Good bye 2007...

I know I am never good at keeping my words...
When it comes to LAST POSTING...
I cannot help it...

Too much to say for the last day of the year...

I log out...and log in again...

I just wanted to say...

It has been a good year, I will miss you.

GOOD BYE 2007...

How I.

One last video from me to you.
For the last day of the year.

How I thank you.

Hit 200!

I have finally exceed 200 posting for 2007.
I am aware of the number..a few blogs ago..
and though I should hit 200.

For the fun of it.

Enjoy!

KIWI

Something to think about for the new year...
A wish to die for...

KNIT...

I think I can do that with my hair too....

To Roger, with love...

My desktop wallpaper REVEALED!...It's Roger Federer! Surprise!

The reason why I am so in love with Chul Soo...

SHIT HAPPENS!

I watched this short film...when I was in UK...
In the middle of the night when I reach home after work one day.
It was so hilarious...
I almost fall off my bed....

And the english title of this short film in UK was SHIT HAPPENS!

Enjoy!

So sweet...

Everything is going to start anew...

In less than 24 hours....

The last day of the year...
Is always the day that makes me think a lot.

Not as if I dun think for the rest of the 364 days...
But at least for today...
I think a lot more...

To prepare myself for the new year ahead.
ALso to access my past year.

Whether I have improve?
Deteoriate...
Or found something...
Lost something..

Think about everything.

I always like to stay at home...for the last day of the year..
If I have a choice..
I will stay at home.

Yet...
I had assignments to complete this afternoon.
My last art lesson for Soobin.

As well as...
A favour for Lisa...my manager to work in the restaurant
becos someone else is having holidays..
I hate to work as I have mention especially on this day.
Becos...
It is a day I consolidate and think.

Therefore...I am reluctant to sleep now.
I need to think NOW...
Tomorrow will be too late.

I sold myself for about $80 for the last day of the year.

I hope I can reach home before 12am tomolo.
And stay at home to think.

Wish everybody a happy new year.
A VERY HAPPY ONE.

Writing mood...

I rather like my own recent writing mood...
Especially after my blood donating ordeal...

I have been wondering why I donated my blood.
Maybe I want to let go of part of myself.
Perhaps some stubborness in me...in my blood.
想放下心中的执着...

I hope this writing mood will be there for a long long while until I need another rest.

I have been reading into the statistic detail regarding the amount of writings since 2004.

The moment which I am the happiest had more than 100 posting in a month.
In May 2005.

The saddest only had 1 in the whole month.
In December 2005.

One particular month with 1 posting...
I complained about not having the internet access to blog.
Which means...it's a technical barrier to express.
NO internet access.

Another particular month with 2 postings.
One is about the brief for the month.
The other is YET another complain that I haven't been
blogging becos I sold my life for cash.
Too busy working that is.

Those with 3 or 4 postings..are my low and sad days...

Those with flooding postings...
Are my good moods.

Though I agree that sadness makes good poems, good songs,
and good stories...
even good art...
Yet my productivity is dependent on how happy I am.
I realise.
The happiest days...are my most expressive days.

Which means...judging from my posting...
This month...is my happiest month...
Since since 2005 MAY.

This month.
The month that I read a lot, watch dramas...and stop selling myself for cash.
Is my happiest.

2 years...should be enough.
It is enough in fact.
To be myself again.
The me...I used to love.

2008.
I am me again.

HERE I COME!

2008 Resolution...

I have been thinking this.

I accidentally saw what I wrote a year ago...
And access what I have achieve...

I set a, 2 and a half year plan...
I am almost halfway.

I achieve the easy half...
The difficult half is yet to be done.

So much for all the rest and play.

Time to make art.
Things I want to do in 2008.

1. Publish books.
2. Start a website.
3. Do some good shows
(solo or group-impt thing is so something I am proud of showing).
4. Apply for my scholarship and if I dun get it..
leave singapore and go working holiday.
5.If I get the scholarship, prepare myself to study in japan in 2009.
6.If I dun, go work holiday for a year...and study in europe for my MFA.
7.CUT MY HAIR.

Things I want to buy...always...

1.A good new laptop with all the functions I need.
2.A good camera.
3.A good sewing machine.

Personal improvements...

1. Healthy weight loss of around 5 to 10 kg.
2. Learn Yoga.
3. Read read read...more books.
4. Watch some good shows.
5.Cultivate good sleeping and eating habits.
6. Stop wasting time.

Mental improvements...

1. I hope I am able to throw away some things which I couldn't bear to throw away.
Some junks around me for years...which I should let go off...and make myself more mobile.
2. As usual, I believe I have talked less over the years. Talk less...but express more in other forms. Talk less...and do more.

黄真伊

Yet another brilliant Korean Drama.
After so many other great works.
The theme opening is already impressive before I watch the show.
Wait till you watch the actual drama.

Be nice to me, it is my first....

DONATION!

A bloody one.

I went to the Blood Bank with Wendy because she wanted to donate blood.
And I tagged along.
And thought...
maybe I should donate blood too.

Registered...and was given a large red and white sticker to be paste on my T-shirt which says..

"Be nice to me, it is my first donation"

I felt like a kid, happily receiving a big sticker to praise me for my act.
During the examination,I was tagged under "Malaria Risk" by the examiner
becos I travelled in malaria risk countries within 12 months.
But I was accept as a blood donor nevertheless.

