Paper aeroplane...

I was folding a lame looking tiny paper aeroplane...with some rough paper on the table...
and he said," you dun noe how to make a paper aeroplane..?"
yah...I dun noe...I never noe how to make a proper-can-fly paper aeroplane...
It is a very boy thing....or maybe i did noe how to...but I forget.
And he showed me.
We had a piece of paper each...and we fold one each.

"like dat...like this...and you fold like dat...turn...and fold like this...."

And I did it....he said the trick is...to have a balance paper plane..so that it will fly very far away...

Fly it in the corridor against each other..
...and thought it was fun...

Then he said," Come...let's go to the top floor...!"

"Huh?"

we ran to the lift...

3rd floor...

He forgot to lock his studio...And said..."I hope no one will steal our computer..."
we smile naughtily...as we wait for the door of the lift to open...

3rd floor...

we turn left..MFA studio...and no one is inside...

but...from there...the paper plane will only fly within the building...

and i told him..."let's go to the other side...so that the plane will fly past the road...
we did.

we open a studio window...and at my count to 3...

"One..."

"two...."

"three..."

Two paper aeroplane...

fly....

and landed...

on the road...

we had a little giggle...and went back to our studio..

And that is the happiest thing today.

220505

I was finally back to school at 4pm...

Went in by the back door becos it is sunday and the main door is shut early...
First person I see is him...becos his studio is near the back door..him..and someone else...

I just died.

But 5 minutes later...I went back to his studio...sit down and plug in....
he suddenly say my name...

not Sha...my chinese name...

he ask me how am I today...

and I was alive again.

220505

"You BETRAYED TESCO for him...!!!"

I shall die without any regrets as I have realise how many soulmates I've actually got...LW..actually had a very close to my heart response when I told her I went to Sainsbury yesterday with him....she exclaimed in MSN..." YOu betrayed Tesco for him!!"...I was like...I have never tell anyone how faithful I am to Tesco...and she can actually feel that and say that aloud for me....

Ah...yes....sorry my beloved TESCO. I should never have gone to Sainsbury yesterday...please forgive me...but but....becos you are too far away...

The story begins with my almost empty frigde.
It is going to be empty and hence the need to fill it up.
His as well.
The both of us has been working really hard these days that we are both totally exhausted by the time we reach home and eat up all our supplies...and hence...his fridge and my fridge are empty at the same time. His fridge is not my fridge in case some of you raise an eyebrow.
Anyway...and so...yesterday...a nice Friday...
while we are still in the studio...he suddenly said this to me

"Sha, I am going to leave in a while...is that ok for you?"

Of cos...this is his space.

But I can't help but to ask why?....expecting an answer like..."oh I am going for a drink with friends??...or..i am meeting some friends...or blah blah..."

But no.

He said, " I need to go Sainsbury.."

I replied,"Huh..I need to go do grocery as well...my fridge is absolutely (or almost) empty..."..I am not lying....I really intend to go Tesco this evening even if he is not leaving...i will.

"me too..my fridge is empty too!"...he said.

But his destination is Sainsbury.

For the benefit of my Singaporean friends...
Tesco is like NTUC and Sainsbury is like Cold Storage.

And so...without saying "OK let's do shopping together"...we automatically assume we are going to do that together...but the question is NTUC or Cold Storage...er...I mean Tesco or Sainsbury.

So when it comes to the part when we are both walking towards the city...I ask him...which Sainsbury...?

Becos there are 2...One is a express small one with a steeper price...and the other is a larger one witha friendier price plus with some good discount occassionally...the xpress Sainsbury is 5 minutes walk from school....the larger Sainsbury is 15 minutes walk....and...TESCO...is 25 minute away....

He said...this one...meaning the 5 minute one...
ah...should have known...guys are like dat..they are not particular about price...they just want convenient...I guess..

I plead...."Can we go to Tesco?....

"Nope."....he said.

"Why?"...I asked.

"becos it is too far away....and I am going to take a cab home...it will cost more...", he replied.

Ah..this is the most logical answer becos even me will feel the pinch...taking a cab.

So I forgive him...we go Sainsbury...

But but...

So I ask him again..."Can we go to the big Sainsbury instead of the small one"

"Which big one?"..

"The one Soren and Sandy went to...."

"Ah..that one...mmm..."
Thinking for more than 2 seconds...he replied..."OK."

And so....I betrayed my beloved TESCO...and went to Sainsbury yesterday...
not too bad actually...got a bargin discounted Golden delicious apple for only £0.20!!!
and some usual stuff I would buy usually in Sainsbury...I mean..i do have stuff that I would only buy in Sainsbury...but most of my favorite stuff are from Tesco...but I did grab some essentials from Sainsbury...and observe what is in his shopping basket...and felt rather please.

His shopping list:

Tomatoes
Rice
paisley
canned plum tomatoes
rice
onions
one small bottle of Fanta orange
Lamb mince
chicken
toilet rolls
mushrooms
cheese

blah blah...couldn't remember all...as I am shopping myself as well...

I only bought

Golden delicious apple
Ham
Chinese leaf
rice
sweet potatoes


And yah...end of shopping...we took a cab...
he drop me off somewhere near the school so that I walk home myself...while his cab goes to a different direction.

That's all.


210505

If i win the £29 Million Lottery...

I will...


1. Go buy that pair of shoes.
2. Buy an air ticket home for 3 days...and bring back some stuff for my degree show.
3. Go do laundry in that laundry shop.
4. Go have a nice dinner in a nice restaurant.
5. Take a cab to Tesco.

Wait wait Wait a minute...!!!!! £29 Million...not £290 ...

One more time...

I will...

1. Go to that shoe shop and get that shoe in all colors of my size...and a couple of few more I rather fancy...
2. Buy air tix for my family to see my degree show...ask them to bring me my stuff.
3. Buy a washing machine.
4. Go to a posh restaurant and have nice dinner.
5. Get my housekeeper to buy the Grocery.


wait..!...still not right ...£29 Million...

Again..

1. Go shopping and buy anything...NOT ONLY THE SHOES.
2. Just anyhow graduate and buy air tixs to GO FOR A LONG HOLIDAY.
3. Throw all my laundry...and buy things whenever I want.
4. WHo cares about posh dinner...I will ask my chef to cook.
5. Grocery???!!...not something that should bother me...someone will take care of it.

Is that how a millionaire should behave I wonder...if that is so...i dun think i like the whole of it.
Maybe for a while...it is nice...but...if i am really DAMN rich suddenly.
I just want to relax and do nothing....barefooted...lying somewhere warm and nice...read a book or a magazine.....ah...nice....maybe have a personal art studio...and a study room for me to write some nice books...I love writing as much as making art....and and....now i am really enjoying...

of cos....only if...i win the £29 Million lottery....

Hohoho....I am dreaming again.
Nice dreaming.

210505

One last article...for the day ..I promise...

LAst last!!!...I promise...

The typical cycle of a person suffering from OCD.

Obsessions cause anxiety, causing the sufferer to engage in compulsions in an attempt to aleviate the distress caused by the obsessions. In order to gain relief. Carrying out these compulsions, or rituals, does not result in any permanent change, and in fact, the OC symptoms worsen.

Relief ---->Obsession ----> Anxiety ----> Compulsions -----> Relief----->


200505

An OCD Story

A man can't bear to throw anything away. Junk mail, old newspapers, empty milk cartons all "could contain something valuable that might be useful someday." If he throws things away, "something terrible will happen."
He hoards so much clutter that he can no longer walk thru his house. Insisting that nothing be thrown away, he moves to another house where he continues to hoard.

Sounds like me...move to another country...and continues to hoard...

OK!!!...this is the last OCD news of the DAY!

LAST!

200505

Ahh...sorry folks...

To bore you all with my another OCD...
Obessive compulsive disorder to find out if I am really an OCD....and bombard everyone with rubbish info I find online....about OCD...
Forgive me.
I just need to assure myself...OH NO!!!...another type of OCD..."need to repeatedly assure myself of something"...
If this goes on...I will be crazy...as if I am not now.

watever...couldn't be bother anymore...yawn...

200505...

Similiar definition

Hoarding symtoms-

Reluctance to throw things away, regardless of the value or usefulness.
Rummaging through garbage to ensure nothing valuable was thrown away. Collecting useless items.

200505

More about OCD...

Facts: blue is the fact...red is my comment.

