I know I am never good at keeping my words...
When it comes to LAST POSTING...
I cannot help it...
Too much to say for the last day of the year...
I log out...and log in again...
I just wanted to say...
It has been a good year, I will miss you.
GOOD BYE 2007...
Monday, December 31, 2007
Hit 200!
I have finally exceed 200 posting for 2007.
I am aware of the number..a few blogs ago..
and though I should hit 200.
For the fun of it.
Enjoy!
I am aware of the number..a few blogs ago..
and though I should hit 200.
For the fun of it.
Enjoy!
SHIT HAPPENS!
I watched this short film...when I was in UK...
In the middle of the night when I reach home after work one day.
It was so hilarious...
I almost fall off my bed....
And the english title of this short film in UK was SHIT HAPPENS!
Enjoy!
Everything is going to start anew...
In less than 24 hours....
The last day of the year...
Is always the day that makes me think a lot.
Not as if I dun think for the rest of the 364 days...
But at least for today...
I think a lot more...
To prepare myself for the new year ahead.
ALso to access my past year.
Whether I have improve?
Deteoriate...
Or found something...
Lost something..
Think about everything.
I always like to stay at home...for the last day of the year..
If I have a choice..
I will stay at home.
Yet...
I had assignments to complete this afternoon.
My last art lesson for Soobin.
As well as...
A favour for Lisa...my manager to work in the restaurant
becos someone else is having holidays..
I hate to work as I have mention especially on this day.
Becos...
It is a day I consolidate and think.
Therefore...I am reluctant to sleep now.
I need to think NOW...
Tomorrow will be too late.
I sold myself for about $80 for the last day of the year.
I hope I can reach home before 12am tomolo.
And stay at home to think.
Wish everybody a happy new year.
A VERY HAPPY ONE.
The last day of the year...
Is always the day that makes me think a lot.
Not as if I dun think for the rest of the 364 days...
But at least for today...
I think a lot more...
To prepare myself for the new year ahead.
ALso to access my past year.
Whether I have improve?
Deteoriate...
Or found something...
Lost something..
Think about everything.
I always like to stay at home...for the last day of the year..
If I have a choice..
I will stay at home.
Yet...
I had assignments to complete this afternoon.
My last art lesson for Soobin.
As well as...
A favour for Lisa...my manager to work in the restaurant
becos someone else is having holidays..
I hate to work as I have mention especially on this day.
Becos...
It is a day I consolidate and think.
Therefore...I am reluctant to sleep now.
I need to think NOW...
Tomorrow will be too late.
I sold myself for about $80 for the last day of the year.
I hope I can reach home before 12am tomolo.
And stay at home to think.
Wish everybody a happy new year.
A VERY HAPPY ONE.
Writing mood...
I rather like my own recent writing mood...
Especially after my blood donating ordeal...
I have been wondering why I donated my blood.
Maybe I want to let go of part of myself.
Perhaps some stubborness in me...in my blood.
想放下心中的执着...
I hope this writing mood will be there for a long long while until I need another rest.
I have been reading into the statistic detail regarding the amount of writings since 2004.
The moment which I am the happiest had more than 100 posting in a month.
In May 2005.
The saddest only had 1 in the whole month.
In December 2005.
One particular month with 1 posting...
I complained about not having the internet access to blog.
Which means...it's a technical barrier to express.
NO internet access.
Another particular month with 2 postings.
One is about the brief for the month.
The other is YET another complain that I haven't been
blogging becos I sold my life for cash.
Too busy working that is.
Those with 3 or 4 postings..are my low and sad days...
Those with flooding postings...
Are my good moods.
Though I agree that sadness makes good poems, good songs,
and good stories...
even good art...
Yet my productivity is dependent on how happy I am.
I realise.
The happiest days...are my most expressive days.
Which means...judging from my posting...
This month...is my happiest month...
Since since 2005 MAY.
This month.
The month that I read a lot, watch dramas...and stop selling myself for cash.
Is my happiest.
2 years...should be enough.
It is enough in fact.
To be myself again.
The me...I used to love.
2008.
I am me again.
HERE I COME!
Especially after my blood donating ordeal...
I have been wondering why I donated my blood.
Maybe I want to let go of part of myself.
Perhaps some stubborness in me...in my blood.
想放下心中的执着...
I hope this writing mood will be there for a long long while until I need another rest.
I have been reading into the statistic detail regarding the amount of writings since 2004.
The moment which I am the happiest had more than 100 posting in a month.
In May 2005.
The saddest only had 1 in the whole month.
In December 2005.
One particular month with 1 posting...
I complained about not having the internet access to blog.
Which means...it's a technical barrier to express.
NO internet access.
Another particular month with 2 postings.
One is about the brief for the month.
The other is YET another complain that I haven't been
blogging becos I sold my life for cash.
Too busy working that is.
Those with 3 or 4 postings..are my low and sad days...
Those with flooding postings...
Are my good moods.
Though I agree that sadness makes good poems, good songs,
and good stories...
even good art...
Yet my productivity is dependent on how happy I am.
I realise.
The happiest days...are my most expressive days.
Which means...judging from my posting...
