We are two fish swimming in the ocean...

290605

28th june 2005

Was a lazy lazy Tuesday with the finest weather Glasgow can ever have....
And i lie on the bed forever...until I had to get up...
It was yet another bizzare day...


280605

DON"T EVER READ THIS!

I am so afraid that he will read this blog sooner or later....and came first thing in the morning wanting to remove the entire site...but i couldn't do it....part of me wanted him to know this.

This most bizzare and strangest thing happened in my life since last Friday....till now...

And i am not sure how this mess is going to end...

If you are the person i am talking about in my blog right now....
Dun read on...unless you know what you are doing...

270605

23rd june 2005

today...it is now today...i am going to meet him later in the library...
230605

22nd june 2005

It was yesterday..
It was a boring day...things seems to be back to normal...
Normal in the sense...
Left with he and i again.
I am beginning to suspect Bill is correct.
Maybe it will take a longer time to get over him...
But it will take forever to forget this person.

It was a boring day as usual...
and i went to his studio...
he was there...as usual...and we just did nothing...hanging around together...
He asked me to come in his studio...
and he showed me a chocolate muffin...
like always...most peole will forget that i dun like chocolate...and he forgets despite the fact that i have told him more than twice...
but we share it...becos i am really hungry...

while we are looking at the picture he took yesterday...
it was disasterous...becos most of the pictures are blur...
his hands were shaking...becos he was drunk yesterday...
But there was a picture of me...looking at him...
That was a picture I knew he was taking a picture of me...

We went to the library together later in the day...and sit around his studio when the lubrary closes...
we are sitting in the space...I was busy playing my rubiks cube...while he pick up my hair....(my hair is very long and they are in plaits yesterday)..he was looking...one of the plaits were lose and he start to plait them for me...while i am solving my rubiks cube...
then i look at him...at the corner of my eye...he seems to be enjoying what he is doing...

The day past...and time to go home...
He went to my space and I showed him the poster of my korean idol...
then...we walked past the glasgow film theatre where there is another poster of my korean idol again...
i told him...that is the kind of guy i like...

we parted...and he cycle off to meet his parents for dinner...
I went home...

I did not miss him after that when i reach home
...becos i have enough of him for the day already.

230605

21st june 2005

The SEA departmental party in Partick hill bowling club...
I went to the party with Danny, David and Alec...we went to buy prawn crackers...
and sausages...
He was not around for the whole day becos he went to edinburgh with his parents...
His gf went back to london this afternoon...
I was in school walking around...

I made a few new friends yesterday..mathew from photography...who is quite a cute guy..and we kept seeing each other at the basement becos his studio is just next to me...
tris another guy fom photography...whose studio is across my studio...and i always when to his studio to steal teacakes which is suppose to be for his audience...he caught me a few times...
And another guy...who is a gradute lats year and i dun noe his name...he is a part time janitor for the degree show...and he spent quite some time in my space that afternoon...and he ask me if i really hate glasgow so much...haha...then we had a nice chat at the staircase for a while...and later outside my studo...and we talk about our work...

So...i am beginning to notice other people in my world...

and..the world is still beautiful...

meanwhile...back to the story about the party...it was a nice and friendly party..becos for me...at least this is a party where i know everybody....and i am still enjoying myself chatting with a classmate...
he was not around for the whole day...but it was fine..
then after like 2 hours later...i had a missed call...
it was him...he was back from edinburgh...
and i told him the location of the party and he found his way here...
i was still happy to see him...
definitely...
but not becos i have got anymore fantasy about him...
but we have become such good friends...
he gave me a wink...from another crowd where he is "socialising'
while i chat with lindsey...
then at some point...
he ask me to go over to his side...and we talk a bit...
he took some pictures of me making funny faces...and we took some picture together...
making funny faces...
then he took pictures of me with other friends...

I tried a sip of white wine from his glass...and we share a sausage...
I am not sure if that is too intimate for friends to do that...
but i think...we are just so "friend" that we dun really mind this kind of things...
not a boy-girl relationship...but a buddy one.
I realise...I no longer feel akward...
becos I am not hoping anything to happen anymore...
I just want to enjoy a pure reliance for each other...
Just that kind of friendship between he and me.