First...

a nurse prick a tiny-mini hole with a stapler-like thingy
and collected a bit of my blood and drop it into a blue solution.
I was told later by wendy this is to check the blood's density against...
I guess the blue solution is copper sulphate.

It sinks...a bit and hangs in the middle...

I passed as long as it dun floats...but not with flying colours...
I concluded...becos it should have sink to the bottom like other drops of blood.

I enter the room with many comfy looking arm chairs...
and a few nurse start to crowd around me...
They are smiley and nice to me...like what the sticker on my T-shirts tells them.
I ask a lot of silly questions...
and finally lay comfortablely on the chair.
Ready to do my act.

I was rejected by the blood donation team 10 years ago...
becos the nurse can't find my blood vein.

10 years later which is now,
it was not an easy job either.
They tried my right hand, then my left...
and decided poke on my right hand eventually.

A tiny injection...
For localised anesthesia...
Skillfully done.
Followed by...I don't know what...
But a tiny pin prick sensation as I was told to look away
and talk to my friend instead...
Which I suspect it must be more than a pin prick..
That I decided to steal a glance...

I regret it...
It was a painful SIGHT.
Not that I can feel anything...
Becos of the anesthetic...
But I know it should be painful by the size of it,
Just that I cannot feel it.

Then the nurse prompts me to squeese the little cushy sponge
to give pressure so that my hand and pump blood into the donation bag...

I skive a bit and was caught...but manage to pull through.

Finally...It was over...
and wendy told me I can choose colour for my hand bandage...
But it was too late when the nurse choose
blue for me to match my t-shirt.
Not bad actually.

The nice lady told me
I can carry my own blood for a while
before it is being sent off for process...

It was a weird feeling..
My own blood...
Separated from my bloody...
In a Bag...
and I was carrying it...

Like a baby.
My baby.
It used to be part of me.

Strangely.

Then we happily left the centre and
go for our free refreshment in the canteen...

Soya milk and Soon guey for me.

Then...wendy and I head for the food market across the bloodbank
for pork porridge as planned.

Walked down the slops of the bloodbank
cross the road...less than 10 minutes of walk...
I suddenly feel weak in the knees..
Really weak...
Followed by a nauseating sensation...
I told wendy i feel like puking.
She thought I was joking.

Then a few more steps later...
I started to sqaut on the walkway...
I need to puke.
I knew it.
I AM NOT JOKING.

Passersby stop and offered me medicated oil.
WHICH I NEEDed.
I am thankful to the old lady who offer me her medicated oil.

Then...
I VOMITTED.

It was the soya milk and soon guey.
It was NOT hard to recognise them.
They are in still in good shape...
As they are not eaten very long ago.

I told wendy that I feel bad that I had left my puke by the pillar...
The soya and soon guey must be feeling lonely and unwanted.

Anyway...we head for the food market...stayed for 15 minutes..
Wendy ate her breakfast while i still feel unwell.
I called the blood bank and told them I vomitted.
I was told to go back.

Wendy and I head back to the bloodbank..
SLOWLY.
We stop on and off...between this 10 minutes or less distance.
I just cannot walk too fast...becos the nauseating sensation is still there..
But nothing left to be throw up..

Wendy start to feel giddy herself too..and break into sweats...
It was her turn now..
we reach the door step of the blood bank...
And we stopped..
A few more step...
but I was feeling too sick to continue..
I lay down on the floor of the door step of the bloodbank...
Hoping that doctors and nurses will run out to save me...

No one came out.

Wendy was not feeling well too...
She looks pale by now..

I decided...
I need to go in...just a few more step...
I walked up the step and told the lady in the lobby my situation...
And Wendy walked in slowly.

Both of us...are being wheeled into the rest area...
given pressure test, blanket and water...

Nurses told us...we should eat before the donation.

My pressure was 90/60 i was told.

A bit low.

Then we rested.

The pink shirt guy across who was donating blood looks familiar..
But it was not important anymore..I was too weak to smile.

Then...after...a lost track of time..
We had to leave...
Becos we are occupying blood donation beds...
And we felt better anyway...
Nurses warn us not to go shopping before we left.

We left the bloodbank..

AND GO SHOPPING!

I need to buy my organiser for 2008.
I drag myself with wendy to kinokuniya.
Got myself a new organiser.
Which I was happy of my own choose.

And actually wanted to continue to shop becos
there are crazy year end sales not to be missed.
YEt...I was too weak...
I tried...
But wendy told me...
I looked pale.

I gave up.
And went home.

Along the way home..
it was still an ordeal.
I had to walk and stop...many times.

Feeling nausaeting...
until i reach home

Bath...
Saw myself in the mirror...
And like my whitening look.


I excitedly called wendy and told her
"原来捐血可以美白...!"
(Donating blood atcually had whitening effect...!)

She replied in a matter of fact tone...
"不是美白...是苍白..."
(Not whitening...is PALE looking)

Oh..hmmm...

SHE IS RIGHT.

I called my brother and and friend and told them my ordeal..
Before I tugged myself to bed.

Woke up...
Confessed to my nanny that i went blood donation
and was scolded by her...
Finish my dinner...
And decided to blog...

Feeling the tiny pin prick pain on the finger from the first test...
While I type on my keyboard...

"Be nice to me, it is my first ..."

Maybe...

It is also my last.

No internet!!!!!!.....会死人的! 会死人的!

会死人的...没错.

Without internet....I will DIE!