This month...is my happiest month...
Since since 2005 MAY.
This month.
The month that I read a lot, watch dramas...and stop selling myself for cash.
Is my happiest.
2 years...should be enough.
It is enough in fact.
To be myself again.
The me...I used to love.
2008.
I am me again.
HERE I COME!
2008 Resolution...
I have been thinking this.
I accidentally saw what I wrote a year ago...
And access what I have achieve...
I set a, 2 and a half year plan...
I am almost halfway.
I achieve the easy half...
The difficult half is yet to be done.
So much for all the rest and play.
Time to make art.
Things I want to do in 2008.
1. Publish books.
2. Start a website.
3. Do some good shows
(solo or group-impt thing is so something I am proud of showing).
4. Apply for my scholarship and if I dun get it..
leave singapore and go working holiday.
5.If I get the scholarship, prepare myself to study in japan in 2009.
6.If I dun, go work holiday for a year...and study in europe for my MFA.
7.CUT MY HAIR.
Things I want to buy...always...
1.A good new laptop with all the functions I need.
2.A good camera.
3.A good sewing machine.
Personal improvements...
1. Healthy weight loss of around 5 to 10 kg.
2. Learn Yoga.
3. Read read read...more books.
4. Watch some good shows.
5.Cultivate good sleeping and eating habits.
6. Stop wasting time.
Mental improvements...
1. I hope I am able to throw away some things which I couldn't bear to throw away.
Some junks around me for years...which I should let go off...and make myself more mobile.
2. As usual, I believe I have talked less over the years. Talk less...but express more in other forms. Talk less...and do more.
I accidentally saw what I wrote a year ago...
And access what I have achieve...
I set a, 2 and a half year plan...
I am almost halfway.
I achieve the easy half...
The difficult half is yet to be done.
So much for all the rest and play.
Time to make art.
Things I want to do in 2008.
1. Publish books.
2. Start a website.
3. Do some good shows
(solo or group-impt thing is so something I am proud of showing).
4. Apply for my scholarship and if I dun get it..
leave singapore and go working holiday.
5.If I get the scholarship, prepare myself to study in japan in 2009.
6.If I dun, go work holiday for a year...and study in europe for my MFA.
7.CUT MY HAIR.
Things I want to buy...always...
1.A good new laptop with all the functions I need.
2.A good camera.
3.A good sewing machine.
Personal improvements...
1. Healthy weight loss of around 5 to 10 kg.
2. Learn Yoga.
3. Read read read...more books.
4. Watch some good shows.
5.Cultivate good sleeping and eating habits.
6. Stop wasting time.
Mental improvements...
1. I hope I am able to throw away some things which I couldn't bear to throw away.
Some junks around me for years...which I should let go off...and make myself more mobile.
2. As usual, I believe I have talked less over the years. Talk less...but express more in other forms. Talk less...and do more.
黄真伊
Yet another brilliant Korean Drama.
After so many other great works.
The theme opening is already impressive before I watch the show.
Wait till you watch the actual drama.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Be nice to me, it is my first....
DONATION!
A bloody one.
I went to the Blood Bank with Wendy because she wanted to donate blood.
And I tagged along.
And thought...
maybe I should donate blood too.
Registered...and was given a large red and white sticker to be paste on my T-shirt which says..
"Be nice to me, it is my first donation"
I felt like a kid, happily receiving a big sticker to praise me for my act.
During the examination,I was tagged under "Malaria Risk" by the examiner
becos I travelled in malaria risk countries within 12 months.
But I was accept as a blood donor nevertheless.
First...
a nurse prick a tiny-mini hole with a stapler-like thingy
and collected a bit of my blood and drop it into a blue solution.
I was told later by wendy this is to check the blood's density against...
I guess the blue solution is copper sulphate.
It sinks...a bit and hangs in the middle...
I passed as long as it dun floats...but not with flying colours...
I concluded...becos it should have sink to the bottom like other drops of blood.
I enter the room with many comfy looking arm chairs...
and a few nurse start to crowd around me...
They are smiley and nice to me...like what the sticker on my T-shirts tells them.
I ask a lot of silly questions...
and finally lay comfortablely on the chair.
Ready to do my act.
I was rejected by the blood donation team 10 years ago...
becos the nurse can't find my blood vein.
10 years later which is now,
it was not an easy job either.
They tried my right hand, then my left...
and decided poke on my right hand eventually.
A tiny injection...
For localised anesthesia...
Skillfully done.
Followed by...I don't know what...
But a tiny pin prick sensation as I was told to look away
and talk to my friend instead...
Which I suspect it must be more than a pin prick..
That I decided to steal a glance...
I regret it...
It was a painful SIGHT.
Not that I can feel anything...
Becos of the anesthetic...
But I know it should be painful by the size of it,
Just that I cannot feel it.
Then the nurse prompts me to squeese the little cushy sponge
to give pressure so that my hand and pump blood into the donation bag...
I skive a bit and was caught...but manage to pull through.
Finally...It was over...
and wendy told me I can choose colour for my hand bandage...
But it was too late when the nurse choose
blue for me to match my t-shirt.