He was quite drunk at the end of the day...
and Danny my classmate was acting funny after a few pints...
Then something really amusing and flattered...
(Danny, a classmate of mine...who came to me a few times and told me I look lovely in my dress during the degree show..)
We were sitting inside the bowling club...
He was sitting beside me...and we are talking...
Danny was sitting right opposite him...
suddenly...danny was looking at him...with a stern look...
and told him...this is between the two of them....
the two man shake hands...among his slurring...i heard my name...
something like...it is about me...
then i felt a bit embarass...and told the rest of the people sitting around the table
"I dun noe these two guys'
Then...i gave him a pat on his back...and he gave Danny a cigarette...
so...it was resolved...but i still dun noe what they had just resolved..
something regarding me...

soon...it was 12am..
The party stopped...
and everybody pack up...

"Shall we go" he said...
and we are the first to go...
Two of us...we walked out...and head for his bicycle...
i asked him if he is sober enough to ride his bicycle...
he said...he will walk with me for a while...
so we walked together...

It was chilly...
it drizzled suddenly...
We both curse the glasgow weather at the same time...
but i enjoy this moment.
we walked past kelvingrove museum...and he took a couple of picture of it with the red sky...
he took a picture of me...holding his bicycle...

We walked past a slug...and i told him about the story of me killing a snail accidentalyy when i was a kid...and i told him... i suspect will become a snail in my next life...
he said...he will remember that and the next time he sees a snail...he will noe it is me...
we are at a Y junction...but both way will reach my home...
he said...we shall walked past the most beautiful road of glasgow...becos we dun have anymore time together in the future (becos he is going back to greece soon...)

It was a nice walk...
all the walk with him is always nice...

Then..i was near my flat...it was actually also somewhere he used to lived in last year...but we never met in the past...although we almost stay in the same street...mine was at a corner...his was on the main street...he told me about the story where he was being fine by the police for throwing his trash on the wrong day...i told him...i always put my trash in the lane...we had a good luagh...
and i told him to ride carefully home...becos i know he is drunk...
I ask if he is still sober...
he said he knows what he is doing...

Then he ride away...

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20th June 2005

Today is the day...I totally get over a him.
Totally.
I was actually feeling quite calm and peaceful.
Not much stir or movements...in my heart...
Slowly...I get used to the fact that I dun have to be around or with him all the time...
after these two days where i tried my best to avoid him...and realise i am ok without him.
Then ...
I got this moment where I got to share some moments alone with HER.
His gf.
She is really a nice girl.
very sweet and frenly.
We did have a few chance to chat...
So there was this instance where i went to hie studio again in the afternoon...
I knew she will be there...
I am just bored...and he is my only few friends here...
But when i reach there...he is not around...but she is.
she invited me to his control room...and i hesitated...
she was smiling and ask if i am afraid to go in...
of cos not...i said in my heart...i have been inside for too many times...
we went in and kept very quiet when visitors come and go...to his interactive space...
we giggle at times when we see people acting funny in the space...
and she is really a very friendly girl...
Then a couple came in....speaking in greek...
and then he came back...expalining his work...
then another couple came in...they are his parents from greece.
As the both of us girls laugh at what his parents were doing...hoping and making hand gesture to play with the real time interatctive media....she told me that his parents dun seem to like her a lot...and always show a very stern face...while her parents like him a lot...
I told her to be patient and things will be better hopefully in the future...
they are together for 7 years...
it was like listening to a close friend telling me about her little secret...
she is really a very sweet girl...a very pretty one too.
then...after so much giggling we had in the control room...
He left with his parents and his parents' friends...
I sneak out of the room without them seeing me while she wait for him to go back...

I walked home smiling...
and have made up my mind to get over him...
in fact i did.
And futhermore both are my friends now...
I give them my blessing.

I hope they will be happy.
Then i will be happy.

230605

19th June...

Sent wendy to the bus-stop...
for her flight to go home...in the morning...

