A review of my resolution for 2007.

New Year Resolution 2007

1. Make ART.

2. Make a website.

3. At least run two shows this year.

4. Participate in residencies and projects.

5. Save more money.

6. Start YOGA-ing.

7. Target to drop 5kg.

8. Publish my book.


Apparently...I did not do much in 2007.
Because?...look at my 2008 resolution below!
I did participate in projects but my works are not selected.
And I did nothing for my book and website.
No shows running...
I gained 5 kg instead of losing it...
Money wise...same.

Things I want to do in 2008.

1. Publish books.
2. Start a website.
3. Do some good shows
(solo or group-impt thing is so something I am proud of showing).
4. Apply for my scholarship and if I dun get it..
leave singapore and go working holiday.
5.If I get the scholarship, prepare myself to study in japan in 2009.
6.If I dun, go work holiday for a year...and study in europe for my MFA.
7.CUT MY HAIR.

Things I want to buy...always...

1.A good new laptop with all the functions I need.
2.A good camera.
3.A good sewing machine.

Personal improvements...

1. Healthy weight loss of around 5 to 10 kg.
2. Learn Yoga.
3. Read read read...more books.
4. Watch some good shows.
5.Cultivate good sleeping and eating habits.
6. Stop wasting time.

Mental improvements...

1. I hope I am able to throw away some things which I couldn't bear to throw away.
Some junks around me for years...which I should let go off...and make myself more mobile.
2. As usual, I believe I have talked less over the years. Talk less...but express more in other forms. Talk less...and do more.

What can I say...
I will be happy if i at least fulfill 50% of what I want to do.
There is one thing for sure though...something to be happy about...
What I want is still what I want.

And those are really what I want to do.
I DID NOT FICKLED AND HESITATE THIS TIME...
I KNOW WHAT I WANT!

It is a great feeling!

Never love anyone again...

2 years ago...when I was so hurt and heart broken...
I was so sure I can never love anyone again.
So sure..so sure.
Now..
No one for me to love...
Yet...I am so sure that I am capable of loving like I used to be.

so sure...so sure..
Nothing is sure under the pressure of time.
Good things and bad.

I was consoling a friend who was heartbroken...
And he reminded me of myself 2 years ago.
I ask him if he actually felt that he will never love again...
He did.

What I can say is...
You will be ok.

Time will heal.
Really...really really...
YOu will love again when u are ready.
After some many many days later...
You will be ok.

BE STRONG!

Treasure or Trash?

Every now and then, I will open my 3 boxes of treasure and check out my old stuffs.
Those 3 boxes...are boxes of stuff I sea-mail back to Singapore from Glasgow.
They are the only physical remains of my memories in Glasgow other then my photos.

I always dig out my stuff in full excitements.
Because I have long forgotten what I have sent home.
I suspect...if someone throw all of these 3 boxes away...I probably wouldn't notice any lost.
All i would register...is 3 boxes of memories..which I couldn't remember what was inside now...is GONE..
Yet, whenever I opened them...I will be amuse by all my little treasures..yet at the same time be disgusted with stuff I dun understand why I did not throw away back then..
It is always a mix feeling...
And I thought since I did not throw away then..
I simply put them back...and refuse to throw it away now..

This is what I am dealing with.
Myself.
My stubborn self.

I do not understand what I am clinging to.
Those old brochure...old paper scraps...
Old moldy clothes...
MOLDY!...

I am so determine to force myself to throw them away.
If not all...I know I cant...
At least as many.

Until I am load off of my own trash and move on.
I know I cannot fly with my luggage excess...

Yet..I want these trash to be part of my art..
I am trying...

And how?
Documentations..
Filings..

I am trying.
I really am.