Not bad actually.
The nice lady told me
I can carry my own blood for a while
before it is being sent off for process...
It was a weird feeling..
My own blood...
Separated from my bloody...
In a Bag...
and I was carrying it...
Like a baby.
My baby.
It used to be part of me.
Strangely.
Then we happily left the centre and
go for our free refreshment in the canteen...
Soya milk and Soon guey for me.
Then...wendy and I head for the food market across the bloodbank
for pork porridge as planned.
Walked down the slops of the bloodbank
cross the road...less than 10 minutes of walk...
I suddenly feel weak in the knees..
Really weak...
Followed by a nauseating sensation...
I told wendy i feel like puking.
She thought I was joking.
Then a few more steps later...
I started to sqaut on the walkway...
I need to puke.
I knew it.
I AM NOT JOKING.
Passersby stop and offered me medicated oil.
WHICH I NEEDed.
I am thankful to the old lady who offer me her medicated oil.
Then...
I VOMITTED.
It was the soya milk and soon guey.
It was NOT hard to recognise them.
They are in still in good shape...
As they are not eaten very long ago.
I told wendy that I feel bad that I had left my puke by the pillar...
The soya and soon guey must be feeling lonely and unwanted.
Anyway...we head for the food market...stayed for 15 minutes..
Wendy ate her breakfast while i still feel unwell.
I called the blood bank and told them I vomitted.
I was told to go back.
Wendy and I head back to the bloodbank..
SLOWLY.
We stop on and off...between this 10 minutes or less distance.
I just cannot walk too fast...becos the nauseating sensation is still there..
But nothing left to be throw up..
Wendy start to feel giddy herself too..and break into sweats...
It was her turn now..
we reach the door step of the blood bank...
And we stopped..
A few more step...
but I was feeling too sick to continue..
I lay down on the floor of the door step of the bloodbank...
Hoping that doctors and nurses will run out to save me...
No one came out.
Wendy was not feeling well too...
She looks pale by now..
I decided...
I need to go in...just a few more step...
I walked up the step and told the lady in the lobby my situation...
And Wendy walked in slowly.
Both of us...are being wheeled into the rest area...
given pressure test, blanket and water...
Nurses told us...we should eat before the donation.
My pressure was 90/60 i was told.
A bit low.
Then we rested.
The pink shirt guy across who was donating blood looks familiar..
But it was not important anymore..I was too weak to smile.
Then...after...a lost track of time..
We had to leave...
Becos we are occupying blood donation beds...
And we felt better anyway...
Nurses warn us not to go shopping before we left.
We left the bloodbank..
AND GO SHOPPING!
I need to buy my organiser for 2008.
I drag myself with wendy to kinokuniya.
Got myself a new organiser.
Which I was happy of my own choose.
And actually wanted to continue to shop becos
there are crazy year end sales not to be missed.
YEt...I was too weak...
I tried...
But wendy told me...
I looked pale.
I gave up.
And went home.
Along the way home..
it was still an ordeal.
I had to walk and stop...many times.
Feeling nausaeting...
until i reach home
Bath...
Saw myself in the mirror...
And like my whitening look.
I excitedly called wendy and told her
"原来捐血可以美白...!"
(Donating blood atcually had whitening effect...!)
She replied in a matter of fact tone...
"不是美白...是苍白..."
(Not whitening...is PALE looking)
Oh..hmmm...
SHE IS RIGHT.
I called my brother and and friend and told them my ordeal..
Before I tugged myself to bed.
Woke up...
Confessed to my nanny that i went blood donation
and was scolded by her...
Finish my dinner...
And decided to blog...
Feeling the tiny pin prick pain on the finger from the first test...
While I type on my keyboard...
"Be nice to me, it is my first ..."
Maybe...
It is also my last.
A bloody one.
I went to the Blood Bank with Wendy because she wanted to donate blood.
And I tagged along.
And thought...
maybe I should donate blood too.
Registered...and was given a large red and white sticker to be paste on my T-shirt which says..
"Be nice to me, it is my first donation"
I felt like a kid, happily receiving a big sticker to praise me for my act.
During the examination,I was tagged under "Malaria Risk" by the examiner
becos I travelled in malaria risk countries within 12 months.
But I was accept as a blood donor nevertheless.
First...
a nurse prick a tiny-mini hole with a stapler-like thingy
and collected a bit of my blood and drop it into a blue solution.
I was told later by wendy this is to check the blood's density against...
I guess the blue solution is copper sulphate.
It sinks...a bit and hangs in the middle...
I passed as long as it dun floats...but not with flying colours...
I concluded...becos it should have sink to the bottom like other drops of blood.
I enter the room with many comfy looking arm chairs...
and a few nurse start to crowd around me...
They are smiley and nice to me...like what the sticker on my T-shirts tells them.
I ask a lot of silly questions...
and finally lay comfortablely on the chair.
Ready to do my act.
I was rejected by the blood donation team 10 years ago...
becos the nurse can't find my blood vein.
10 years later which is now,
it was not an easy job either.
They tried my right hand, then my left...
and decided poke on my right hand eventually.
A tiny injection...
For localised anesthesia...
