The walk....alone.

Walked pass that door again...as usual every monring...around the same time....and saw the same 2 kids...lighting up their cigarettes...not a deja vu....unless it is a glitch in the matrix....or else...it means they smoke there every other day....at around 10.14am....I caught them again...this time...they din see me....wat a depressing sight to start with for the morning...seeing 2 kids ruining themselves before they grew up...and next...i walked pass a wine glass with left over red wine in it stand upright....on the walking pavement beside the road???!!...how bizzare....must be something a drunkard left yesterday night....becos it was not there when i walk home yesterday....another depressing sight....and then...was the rain...at least...that was the most comforting thing that happens today...becos it soothes my thought and make the air crisp enuff to let me think better...every little drizzle...though they fall on my umbrella and not on me....I can feel the tiniest vibration...that is pass thru the handle of the brolly...that sensitive...I am...in this gloomy morning.

I always like the 30 minutes walk to and fro school....along whichever way i took to school...but this route...is especially nice...I will rewind...and follow up wat happen yesterday when i go to school....and unwind...and throw away wat happen before i reach home...for example yesterday...when i walk home...I was recapping the conversation or should i say the quarrel had wif my bro online...mumbling like a lunatic...wat happen in the studio...my entire day...run thru...wat i have say for the day...and think about what should have done and not done today....updating what kind of things that i might have done ...in my mind...think about a joke i had for the day if i had...and sing the song that i had been playing on my window media playlist for the day that most affect me...while walking home alone yesterday.......and so..i am singing this song from the soundtrack of the movie...ONe Fine day...din have the title...but noes ...is track 11....and sum up the feeling for the day...then throw away everything...and reach home empty. I need to do this...I like this. I love this kind of walk alone...very meditative.

190505

Bitch vs Bastard

My apology for the strong language used...and parental guidance is adviced for the below conversation....

BLUE is my brother
Red is ME.

everything will be move to thailand

I SAY NO!
NO MEANS NO!

least it cheaper when you need to move back
well
it is already settle
you are not in singapore
i will go back if i must
movbe all your stuff here

I have already say that

you slove from THAILAND
so

and everybody agree
so my stuff is my stuff

i need to do what is BEST for the family now
NOT what you think you want

like wat

easy for you to say when you so far away

just move stuff to a room
that is all

and only use mouth to say

yah
you also use mouth wat

move mean need MONEY
need man power
need people to move your stuff
need CAR
need transport
yout hink what

Blah blah blah.....

moving your stuff to thailand is PAID for
your stuff will be in THAILAND

NO

too bad
we BOOKED a mover
it is not for you to decide
is one price

I WANT IT TO BE IN SINGAPORE!¬

then you be back in singapore by june 10th
if not
it will be move to thailand

NO

you creating more problem then is it now
now we got a MOVER to handle all

you are the only one who say it is a problem
ONLY YOU
that means
you are the problem

mother also agree with me

yah
since when
since when?:

i talk to her

when?
tell me?
now?

yesterday

yesterday?
I was talking to her less than an hour
online
she say ok(that I move my stuff to wendy's place)

i will move yout stuff here

no
soprry

i will not change my mind

mee too

unless with better reason
too bad

too bad for you as well

you not in singapore

yah
so
-
meaning

I SAY NO MEAN NO
NO
i move you also LAN LAN
so
hahaha
you can say
i still move
try
i will
-
we will move as one
you are part of the family
final
not a stand alone unit
when you back
means final
you choose what you want
it is decided
i don't care
so
you can sya what you want
and i want it in sg
but you only say and you think about yourself only
i will burn all your stuff if i need too
i don't care about your stuff really
trust me
i don't give a damn about it at all
- you creating trouble for QC and the family
- you think QC happy to move for you
- he just trying to be your brother
so stop creating trouble
we MOVE AS ONE
you ask your friends to come help
you ask your GOOD friend your kinda friendship to come MOVE
not QC
NOT FATHER
NOT MOTHER
you spoil brad
- you are the last i care about NOW
can't you see the family is having enough trouble already
can't you GROW up
you happy when father and mother become more sick
you happy creating move trouble
then we have now
you better wake up your idea
is not about what YOU WANT NOW
is wwhat is BEST For the FAMILY
we MOVing to THAILAND
THAT IS FINAL !!!!
not what you say
good bye
you not happy about thailand you joly well LEAVE
since you say i got nothing tro say
i don't care really
i will not say
buty
but
i will still do what i want
bye
you don't say all this shit when you far away
yep
you do what you want
yah..like you always do
but i say liao
you stuff will be move to THAILAND no mater how much NOISE and shit you want to MAKE
then you come THAILAND slove your problem
-
not say all kinda thing when you not helping abit
GROW UP !!!
all this education only make you a fucking bitch !!!
bastard.. you scold me
yes i am
i am saying so as your brother
yah...i can see that
you can choose to ignore it
no point agreeing
or aguing
i tired to talk to you liao
me too
no point