OCD is a medical illness recognized by experts throughout the world.
OCD is the fourth most common mental illness and affects approximately 5 million people in the United States.
People with OCD are not "crazy", although they may sometimes feel that way because they are troubled by thoughts and actions that they know are inappropriate. (I dun think I am crazy..)
People with OCD are often anxious and depressed. (It is a known fact that I have cyclical depression which I enjoy...strangely)
People with OCD often believe they are the only ones who have irrational, obsessive thoughts, and are therefore often ashamed and afraid to tell anyone or to seek help. (I am not ashame of it..in fact I quite like the idea that I am not too normal...and I tell everyone..!!)
Diagnosis is delayed until these symptoms are "unmasked". (this is true...I din realise that...before)
Having OCD is not a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower in stopping the thoughts and behaviors. (Agree)
Although the exact cause is not known, experts believe that OCD may be caused by low levels of a chemical in the brain called serotonin. (If that is the case...I might not be suffering from OCD...I have got good amount of serotonin....and eat healthily...of cos...the exact cause is not known)
OCD is a treatable disease, and effective medications and therapy techniques are available.
Sufferers can get better if they seek help and get the appropriate treatment.

http://www.diagnose-me.com/cond/C167910.html#G744

200505

So many type of OCD....what a crazy world...we are living in...

There are actually all kinds of OCD in this weird weird world...and i am beginning to suspect everybody has their own little obsession....

mine is this...

Hoarding, Saving, and Collecting Obsessions
(Examples)
*Urge to know or remember certain things-slogans, license plate numbers, names, words, events of the past (70%)
*Picking up items from the ground (60%)
*Filling empty space (60%)..er..more like cannot stand a place which is too empty...dun feel comfortable...
*Difficulty throwing things away, even seemingly useless items (90%)
*Collecting useless things (90%)
*Saving or collecting seemingly useless items (75%)

I am suppose to think hard about how strong these aspect affect me...according to this category of obsession...I put a bracket to each example in terms of how intense I feel is relevent to me...but I would like to explain the part about collecting seemingly useless item...my problem is...I find all items useful....nothing is too useless...that is why i collect them...but...for most people...the things i collect does seems useless.

Then...I found some other Obsession which reminds me of some friends...like

Repeating, Counting, Ordering Compulsions
(Examples)
Reading and rereading things, sometimes for hours
Excessive worrying that one didn't understand something one read
Excessive writing and rewriting things
Repeating routine activities-going in and out of doorways, repeated crossing of thresholds, getting up and down from a chair, combing hair, tying shoes, dressing and undressing over and over
Doing certain activities a particular number of times
Counting items-books on a shelf, ceiling tiles, cars going by
Counting during compulsive activities, such as checking and washing
Arranging items in a certain order - books, pencils, cupboards (80%)

I remember my fren LW...always make sure her pencils and pen are arrange in a particular direction in her pencil case...ohh..but only that example....the rest does not apply anyway...so..she is not a OCD I reckon...not like me...who has all the ticks in the tick boxes for my category...

and and this one...which I suspect many people are in a way...

Superstitious Obsessions
(Examples)
Fear of saying certain words because of obsessional beliefs
Fear of using certain colors for superstitious reasons
Fears about deviating from certain patterns of counting, walking around ladders, walking between oil spots on the pavement, etc.
Concern with lucky and unlucky numbers

Or

Ordering and Organizing Obsessions
(Examples)
Preoccupation with exactness, or perfect order
Having handwriting be perfect or "just so"
Compiling information, files, papers, or other items a certain "perfect" way


ah...so many category and examples....
Can we just assume everybody is crazy in some way....
Hence the conclusion is...since everybody is crazy...
That makes me NORMAL.
This is what Yahui told me.

200505

Test...

I took a test to identify OCD tendency....and the results are below...

You scored 6 out of 20 in Part A.(0 indicates no OCD tendencies, while 20 indicates maximum OCD tendencies.)
You scored 5 out of 20 in Part B.(0 indicates no OCD tendencies, while 20 indicates maximum OCD tendencies.)
Based on the above results, it appears you may have OCD or a related disorder. However, only a qualified mental health provider can make a more accurate diagnosis. OCD can be treated effectively and the OCF encourages anyone who may have OCD to seek treatment as soon as possible.

Judging from the above...I think I should be fine...probably a minor case...becos..the bottom line for the test is...as long as my life is not affected by it...I am ok.

Feel so much better now.

200505

Come and go...

Ahh...I finally see my landlord today...and i ask him about the inspection...went on fine...oh..and he told me..Jodi , the room 4 lady (not julie...I mix up her name with a fren)...left for london...and the couple in room 1...they have moved as well..this morning I saw the room opened...and there are newly bought duvet and sheets......everybody is leaving this place except me...

Oh...and I remind my landlord that the bathroom light is still not change...
and he KNOWS!!!!...he said he noticed that for 2 days already..ONLY TWO DAYS...it has been like that since last friday and he only notice it for 2 days...
anyway...he thank me for reminding him...and promise to change today..HE BETTER...Or else....nothing...I will still bath in the dark when neccessary...watever...I am not interested in any thing now...other than my degree show.

Sigh...people come and go...in this place...I am going soon as well...

200505

Where in the world...

is he?

Not online...means not in his studio...OR..maybe he din sign in?...
But where is he...?
I miss him...just a little bit.

Ok...folks...if you want to puke...go ahead.

ha.

200505

Number 1 song in my window media player playlist.

Artist: Connick, Harry Jr.
Lyrics Song: This Guy's in Love With You

You see this guy,
This guy's in love with you
Yes I'm in love,
I love you the way I do
When you smile
I can tell
We know each other very well,
How can I show you?
I'm glad, I got to know you
'cause I heard some talk,
They say you think I'm fine
Yes, I'm in love,
And what I'd do to make you mine
Tell me now, is it so,
Don't let me be the last to know
My hands are shaking,
Don't let my heart keep breaking
'cause I need your love,
I want your love
Say you're in love,
in love, with this guy
If not I'll just die
Tell me now, is it so,
Don't let me be the last to know,
My hands are shaking,
Don't let my heart keep breaking
'cause I need your love,
I want your love
Say you're in love,
in love, with this guy
If not I'll just die

190505

Who, what, how and where...or when?..watever...

Name : Strangecloud

Location : UK

More precise location : Scotland

Even more precise location : Glasgow

To be exact location : EMA of Glasgow School of Art at the moment.

Time : UK - 1855 of 19th MAy

Time again : SG - 0155 of 20th May

Activity at the moment : Online. Listening to the playlist from my window media player. Blogging.

Current Agenda :
Graduation show coming in less than 21 days.
Family moving in less than 23 days.
Had a crush for a guy in school for dun noe since when.

Minor issues :
Fridge is empty, need to buy grocery soon.
The Euromillion is having another rollover again of £29 million.
Had a stupid quarrel online with my brother yesterday.

Current physical condition :
Slight back pain from fatigue.
Hungry becos I only ate an apple and a scone for lunch.
Hair messy from multitasking in EMA for the whole afternoon.
Cold fingers becos windows are open.

Mental condition :
(Of one of strangecloud) Panicking.
(Of another) Wonderfully enjoy the luxury of being online.
(Of yet another ) Thinking of someone downstairs.
Split mental condition

Reasons for this posting : Just wondering.

190505

What I have become...

I have become stupid, retarded, cowardly, irresponsible, insensible, uncontrollable, silly, idiotic, timid, insane, and crazy...lately.

190505

Ahh..glad

I am glad that I have confessed...regardless of whether he sees that or not...probably not...I am now free to blog without worry...it is good to get something off the chest...especially something like this....

anyway...yah...am happy today...

becos I brought an apple for him today.

bring it to his studio...and saw someone there...and put it back into my pocket...

I am even afraid that someone sees me give him an apple...

but i did gave him the apple in the end....

hmm....so nothing actually did happen today except giving him an apple...becos I am in EMA all day doing somethings else...

Ohh...something did happen....

I am not in his studio all day....but I manage to be online in the EMA...and the strange thing is...we talk to each other properly finally...ONLINE.

That is the power of cybercommunication....there are things we dun say to each other when we are face to face...

nothing in particular though...just chat...casually...really.

190505

Latest release...