****

Reach school at around 2pm...went to his studio becos mine was not open yet...
saw him and her at the door...
and i told him i want to return him things...
Return him the key...
and the mp3 player that he lent me....which he says i can keep...
and a plug for the DVD player which he gave me before the assessment...
I have got loads of stuff...from him...

And he was amused...he din even remember that he lent me so many things...
and he said..."you witch!...how come I lent you so many things..."
he always call me the chinese witch...as a joke...

So i went away....

Went to his studio later a fter a few hours...
and i din see him...I knew he was behind the walls again in the control room...
she was not around as well....I knew she is inside too...

I pop my head into the space...
and then i left...
my mobile rang...twice...and had a text message...
it was him...
he saw me from his video camera from him control room...and ask me to come in...
I opened the liitle door....and i knew she was there too...
I just say...hi...and ask him if he had a lot of visitor today...

He told me...he is going to the branes today...if i want to use the internet connection in his studio there..
that old studio ...

I meet him and her after 5pm...and went there...

I always feel weird that the 3 of us walk together...like this..

but the door of the barnes cannot be accessed..becos it was sunday...
i was disappointed...and he said...he had connection at home...
I rejected his suggestion...becos it would be more akward...for me to go to his place...with the two of them...

Then i saw someone's car...
and recognise it was cecil...
he called her...
and she open the door for us...cecil is a MFA student..and had access on sunday.
We went in and plug in my laptop...

It was nice to go back to that old computer studio again...becos this is the place that build our friendship...
While she is checking her emails...
I return him the money he lent me weeks ago for paying my school fees....
i thought something should be resolved...the money...and my fantasy...
I wished him luck...and put the money i owe him in a red packet( we chinese give blessing by putting money in a red packet...)

Then...after a while...he and she left...while i stayed behind...and go back to my cyberspace...
I was enjoying moments of solitude and peace...and feeling rather happy.

about 15 minutes later...he called and ask me to open the door for him...
he came back with an ancient looking fire extinguisher...
and said he found in a burnt down house...along the way back..and he came back to put this in the studio...
she went home..i thing...
then we had another chat for a while...and he left...

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200605

Just a hug...

17th June 2005...something i alomost forget...

It happened before I saw him holding her hands...

It was almost the end of the degree show for the night and everyone is packing...to join the street party...

I ran to his space...for the last time...wanting to tell him I am going home...

She was there...

He was in his little studio...behind the walls...

I went in...and she was outside waiting...

i was there to get some of my stuff...
I left some of my stuff in his space...

Then...before i go...
I told me..." Something I forget to say...congradulations.."
And I gave him a hug...

Then I say.."see you tomolo..."
And he says"NO!...you are going to be at the party tonight..."

The street party he meant...

I promise him I am going...and said "see you later..'

I did went to the street party in the end.

As you all know...

and that was the party that broke my heart...on the 17th June 2005.

Still 18th June...

we are back from Edinburgh...
And i had to see him...

I went to his studio...
and she was there...
He was inside his studio behind the little control room...
while she is in the interactive space...
she saw me...and smile...and said...

"he was talking about you for the whole day...and say why din you come over..'

I was slightly happy...but I know she is just being polite...

I told him i went to edinburgh...and is going home soon....

****

I was outside the school after packing my laptop....and just outside the school building...I saw him and her...

walking together...holding hands...

I was walking right behind...like 10 metres away...

I search for my camera...and SHIT!...i forget to bring...

I wanted to take a picture of their backview holding hands....
Not to remember it...instead...to forget...

Becos...I am going to rememebr this scene forever becos I dun have a camera with me then...
I cannot load this image off my mind...

That scene that pinch my heart again...

I was caught in a dllemma whether to call out to him or not...

It would have beem weird to interupt becos they look like they are enjoying some little moments together...

I called out to him softly...and swallow my voice...

and just walked behind them....becos that was also my way home..

Today...he din ride a bike to school and walked home with her...that wasvery nice...

Then...

she suddenly stopped....and take pictures of a building...

while he waited...

he turn around...

AND SAW ME....

I smiled at him......and he made a hand gesture to shoot me...