Skillfully done.
Followed by...I don't know what...
But a tiny pin prick sensation as I was told to look away
and talk to my friend instead...
Which I suspect it must be more than a pin prick..
That I decided to steal a glance...
I regret it...
It was a painful SIGHT.
Not that I can feel anything...
Becos of the anesthetic...
But I know it should be painful by the size of it,
Just that I cannot feel it.
Then the nurse prompts me to squeese the little cushy sponge
to give pressure so that my hand and pump blood into the donation bag...
I skive a bit and was caught...but manage to pull through.
Finally...It was over...
and wendy told me I can choose colour for my hand bandage...
But it was too late when the nurse choose
blue for me to match my t-shirt.
Not bad actually.
The nice lady told me
I can carry my own blood for a while
before it is being sent off for process...
It was a weird feeling..
My own blood...
Separated from my bloody...
In a Bag...
and I was carrying it...
Like a baby.
My baby.
It used to be part of me.
Strangely.
Then we happily left the centre and
go for our free refreshment in the canteen...
Soya milk and Soon guey for me.
Then...wendy and I head for the food market across the bloodbank
for pork porridge as planned.
Walked down the slops of the bloodbank
cross the road...less than 10 minutes of walk...
I suddenly feel weak in the knees..
Really weak...
Followed by a nauseating sensation...
I told wendy i feel like puking.
She thought I was joking.
Then a few more steps later...
I started to sqaut on the walkway...
I need to puke.
I knew it.
I AM NOT JOKING.
Passersby stop and offered me medicated oil.
WHICH I NEEDed.
I am thankful to the old lady who offer me her medicated oil.
Then...
I VOMITTED.
It was the soya milk and soon guey.
It was NOT hard to recognise them.
They are in still in good shape...
As they are not eaten very long ago.
I told wendy that I feel bad that I had left my puke by the pillar...
The soya and soon guey must be feeling lonely and unwanted.
Anyway...we head for the food market...stayed for 15 minutes..
Wendy ate her breakfast while i still feel unwell.
I called the blood bank and told them I vomitted.
I was told to go back.
Wendy and I head back to the bloodbank..
SLOWLY.
We stop on and off...between this 10 minutes or less distance.
I just cannot walk too fast...becos the nauseating sensation is still there..
But nothing left to be throw up..
Wendy start to feel giddy herself too..and break into sweats...
It was her turn now..
we reach the door step of the blood bank...
And we stopped..
A few more step...
but I was feeling too sick to continue..
I lay down on the floor of the door step of the bloodbank...
Hoping that doctors and nurses will run out to save me...
No one came out.
Wendy was not feeling well too...
She looks pale by now..
I decided...
I need to go in...just a few more step...
I walked up the step and told the lady in the lobby my situation...
And Wendy walked in slowly.
Both of us...are being wheeled into the rest area...
given pressure test, blanket and water...
Nurses told us...we should eat before the donation.
My pressure was 90/60 i was told.
A bit low.
Then we rested.
The pink shirt guy across who was donating blood looks familiar..
But it was not important anymore..I was too weak to smile.
Then...after...a lost track of time..
We had to leave...
Becos we are occupying blood donation beds...
And we felt better anyway...
Nurses warn us not to go shopping before we left.
We left the bloodbank..
AND GO SHOPPING!
I need to buy my organiser for 2008.
I drag myself with wendy to kinokuniya.
Got myself a new organiser.
Which I was happy of my own choose.
And actually wanted to continue to shop becos
there are crazy year end sales not to be missed.
YEt...I was too weak...
I tried...
But wendy told me...
I looked pale.
I gave up.
And went home.
Along the way home..
it was still an ordeal.
I had to walk and stop...many times.
Feeling nausaeting...
until i reach home
Bath...
Saw myself in the mirror...
And like my whitening look.
I excitedly called wendy and told her
"原来捐血可以美白...!"
(Donating blood atcually had whitening effect...!)
She replied in a matter of fact tone...
"不是美白...是苍白..."
(Not whitening...is PALE looking)
Oh..hmmm...
SHE IS RIGHT.
I called my brother and and friend and told them my ordeal..
Before I tugged myself to bed.
Woke up...
Confessed to my nanny that i went blood donation
and was scolded by her...
Finish my dinner...
And decided to blog...
Feeling the tiny pin prick pain on the finger from the first test...
While I type on my keyboard...
"Be nice to me, it is my first ..."
Maybe...
It is also my last.
Friday, December 28, 2007
No internet!!!!!!.....会死人的! 会死人的!
会死人的...没错.
Without internet....I will DIE!
I was informed by my mum that my 45 days in Chiangmai is going to be networkLESS.
No telephone. No internet access.
I start to behave like a grochy kid...and start to sulk.
I called my mum to grumble about it...and called my brother to scold him for cancelling the intent...then I called my second brother in Batam...to complain to him...called my best friend...and told her I will die.
So much for all the sulking...but I was still PISSED that I actually made plans to stay in thailand longer becos I thought i could have enjoy my holidays...hiding at home...while seeing the whole world at my finger tips...
The only survival source for me..I was told...is TV.