I was informed by my mum that my 45 days in Chiangmai is going to be networkLESS.
No telephone. No internet access.

I start to behave like a grochy kid...and start to sulk.
I called my mum to grumble about it...and called my brother to scold him for cancelling the intent...then I called my second brother in Batam...to complain to him...called my best friend...and told her I will die.

So much for all the sulking...but I was still PISSED that I actually made plans to stay in thailand longer becos I thought i could have enjoy my holidays...hiding at home...while seeing the whole world at my finger tips...

The only survival source for me..I was told...is TV.
That should be good enough usually...but not anymore.
I tried to imagine.

It was worse than nightmare.

10 years ago...I would have laugh at my own post.
Now...I have to laugh at my own addiction.

Without internet...
It means...
I CANNOT...

watch youtube,
watch movie online,
check bank account and make transactions.
surf net,
read books,
check out resources,
catch up with friends,
read news,
submit proposal,
online shopping,
do research,
look out for inspiration,
correspond to my work,
make plans,
organise my show,
cry watching dramas on tudou...
watch documentaries for free...
search for materials for web design...
send emails..
check emails...
get to know latest discount..
update my facebook...

IN 45 days...I am trying to figure out now..
How am I going to fill up this empty slots...while not doing ALL THE ABOVE.

In fact, I do have a lot of other things to do...

Yet it scares me...to know that...
I AM UNABLE TO DO ALL THAT in the next 45 days from 13th jan onwards.

It scares me.

I only hope...
It is a blessing in disguise.
I know I am capable of surviving.
But it is going to be a torture.

I have so many other things to do...
yet...without internet...
It's like losing touch to the whole world.

How do I live without you.....

Oh...How do I...

Oh...How do I live....

SOMEBODY!...HELP ME!

CRASH!

My laptop hit blue screen again just a while ago.

I noticed the hefty pant coming from my laptop...
That kind of "work too hard for it's age" motor spinning sound.

Time is up soon...

You have to go...you have to go...

Time to back up.

This thing call friendship..once more.

So much for my emotional thoughts about friendship.
I was just being grouchy and grumpy.

Friends are still friends after all.

That is our kind of friendship.

Facebook Again...

I have been very resistance against facebook for a while...
I did not want to join any friends network online...
I forgot the reason why...
until I am going through my potential friends list...
and I see someone I never wanted to see again.

I remember one of the reasons for my resistance...

I know somehow...he might just be one of them in the network.
I wanted to avoid...seeing him again...even online..
I actually am afraid...he will find me.

That's all.

Facebook

I am finally on FACEBOOK...
A network a lot of my friends have been pestering me to join...
And I use PESTER...becos they really do it on a mental level and cyber way...

When i am finally on it...

I thought...what a waste of life.

It looks fun though...
I suspect I couldn't escape the fate to spend some N-hours of time in the future on yet another cyber reason to keep up my cyber image...


But ,I am too tired to build any thing as yet.

My own life is in a mess...
These network just seem too superficial for now...
like another friendster to a higher level...

I found the best friend whom I am losing on FAcebook...and send her a poke...
In the hope that...maybe this shall be the new way for us to interact in the future...
Without taking up her time...and me feeling guilty.
If that is the only way now.

I will try anything.

I am that desperate now.

If she ever realise it.

I am not complaining...I am lamenting.

I wanted to stress that...this thing call friendship.
I am not blaming anyone for how things developed.

I am not complaining...

I AM LAMENTING.

Showing griefs....and airing sadness...

If you feel I am being over-sensitive...

It is because this friendship is very important to me...

Regardless...no point in clarifying...

She never reads my blog anyway.

This thing call Friendship.

Friendship.
A very fragile relationship...
That can be easily dilute and broken by time and distance.
Yet, the biggest factor to change it...is choice.

As in...how important you feel u need to spend your time on it.


Some friends...are always there in your life...
While some fade away with time.
When you leave your school...
When you leave a job...
When you get married...

You make convenient new friends...and forget the old...
You make friends who lives close to you...and forget those far away...
Who can blame that...human beings are lazy...I am too.

Yet, recently...
I am sad.
I actually find myself tongue-tied when I want to honestly tell a best friend that I felt left out by her...since she get married...
I tried...like i used to...to try to catch up on the phone...
but each time...it gets more and more difficult...
It was to a point I was so reluctant to call yet...made the call because I know...
If I do not call her...she will usually not call me.
I thought...maybe she is busy...but I am not.
If she can't catch up with me...I can catch up with her...
Yet...I think I am losing it...
Nowadays...I even feel guilty that I might be imposing her life...
No matter how friendly she sounded on the phone like she used to be...
I always have to hang up...feeling very sorry that I interrupted her life...
She is that busy...or I am too free.

She once said " Family is family..."...I understand...but what about friends?
Isn't friends still friends?

I can be understanding...yet I also understand...if this goes on...that is about it.

This thing call friendship...
Is like any other relationship...

needs to be water like a plant...

Take it for granted and leave unattended...

Is a choice.

That's about it.

This thing call friendship.

Wow...I only knew the version by Swing out sisters...until i heard this...

La la (means I love you) by Swing out sisters



THE ORIGINAL VERSION-Lala (means I love you) by Delfonics!

Let's Stay Together...Algreen

MY FAVOURITE SONG!

Great song survive through time...

Taiwanese Version




Korean Version



THE ORIGINAL from The Spinners

Some other classic GREAT songs from stylistic...I just found out...they are the original singers...