I pretend to get hitted by him...

and we laugh...then his gf saw me...

we are like 10 metres apart then...

I join their walk...which i feel a bit bad...becos I interupted their moment...

and the walking position is funny...

I was talking to him....and walked on his side...while his gf was slightly between and behind us...
Then i realise that and feel bad...so...i widen the gap between us...so that she can come in between...
becos I am really shouldn't be the one standing beside him...
Then I end up talking to him..with her standing betwwen us...
I asked him....if his studio back in the barnes building is empty now..
" Did you want the key?...and he took out his key...
and he was tempting me with his key...
He gave me the key...

Then she stopped and took pictures again...and I walked with him further down...and he told me we dun have to be inschool early...becos studio is open at 2pm tomolo...we are smiling...and his girfren came over...and asked why are we laughing so happily...we told her about my retarded discovery...

We parted at the junction...and said good bye...smiling at him...and his gf.




*****

Backed at home....

I spent the whole night watching korean movie...

I was slightly feeling better becos my attention was slighty diverted to be in love with the drama...

Until the next morning...I have realise something...

All the while...it was a misunderstanding of gesture...

I mistook his gesture of friendship for love.

He is still very nice to me...in front of his girlfren...and he never did look akward...

I was more like a buddy to him...

200605

18th June 2005...

I survive...
I went to Edinburgh with Wendy today...

I was walking with her to the train station....while we walk past all the shops...
walking pass Greggs bakery...and I told her...

"This is the Greggs that he always buy the scones..."

Then walking pass another Greggs...I told her...

"This was the Greggs...he bought the chicken Mayo sandwich..."

At the train station....wendy went to WHS to buy some drinks...
I told her I just want water...
And she says it is cheaper to buy the fizzy drinks...
and she bought FANTA Orange...
She ask if it was ok...
I actually do like it...
Then I told her on the train...

"FANTA orange is his favourite drink..."

We went to Edinburgh...and head for the old town...and I told her...

" He mentioned that he is planning to stay in the old town next year..."

We went to a quilt making factory...and wendy made a copper lucky penny...with a machine...and i told her...

"He had a similar one which says.."my lucky penny"...he showed me before..."

Walked pass a street market...selling jewellery...saw some toe ring...and told her...

"he likes to play with my toe rings..."

Aye...everything today is about him.

It was not wendy's fault...thay just happen...and they happen so cruelly.

I always believe things happen for a reason...

They happened...because my heart is broken...

That was on 18th June 2005

200605

Again...17th June 2005...

Heartbroken...

I went home with wendy...
I am not sure if it is something good to have a best friend around while I am feeling sad...
Becos...i will usually pretend that I am fine...
so as not to worry them...

We went home..and i called JM...my friend in Manchester...who is a secondary classmate of wendy...

I was sobbing to him that i was heartbroken...

Both wendy and Jm concluded that...I AM NOT...becos I was NOT EVEN A THIRD PARTY...

Then...Jm did the most funny thing he had ever did...

He said..." Chyiyun...there is something very cruel I want to tell you..."

I said.." Yah...say.."

He said..." I am heartbroken as well...becos....my mobile phone bill is £4.80 now...talking to you like this..."

He is a cheapskate just like me...

I burst into laughter becos I know he is not joking....

And wendy was laughing too....

*****

Late at night...Wendy fell asleep...
I sat on my bed...and think of a lot of things...
I sent text message to yahui my another best fren in singapore and told her I am heartbroken...
and appeal for her to sent me some love...

I am heartbroken...i really am.

that night...it was 3am...18th June already...
I manage to survive till the next day...with my bleeding heart...

200605

Still 17th of June 2005

While he was holding her hand and i walked behind...we met Heather my best fren in school...
She asked him to introduce her...
And i was standing beside looking at them...
he look so affectionate when he introduce her...
I walked away...

I went back to wendy...

She was waiting for me in the crowd...

I was so sad by then...but i wanted to see him for the last time.

I know i am not sensible anymore...

I called him and ask where is he...