That should be good enough usually...but not anymore.
I tried to imagine.
It was worse than nightmare.
10 years ago...I would have laugh at my own post.
Now...I have to laugh at my own addiction.
Without internet...
It means...
I CANNOT...
watch youtube,
watch movie online,
check bank account and make transactions.
surf net,
read books,
check out resources,
catch up with friends,
read news,
submit proposal,
online shopping,
do research,
look out for inspiration,
correspond to my work,
make plans,
organise my show,
cry watching dramas on tudou...
watch documentaries for free...
search for materials for web design...
send emails..
check emails...
get to know latest discount..
update my facebook...
IN 45 days...I am trying to figure out now..
How am I going to fill up this empty slots...while not doing ALL THE ABOVE.
In fact, I do have a lot of other things to do...
Yet it scares me...to know that...
I AM UNABLE TO DO ALL THAT in the next 45 days from 13th jan onwards.
It scares me.
I only hope...
It is a blessing in disguise.
I know I am capable of surviving.
But it is going to be a torture.
I have so many other things to do...
yet...without internet...
It's like losing touch to the whole world.
How do I live without you.....
Oh...How do I...
Oh...How do I live....
SOMEBODY!...HELP ME!
Without internet....I will DIE!
I was informed by my mum that my 45 days in Chiangmai is going to be networkLESS.
No telephone. No internet access.
I start to behave like a grochy kid...and start to sulk.
I called my mum to grumble about it...and called my brother to scold him for cancelling the intent...then I called my second brother in Batam...to complain to him...called my best friend...and told her I will die.
So much for all the sulking...but I was still PISSED that I actually made plans to stay in thailand longer becos I thought i could have enjoy my holidays...hiding at home...while seeing the whole world at my finger tips...
The only survival source for me..I was told...is TV.
That should be good enough usually...but not anymore.
I tried to imagine.
It was worse than nightmare.
10 years ago...I would have laugh at my own post.
Now...I have to laugh at my own addiction.
Without internet...
It means...
I CANNOT...
watch youtube,
watch movie online,
check bank account and make transactions.
surf net,
read books,
check out resources,
catch up with friends,
read news,
submit proposal,
online shopping,
do research,
look out for inspiration,
correspond to my work,
make plans,
organise my show,
cry watching dramas on tudou...
watch documentaries for free...
search for materials for web design...
send emails..
check emails...
get to know latest discount..
update my facebook...
IN 45 days...I am trying to figure out now..
How am I going to fill up this empty slots...while not doing ALL THE ABOVE.
In fact, I do have a lot of other things to do...
Yet it scares me...to know that...
I AM UNABLE TO DO ALL THAT in the next 45 days from 13th jan onwards.
It scares me.
I only hope...
It is a blessing in disguise.
I know I am capable of surviving.
But it is going to be a torture.
I have so many other things to do...
yet...without internet...
It's like losing touch to the whole world.
How do I live without you.....
Oh...How do I...
Oh...How do I live....
SOMEBODY!...HELP ME!
CRASH!
My laptop hit blue screen again just a while ago.
I noticed the hefty pant coming from my laptop...
That kind of "work too hard for it's age" motor spinning sound.
Time is up soon...
You have to go...you have to go...
Time to back up.
I noticed the hefty pant coming from my laptop...
That kind of "work too hard for it's age" motor spinning sound.
Time is up soon...
You have to go...you have to go...
Time to back up.
This thing call friendship..once more.
So much for my emotional thoughts about friendship.
I was just being grouchy and grumpy.
Friends are still friends after all.
That is our kind of friendship.
I was just being grouchy and grumpy.
Friends are still friends after all.
That is our kind of friendship.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Facebook Again...
I have been very resistance against facebook for a while...
I did not want to join any friends network online...
I forgot the reason why...
until I am going through my potential friends list...
and I see someone I never wanted to see again.
I remember one of the reasons for my resistance...
I know somehow...he might just be one of them in the network.
I wanted to avoid...seeing him again...even online..
I actually am afraid...he will find me.
That's all.
I did not want to join any friends network online...
I forgot the reason why...
until I am going through my potential friends list...
and I see someone I never wanted to see again.
I remember one of the reasons for my resistance...
I know somehow...he might just be one of them in the network.
I wanted to avoid...seeing him again...even online..
I actually am afraid...he will find me.
That's all.
I am finally on FACEBOOK...
A network a lot of my friends have been pestering me to join...
And I use PESTER...becos they really do it on a mental level and cyber way...
When i am finally on it...
I thought...what a waste of life.
It looks fun though...
I suspect I couldn't escape the fate to spend some N-hours of time in the future on yet another cyber reason to keep up my cyber image...
But ,I am too tired to build any thing as yet.
My own life is in a mess...
These network just seem too superficial for now...
like another friendster to a higher level...
I found the best friend whom I am losing on FAcebook...and send her a poke...
In the hope that...maybe this shall be the new way for us to interact in the future...
Without taking up her time...and me feeling guilty.
If that is the only way now.
I will try anything.
I am that desperate now.
If she ever realise it.
A network a lot of my friends have been pestering me to join...