Ok Folks...enough suspense...I have decided to release my drafted post...becos I think is stupid...becos...he is not going to read my blog anyway...and they are not really that explicit...just some silly girl story....I am just being paranoid...BUT BUT!...if he really does...

Are you listening to me...

Pretend that you dun noe this ...to spare me the agony.

And thanks.

190505

The walk....alone.

Walked pass that door again...as usual every monring...around the same time....and saw the same 2 kids...lighting up their cigarettes...not a deja vu....unless it is a glitch in the matrix....or else...it means they smoke there every other day....at around 10.14am....I caught them again...this time...they din see me....wat a depressing sight to start with for the morning...seeing 2 kids ruining themselves before they grew up...and next...i walked pass a wine glass with left over red wine in it stand upright....on the walking pavement beside the road???!!...how bizzare....must be something a drunkard left yesterday night....becos it was not there when i walk home yesterday....another depressing sight....and then...was the rain...at least...that was the most comforting thing that happens today...becos it soothes my thought and make the air crisp enuff to let me think better...every little drizzle...though they fall on my umbrella and not on me....I can feel the tiniest vibration...that is pass thru the handle of the brolly...that sensitive...I am...in this gloomy morning.

I always like the 30 minutes walk to and fro school....along whichever way i took to school...but this route...is especially nice...I will rewind...and follow up wat happen yesterday when i go to school....and unwind...and throw away wat happen before i reach home...for example yesterday...when i walk home...I was recapping the conversation or should i say the quarrel had wif my bro online...mumbling like a lunatic...wat happen in the studio...my entire day...run thru...wat i have say for the day...and think about what should have done and not done today....updating what kind of things that i might have done ...in my mind...think about a joke i had for the day if i had...and sing the song that i had been playing on my window media playlist for the day that most affect me...while walking home alone yesterday.......and so..i am singing this song from the soundtrack of the movie...ONe Fine day...din have the title...but noes ...is track 11....and sum up the feeling for the day...then throw away everything...and reach home empty. I need to do this...I like this. I love this kind of walk alone...very meditative.

190505

Bitch vs Bastard

My apology for the strong language used...and parental guidance is adviced for the below conversation....

BLUE is my brother
Red is ME.

everything will be move to thailand

I SAY NO!
NO MEANS NO!

least it cheaper when you need to move back
well
it is already settle
you are not in singapore
i will go back if i must
movbe all your stuff here

I have already say that

you slove from THAILAND
so

and everybody agree
so my stuff is my stuff

i need to do what is BEST for the family now
NOT what you think you want

like wat

easy for you to say when you so far away

just move stuff to a room
that is all

and only use mouth to say

yah
you also use mouth wat

move mean need MONEY
need man power
need people to move your stuff
need CAR
need transport
yout hink what

Blah blah blah.....

moving your stuff to thailand is PAID for
your stuff will be in THAILAND

NO

too bad
we BOOKED a mover
it is not for you to decide
is one price

I WANT IT TO BE IN SINGAPORE!¬

then you be back in singapore by june 10th
if not
it will be move to thailand

NO

you creating more problem then is it now
now we got a MOVER to handle all

you are the only one who say it is a problem
ONLY YOU
that means
you are the problem

mother also agree with me

yah
since when
since when?:

i talk to her

when?
tell me?
now?

yesterday

yesterday?
I was talking to her less than an hour
online
she say ok(that I move my stuff to wendy's place)

i will move yout stuff here

no
soprry

i will not change my mind

mee too

unless with better reason
too bad

too bad for you as well

you not in singapore

yah
so
-
meaning

I SAY NO MEAN NO
NO
i move you also LAN LAN
so
hahaha
you can say
i still move
try
i will
-
we will move as one
you are part of the family
final
not a stand alone unit
when you back
means final
you choose what you want
it is decided
i don't care
so
you can sya what you want
and i want it in sg
but you only say and you think about yourself only
i will burn all your stuff if i need too
i don't care about your stuff really
trust me
i don't give a damn about it at all
- you creating trouble for QC and the family
- you think QC happy to move for you
- he just trying to be your brother
so stop creating trouble
we MOVE AS ONE
you ask your friends to come help
you ask your GOOD friend your kinda friendship to come MOVE
not QC
NOT FATHER
NOT MOTHER
you spoil brad
- you are the last i care about NOW
can't you see the family is having enough trouble already
can't you GROW up
you happy when father and mother become more sick
you happy creating move trouble
then we have now
you better wake up your idea
is not about what YOU WANT NOW
is wwhat is BEST For the FAMILY
we MOVing to THAILAND
THAT IS FINAL !!!!
not what you say
good bye
you not happy about thailand you joly well LEAVE
since you say i got nothing tro say
i don't care really
i will not say
buty
but
i will still do what i want
bye
you don't say all this shit when you far away
yep
you do what you want
yah..like you always do
but i say liao
you stuff will be move to THAILAND no mater how much NOISE and shit you want to MAKE
then you come THAILAND slove your problem
-
not say all kinda thing when you not helping abit
GROW UP !!!
all this education only make you a fucking bitch !!!
bastard.. you scold me
yes i am
i am saying so as your brother
yah...i can see that
you can choose to ignore it
no point agreeing
or aguing
i tired to talk to you liao
me too
no point

you know life is not about yourself
is about your family and your history


blah blah blah.....

and you shut up ok

i will do what is BEST for the family
WHEN NEEDED
you win lor
i lose
but my stuff stay
that is
nobody win
i am selffish
we trying to slove problem
i am bad
not create more
i am idoit
i am stupid
but my stuff stay
you are being childish now
stay stay stay
yah
- your choise for yout tsuff to stay is
i am childish
i am
yeah
you arrange someone to move yourself
ok
-
but
when the time come
if we think is not BEST for the family
it will still be MOVE to thailand

watever
watever
watever

you want to break off from the family (look at this bastard!!!!he is putting words in my mouth...it is just about leaving my stuff in singapore...and he said I am breaking off with the family!!!!! SICK!)

you are not the p[erson to have the final say
you are not the perosn
or chosoe what ever way youw ant to lIVE
i don't care
yah
you dun care
i dun care too
yep i don't care
too bad for me
too bad for you
if you don't care
so
that is it
end of conversion
i am sure you don't care what i do with your stuff also (SEE!!! he is threatening me!!!!)
you can save ur typing
tell QC and mum
anyway your powerful speech have no effect on me
watever
yah
- well i am just telling you
as if yours have to me
your speech has no power on me too
tell me lor
i dun care
i dun care
i am tired of your childish act
yah
me too
so good bye

go be what ever you want and if possible create less truoble
stop wasting each others time
ohh...
i never create trouble
do visit mother when you got time
as far as i can remember
she do miss you
I din say I won see anybody
we will see who is a better Child
dun have to say anything lah
you are lor
i am a bad child mah
you sya that yourself
i am not interested to compete with you
you are good
and responsible for the family lor
i am bad and wilful
you become so childish from your education
i am sorry for you
yah
bye now
bye

blah blah blah....and he continue to say the most ridiculous assumption and accusation which is groundless and full of imagination....even after saying bye....

MUM!!!...HeLP ME!!!....SLAP THAT BASTARD FOR ME!!!...I admit I am childish...but look at him.......he is no better...and such a BIG BULLY...authoritative and no room for discussion....he is assuming things like if i dun move my stuff to thailand means i am dissowning my family????!!!...as if if i dun move my stuff to thailand...I am disowning my mum????!!! and even assume that I will never see my family again???!!!...with that statement that BOILS MY BLOOD...he said...."Do visit mother when you got time...she do miss you"......I am on absolute good terms with my mum...and he sound as if I am a horrible disowning family spoil brat who runs away from home and never going to see my mum again....??!!!??...wat is his problem??

And lastly...I would like to apologise to my mum for calling his son a bastard...becos it is actually scolding my mum...but i cannot find a better word to spit him with than this...unfortunately...it implicates my mum....and well...he is lucky enuff that he scolds me a bitch ...and that would only mean he is insulting my kids....(son of the bitch)...watever...my mum must be having a headache now...becos her 2 kids are having a silly dispute...and the silliest thing is....neither both of us in sinagpore now...he is in thailand...and I am in scotland....and...the above conversation is an abstract from our MSN.....

I would just like to highlight...the strongest word I choose to use today is not BAstard which is like asshole or idoit...just about calling names...well if he dun scold me first...I wont scold him.........but.."YOu shut up!"...that is the rudest...to me...hence the rudest...for me today to use this actually.