And he told me he was near the Vic bar...i went there and he was at a corner...with her...
I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME OVER...
I walked towards them...
and he said the most hurting words i have heard from him...
"I shall be a gentleman today and let you sit on my jacket..."
And he lay his jacket on the floor and let me sit on it...at one side of the corner...
I was touched...but hurt too..and said jokingly..."yah...and the rest of the days...you are a bastard.."
while he sat with his gf...at the other side...

It was the next hurtful moments...after the hand holding episode...
Becos...I felt like an intruder...
someone extra....
someone...who shouldn't be there at all...

I asked him if he is still angry with that drunk woman...
and he said..." Chyi Yun...why din you help me...We can beat them up together..."(something like that...)
I smile....

We sat there for a while...while he took pictures of the crowd in front with his gf's camera....
while i was holding on to his camera and took pictures of him..and his gf...
he showed the pics to his gf on his right...
and turn to his left to show me...
I was surprise...but slightly feeling confused...

Then...I stood up..and said i am leaving...becos my friend, wendy who fly over from singapore to see me is waiting for me...
They also stood up and plan to leave...
He wanted to take his jacket...and I pick that up instead...and say this to him...
"I will be a gentle lady today...to put this on for you..."
he replied..."and the rest of the days you are a bastard.."
I replied .."yah.." ..and pretend to strangle him......

Then...while we walked out of the corner...
someone on the way stopped us...
our classmate alison..and ask him to introduce her...
he did..and my classmates asked...."Is she your girlfren?"
And SHE NODDED HER HEAD...
I couldn't remember what was his replied...
becos I was already walking away...when I heard alison ask this..and by the time i turn my head and wanted to look at his expression...HER NOD caught me...but i think i heard him admitting it...but i forget what he says...

One more thing to add to the confirmation...which convince me...I have been fantasizing all the while...
It was all my colorful imagination of this world....
Things really did happened...but not the way I thought they meant to be...
All was just a silly girl's fantasy...
My silly single-minded, one-sided...love story.

It was shattered into a million,billion...trillion pieces...
My heart...that is.
This happened on the 17th June 2005



200605

The Ultimate Heartbreaker...17th June 2005

Friday...
There was a street party for the degree show...I was standing near him...
as well as his girlfriend...
then someone spill beer on him...and his beloved newly bought camera...
his girlfriend quickly found a piece of cloth and help him to wipe his camera...
while me...I dun have anything accept for my dress...haha
I stood there and watch becos i am in no position to show my concern...
if you know what i mean...who am I to be so anxious about him...
he look angry...becos the beer was spilled over him by a drunk girl...who did it on purpose and is still laughing...
and did not apologise...
he was almost going to start a fight while his girlfriend was helping him to dry his camera...and calming him down...
yet...he looked angry...and he gave me a glance...I look back...with a look that says..."dun do it"...
Then...after a while...a man came over and apologise on behalf of the girl...
Then the three of us...his gf, him amd me...left that spot for some other place...I knew she was his gf...but I need a confirm gesture to utterly convince me...
And that was it...we left the spot with him holding her hands...
and me...walking right behind them...

I am utterly convince.
That was 17th June 2005

The introduction...

He introduce a very sweet girl to me on Thursday...
I have the gut feeling that she is the person I mosted wanted to see.
His girlfriend.
He did not mention that she is...but I can feel it.

That was on 16th June 2005.

200605

15th june 2005

Met him in the afternoon...becos of the camera deal...
He was absolutely delighted.

Two days ago...I asked him if i can get a commsion out of this transaction...

and he said What do you want?"

I told him..."Chiken mayo sandwich..."

He replied.." Just that?"

And I continued.." for a life time.."

He said..." we will discuss about that..."

I know it is a ridiculous request...which he will not grant me.

We said "see you later" to each other to go to the opening for the MFA show...but I din go...
becos Wendy my best fren is here...and i stayed home to cooked her dinner.
I am too lazy to go as well...just too lazy...

That was wednesday...


200605

14th June 2005

That was the happiest day I had In Glasgow.
Happiest...
That was the day i did almost absolutely nothing but is with him for the whole day.
As if I am not with him everyday for the past 5 weeks...
Still in Ailsa's caravan most of the time...