YOu are Everything....this song...the first version I ever heard from was from Grasshopper...the cantopop groups in the 80's who sang this song in chinese...and afterthat...I heard an old version by Teresa Tseng...and now...I found out...it was actually from The stylistics...Wonderful song...

Stylistics....The original singers for the song " I can't give you anything but my love"...used as the commercial theme for Gatsby commercial...

How can we forget this drama!

" Time...by Raymond Well....8PM"

Yeah...!

I finally know how to post youtube videos on my blogger!
So easy and convenient!

By the way...I would like to thank the person who post these WONDERFUL videoclips of old SBC drama theme song online.

Please go to his youtube link and thank this person if you feel the same nostalgia and happy feeling as I did when I saw these posting.

I suspect I will abuse this new found skill I learn and bombard my blog with videos...just like when I first learn how to post images...

Please bear with me...

Meanwhile...

EnJoy!

"嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟...青春 123...啦啦啦啦啦...青春 123..!"

Awwwwhhh...Nostalgia...

Some christmas...

OMG!!!...I laugh my head off when ZJ sent me this photo...it only shows..that everybody has their own ugly past...hahaha....a cute one though...LQ!...YOU ARE IN IT TOO... dun laugh!

The colour pencil again...

First of all....
I would like to thank LQ for reading my post and aware of my colour pencil dilemma.
While I am still being indecisive over whether i should buy colour pencils...
She is totally against spending $100 for colour pencils...
She has grown up...I am happy.

Meanwhile...

I receive the phone bill for last month calling my mum in thailand...which is $110.

I should have shut up and save that $110 to buy my full range of colour pencils.
Though...I did not regret having good talks with my mum.

I miss her.

This month...no more calls to thailand since i am going home soon...

I shall buy colour pencils for myself for this christmas.


:)

Some conversation...

Guan : you busy with what?

Me : me now? wasting my life in exchange of hard cash

Guan : lol, ok

Me : yet at the same time...storing potential energy for my future outburst of passion...

Dear friends...

I am tired for the day.

Good night.

Or should I say...Good Morning.

6.14am

Something good about heartbreaks...

I told Ah guan,

Heartbreaks make good writers and poets.

It is one of the many positive things I can think of for being broken-hearted.

Other then that,
I remember an old Carpenters songs...

"All you get from love...is a love song...."

How sad...yet how beautiful.

It's really a nice song...

Really...

The blind men's world again.

I was telling the blind men's story to ah guan.
And i have a whole new interpretation about this story.
Apart from the fact that everybody has a different kind of world they live in due to the different experience they have...

I also want to say that...

Although everyone is right...
Everyone is wrong at the same time.

Everyone has genuine experiences yet...partial truth is not the whole truth.
Yah..that's what I wanted to add.

That's all.

Romantic encounter...

It was romantic only because it happens to me.
It was a normal walk home.
Then he overtook me.

and walked in front of me...for the next 10 minutes..
One block away from my flat..I lost sight of him.

Until I turn corner and saw him again...standing in front of the lift lobby.
Reading a book...waiting for the lift...

When is the last time I saw a Singaporean man reading a book.

I cannot remember any.

This is not a Singaporean by the way.
He is an angmoh...
A handsome one. How handsome?
I describe him to wendy(my best friend) as "eastern european plumber looking"


He look up at me...
i suddenly feels shy.

For a split second...the lift door opens.
He looked at me...waiting for me to enter first.

When is the last time a singaporean man let me enter the lift first..
I cannot remember any as well...

I was too shy to look up..and enter the lift first, then him.

Door closes...

15th floor is for me.
He lives on the 13th.

I stand behind him...
The lift is so quiet...I am afraid he will hear my heartbeat...
But I was smiling...

13th floor..
door opens and he left...

15th floor...

Reach my door.

End of story.

120 colours...

I have been trying to convince myself...
that I don't need to buy 120 colours for colour pencils.
72 should be more than enough.
Yet I cannot resist the temptation to own as many colours as I just can see to many shades of colours out there...
The world is too colourful that even 120 of them is too little to express.

Maybe it is my vanity. Like woman never have enough shoes...
Artist never have enough colours.

I write therefore I am

I love to write.
But I haven't been writing.

And this in NOT RIGHT.

And so, I am writing now.

Anything and whatever.

I remember vividly that I am always speechless
when people ask me what makes me think
people will buy my book if i publish one.
Not that I do not have confident with my writing ability.
But I am equally aware that many else can write as good
and even way better than me in fact.
Even the worst writing is worth reading if you can appreciation
the intention of sharing a thought.
I am not sure if people will spent money to buy a book i wrote,
but I am glad to share what I write with people who is willing to read it.


For me.
I just want to share.

Even the slightest emotion trigger by the rain.
The occasional sadness.
The lovely moon.
The baby sleeping.
The yawning dog.
The dripping tower.
The soya sauce stain on someone's sleeve.


Each has a story.

Some may be boring yet can be written charmingly given the mood.
Some are funny yet you didn't laugh.
Some are happy, so happy...I run out of words...
Some are angry but you just cannot sense my anger when u read it..
Some are sad...so sad, yet you just think it is silly of me.

While I absorb the world's happening around me like a sponge, I squeese out my thoughts with art, with colours, with shapes, and mostly with words...


I am.
I write.

sleep...

sleep..sleep sleep...raining...sleeping sleeping...rain...sleep...