Sorry mum...hope it doesn't worry you too much...you should be too used to the fact that the two of us quarrel isn't it...not the first...and not the last....as usual.

180505

This is the black and white 1970 Brazil vs Italy super 8 film I watch yesterday...I took a pic.. 

Wow...

Blog suring is fun....and I am sooo impressed with some of the websites made by many people...hope to have one myself soon...Damn determine to do it...but after i graduate of cos......


and Oh oh!!!....vangelis was telling me about how fun greece is...and i should go there to backpack...i have a fren Deppy...she is from greece as well and she also tells me it is fun...ahhh...I have decided to include Greece in my bacpacking plan...and i am going to schedule 3 months there....I just found out you can take the DIVE master course in greece for free if you work for them for 2 months...as dive master of cos...and...so...look sooo forward to dive for free...so happy.

180505

An interesting film screening...

i was rather anti social for a long while since i arrive in glasgow and never really did intereact with my classmates at all....but recently...I am enjoying the life of a student fully..like stay in studio to idle...chat with friends...go for openings...go home an cook nice dinner....spend money on my art...do the usual student thingy to eat junk food...and yesterday...I was at a classmate house to watch 16mm film and super 8 on an ancient looking projector...a very refreshing experience...and we had a good laugh watching shows like Squirm...The Omen...Nightmare castle...and a comedy...er..i forget the name...but is about king Arthor...and the title is er...something holy Grail...ah..watever...and we even watch the black and white of 1970 world cup final brazil vs italy!!!!..and saw Pele in action....very amusing...very fun...and very unusual...also becos of the people I watch it with...i was with my studio neighbour Alec...and his roommate Simpo...another classmate of mine..and with vangelis...four of us spend the night watching old old movies...and black and white silence show...fun...and a little stupid...like wat an art student should do...isn't it.

180505

Arrggghhh...

felt so miserable becos i am hiding the truth from my own blog...my blog...is like my inner self...if i cannot be true to it...what can be worse...yet i choose to block my feelings just becos i am afraid to be found out...such an idoit!!!...can't stand it anymore....argghhhh..!!! stupid girl!!!

180505

Opps....Gomenasai..(means ..my apology in japanese)

Aye folks....my apology for behaving ridiculously... can't help it...I sort of knew what most of my frens will react to the previous blog...for those who knows chinese....good for you...for those who dun...er...what should i do...should i open a new blog!!!

Help!!!

180505

The most idoitic thing I have done...forgive me folks...I realy dun want to see myself do this a s well..

I drafted up some of my post just 5 minutes ago which means they disappear from my blog visually...but is still in the server...I did post them 3 hours ago and was in fact onlined....but I sort of remove them...becos...I am so afraid that I could be caught in the act......of of...ah...I shouldn't be disclosing too much....maybe I shall write the rest in chinese now...因为我怕被发现我在暗恋他....明白了吧....最笨的是, 我不小心让他看到这个网址....然后他问我...是不是我的blog....ah....太危险了..他可能随时上网看到的...and I know I am a coward...I REALLY AM!!!!...but I really dun dare!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry to all my friend who cannot read chinese....and those who missed out the precious blog...I promise I will post them back when the tide is over....PROMISED!

170505

THE LEGENDARY ROOM 2

Did I ever told you about room 2?....This is a picture of ROOM 2...I am in Room 3...the story about this man is...he ran away without paying rents for 2 months....I remember there used to be this stench whenever he opens the door....and went out....those pizza boxes...is like his one years supply i guess...I would say he is a serious obsessive compulsive collector....If you know what I mean....this picture only shows 25% of the whole room...I was so excited to know that someone's room looks more horrible than me...and I inherit some of his stuff after he ran away......my landlord say I can help myself...and I took some CDs...and books...yah...and there was news about him recently....my landlord says...he was now in a mental hospital...apparently...he really is a serious case....but I shouldn't be pot calling kettle black...I am no better.....I know this....

And this is my room in Glasgow...see MY STYLE??!! 

I love to show this pic of my room to my friends....is my room in Singapore...and...this is the picture my lecture saw and said that he would hanged himself if he had a daughter who has a room like me...yah...this is the pic... 

For those who knows what is 13 wonders...and realise there is a missing tile...it is here!!!! ...LOOK!...yi wan!!!

Being alone here can be miserable...but not so when you can have a game of mahjong...which I missed a lot since I left home....I install the game on my laptop now and play it whenever I am bored...and look people....THE 13 WONDERS(shi san yao!!!)...how lucky....

Let there be light please...

It is again about the DAMN lightbulb.
This time...the bathroom's lightbulb is dead...for 3 days...the bathroom's lightbulb is not working and the stupid thing is the landlord did not change it.
Of course there may be a few reasons behind this...

Maybe he din realise it was blown...becos he dun come out at night to use the bathroom...
maybe it is summer and at 10 o'clock it is still bright....
maybe he thinks the electrical bills are too heavy for him...
maybe it is too high and he can't reach it..
Maybe he can't change a light bulb...
Maybe maybe...


And for me...becos I reach home quite late everyday...
I decided not to bath becos it was too dark...
It reminds me of that time when I was too afraid to bathe when I was a kid and the bathroom light is off...
though I can change my own bulb now...
I am just waiting....becos the bathroom is NOT my territory...

and so...for 3 smelly days...I forgo my luxury to bath...thinking...it is ok...since i dun sweat that much...But yesterday night...I thought I had enuff and decided watever...I will bathe...so I went into the pitch dark bathroom....twisted the blinds to let the street lights flood in and bath...

Just for those who might think..."WAT!...you twist ur blinds...does that mean everyone can see you bathing!!!...."....NO...I am at the higher ground floor...although the people from the higher floor from the building 100 metres across might see me...BUT come on....the bathroom is pitch dark....with the miserable street lamp shining thru the strappy blinds...and in the middle of the night at 1am....WHO who??? can see me...???!?
Anyway...yah...I bathe...and get used to the darkness...not too bad actually...just dark.

Manage to have a decent shower...and that is it...

Although I am still not very happy about the fact that the light is off...but am please with myself that I manage to survive the darkness and have my shower finally....

But but...I still hope....

Let there be light please...

170505

His way...My way...

It was like the movie turn left...turn right...only that...we have already met.
I realise we always go to the same destination using a different route.

For instance, one evening...we went to a fren's studio...which is at the ground floor corner...there are two entrance....and I went in from the front...while he came in from the back entrance...both ways takes almost the same time...and is both convenient...so...we walk there to the same spot...from a different route...stay around the studio and have a chat with that fren....and the funny thing is...we...took the seperate path again to walk back to his studio...


One morning...I saw him...and he walk up the stairs...I was waiting for the lift...and then...I saw him outside EMA which was on the second floor.....looking at the booking sheets...which I am also there to book equipments....and I was amused that we are actually going to the same place....taking a different route...again

Yesterday...we are working on our computers and halfway...we realise it is time to go for an opening for the MFA Interim show....and we put on our coats and prepare to leave....there are two exist form the school...and I walked towards the main door....and he turn and walked the other way...I saw him walking the other way...was amused..and he told me it is faster that way....and I followed him....took the back exist instead of the usual front I would have taken....once we are outside the building....I walked left and he walks right....and and...wait!!!....we turn around...and I told him....did you realise we always walk to the same place using a different route?....he din realise that....but realise that when I mention the last two incident and then this....he was amused ....but this time...he turn left...and say..."we go your way"...


And so...yah...just find it amusing.

170505

Before sunsets...

Yesterday....was the most romantic day of my life since I arrive...
He was riding his bicycle very slowly beside me...
and I walked beside him...
towards the sun...setting...
it was a nice and lovely view....
nice and lovely mood...
nice and lovely feeling...
nice and lovely atmosphere
and yah...we are sometimes quiet and just walking...
but we do talk occassionally...

It was a nice and lovely day in the end for me....and my fantasy

170505

His joke of the day...

"Something happen to me today that is never going to happen to you..." he said with his eyes wide open....

I was thinking very hard...WAT!?....wat could have....

He said..."I was drunk"..

ah...indeed...that will never happen to me becos I am allergy to alcohol ...and I would probably die first before I get drunk....so he was right...and I was laughing....

But i reply...I can be drunk too...

"wat?!...with water?..." he said.