My toes ring...
The steps on the main hall...
The steps outside Aiilsa's caravan...
The bluff game...

Sorry...I dun feel like elaborating what happened...too sad to.
But I will rememeber them.

200605

13th June 2005

We went back to school after coming back from the camera shop...
and head for the library to go online...then Bax called...
and I logged off...before i go...I told "him" I had to run...

Just outside the mac building...I met Bax...and we went off together for tea...
On the way walking past the library...he walked past us across the street...and i waved at him...
He gave me a weird smile...

But after having tea with Bax,...I went back to school and called him...asking him where is he...
but is too lazy to go over and find him..I stayed at Ailsa's caravan...and had a nice cup of tea...
and text him telling him..I am too lazy.

He come over later...and we spent some nice lazy afternoon in her caravan...

That was 13th june 2005

Canon 300D

He wanted a camera so badly...
While a friend of mine had one.
I went to second handed camera shop with him on monday...
He was riding his bicyle and i walked...as usual.
He bought me a chicken mayo sandwich on the way...
We finally reached there but he was disappointed that the shop did not have the model he wanted.
I asked him how disappointed is he...and estimated the disappointed level by making a distance between my hands...
he said..."a bit more.."
And i told him...not to be ...
He was so desperate...and he ask me to call Gerard to ask him if he is willing to sell his.
I showed him Gerards camera the week before..and he is so excited about it...
And surprise surprise....Gerard is willing to sell his.

But..we need to wait for him to come back from Edinburgh...

So we went back to school...while I am meeting Bax at 1pm.

This happened on 13th June 2005.

Herald says...

A review on Glasgow School of Art degree show 2005...

http://www.theherald.co.uk/features/41355.html

Which mentioned my work with a paragraph...
But they spelled my name wrongly...as usual...
The people here never spell my name correctly.

190605

"Not At Home"...Degree show 2005 Glasgow School of Art. 

Ah...

A little disapointed...but I got a 2-2.
Which is good enuff...
but I am hoping for a 2-1.
Anyway....2-2 is good enuff.
really.

160605

And the result is...

5 minutes to results...there is already a queue outside the office...i better go queue up!...

160605

The most beautiful road in glasgow

We are walking along the most beauitful road in glasgow last thursday...at around 12 midnight...just the two of us...quietly....and i will never forget...SHIT!!!...as i was typing this line...he came over and see this...

140605

Bicycle story...

This happens weeks ago...
But I think...I have the responsibility to fill up the gap...

There are a couple of occassions when we travel a little distance on the same route before we part on our way home....he was on his bicycle...I was on foot.
He will always ride slowly...so that as he ride and i walked...we will chat...
i couldn't rememeber when was the first time...but I remember asking him weeks ago...

"Can your bicycle take two?"

I remember his reply was a quick one.."Nope."

i didn't probe.

Then on and off...whenever we are in this similiar situation when he is on his bike and I walking beside him...
I will ask the same question...

For the second time...

His answer is "nope."

For the third...

I asked...

"can your bicycle take two?..."

"Nope"..he says...

And i probe..."can you try..?"

"nope"..he says...with a smile.

Then he said...he is going to fix a basket in front of his bicycle...so that he can put his bag in it....
I told him...he should fix a "tray" at the back of the bicycle instead...

and he said..."can..but why at the back?"

I told him...so that i can sit behind...

He smile.

But he never said anything.

I know I have never been more straight forward in my life...

I thought I am obvious enough...

anyway...

as time goes by...

This question...that i always ask...is really just a silly attempt...

so one night....as we are on our way home...again...along renfew street...

I told him...

" I know this is a stupid question...becos I already know the answer...but I am always tempted to ask...can your bicycle take two?"

This time...

He smile...giving the same answer..."nope...."

but he didn't stop there....

he continues..."but keep trying..."

Sometimes...I dun noe if i should laugh or cry to his answer...
Is he stupid...or he is stupid?
Or maybe the person who really is dumb...is me.

130605

I just don't know what to do with myself...