And I use PESTER...becos they really do it on a mental level and cyber way...
When i am finally on it...
I thought...what a waste of life.
It looks fun though...
I suspect I couldn't escape the fate to spend some N-hours of time in the future on yet another cyber reason to keep up my cyber image...
But ,I am too tired to build any thing as yet.
My own life is in a mess...
These network just seem too superficial for now...
like another friendster to a higher level...
I found the best friend whom I am losing on FAcebook...and send her a poke...
In the hope that...maybe this shall be the new way for us to interact in the future...
Without taking up her time...and me feeling guilty.
If that is the only way now.
I will try anything.
I am that desperate now.
If she ever realise it.
I am not complaining...I am lamenting.
I wanted to stress that...this thing call friendship.
I am not blaming anyone for how things developed.
I am not complaining...
I AM LAMENTING.
Showing griefs....and airing sadness...
If you feel I am being over-sensitive...
It is because this friendship is very important to me...
Regardless...no point in clarifying...
She never reads my blog anyway.
I am not blaming anyone for how things developed.
I am not complaining...
I AM LAMENTING.
Showing griefs....and airing sadness...
If you feel I am being over-sensitive...
It is because this friendship is very important to me...
Regardless...no point in clarifying...
She never reads my blog anyway.
This thing call Friendship.
Friendship.
A very fragile relationship...
That can be easily dilute and broken by time and distance.
Yet, the biggest factor to change it...is choice.
As in...how important you feel u need to spend your time on it.
Some friends...are always there in your life...
While some fade away with time.
When you leave your school...
When you leave a job...
When you get married...
You make convenient new friends...and forget the old...
You make friends who lives close to you...and forget those far away...
Who can blame that...human beings are lazy...I am too.
Yet, recently...
I am sad.
I actually find myself tongue-tied when I want to honestly tell a best friend that I felt left out by her...since she get married...
I tried...like i used to...to try to catch up on the phone...
but each time...it gets more and more difficult...
It was to a point I was so reluctant to call yet...made the call because I know...
If I do not call her...she will usually not call me.
I thought...maybe she is busy...but I am not.
If she can't catch up with me...I can catch up with her...
Yet...I think I am losing it...
Nowadays...I even feel guilty that I might be imposing her life...
No matter how friendly she sounded on the phone like she used to be...
I always have to hang up...feeling very sorry that I interrupted her life...
She is that busy...or I am too free.
She once said " Family is family..."...I understand...but what about friends?
Isn't friends still friends?
I can be understanding...yet I also understand...if this goes on...that is about it.
This thing call friendship...
Is like any other relationship...
needs to be water like a plant...
Take it for granted and leave unattended...
Is a choice.
That's about it.
This thing call friendship.
A very fragile relationship...
That can be easily dilute and broken by time and distance.
Yet, the biggest factor to change it...is choice.
As in...how important you feel u need to spend your time on it.
Some friends...are always there in your life...
While some fade away with time.
When you leave your school...
When you leave a job...
When you get married...
You make convenient new friends...and forget the old...
You make friends who lives close to you...and forget those far away...
Who can blame that...human beings are lazy...I am too.
Yet, recently...
I am sad.
I actually find myself tongue-tied when I want to honestly tell a best friend that I felt left out by her...since she get married...
I tried...like i used to...to try to catch up on the phone...
but each time...it gets more and more difficult...
It was to a point I was so reluctant to call yet...made the call because I know...
If I do not call her...she will usually not call me.
I thought...maybe she is busy...but I am not.
If she can't catch up with me...I can catch up with her...
Yet...I think I am losing it...
Nowadays...I even feel guilty that I might be imposing her life...
No matter how friendly she sounded on the phone like she used to be...
I always have to hang up...feeling very sorry that I interrupted her life...
She is that busy...or I am too free.
She once said " Family is family..."...I understand...but what about friends?
Isn't friends still friends?
I can be understanding...yet I also understand...if this goes on...that is about it.
This thing call friendship...
Is like any other relationship...
needs to be water like a plant...
Take it for granted and leave unattended...
Is a choice.
That's about it.
This thing call friendship.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Wow...I only knew the version by Swing out sisters...until i heard this...
La la (means I love you) by Swing out sisters
THE ORIGINAL VERSION-Lala (means I love you) by Delfonics!
THE ORIGINAL VERSION-Lala (means I love you) by Delfonics!
Some other classic GREAT songs from stylistic...I just found out...they are the original singers...
YOu are Everything....this song...the first version I ever heard from was from Grasshopper...the cantopop groups in the 80's who sang this song in chinese...and afterthat...I heard an old version by Teresa Tseng...and now...I found out...it was actually from The stylistics...Wonderful song...
Friday, December 14, 2007
Yeah...!
I finally know how to post youtube videos on my blogger!
So easy and convenient!
By the way...I would like to thank the person who post these WONDERFUL videoclips of old SBC drama theme song online.
Please go to his youtube link and thank this person if you feel the same nostalgia and happy feeling as I did when I saw these posting.
I suspect I will abuse this new found skill I learn and bombard my blog with videos...just like when I first learn how to post images...