Yes...with water.....i can drunk when I want to...even if I am drinking only water...


170505

MY joke of the day...

I was telling him..."watever I am going to show my tutor today...they are going to like it...!" and he was puzzled..."why?"..

I said.." Becos it is too late to say NO! for my degree show..."

He was laughing...I din realise it was funny...not funny...I was just being sarcastic...but he was laughing...

170505

EXCUSE ME!!!!

I was standing under a traffic light waiting for the green man to shine...and i heard this familiar voice behind me...

"Excuse me, Miss..."

I turn my head and saw these 2 familair looking boys...I am sure I have seen them somewhere...
but they are not calling me...they are talking to the lady beside me waiting to cross the road...

One is about 11 and the other probably 8 or 9 years old...

"Can you help us buy cigarettes...."

The lady just took the money and buy a pack of cigarettes for them WITH NO QUESTION ASK!

It may be interpret as the act of kindness....or being helpful.....BULLSHIT!...what is this lady doing!!!!!

Now I REMEMBER!

These 2 boys stopped me on my way home along this same street and ask me to do the same thing...BUT...I rememeber...I rejected theor request and told them..." you shouldn't be smoking at this age...(infact shouldn't smoke watever age you are in)...."...and they say..."It was for our mum....!!"......RUBBISH!...ASK YOUR MUM TO BUY HERSELF!!!...wat kind of mother.


Yah...that was how I met them....and today...it happened again...and I am determine to get the bottom of this...I stayed around and watch wat happen despite the fact that I am already late for school....Saw the lady came out with the cigarette...cross the road finally....while I am standing at the other end of the road...WATCHING....


the 2 boys....put the cigerattes in the pocket...and cross the road...took out the cigarettes....and a lighter.....unwrapping the plastic pack of the cigarette.....as they walk into a corner facing door of an apartmentone... one of them give the other one cigarette and he took one himself.......I PRETEND TO WALK PAST THEM AND GIVE THEM A HARD LOOK....and they saw me....while they lighted their cigarettes....they wave and say"hello chinese girl"...looking NOT GUILTY AT ALL though they are caught yet not afraid...


I knew it.
And I shake my head...

I have plans...to actually put notice around that area to warn people not to buy cigarettes for these two boys....I hope they quit smoking...there are better things to doin life.

170505

I wonder ...

I am just wondering why do I feel particularly restless today...and then i knew why...
I am up at the EMA for the whole afternoon trying to duplicate my video..and whenever the DVD burner is doing it's job...I will take a little walk downstairs...and will end up in that comfy space i have been residing in for the pass one week or more...and will be a little disappointed each time to find that the owner of that studio not around...4 pieces of DVD that i burn....4 times I went downstairs to check his presence...is it becos of the internet connection that his space offer...or is it just him ?...I wonder...

160505

However...

Something did cheer me up a little...this guy whom has been sawing and drailing holes...in the studio...brightens up my day basically...just like how coffee can perk people up in the morning...he perks me up.


160505

Pissed off...

Not that people are out to piss me off today...but is my mood...and everything seem to be WRONG! today...so WRONG!...that i felt like kicking people in the ass....THAT PISSED OFF!!!...but...as usual...I will keep very calm and quiet...and suffer internal injuries whom only I will noe how serious it is.

And...today...despite the fact that I have complete a major task...which has been bugging me...i dun have that sense of relieve....becos what is going to come ahead..is going to be BIGGER!

Thus...the bottom line for today's mood...PISSED OFF!

Beautiful Sunday...

And beautiful sun...nice weather...but in this studio...freezing...and I am having a headache now...hence I wanna go home....but before i do...I had to go buy some grocery....so that's all for today...nothing much.


150505

Weird Feelings...

I have been residing in this space for a while...in someone's studio...nice and comfy...of cos...the main attraction is the internet connection...but slowly...I like his company...although we dun speak to each other all the time...and I am typing on my laptop mostly...and he is doing something with his computer....the atmosphere is lovely. The only sound...is my fingers taping the keyboard...and his processor humming...while he is picking on some techno gadget.
Recently...this is how I spend my time.....with him....even though we dun speak to each other..sometimes...he will show me some of his stuff...and i will show him some of my pic....at the end of the day.... we will say " See you tomorrow..."

This has been the case for a week...since i booked the space to do an installation and his studio happened to be beside it....

and...just few days ago...we are connected...as I add him to my MSN list...we chat online......even when he is sitting just next to me...I will send him a message in our MSN...and he will reply...all that...without a sound...even when we are just sitting to each other...ONLY OUR FINGERS TAPING.....

Weird feelings...really.

140505

FAQ.

"SO...when ARe You CoMing BaCk?"

This is the Number One Question That I have been asked since I arrive.....
And the answer is....

"I dun noe..."

That's all folk.


140505

Look...this is Alec...my studio neighbour...I was sitting behind him when i thought...this view is great...plus plus...that is me...see my shoes... 

Ohh...something he said..

I forget to add a part of our conversation ...during that lovely lunch I had with Olive boy....
I told him I am planning to move my stuff from home to the studio....and what i wasn't expecting is when he suddenly said this...

Oh..do you need help?

WAT?(I said this at the back of my mind...but I said...)

It's alright...I am moving them bit by bit...


Like real....of course I need help...and if that is you...I will faint.(and again I said this in my mind)

Actually....I am so puzzled that he is so helpful...or are people helpful by nature?...or he just happen to be a helpful person...I dun noe...but but....I just wonder if he meant what he said...or he is just being polite....and yet then....I wont want him to see my horrible mess....well well...the mix feeling was....even if i suspect he might be a gay....i dun want to scare away a gay fren.


But but...of cos....at the bottom of my heart...I secretly wish my GAY-dar(radar detacting gays)...is not working accurately.

But so wat....?....even if he is not gay...that doesn't mean he will like me.

Nowadays....being a woman is not easy. Not only do we have to search constantly for the man of our life....and before we confess our love for them...or even try to hint them that we like them......we have to first determine if they are gays or straights ....how tragic. What have we done wrong to deserve this.

140505

So blind.

I am.
I have failed to notice that i have got very interesting clasamate...and felt that it a a pity that i only got to noe them better in these last few days of my studies....

People like Heather...my new good fren in school...whom I wnet shooping with one day....Laura..a very nice albino girl...I always think she is beautiful...becos she is so white.we are talking about some simliar things we do for our art...and i like her work...very poetic.....and she told me about this old fashion book shop which i like a lot....and Sandy...my techno freak classmate who collected as many computer monitors,keyboard, mouse and cables as I have collected my junk...he has got a whole room of computers...in the school storeroom....and I like his new spec...and Vangelis...his digital stuff...that sound piece which I have mentioned...very interesting...I have been residing in his studio space like a parasite feeding on his internet connection...and I am very grateful of him to let me....Alec...my studio neighbour...whom I share the same studio space with...we have coincidently placed ourself in the same space for 2 consecutive year( we got to choose our space every fresh year...putting a number...and we just happen to be together)....but we never tok much to each other...except for leaving notes on each other tables...saying things like " Heres the pen i have borrowed from you..."...and one that he wrote i rememeber " Sorry for the splatter on the wall...I will paint it up later"...and my reply...' It's ok...leave it...I like it"...and ocassionally....when we are both in the space....we are very quiet....one evening however...to my surprise....i saw him hugging a guitar having a drink in Sandy's studio which is just outside our studio....and he plays nice music....surprise surprise....did I also mention Soren...a Danish classmate of mine...he is the joker and graffiti boy.....was my studio neighbour last year .....he is funny and frenly.

And so...yah... I had been blind.
So blind.

But is glad that it is never too late to make new friends.

120505

OCD

I told Jm that I suspect That i might be suffering from OCD....and I kind of felt very assured that it is fine by his repy.

He said, for OCD as long as my life is not affected by it...it is ok.

Yah...i suppose I am ok.

I hope.

120505

OliVeR TwISt

I was making the last few bite on my lunch..and i heard someone came into the kitchen(studio kitchen)


He : Oh hi..

Me : (turn around to see who is it)Hi....

He : Is that Miso..?

Me : Close...is green tea...both Japanese....

He : Oh...are you still having your lunch ...can I join you?

Me : Sure.


I lied.
I have already eaten 5 pieces of bread with pate...
and thought I should save the rest of the loaf for tomorrow.
I am finished but i lied.