I think I am confused.
First of all...I am not so sure now if he really has a gf...
or maybe he did have one...

But...he never mention to me about the existence of a "her" at all...
all the while.

I presume...or maybe I hope...
I have made a mistake.
But...I have been thinking...
regardless...
he is leaving...
I am leaving...
nothing can happen...
how sad.

Just cherish the moment....
and remember...

That is all I can do...really.
Really.
I just don't know what to do with myself now...

100605

The sun...

Makes you feels lazy...and want to do nothing...
indeed...but the rain has the same effect...
In fact...everything...and anything makes me feel lazy nowadays...
Lazy...

100605

It doesn't matter anymore...

Yesterday...

we went to the westend accidentally together....
and he brought me to a tea house...
and we had tea...
and we chat...
and we stayed until the place closes...
and we went to have supper...
in the restaurant i used to worked in...
stayed until 2am...

woke up this morning...go to school...
realise that he din wake up again...and called hm...
meet him in school...
go to have tea in another teahouse...
and had lunch...
stay around the school all day doing nothing...
sitting under the sun...

I thought...
even if he do have a girlfriend...
I really dun care now...
if we are friends...
we are friends...
it doesn't matter if he has a girlfriend.

it doesn't matter anymore.

100605

he has got a girlfriend...

I am totally heartbroken to realise that...he might have a girlfriend...
That was a few days ago...

100605

Confused.

So the one great news is that I have done something I have always wanted to do...and did a great job out of it...and is very happy.
Completely satisfied.

The bad news is...

whenever there is a good news...there is a bad.

and the bad news is...

i'll leave the bad news next time....it's a long story.

Really bad.


080605

This is heaven.

I finish...at half nine today. IN TIME!
the researches and documentationa are really crappy...
But my major submission....is what i would describe as...

MY BEST WORK EVER!!!

so far.

COMPLETELY SATISFIED!

Something I always wanted to do...and I am glad i did it.
Had to thank a lot of people for giving me support.

Just a minor statistic...

I have spent more than £20 pounds on bluetacks for my show....
which is $60 singdollars...how much i wonder i can buy bluetack in singapore with that money...
This is insane!

anyway....

Everybody's work is EXCELLENCE!

I would say...this year...our batch of sculpture and environmental art has been the best batch!

The happy thing is also....a few lecturer came over and said to me I did a great job...

maybe they said this to everyone...

Alright...I know this posting is very unfocus...bits and pieces of news...without a main topic...
becos there is so much to say so smuch so much!!!!

This is heaven...
on earth now...

080605

Aimi...the best helper.

First of all...I would like to thank my helper Aimi. She is the best!....she helps me to finish my work in time.
She also made a lot of interesting comments along the way...such as...
" If you had thrown all these away...we dun have to do so many things..."
"What are you going to do with all these stuff when the show is over?"
"What!!...you are going to send them home??!!!"
"you know what?!...if you are sending them home...i will not help you anymore!!!"

Hahaha...she is so cute...I know she is traumatise especially when she found a chunk of my hair in a bag...
anyway...i feel bad that I made she climb up and down to help me...

She is the best!

080605

Dead Tired.

I am.
Woke up in the morning...send my stuff to the studio....
Ask the Taxi driver to be my sponsor...as in not paying but send him an invite for my degree show...invite him as sponsor...and put his cab number or contact number on my wall...so that if people wants a cab...they will call him.
But he rejected.

Anyway...i tired...
then after stuggling to transport my stuff to the space...
I had to carry them to the space.
Then...load them...
went to the wood workshop and carry my woood...
Then went to hardware store to buy brackets...
then go back to studio to paint walls...
then go and get rollers for paints...
run around looking for fillers to patch walls full of holes...
tired...

run around for the whole day...
and when I am force to leave the space...
I am back to the studio...to type this posting...

Plus I am hungry and tired...
but i not too bad...because he is around.

I am just tired...
Too tired to be worry or panic.
Just too tired.

Good night...
Everybody.

By the way...How come nowadays I dun see comments on my blog...
everybody getting bored?
or me...getting boring?

anyway...good night..