Please bear with me...
Meanwhile...
EnJoy!
So easy and convenient!
By the way...I would like to thank the person who post these WONDERFUL videoclips of old SBC drama theme song online.
Please go to his youtube link and thank this person if you feel the same nostalgia and happy feeling as I did when I saw these posting.
I suspect I will abuse this new found skill I learn and bombard my blog with videos...just like when I first learn how to post images...
Please bear with me...
Meanwhile...
EnJoy!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Some christmas...
OMG!!!...I laugh my head off when ZJ sent me this photo...it only shows..that everybody has their own ugly past...hahaha....a cute one though...LQ!...YOU ARE IN IT TOO... dun laugh!
The colour pencil again...
First of all....
I would like to thank LQ for reading my post and aware of my colour pencil dilemma.
While I am still being indecisive over whether i should buy colour pencils...
She is totally against spending $100 for colour pencils...
She has grown up...I am happy.
Meanwhile...
I receive the phone bill for last month calling my mum in thailand...which is $110.
I should have shut up and save that $110 to buy my full range of colour pencils.
Though...I did not regret having good talks with my mum.
I miss her.
This month...no more calls to thailand since i am going home soon...
I shall buy colour pencils for myself for this christmas.
:)
I would like to thank LQ for reading my post and aware of my colour pencil dilemma.
While I am still being indecisive over whether i should buy colour pencils...
She is totally against spending $100 for colour pencils...
She has grown up...I am happy.
Meanwhile...
I receive the phone bill for last month calling my mum in thailand...which is $110.
I should have shut up and save that $110 to buy my full range of colour pencils.
Though...I did not regret having good talks with my mum.
I miss her.
This month...no more calls to thailand since i am going home soon...
I shall buy colour pencils for myself for this christmas.
:)
Some conversation...
Guan : you busy with what?
Me : me now? wasting my life in exchange of hard cash
Guan : lol, ok
Me : yet at the same time...storing potential energy for my future outburst of passion...
Me : me now? wasting my life in exchange of hard cash
Guan : lol, ok
Me : yet at the same time...storing potential energy for my future outburst of passion...
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Something good about heartbreaks...
I told Ah guan,
Heartbreaks make good writers and poets.
It is one of the many positive things I can think of for being broken-hearted.
Other then that,
I remember an old Carpenters songs...
"All you get from love...is a love song...."
How sad...yet how beautiful.
It's really a nice song...
Really...
Heartbreaks make good writers and poets.
It is one of the many positive things I can think of for being broken-hearted.
Other then that,
I remember an old Carpenters songs...
"All you get from love...is a love song...."
How sad...yet how beautiful.
It's really a nice song...
Really...
The blind men's world again.
I was telling the blind men's story to ah guan.
And i have a whole new interpretation about this story.
Apart from the fact that everybody has a different kind of world they live in due to the different experience they have...
I also want to say that...
Although everyone is right...
Everyone is wrong at the same time.
Everyone has genuine experiences yet...partial truth is not the whole truth.
Yah..that's what I wanted to add.
That's all.
And i have a whole new interpretation about this story.
Apart from the fact that everybody has a different kind of world they live in due to the different experience they have...
I also want to say that...
Although everyone is right...
Everyone is wrong at the same time.
Everyone has genuine experiences yet...partial truth is not the whole truth.
Yah..that's what I wanted to add.
That's all.
Romantic encounter...
It was romantic only because it happens to me.
It was a normal walk home.
Then he overtook me.
and walked in front of me...for the next 10 minutes..
One block away from my flat..I lost sight of him.
Until I turn corner and saw him again...standing in front of the lift lobby.
Reading a book...waiting for the lift...
When is the last time I saw a Singaporean man reading a book.
I cannot remember any.
This is not a Singaporean by the way.
He is an angmoh...
A handsome one. How handsome?
I describe him to wendy(my best friend) as "eastern european plumber looking"
He look up at me...
i suddenly feels shy.
For a split second...the lift door opens.
He looked at me...waiting for me to enter first.
When is the last time a singaporean man let me enter the lift first..
I cannot remember any as well...
I was too shy to look up..and enter the lift first, then him.
Door closes...
15th floor is for me.
He lives on the 13th.
I stand behind him...
The lift is so quiet...I am afraid he will hear my heartbeat...
But I was smiling...
13th floor..
door opens and he left...
15th floor...
Reach my door.
End of story.
It was a normal walk home.
Then he overtook me.
and walked in front of me...for the next 10 minutes..
One block away from my flat..I lost sight of him.
Until I turn corner and saw him again...standing in front of the lift lobby.
Reading a book...waiting for the lift...
When is the last time I saw a Singaporean man reading a book.
I cannot remember any.
This is not a Singaporean by the way.
He is an angmoh...
A handsome one. How handsome?
I describe him to wendy(my best friend) as "eastern european plumber looking"
He look up at me...
i suddenly feels shy.
For a split second...the lift door opens.
He looked at me...waiting for me to enter first.
When is the last time a singaporean man let me enter the lift first..
I cannot remember any as well...
I was too shy to look up..and enter the lift first, then him.
Door closes...
