花儿.....让我的心开了

歌曲：我们能不能不分手
歌手：花儿乐队 专辑：花季王朝

我们能不能不分手
亲爱的别走
全世界都让你要爱我
难道你就不会心动
曾为你冷风中颤抖
曾为你泪水狂流
曾为你万事都低头
你怎么舍得开口
已为你爱到无所有
已为你心门紧扣
已为你多少次难受
曾经感觉我们的相守
像段传奇甜蜜而不朽
曾经你要我付出所有
现在却说只要自由
曾经是那样晶莹剔透
当爱变成爱过的时候
该怎么拯救怎么挽留
能不能不分手
laaaaa……


I love the childishness of this song...
the one-sided bitter-sweetness...
this love....so wishful thinking....
like me now...

and the melody....i can just sing and sing....all day long...

like a child....

the chorus sings..."can we not break up...dear please dun go....the whole world wants you to love me ...and aren't you touch by it......."

this song...is my song...Right now...this minute...this second...this life of mine.

lalalalalalala lalala lalalalala lalalala.....

Life is beautiful...always is...

The cycle begins...

Remember my theory of cycle of creativity...((check my blog archive)

It was how I started my blog...feeling bored.

and according to my theory...I shall experience depression soon...and then I will break depression by production...and feels happy....and slack...and back to boredom...

Boredom---> depression---> production----> joy----> boredom....


but but...a new cycle has develop...when I suddenly fall in love...and fall out of it...

depression struck me soon after happiness instead of boredom becos of the broken heart...healing process take place have to take place as I retire to boredom...while I was back at home....a twist of seqence in the cycle becos of the my love encounter.....hence...

the cycle become...

joy-----> depression---->boredom---->slight depression--->production------>joy

Of course this is not as simple as it looks...as I do experience minor depression at the peak of my boredom here(which still follows the original creativity cycle routine)just that the depression is not significant enough as the previous depression I have experenc from the broken heart is TOO great to compare...hence the minor depression is too weak to be accounted for...

hence if I am not worng....
the boredom stage(experiencing slight depression) shall quickly integrate to productivity....


This is HOPE for me....as it would mean...

joy will follow soon...

How exciting....

About my love...

We grow up day by day from experience...

Get lost to find our way...
Get hurt to be stronger...

Now that I can offically call the relationship between he and I as "friends"...doesn't mean I dun love him anymore...

But that...I have to love him in such a way that i will categorise it as "friends"...

Basically...my love has become timid...
become what it was used to be...
it was used to be secretly...without him knowing...

It happens with a simple friendship...becomes a secretly in love thingy...becomes love each other...then hate each other....then becomes love but hate each other....goes back to secretly in love so as not to hate.....finally...the secretly in love will reduce to only pure friendship after numerous unreciprocate disappointment of being secretly in love....

I would say...I am currently at the stage of secretly in love AGAIN...hoping that it will reduce to pure friendship like how it begins...

Having said that...

It means...I will have to experience numerous disappointment....
until...love shed...and friendship becomes pure...


Right now...
NO worriez...if you know me by now...you should know that I am a person very comfortable with secretly in love with someone...the only love I feel safe to be in...quietly feeling happy for him...about him...with him...

I am happy.

I am happy now...as in...the current status of my feelings for him...
I am happy that I no longer feel the pain...

With all the beautiful memories...

Honestly...

WHat a relief that I have finally break the DAily blogging routine....becos to blog-for-the-sake-of-blogging can KILL creativity and sensitivity...

Actually life here is more than sleep, eat and watcing TV....
just that I was so lazy...I dun even want to account for anything I did...

During these 30 odd days...
I have got to know more than I have ever did about my parents...day by day...


I teach my mum how to use a computer to run a CD-rom for her to learn thai...
I teach my dad how to surf net and download music online....

I help my mum wash the dishes and sweep the floor...
I help my dad made kimchi...

I go shopping with my mum in Carrafour....
I go street walking with my dad in weekend night markets....

I spend hours till dawn listening to my mum telling me about herself....
I spent hours till dawn watching DVD with my dad ...

My mum...she told me about her childhood love story...
My dad...he told me about how he was when he is a kid....

How interesting can life be....so interesting...

Isn't it.