Hmm...nice

Raining...

raining...raining...raining...rain...rain....rain...raining...

Ah...rain...

Cloudless...

It was a cloudness night.

Because I can see all the stars...

Nice.

I see stars...

I see stars in the sky one night while walking home from work.

All the stars...so many.

It was a cloudless night.

Wish list...

Dear Santa, I have been a good girl.

May I have..the following for christmas...

1. 120 colour Pablo artist colour pencil. (1st choice)
Or Derwent coloursoft 72 colours. (2nd choice)

2. Mac Book Pro with New Mac OS Leopard, adobe and avid. (1st choice)
Or Laptop with adobe design suite and avid. (2nd choice)

3. Canon 400D, Lens kit 2, extra batteries and 2x2GB card(1st choice)
Or Panasonic FZ18, batteries and 2x2GB card or Canon G9 or Powershot S5

4. Schmincke Artist watercolour, at least basic 15 colours(1st choice
Or Aquafine(Daler Rodney) or Cotman(winton) at least 18 colours.(2nd choice)

5. Sole lover shoes, that particular design I saw.

6. $1000 kinokuniya OR PageOne voucher.

7. The spontaneous power to keep making art.


Please.

xxxx

10 things I learn this month...

1. My brother is getting married SUDDENLY.

2. Old friends are nice friends because they grew up with you...

3. Watercolours are expensive art materials...

4. Flu bugs are getting fiercer lately...

5. Earth is striking BACK with all sorts of freaky weather!

6. There are just people who likes to BE MEAN AND RUDE to people for their own pleasure.

7. There is a small island off singapore shore call Pedra Blanca almost the size of a football field...with a lighthouse on it.

8. Malaysian and singaporean govt are fighting an international court case over the sovereignity of this island.

9. Roger Federer is the BEST TENNIS PLAYER!...and I like him!

10. Teh Haliah...is ginger tea with milk.

What the HeLL!!!!

Yes...WaT tHe hELL...!
I haven't blog for more than a month!!!

That is definitely SINFUL!

Arhmituofuo....

Buddha please forgive me...
I did not cleanse my soul as much as I should have...

And why?
Because I have no life this month.

Why?? why?

Becos, I worked.
I sold my soul for HARD CASH.
That is why.

Meanwhile...


This week something that bothers me a bit....
I woke up one fine day...and saw a vague wrinkle under my right eye....
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

RUb a lot of moisturiser....and manage to hide it...
But just this morning....
the line appear again..
creepily....

DAMN YOUTUBE!
Should have gone to bed early...

Self-discipline lady...
Go To SLeEP!...
For buddha sake...

Arhmituofu.

MOnday bleu...

I was feeling so blue so blue yesterday...
I couldn't help but to eat and eat even though I am very full...
It is quite a scary feeling, not the feeling blue part...
But the eat and eat...

But honestly...I was so blue...I just want to go to sleep.

Yet another unproductive day.

I am sinful.

Awfully.

Hey Mr Sun!

Soobin is in a lovely mood today...

Soobin wants a pet dog...but her mum says NO...

Happy 5th Anniversary to KBoX!!!!

And YEah!!!...I went for their $5 all day promotion...from Sunday till Wednesday...stuffed myself with the $5 tibits until I am suffering from constipation...
This is retribution for being greedy. No kidding.
And look at these lovely Kbox 5th anniversary Choc...I dun eat choc...
but I think they are cute.

My StrAwbeRry puRse...The Real Thing.

My StrAwbeRry puRse...Soobin's version

Top 10 Sing list...

I love to sing...
Sing in the bathroom, sing in bed...sing at the bus-stop...sing at work...
Whenever I have the mood that is...

And most of all...sing in KTV.

Below is my top 10 in random order...

1. You make me want to fall in love-F.I.R
2. 一个人生活- 林凡
3. 喜欢你-Kit Chan
4. 笑忘书- 王菲
5. 我真的受伤了- 王苑之
6. 听说爱情回来过- Sandy Lam
7. 新不了情-万芳
8.玫瑰香- Sandy Lam
9. 爱太远- Li Qi
10. 梦醒时分- 陈淑桦

Ahh...feel like singing again soon.

:)

In praise of slowness...

After the fall, I learn a lot of new things in life.

I finally understand why turtle live a long life.

They are slow...that's why.

What's the hurry actually.

Take it easy!

Organidling...

"If you find mundane chores more seductive in the face of important tasks, you could be an 'organidler'"

That is me.

http://www.straitstimes.com/Free/Story/STIStory_165789.html

And I am glad that I am actually being productive for not really doing anything...or maybe not...
I am organidling.

Ha.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall....

3 minutes to the next train...

I can run into the confectionery to get my lunch...
Hotdog with pork floss bun and Garlic with ham bun...

1 minutes to the the next train...
I scan my ezlink card...and head for the platform...

Heard the familair sound...
Train arriving...

I speed up my steps...and run upwards the escalator...
Lifted my right foot...missed the steps...
kicked onto the steps instead...
tripped...
And fall...
Hands down...hurt my left foot and right foot's toe...and hit my head...

But reach the top of the platform in time...

Stand up..and feel the pain...
Staggle onto the arrived train in time.

Sat down...and FEEL the pain coming...
The peel on my toes started to bleed...
wrap my toes franctically with tissue...

HAlf an hour of pain...

Reach Cityhall...

Got the station master to dress my wounds vaguely...with some cleaning and plaster...
Walk in pain to work...