15th floor is for me.
He lives on the 13th.
I stand behind him...
The lift is so quiet...I am afraid he will hear my heartbeat...
But I was smiling...
13th floor..
door opens and he left...
15th floor...
Reach my door.
End of story.
Friday, December 07, 2007
120 colours...
I have been trying to convince myself...
that I don't need to buy 120 colours for colour pencils.
72 should be more than enough.
Yet I cannot resist the temptation to own as many colours as I just can see to many shades of colours out there...
The world is too colourful that even 120 of them is too little to express.
Maybe it is my vanity. Like woman never have enough shoes...
Artist never have enough colours.
that I don't need to buy 120 colours for colour pencils.
72 should be more than enough.
Yet I cannot resist the temptation to own as many colours as I just can see to many shades of colours out there...
The world is too colourful that even 120 of them is too little to express.
Maybe it is my vanity. Like woman never have enough shoes...
Artist never have enough colours.
I write therefore I am
I love to write.
But I haven't been writing.
And this in NOT RIGHT.
And so, I am writing now.
Anything and whatever.
I remember vividly that I am always speechless
when people ask me what makes me think
people will buy my book if i publish one.
Not that I do not have confident with my writing ability.
But I am equally aware that many else can write as good
and even way better than me in fact.
Even the worst writing is worth reading if you can appreciation
the intention of sharing a thought.
I am not sure if people will spent money to buy a book i wrote,
but I am glad to share what I write with people who is willing to read it.
For me.
I just want to share.
Even the slightest emotion trigger by the rain.
The occasional sadness.
The lovely moon.
The baby sleeping.
The yawning dog.
The dripping tower.
The soya sauce stain on someone's sleeve.
Each has a story.
Some may be boring yet can be written charmingly given the mood.
Some are funny yet you didn't laugh.
Some are happy, so happy...I run out of words...
Some are angry but you just cannot sense my anger when u read it..
Some are sad...so sad, yet you just think it is silly of me.
While I absorb the world's happening around me like a sponge, I squeese out my thoughts with art, with colours, with shapes, and mostly with words...
I am.
I write.
But I haven't been writing.
And this in NOT RIGHT.
And so, I am writing now.
Anything and whatever.
I remember vividly that I am always speechless
when people ask me what makes me think
people will buy my book if i publish one.
Not that I do not have confident with my writing ability.
But I am equally aware that many else can write as good
and even way better than me in fact.
Even the worst writing is worth reading if you can appreciation
the intention of sharing a thought.
I am not sure if people will spent money to buy a book i wrote,
but I am glad to share what I write with people who is willing to read it.
For me.
I just want to share.
Even the slightest emotion trigger by the rain.
The occasional sadness.
The lovely moon.
The baby sleeping.
The yawning dog.
The dripping tower.
The soya sauce stain on someone's sleeve.
Each has a story.
Some may be boring yet can be written charmingly given the mood.
Some are funny yet you didn't laugh.
Some are happy, so happy...I run out of words...
Some are angry but you just cannot sense my anger when u read it..
Some are sad...so sad, yet you just think it is silly of me.
While I absorb the world's happening around me like a sponge, I squeese out my thoughts with art, with colours, with shapes, and mostly with words...
I am.
I write.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
I see stars...
I see stars in the sky one night while walking home from work.
All the stars...so many.
It was a cloudless night.
All the stars...so many.
It was a cloudless night.
Wish list...
Dear Santa, I have been a good girl.
May I have..the following for christmas...
1. 120 colour Pablo artist colour pencil. (1st choice)
Or Derwent coloursoft 72 colours. (2nd choice)
2. Mac Book Pro with New Mac OS Leopard, adobe and avid. (1st choice)
Or Laptop with adobe design suite and avid. (2nd choice)
3. Canon 400D, Lens kit 2, extra batteries and 2x2GB card(1st choice)
Or Panasonic FZ18, batteries and 2x2GB card or Canon G9 or Powershot S5
4. Schmincke Artist watercolour, at least basic 15 colours(1st choice
Or Aquafine(Daler Rodney) or Cotman(winton) at least 18 colours.(2nd choice)
5. Sole lover shoes, that particular design I saw.
6. $1000 kinokuniya OR PageOne voucher.
7. The spontaneous power to keep making art.
Please.
xxxx
May I have..the following for christmas...
1. 120 colour Pablo artist colour pencil. (1st choice)
Or Derwent coloursoft 72 colours. (2nd choice)
2. Mac Book Pro with New Mac OS Leopard, adobe and avid. (1st choice)
Or Laptop with adobe design suite and avid. (2nd choice)
3. Canon 400D, Lens kit 2, extra batteries and 2x2GB card(1st choice)
Or Panasonic FZ18, batteries and 2x2GB card or Canon G9 or Powershot S5
4. Schmincke Artist watercolour, at least basic 15 colours(1st choice
Or Aquafine(Daler Rodney) or Cotman(winton) at least 18 colours.(2nd choice)
5. Sole lover shoes, that particular design I saw.
6. $1000 kinokuniya OR PageOne voucher.
7. The spontaneous power to keep making art.
Please.
xxxx
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