Anyway, 10 seconds later...he came in again.


He : I saw you very busy in the EMA recently...working on some videos?..

Me : Yah...not my major work though...but i thought it is a pity not to do something about those footage that I have been accumulating...

Blah blah....

He took out his baguette...and cheese...and ham....watever....starts to rip his bread into half and stuff the meat and cheese in it....while talking to me....

I took out another piece of bread and start to spread my pate...the 6th piece of the day...to extend my lunch hour...for him...

so he ask me about what I am going to do for my degree show...or what i had been doing....I told him...the bottles outside the kitchen open space is my recent work...and he is a bit surpirse.....he said it was a nice piece of work...and he thought it was quite poetic...

Ah....he is the second person to say that my work is poetic....which I am really pleased. ...and i hope he really mean it.

And...he also notice the colour arrangement....i have made...of cos...it is an obvious way to display.

oh...and so...we came back to the question about what i intend to do for my degree show...I told him...I intend to exhibit the whole lot of junks in my room....becos I have been collecting junks for a long time and accumulate a lot of things in my room.....I even told him I suspect I might be sufferring from OCD...he thought...i am too calm to be one....becos I can still talk about my condition like a third person....which seems to him...I am still very normal...fair enuff...maybe I am not as serious as I think....

I understand that I am not doing my image any good by telling a guy whom i used to like, that i have messy room and I might be mentally not normal...but i thought...since my crush for him is over....it is ok to tell a fren ...who I am..and not worry about spoiling my image...so...it is a good thing...i am not having extra heartbeats when i talk to him yesterday.

Anyway....we had a nice lunch chat....he finished his sandwich...bite on a pear....
and he run for his lecture....

I am thinking....if i am still having that stupid crush i had for him like last week...I probably would have been dumbfolded when he start to talk to me....but becos I have already gotten over him...it becomes more natural for me to chat with him...like he is a classmate. And...on top of that...I am beginning to suspect that he is a gay...so...I become less touchy and felt very comfortable talking to him now. ...just suspecting...becos there are too many gay element he is emitting....it is a pity...but i made a new friend.


Oh...and before he runs for his lecture...


He : Oh...I forgot your name...your name is?

Me : Sha... and you?

He : Oli....


Ah...
Actually I already knew his name long ago....not that he told me...
I found out accidentally (who am I kidding...ok,I found out intentionally, happy?)
Oh...and did I mention it before?...
Oli is the short for his name Oliver.
And Oliver is Olive boy.
I named him olive boy becos he wore an olive green sweater when i first met him...
and i swear i dun noe his name then.

What a twist of fate.......
And my title for the day...never been as appropriate...

Dedicated to this new friend.

Oliver twist.


120505

Confused weather...

Yah...I saw the sun today...suspect that it will be very cold and cilly today..and put on an extra wool...it is the case here that it will be cold when you dun see the sun...though the sun is hot...but the temperature can drop to less than 10 degree....anyway...so i play safe and add more clothing...BUT DAMN!....is so hot...I perform strip tease on my way to school taking off my scarf...unbottoning my jacket slowing....and took them off one by one...until my hands are full.

What a day...if everyday is like dat...Glasgow is a very nice place.


120505

Promise delivered.

Yes...I spent 7 hours yesterday to clear up... as promised. Rather disappointed that I did throw away some egg cases and milk cartons along the way....but i manage to stuff other junks under my bed. On the whole...I hope the inspection will turn out well.

Oh..by the way....my neighbour from room 4, Julie...she is gone.
I saw her room empty when i am on my way out....quite a surprise becos she had a big party just last saturday.....maybe that was to celebrate her moving away....she is a nice lady. and....she works in a pub opened owned by one of my classmate....wat a coincidence.

Anyway, yah...today is a fine day.


120505

The girl who never throw anything away.

While doing my research for my degree show...as I have finally made up my mind what to do...I am SHOCK to realise I might be suffering from OCD...while you thought people who suffer from OCD are people who keep washing their hands...well...this...I mean me...is an example of OCD actually....read the below...and you will noe what i mean...


From : http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1282/is_5_53/ai_72007030



"The words "new neurosis" are oxymoronic because the tics and twitches of humankind are eternal. They are also universal, so imagine my joy on finding a twofer: a virgin forest of deadly nightshade with a signpost reading "Only in America."
It's so new they don't even have a name for it yet. Calling it "collecting" or "hoarding," as two recent newspaper features did, is a pathetic understatement. The world has always had collectors --- John Fowles wrote a bestselling novel about one --- and there are so many people who never throw anything out that they long ago acquired a name: pacPsychologists who have begun studying call it "OCD," for "obsessive- compulsive disorder," but that pales beside the behavior involved, which is to "disorder" as Bill Clinton is to "fib." Yes, this really is a new neurosis, and so American that the best way to describe it is to lapse into the literary style of Helen Gurley Brown. It's about people who never throw anything out, who save everything, no matter how icky- sticky-poo-poo it is, until somebody calls the Health Department!!!
To call such people slobs is to miss the point. Slobs might be messy but they also have a social life, so that when a big date is looming they pull themselves together and neaten up. OCDs, on the other hand, don't have to worry about what people will think because nobody can get in the house, including firemen.
Open the front door and you risk being buried under a landslide of old newspapers. The house is literally packed to the rafters with a mountain range of stuff that normal people throw out. The OCD navigates around it by a series of narrow cleared paths, like the trenches of World War I, past old Christmas trees, stacks of unopened junk mail, empty blister packs that once held baloney and batteries, used printer ribbons (and predating them, used typewriter ribbons), hundreds of expired grocery coupons, plastic forks that come with take-out food, TV-dinner trays, margarine tubs, pieces of broken dishes, burned-out light bulbs, and in some extreme cases, old cigarette butts, used paper napkins, and even used toilet paper.
It's shaping up into a great little mental-health crisis, complete with the usual exculpatory language. It is estimated that OCD afflicts some 2 million Americans, undoubtedly of all races and creeds, but this figure is probably low because OCD is, of course, underreported. Its victims almost never seek treatment, naturally, so only about 5 percent come to light, usually through health violations or eviction.
The problem, needless to say, goes back to their childhoods; most lived in a home with a hoarder and learned bad choices. OCD can be treated, but not with force, like the man who rented an industrial Dumpster and backed it up to his mother's door. Nor does it do any good to offer to help them clear out the mess because they have to reread all the expired coupons. They might also start "churning"-the psychologists' term for moving their detritus from one pile to another to fake tossing it out.
Treatment consists of a long, slow program in which the threatening subject of throwing things away is never mentioned. Instead the facilitator emphasizes the importance of understanding their motivations, taking them on visits to dumps and yard sales, guiding them through a series of mental exercises until they lose their fear of making decisions and develop what will no doubt be called "discarding skills." At the end they mark their successes with little signs reading "This is a flat, clear surface."
But they still won't understand themselves and consequently will slide back into chaos because neither they nor their earnest facilitators will admit that America is the root cause of their behavior:
1. Nowadays, being ready and willing to make a decision about anything is all it takes to be called "judgmental."
2. There's a name for thinking that a torn dishrag is worth keeping. It's called "equality."
3. When the word "inclusion" is rammed home in every public statement, some people will develop a warped need to see how much they can include. OCDs are merely insuring that no blister pack is left behind.
4. They harbor a repressed, politically incorrect lust for revenge on the criminal class and OCD is an acceptable form of emotional displacement: They know that if a rapist managed somehow to get inside their houses, he would be suffocated in a barrel of plastic bags or impaled on a splintered mop handle.
Articles about OCD fill me with hungry glee because I have the opposite neurosis: obsessive-compulsive spartanism (OCS). So does one of my favorite novelists, Kathleen Winsor, who described our common persuasion to perfection:
What a relief it was to have anything done, finished, over with for good. So you could throw it out of your life and forget it and go on to something new. Some of her happiest moments had been spent cleaning out closets or drawers, throwing things away, knowing that whatever the symbolism they had had for her, she was destroying it. Each time she finished with something or someone and knew that she had finished forever, it gave her in some sense the illusion of having been granted a new beginning to life."
Whether it be possessions or people, my motto is "The more there is, the more there is." I ache to hang a "This is a flat, clear surface" sign on the whole world. Give me a box of big green garbage bags and a baling hook and I'm one happy misanthrope. Now that I've donated nearly all of my literary papers, my surroundings are acquiring that impersonal emptiness I've always craved. But it's still not enough, so I've decided to start my own disorderly-house consultation service for OCDs. It won't interfere with my writing; in fact, it will help it by keeping my name in front of the public via my website: www.letmeatyourFKinghouse.com.k-rats."


