been telling you people that things is coming to an end...blah blah...
so many times....i guess everyone is yawning already....
apparently...I don't want things to really end....

I guess I need more time then i think I would need...
not to forget...but to put him somewhere in my heart so remote that it won't be able to trigger any senses in my heart...

I am not sure if i can face him when he comes back...

maybe i think too much...

maybe he did love me.

Ok..there i go again...

I shut up.

020805

The mysterious girlfriend...

The mystery of whether that lovely girl is his girlfriend or not, is never solved.
I am sure she was...but I don't know if she still is...not even sure if she is when she came for the degree show..and after....

It was never answered...that is because i never did ask him.

Now...It is not important anymore....

yet...i am still very bothered by it.

Is she or is she not?

Can you tell me, please?

020805

Writing to happiness....

I was checking out JM' blog...and I realise he wasn't blogging that much lately....he said...he is out of depression that is why...
which means the more depress he is...the more he writes...

For me, It is the opposite...though i already knew we are opposite in many ways...this is yet another thing...

I write when I am happy...
I am happy when i write...
the cycle goes on...the happier i am the more i write...
the more i write...the happier i am...

That is why you see me flood the columns when I am falling in love....
and see the lines disappearing when my heart is broken....

When I am happy...i want the whole world to know...
when i am sad...I just want to disappear in thin air...

the sadder i am...the quieter i become...both mentally and physically....
i will shut down and stop talking...I will keep so quiet that people will not realise that i even exist...

And so...i am not that sad to keep too quiet...
but have got nothing to say really becos i am not too happy as well...
at this point...
I am just waiting...

for something to come to an end...

If this is ever going to end...

It is so painful now...i wish he can just say he dun love me anymore....

So that i can just put a fullstop to this.

Uncertainty is beautiful....yet so painful...

Then JM reminded me...there is nothing to wait for actually...
nothing has happen in the first place.
Nothing...
I got his point eventually...
Totally.

I guess i shall be very quiet for a while...

020805

Being a woman is not easy...

Indeed...ladies out there...nodding your heads aready???..
We have too much to think about....not as if the man dun...but you see...it is easy for a man...to pursue whatever...and assume the woman they love will always be by their side wherever they go...but for woman....is it logical if i say...i hope my man will be by my side wherever i go?..i mean..give up his dreams and follow me...it would be ridiculous...and i won't want that to happen either...and so...how will it work...?
I dun believe in long distance relationship...too painful and impractical....

So...if i want to do what i want to do...

What do i really want?
ok...I am not speaking logically already...am I?

020805