Show off my wounds...and was in pain...
Went to see the company clinic, thanks to my boss who offer to pay under company bill...

Got a jab...in case the escalator is rusty..

Did not went home immediately...instead..went to collect stuff from CDL...as scheduled.

Reach home finally...and rest.

Still in pain now.


Just because I want to catch the train...which the next train is only 7 minutes later..

What is the hurry...?

The moral of the story...according to my mum...
DO NOT SPENT TOO MUCH TIME WATCHING TV AT NIGHT...
and wake up earlier...and get prepared earlier...and leave home in advance so that I do not need to be in a hurry all the time...

Point taken mum.

LAstly...I had to say I am lucky already...if slip instead...and roll down the steps...
I won't be blogging now.

Pleasure...

Had a nice cup of hot Tazo Chai Tea latte on Monday afternoon...
Had a pleasant surprise that it taste GREAT!

Did a research on what Tazo Chai Tea latte is...

Tazo...is a brand.
Chai is the word for tea in indian...is black tea with spices...
Latte...means with steamed milk.

Remember the nepalese tea I drank at Hungary made by my friend Andrea.
It was something like chai latte...milk tea with spices...

Love that kind of taste....
Peaceful and calming.

Love Spiced milk tea.
Love Chai.

Love this little pleasure of taste in life...

I am sinful

Dear buddha,

I am sinful.
I made a mistake today.
I forgot to go for my art teaching lesson today.
I FORGOT ABOUT IT. TOTALLY.

Until my student's mum called me...
and I said "SHIT! I TOTALLY FORGOT!"
I was too honest.

My reply was worse than not going for the lesson.

And so...I guess she must be angry.
I feel really bad.

Once again,
I am so sorry.
I AM SO VERY SORRY.
I REALLY AM.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

Ok, I lied.

I couldn't help but to do another posting.

It was that korean dad that I want to talk about.

Nowadays, actually only since last week...
he will just be right THERE.
THERE.
As in there in the living room where I teach.
He will be sitting quietly back facing me at the corner of the house...reading a book.
Rather intriguing.

Then, when I was about to leave...he will turn and we will exchange bows.

That was it.

Good night...yawnzzz....

One last entry for the day...

Though I was dead tired already...

4.47am.

One last photo to share for the day...

The view from the laundry area of my flat...

On a particular normal day...among the HDB...

A strangely beautiful sunset was there
right before me...

My dear Soobin...

This is a nice painting done by my student Soobin, during a good mood day few weeks ago...when she thought her parents has agree to let her adopt a doggie.

Browsing...

Was browsing through the photos I took many months ago...
Going through my life...like reading my little photo diary...

And saw the blue screen....

Yes...the legendary blue screen that scare the shit out of me...the hellish nightmare which I am too confuse to make up my mind if I actually I wanted to cry or simply too pissed.

It was all over now...yet...the sight of it still send the chill down my spine and make my heart stop that one beat.

Ladies and gentlemen...

May I present...THE BLUE SCREEN...


Serious....no kidding...

ZAKKA!

The term I learn just minutes ago sent me into a realm of endless fantasy and thoughts...

ZAKKA according to wikipedia...

Zakka (from the Japanese 'zak-ka'（雑貨）or 'many things') is a fashion and design phenomenon that has spread from Japan throughout Asia. The term refers to everything and anything that improves your home, life and outlook. It is often based on household items from the West that are regarded as kitsch in their countries of origin. But can also be japanese goods from mainly fifties, sixties and seventies. In Japan there are also so called asian zakka stores, that usually refers to southeast asia. The interest in Nordic design or Scandinavian design, both contemporary and past, is also part of this zakka movement. Zakka can also be contemporary handicraft.

Zakka has also been described as "the art of seeing the savvy in the ordinary and mundane". The zakka boom could be recognized as merely another in a series of consumer fads, but it also touches issues of self-expression and spirituality. Cute, corny and kitschy is not enough. To qualify as a zakka, a product must be attractive, sensitive, and laden with subtext.

So far...I am quite a fan of the Japanese and Taiwanese Zakka...and a lot of eurpoean zakka...which I discovered from books I read in kinokuniya...

All about HAND-MADE...with an ATTITUDE!

...

I want to make art...
I have to make art...

I NEED TO MAKE ART.
DYING TO...

Need to get out of this job...

I realise...
My part time job in the jap rest...is actually my SAFE MODE...
I feel safe...but I am getting no where.

And I am getting frustrated now.

Precisely.

I need to get out of it ASAP.

Trying to pick up...

It was like...
You can hear the alarm ringing...
You wanna wake up...
But couldn't...

That frustrating.

But WHY?

why couldn't?

I realise the reason why...

I was struck by hurt and disappointment...
Like a computer under virus attack...
I was put on SAFE MODE...
I was being reformat...
and start afresh...
While I was too afraid to be hurt and be disappointed again...
and in order to protect myself from being hurt...
My brain and body decide to run on SAFE MODE to prevent further damage...

Hence my current status of ...unable to perform to MAX...due to the mode I am currently running in...


An angry situation which I need to resolve.


Running on SAFE MODE is safe...but frustrating...

I want to be safe because I dun want to get hurt...

But...being frustrated now...IS WORSE THAN BEING HURT.

Life got to get back to normal..

I WANT MY POWER BACK!

I want the good old me who is fearless...and go all out to get things.

I want myself back.