Well...you see what I mean?....Those scenerios that I have just highlighted....is MY ROOM IN SINGAPORE... and...almost my room in glasgow.

Well at least i understand why my room is health hazardous....becos fireman cannot enter....ah....
I shall remove all the junk from my room to my studio before the morning of friday the 13th...I promise....probably gonna live in my studio from now on....

ANd....i wONDer...if I sHould Seek heLP......maybe I am really sick.

SCARE ME!

110505

Classical Music...

I am not a classical music person...but lately...this piece of music keeps repeating itself around me...and so much so....I am very amused with it....

A classmate of mine is doing a sound interactive piece of art...whereby he install a webcam in a space...which happens to be the space which I booked out to do my art...and the story is...the images captured by the webcam...will be translated as the movement will activate the music...that means...when people move in the space...like walk pass or wave their hand...the "piano" will start to play...and this is so amusing becos...i will intentionally freeze and see if the music will stop...and run around to listen to the music...LOVE it....


And this piano piece....I have been listening to it for 3 days since...
keeps ringing and ringing...in my mind when it is not playing...

Then...today...I found out...it is..

Chopin
Valse Brillante Op.34 No.2.


nice nice...i like it.

110505

Wendy's reply...

I pester wendy to read my blog as usual...and this is her reply.


I want to found out how my best riend have managed to accumulate another mount of "her precious" in a totally different country

but most importantly how she excel in an environment so different from the one we have shared for all these years from 13 years old..

from jap drama to appreciating american sitcoms


I am amused.

110505

one of my bottles... 

My bottles :) 

ULTIMATUM!!!!

I was informed by my landlord last night that there is going to be YET another Health & Safety Check on this coming Friday...of all the 365 days...they make it on a Friday the 13th.... and the below is an extraction of roughly my conversation with my landlord...

Landlord : Oh..Sha(my name in short)...on friday...
there will be another health and safety check...

Me : Wat..this friday?...or next?

LAndlord : This friday.

Me : On the 13th?

Landlord : yes, at 11.

Me : in the morning?

Landlord : yes...

Me : Ok....I will do something about it.
(walking towards my door)

Landlord : No sha...you really have to clear up...
Becos this people are very particular...
(saying this, he demostrate by wiping
his fingers at the corridor wall and give
a hard look at his finger, pretending to be them.

Me : Ok....i get your point...
( I opened my door)

LAndlord : Sha...I am serious...you really have to do
something...this is very serious...very very serious...
(i cannot remember the exact number of "serious"
he uses altogether in his speech....)

Me : ( By this time...I have already opened my door and
get halfway into my room...i look back at him...and say)
Yah...I understand.

Landlord : (Stressing ONE MORE TIME) Sha...I am not joking...
If they are not happy with the place...
They will shut the whole house down. VERY SERIOUS.
They will close this place down!

Me : Ok...I get that. (Calmly.. I close the door and locked it)


And my heart sunk.

I cannot understand...what has the mess got to do with health and safety.
The mess is innocent. They have done nothing wrong. They dun look good...but they have a heart of gold...and had done no harm to anybody...why do they have to force me do this.

And if the health and safety inspector is going to close down this place...I believe they should have more than one reason to do it...and NOT becos there is one messy room in the building. AND...if you all really want to know...the bathroom ceiling has been leaking since i arrive one year ago...and the tap is running 24 hours a day and the landlord never repair it...the windows in Room One is smashed and not replace for a long time...and the old door downstairs is older than me...and is rotting....the garden has grasses taller than me at one point...and the carpet...look at it...it is sooo dirty I had to vacumm it 4 times and lay newsapaper on it before i dare to walk on it...the fridge was full of mould when i move in...i had to disinfect them before i use it...i never had any complains...NEVER...even when he switch off the heater thinking it is spring...to save electrical bills...and my room is freezing...when the temperature at night reach ZERO...

I SHALL CLEAR UP AND MAKE SURE IT IS CLEANER THAN WHEN I MOVE IN!!!!...I SWEAR!!!!.....anyway it is time for me to do so....for my degree show...they will have a new home...my studio...and shall never have to live in that miserable place i live in....and to make sure that even if this place were to be shut down....IT HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!!...I dun want to be blame for making people homeless....and...the hoorible thing is...the landlord sound as if....if the house will close down...it is only becos of me.

As for the health and safety check...if it passes...good for everybody...and i can stay until october as planned....if not...TOO BAD!


110505

I walk past that shop again today and notice a new display....and look at that...the one in the middle...ahhh...I LOVEEE that colour... 

The best thing...

The best thing...that is happening recently...is that I finally can enjoy the privilege to go to school at 9am and stay in school until 11pm everyday...is a 14 hours things for me...and i love it...i like to be doing something...enjoying the process...and i am doing it right now....wat more can I say...and the next best thing...is...I HAVE got internet connection NOW...becos I have become a parasite to my friends studio....sitting by the corner of his studio...feeding on his connection wires to enter the internet....this is the greatest discovery since i study in this school....that i can have 24 hours access to the school and internet...NOT officially though...I had to do it sneakily...and whenever the sercurity comes and check...I pretend that I am from the MFA....


100505

The logic behind the fickled mind

There is a logic to it. And as simple as you can imagine. It is simply the mind going thru the process of choosing the best...or just what is the most appropriate . However, this trial and error is not about right or wrong...but rather THIS or THAT. So if your mind hovers around THIS and THAT...THIS or THAT..this..this that this THIS... that and this...you will realise it is the This that you really want when the statistic shows that THIS is the thing that keeps coming back into your decision. And hence...a decision is made finally. As for those who can make up their mind easily and stick with it...it is either they dun have much choice.....or this kind of person dun exist.

Who is NOT fickled minded? You tell me.

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This whole mess...

My mess...JM said he is sooo haunted...he got this urge to come back and clear them up for me...in fact...he already had a concrete plan on how to do it...first he said...he would fold up all the clothes....then....the newspapers by the door...THROW!...the empty bottles...THROW!....trash...THROW!!!!...I wouldn't blame him....becos another friend of mine, wendy, also LOVES to help me do "CLEARANCE"...and her kick comes from throwing away all my things...but there is a twist lately.

I have been trying to justified the reason for the existence of all my junk...why they are here..and why i keep them in the first place...and so...my degree show...will be about them.

Not sure how it is going to be like eventually...but something is already hovering in my head....and...in fact...that something had been hovering in my mind...for a long long time....

I told Wendy about this great big plan of mine about showing my mess and I was shock when she said this to me...."yah....I thought you wanted to do that long ago...isn't it?"...INDEED....that's what friends are for...they remind you of what you always wanted to do... and constantly provoke you to do it....until it is done.

And one more thing...she is coming.
Wendy said she is coming to Glasgow to see my degree show...
I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact thatI am going to show my mess...maybe she is just curious...afterall, my art...are stuff she used to throw away for me...

Or is she more interested to see how clean and empty my room is by the time she arrive....if you know what i mean...

You reading it now wendy?

100505

CAn I change my mind???

Ahh...I have been reading my previous post...and thought maybe not...


" the poor, UGLY guy was an artist who played drums, knew your name, loved messy rooms, long curly hair held in a bun with chopsticks, strappy shoes, sleeping in, fickle minded women, could change every lightbulb in the house, can ride a bicycle, and would give you space when you need it, but respect your property and would move to singapore with you or wherever you want to go....."

yah...that kind of guy I probably would have fallen in love with BUT...BUT BUT BUT...you know...sometimes when you fall in love with someone...it really doesn't matter if he plays drum or eat drumsticks...., love or hate my room...know how to or not to change a bulb....ride or falls off a bicycle....and in the end...the reasons why i have learnt to change my own lightbulb in the end is really becos...i dun want to fall for a guy just becos he changes my bulb....if you know what i mean...you noe what i mean?

SHITT!!!...I am confusing myself again....I dun noe what i want now.

I think I need help.

100505

Answers to the Questions.

The following are questions from cushman in response to my previous posting "The law of evolution".....and my answers.




"What good is a delicious, perfect-tasting orange if it has no seeds?"