ZZzzzZZzZzzz...

030605

Title blogging...

Ah...too busy...millions to write...but trillions to do...
so I shall speed blogging by putting up the titles to remind myself and fill up the content when i have time.

1. "No...but keep trying."
2. Kungfu fighting.
3. She is not threatening anymore I wonder why.
4. "Good for you...good for the kids"
5. Bitch vs Bastard reconcilation.
6. Throw away my paintings.
7. we are going to have dinner in asian style but we are too tired.
8. 6 days to heaven.
9. How to you turn down the volume...?...why dun you ask me?
10. "you need an administartor for ur laptop"
11. "you are hired...but how much?....student discount?...99%!...nah...98 maybe..."
12. ebay spoof...
13. His birthday.
14. His father and my father.
15. More kungfu fighting.

Ok...so much to write....

020605

Tanya

This blog is dedicated to her.
I used to think that this lecturer of mine dun like me.
Maybe becos I thought she feels that i am a lazy student who is never in school.
Or somehow...I felt weird when I see her...or maybe guilty.
Becos I am really not in school most of the time for the past one and a half year...
Recently, since i have semi-moved into this "new" studio space...she sees me everyday.
Becos the corridor is out side her office.
And whenever she walked past recently, she will make comments like..."you two are going to have square eyes...."

Or..."dun stay too late"...
Suddenly I felt that she is a compassionate lecturer in a way.
Maybe i have wronged her...
Or even if she dun like me....
she is still a concern lecturer...
Yesterday...she walked past the corridor again...
and she come to me and hold my face with her hands and say...
"let me look at you sha...and see if you are still alive..."
ah...I almost burst into laughter...
and feels touched...she cares.
And she left telling us not to stay too late again...and
she said the ultimate statement which makes us all burst into laughter...



she says...

"We know you guys have been surviving on cakes for weeks..dun think we can't see that."

We laugh...

she knows.

This morning...there was a new packet of scones on the table...and she walked past again saying...

"new cakes?"

Ah...isn't she sacarstic...in a concern way

Thanks.

010605

"what are we gonna do?"

I was here early...to rush a last minute editing for my postcard design...
Sit down and start my laptop....in his studio...which is now...also mine.

Then he asked me this question suddenly.
"what are we gonna do?"

I thought he meant the degree show.
I was puzzled.
I thought he is quite ready for that...as far as I can remember.

"I thought you already know what to do..."...I replied.

"No...what are we gonna do..?...we."he said.

"we?....do wat?"I asked back...

Then there was a silence...we went back to our work...on our own computers.
But...I cannot concentrate at all...
I dun noe what he is trying to say...
I felt like bashing him up.

310505

Round 1...FIGHT!

Round 1.

She stayed.
On and on.
Just sit there and chat...look at him work...
I just had to keep quiet and do my work.
She wins.

Round 2.

Still there.
I send him MSN...
Tell him I am tired and hungry and is going home.
He was laughing...
She got no idea who is he MSNing initially...
but she is staring at his monitor while he type.
Then she turn and look at my laptop.
I hope she did made a connection and realise it was me.
Even if she din...
I win.


Round 3.(final round for the day)

I MSN him..becos I have decided to go home.
Becos it is painful to stay on with her around.
Not the first time...if you have read my previous post.
I packed my bags...and left.
She wins...
Becos I let her.

Hence...I went home broken hearted.
Not really feeling too sad...but a little...
weak.
Weak at heart.
Like I have used up all my energy to love somebody.
And...al these...can be wasted.
BEcos she might be his girlfren.
I never asked him.
It is silly.
He never said anything.

Maybe...I had been imaging again.
No one taught me how to fold a paper aeroplane...
No one was by the EMA door..calling out my name...
No one was throwing Shuriken at me...
No one buy me rasin scone...
No one buys me kinder bueno wafer...
No one was in the studio with me...
No one went shopping with me in Sainsbury...

I am just imaging.

I went home with a confused mind.

310505

This is the image I hand in for my degree show postcard...I believe I've made my point clear.
Title of my work is confirmed. Not at home.