Continued...

I was saying...

I missed out a a few episode about my student's dad...since the
"We are poor but we are rich in our heart..." episode...

This time round....last week, I saw another side of this man.

Apart from fixing the TV, having a pet snail...and likes to make wooden puzzle...
This week...I saw him playing tennis with his son...
I only took a glance of him for 0.5 seconds and no more...I was too shy...

This week...he was sitting right in front of me about 3 metres away....doing stuff on his laptop...
I wonder why he dun just hide in his own room like what he usually did...
I was feeling a bit uneasy to teach his daughter in front of him...
Because he makes me nervous...

Anyway...
That was all.

Yet another of my nonsensical crush.

To be continued....

Down with flu...

Feeling tired all day..

She saw a ghost...

I was convinced by my student that she saw a ghost yesterday.

After so many kind of hearsay from people...her version seems to be the most convincing one.

It was too hard for me not to believe...from her description.

Translucent...with long hair.....

Quite freaky...but I cannot show my fear...because it will only scare her more...and she dun dare to tell her parents...

Then I told her about the hungry ghost festival...that the “good brothers” will come out for their holidays during these periods...and will leave when the holiday ends...and told her not to worry...

And she ask me...what so they do when they go back...

I told her...they go back to wait for their turn to reincarnate...to be reborn...

She show me her curious eyes...and asked me... “so I am reborn?”

“Maybe...”

I manage to reduce her fear with my crazy idea that I might be a fish in my past life...or maybe I might become a snail in my next life...she was laughing away...

Finally, I manage to distracted her with some youtube videos on Korean drama clips...as we giggle all the way when we see our favourite male actor, chung jung myung, kissing the female lead...

She will be alright.

But honestly, I was freaked...

Arhmituofu...

I am rich in my heart too...

“Do you think I am rich?”

My 8 year old Korean student asked me.

I was stuck for more than 2 seconds...wondering if there is a special reason for her question....whether if this is one of her trick question on me...or she wanted to tell me something with this question...I think too much, I admit...but I was right.

She wanted to tell me something from her trick question.

But she wanted me to answer her question first.

And so, trying to answer her question...I thought...from my observation of her family...I think her family is considered average to me...well...maybe slightly above average...as she lives in a condominium...and the fact that her mum can afford to pay me to teach her daughter drawing...ermm....

I simply told her.... “I think you family looks OK.”

She showed her smile...and said...

“No, we are rich...My father says...we may be poor...but we are rich in our heart.”

For a moment, I was speechless.

Why?

My heart skipped a beat...that’s why.

This Korean dad has been my secret crush for a while after numerous visits to the family.

I have to admit my crush started simply because he is a Korean...extended from my craze over the Korean dramas...He will be around most of the time when I arrive for the lesson...to maybe occasionally open the door for me..., for once pour me a cup of water, ONLY ONCE...but most of the time...he will disappear into his room when I arrive or leave the house and his daughter and go out for a walk when he knows I am coming...

Rather boring ...

Yet...

The few times I thought this Korean dad is interesting was when I spot him reading a book sitting at the sofa once, just woke up from his nap and came out to check on his kids...looking blur.....fixing the TV...help the kids assemble wooden models...catch a snail as house pet for the children, play tennis with his children, bring the children to the botanic garden...and today...told his daughter...that... “we may be poor but we are rich in our heart”

Meanwhile, she went back to do her drawing...left me smiling...thinking of that brilliant answer.

She spotted me day-dreaming and ask me why...

“Then, do you think I am rich?” I asked her back.

She looks at my outfit and says...”I think you are ok”

And I told her...” No, I am a poor...”

We exchange glances for a moment...with our squinty eyes...

“but I am rich in my heart too...”

We both laughed.

GO AWAY! I WANNA SLEEP!

PISSED!!!!

**%"$^+_((<>¬%^*

I am swearing...
Because I am pissed by my nanny who woke me up when I am sleeping...
HEr reason being...because I am having 3 days off anyway...and I should wake up by now..
MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE....
whichever off days i am going to have from now...it doesn't mean I do not need to sleep now.

SLEEP IS SLEEP!

WE NEED TO SLEEP EVERYDAY!

and she did not realise when she is sleeping I AM WORKING!
So when she is not sleeping...she feels that I am sleeping all the time!!!!!


SO SUPER PISSED!!!!!!!


DON'T WAKE ME UP!!!!!!


GO AWAY!!!!

I WANNA SLEEP!!!!

12 minutes to 5am...

That is the time now...
And I am tired.
Of course I am...
I should be sleeping...
But I have so many things I want to do...

Yet I need to sleep now.

Good night.

Take care.

Falling in love again...

Recently...

I am having an over dosage of this particular song which I set on repeat mode these few nights...

"Falling in love again"by Bobby Kim and father ( soundtrack from korean drama, Foxy Lady)

Spent hours to search for it's romanized korean lyrics so that I can sing with it...but to no avail...

Finally...i grab the speaker and put it to my ear...and start to write down sound by sound...

For hours...

This is the result...

Ladies and Gentlemen...

Presenting

Lyrics of "Falling in love again..." Bobby Kim and Father...

Romanized sound by sound without knowing what it means...

PLEASE CLAP...