GOOD!!!!.....nice and juicy...and you dun have to worry about swallowing the seed accidentally...while enjoying it.




"Which is better, a camel in the desert with one beautiful hump.. or one with a big ugly hump?"


Depends on which is the one that can walk me out of the desset...remember???....either beatiful...or "RICH".....if the ugly one is "resourceful"....why NOT? Again...this fits the fittest survive theory....NO CONFLICT!



"Would you rather have a Hot boy friend with no personality or a poor, not so good looking guy with the best personality in the world? What if the Hot guy couldn't have kids? What if the the poor, UGLY guy was an artist who played drums, knew your name, loved messy rooms, long curly hair held in a bun with chopsticks, strappy shoes, sleeping in, fickle minded women, could change every lightbulb in the house, can ride a bicycle, and would give you space when you need it, but respect your property and would move to singapore with you or wherever you want to go? Yes, he's ugly, but he's the coolest guy you've ever met. Well?"



the poor, UGLY guy was an artist who played drums, knew your name, loved messy rooms, long curly hair held in a bun with chopsticks, strappy shoes, sleeping in, fickle minded women, could change every lightbulb in the house, can ride a bicycle, and would give you space when you need it, but respect your property and would move to singapore with you or wherever you want to go.....

IF there really is such a man....

I WANT HIM !


p.s/ does this mean i am NOT A SHALLOW PERSON AFTERALL?..whahahaha


p.p.s/ I am almost in tears wheen i read about ur description.....i mean...i really wish he exist.....

p.p.p.s/....and btw...who says you cannot watch the video!!!....gimme an address(send me thru email...in case the whole world will know where you live) I WILL SENT YOU A COPY!!!!!....HALF OF IT IS UR CREATION!...this video will not be what it is without ur music.


060505

My friend knows me well...too well.....

This is the line my friend fairymud ends with in our MSN conversation this afternoon....


fairymud says:
   ok cya...update me of ur plans (if any, or too many)haha


so so true....a fickled gal....if i actually has any plans....or in fact just too many....


060505

A response to a response....

The following is an abstract from JM's blog about me......and oh...yes...I am QY.

"Came back from a trip to Scotland not too long ago. Met up with my dear friend QY, and stayed with her for 2 horrific nights (sorry QY, it wasn't really that pleasant) Not because she was a bad host, in fact I managed to persuade her to turn off the TV and music so that we can have some moments to catch up. The thing with her is, she is an extremely untidy person. I still remember the time when we were in Sec 1D, when I was the untidy one occupying 2 tables and yet my books are just piled everywhere. Whereas she, on the other hand, has her stuff neatly put away, never leaving too much stuff in school, her hair neatly constrained in the hair net that she wears everyday. Did I mention that she has go a really neat hand writing? Well, how we've changed!"

I almost suffer from serious internal injuries after reading his blog....not becos I beg to differ or disagree with him strongly....not angry in anyway and not feeling offended definitely....the reasons why i felt so painful was really becos...I wanted to burst into laughter but cannot...becos I am in the library...and becos of this so strong urge to want to laugh but cannot....I am in pain.

I felt so wicked.....that he din realise...I was already an untidy girl 10 years ago since he knew me... he din realise AT ALL....allow me to illustrate...and shed some lights...


"stayed with her for 2 horrific nights (sorry QY, it wasn't really that pleasant) "

Opps.....too bad....I told you...haha...I am so wicked...


" to persuade her to turn off the TV and music"

This might be the part that JM had enjoyed the most throughout his whole stay...but for me....It was my greatest nightmare.....I did it...becos I rather listen to the silence than to hear him nag...(sorry JM...I am being frank)


"so that we can have some moments to catch up. "

yeah..right....some moments....he falls asleep when i start talking....how nice.



"The thing with her is, she is an extremely untidy person. "

*NOD NOD NOD NOD*.....AGREE!!!!!...I NEVER SAY I AM.


"when I was the untidy one occupying 2 tables and yet my books are just piled everywhere. Whereas she, on the other hand, has her stuff neatly put away...never leaving too much stuff in the school"

.....see that part where he mention about his own condition....he occupied 2 tables and has his things piled up....indeed...many always complained how untidy he is....me....my table is empty...that is becos I got too many things and i knew my one pathetic table is not enuff...... hence i bring home everything!!!.....i dun like the idea that half of my mess is here and the other half there.....the table in my studio is very neat and tidy as well....but look at my room.....I dun leave my mess outside...I keep it at home...becos I really do prefer ONE BIG MESS...than 2 small messes......if you know what i mean...not sure about the "neatly put away" part....maybe he imagines too much....whahaha....they looks neat...but were in fact all jumble up in the file!!!!


"her hair neatly constrained in the hair net that she wears everyday. "

....noticed the word "constrained" he uses....indeed...CONSTRAINed...is the actual real word...my hair...they are naturally curly...but they are not "normal"...becos most chinese had straight hair....and also becos of the strict and constrained environment I was born in....I had to put a hair net to keep my hair from bursting and fluffy....and appear to be neat and tidy...to blend well in the environment or watever you can imagine...and....the truth is....my hair is like me...BORN TO BE WILD!!!!...and if JM choose to use constrained....to describe my attempt to keep my hair neat...he should have realise...I am actually not a very neat and tidy person...but he din.




"Did I mention that she has go a really neat hand writing?"

This line.....I FULLY AGREES....until now.....but..really depends on my mood...



" Well, how we've changed!"

This is the only line throughout that I have to disagree....becos first of all...I am actually the same....according to his description ....as for him ....from 10 years.....I am sure LW will agree with me....he IS THE SAME in many aspect! Dun noe if that is a good or bad thing.

040505

The Law of Evolution...

My fren, Yahui, always say that I am a "shallow" person becos I am always after the look of a person more than a person's character....and I admit to the first half of her assumption. but not the second half...in fact...I am equally concern about a person's character. But first of all...let me explain why....I am "shallow"...in the first place. As I was watching a TV program yesterday about Human evolution ....I realise I am in fact INNOCENT!....it is not my fault...I can't help it!!!...just as I need to eat, shit and sleep....looking out for good looking faces...is in my genes..and hormones...NOT ME NOT ME!!!!....which is a fundamental law of evolution..."fittest survive!!!"....while you will ask me what has pretty faces got to do with survival...well...I am sure I dun have to go into details...but we do noe that "attractive" people get their way rounds better....and of cos...attracts opposite sex easier...and hence has higher chances to reproduce offspring....and blah blah...and hence....becos of this advantage....my genes and hormone instigate me to look for a good looking guy...so that I produce better looking offspring...so that...HUMAN KIND WILL FLOURISH!....ah...how noble...this is for the future of mankind...and of cos...if i cannot find a good looking one...the rich one will do as well...rich enough...as we can understand...can afford to raise more kids...logically....ah....but that is on the assumption that I do find someone and produce an offspring....but what happens when I cannot find a suitable good looking guy or rich man?....yes...I would rather die than to anyhow settle with any other guy for the seek of reproducing if i cannot find the best...becos according to law of evolution....those who cannot survive well...or not good enuff....shall face extinction....and die out...hence...yes...i should logically die quietly if i cannot "improve the quality of the next generation"...and to do good for the evolution of mankind...I shall sacrifice.....sooo...WhO?wHo?who?...who says I am shallow....I am just a helpless genes carrier... a simple human being.


040505

Happy..boring....depressed...art making...happy...

I will eventually become boring when I am too happy...becos a happy person is a person who has nothing more to say and do but to enjoy and enjoy...until she gets bored...hence being happy will make me a very boring person soon....and i suspect my blog is getting boring lately becos I am too happy to grumble, fantasize, and observe things...too happy...and then i will eventually becomes bored with being happy...when i become too bored....so bored...and becomes sick...I will become depressed...and goes into deep depression... so depressed...and start to make art again...and this is my legendary art making cycle...whereby it keeps moving in a cycle round and round with my emotions of being happy, bored, depressed, make art, and happy again, bored again, depressed again, make more art, and feels happy again..and again...and again...the only difference only varies among the intensity of how happy I am becos of my art making...or how bored i can get when i am too happy for too long...or how depressed I get when i am too bored...how good my art is when i get too depressed....and so...the cycle goes go...and live on...meanwhile...I am at the stage of.....making art work...and feeling happy......and i dun noe how long ikt will last this time.


040505