you know life is not about yourself
is about your family and your history


blah blah blah.....

and you shut up ok

i will do what is BEST for the family
WHEN NEEDED
you win lor
i lose
but my stuff stay
that is
nobody win
i am selffish
we trying to slove problem
i am bad
not create more
i am idoit
i am stupid
but my stuff stay
you are being childish now
stay stay stay
yah
- your choise for yout tsuff to stay is
i am childish
i am
yeah
you arrange someone to move yourself
ok
-
but
when the time come
if we think is not BEST for the family
it will still be MOVE to thailand

watever
watever
watever

you want to break off from the family (look at this bastard!!!!he is putting words in my mouth...it is just about leaving my stuff in singapore...and he said I am breaking off with the family!!!!! SICK!)

you are not the p[erson to have the final say
you are not the perosn
or chosoe what ever way youw ant to lIVE
i don't care
yah
you dun care
i dun care too
yep i don't care
too bad for me
too bad for you
if you don't care
so
that is it
end of conversion
i am sure you don't care what i do with your stuff also (SEE!!! he is threatening me!!!!)
you can save ur typing
tell QC and mum
anyway your powerful speech have no effect on me
watever
yah
- well i am just telling you
as if yours have to me
your speech has no power on me too
tell me lor
i dun care
i dun care
i am tired of your childish act
yah
me too
so good bye

go be what ever you want and if possible create less truoble
stop wasting each others time
ohh...
i never create trouble
do visit mother when you got time
as far as i can remember
she do miss you
I din say I won see anybody
we will see who is a better Child
dun have to say anything lah
you are lor
i am a bad child mah
you sya that yourself
i am not interested to compete with you
you are good
and responsible for the family lor
i am bad and wilful
you become so childish from your education
i am sorry for you
yah
bye now
bye

blah blah blah....and he continue to say the most ridiculous assumption and accusation which is groundless and full of imagination....even after saying bye....

MUM!!!...HeLP ME!!!....SLAP THAT BASTARD FOR ME!!!...I admit I am childish...but look at him.......he is no better...and such a BIG BULLY...authoritative and no room for discussion....he is assuming things like if i dun move my stuff to thailand means i am dissowning my family????!!!...as if if i dun move my stuff to thailand...I am disowning my mum????!!! and even assume that I will never see my family again???!!!...with that statement that BOILS MY BLOOD...he said...."Do visit mother when you got time...she do miss you"......I am on absolute good terms with my mum...and he sound as if I am a horrible disowning family spoil brat who runs away from home and never going to see my mum again....??!!!??...wat is his problem??

And lastly...I would like to apologise to my mum for calling his son a bastard...becos it is actually scolding my mum...but i cannot find a better word to spit him with than this...unfortunately...it implicates my mum....and well...he is lucky enuff that he scolds me a bitch ...and that would only mean he is insulting my kids....(son of the bitch)...watever...my mum must be having a headache now...becos her 2 kids are having a silly dispute...and the silliest thing is....neither both of us in sinagpore now...he is in thailand...and I am in scotland....and...the above conversation is an abstract from our MSN.....

I would just like to highlight...the strongest word I choose to use today is not BAstard which is like asshole or idoit...just about calling names...well if he dun scold me first...I wont scold him.........but.."YOu shut up!"...that is the rudest...to me...hence the rudest...for me today to use this actually.

Sorry mum...hope it doesn't worry you too much...you should be too used to the fact that the two of us quarrel isn't it...not the first...and not the last....as usual.

180505