*****

Pa ha rah aga chul ku no dim gah..
Sarang nerl cha-ga soul oh yeah...
Yang go ni sen wo keh nora nerl na neh
Pa ra ye teng go deh oh yeah
Yo keh noru cha-ga soul
Kezo ke me no e na oh yeah
Chul haiyer pa no nerl neh maru merl..baby..
Haji her nuru heru sa ra nah keh

I’m falling in love again...
Noru cha-ga soul...
Ayer yik chen mo chul serl haru we der haru neh

I’m falling in love again
No ha ra ma...
Naru pyong ni she ke hurl
Ku min ger yong ara jin

Oh ...oh ..oh....hmmm..

Man hong na ono weh tan aka yeah
Ho reh rerl hong nam myong ..oh yeah
Kambon jyong so nerl hong deroh jyong...baby
Hop shim nora nerl
Hairi ji go no rerl ni

I’m falling in love again..
Noru pa da ya..
Nala ku han neh hye nerl
Cha-ger ko deh an ba di

I’m falling in love again...
Weh e-ro keh
Noru toh gai ya han na ne mang merl
weh mo lah

Ahn jang chu jyo sul reh
Echul jek chul nara soul
Bong myong yi nan nok na kom ma ner sa kerm na yi teh
Haji man nan naru bong myong sarang hye pam byong
Echul ku merl cha-ga bong myang
A ka der ha geh...

I’m falling in love again...
Noru cha-ga soul...
Ayer yik chen mo chul serl haru we der haru neh

I’m falling in love again
No ha ra ma...
Naru pyong ni she ke hurl
Ku min ger yong ara jin

I’m falling in love again...
Noru cha-ga soul...
Ayer yik chen mo chul serl haru we der haru neh

I’m falling in love again
No ha ra ma...
Naru pyong ni she ke hurl
Ku min ger yong ara jin

******

To judge my accuracy....please listen to the song yourself and sing along with the lyrics...

And praise me if you are impressed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFaQNmbFxb8

This is the video showing the clips from the korean drama,foxy lady...with this song as soundtrack.

Watch it! Love it! and Sing along with MY LYRICS!

Enjoy!

I touch a snail...

Yesterday was the first time in my life...

To touch a living snail...the flesh and the shell.

It was an experience of a lifetime...and a rather freaky one...

I was forced to...at the same time..i was tempted.

It was slimy and wriggling as usual...and how scary can it get...

My 8 years old korean student Soobin prompted me...while i was yeeeking away...

She says..."what is so scary about a snail?"
and she is right.

So I touch it...while it's flesh was wriggling...I touch the wriggling flesh of her pet snail...
from the transparent container with a small opening exposing the flesh of the crawling snail upside down...

It was ...er..

Slimy...sticky...

and...that's all.

After that...i touch it for a few more times...it was fun.

And while I thought I have successfully overcome my own fear...
She pick up her snail...and chase after me around her house...

I know it was silly...

Apparently...I am still afraid of snail...even after I have touch it...
Maybe not as afraid as before...
But not until i can play with it yet.

I touched a snail..

I really did.

I really feel proud that I have overcome yet another of my own fear...

I bet you never touch a snail before...Or..Have you?

Stubborn ME?...or You?

I have friends who insisted that I am a stubborn person...

Logically let's see it in this way...
whoever feels that someone else is stubborn...
are ALSO STUBBORN themselves.

When one person do not accept your point of view and insist on working on their own view...and you feel they are stubborn, that is because you yourself do not accept other people's point of view...and uses the word "stubborn" to brand the person who thinks otherwise.

Let's face it...

Stop being stubborn!

For all the people who are branded stubborn...or people who brand other people as "stubborn"

Think about this.

Blind men's world....

There is a chinese proverb about blind men toucing an elephant.
Each of them manage to find a spot to touch the elephant at different parts...
And one of them says...the elephant is big like a wall...it's body...
The other says...the elephant is long like a pillar...it's legs..
Another says...it is long and swaying...the trunk...
The last one just manage to grap the elephant husk and says...it is hard and curvy...

Everyone is right...

This story tells us...when you think right...it does not neccessary mean others are wrong.
Everyone could be right....just that each and everyone of us happen to see the different parts of the whole truth...and believe in what we perceive in our own small perception of things. We are not wrong...maybe just incomplete.

There are times when u see this world in this way...and u think that is the whole truth...in fact...you only see part of it. If you are happy with that kind of incomplete truth...there is no sin to it....but the best thing is to share this different kind of vision you have with others so that both of you can boarden each other's vision...however...do not force your truth on other people who sees a different world...afterall...we use our heart to feel this world differently...not matter how true your world is to you...it might not be real to the person who feels this world differently.

Finally...think about this...if you live in a house with only a window enabling you to only look out at one view for your whole life...your life...will be about that one view only. It is not a bad thing if u are happy. But do keep in mind that there is no point in arguing with your neighbour who has a window facing your house about how the world look like.

I am blind...and I am happy.
And I respect that you are blind too.

Let's be happy about what WE CANNOT SEE...and enjoy what we see.

Foxy lady...

Yeah!...my latest korean drama craze is the foxy lady .
A great show to look out for...and the vocal soundtracks are super.

The male lead...Chun Jung Myung is so cute...I felt like hugging him...

Go watch it!

小情歌

"这是一首简单的小情歌..."

就是那么简单...

"你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚

就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
逃不了最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡"

简单得令人感动...

"唱着人们心肠的曲折"

不信...自己听吧.

http://www.up37.com/user/nanayuyu/2007062110364373499.mp3

Don't just say...just do it...

That is what I needed.
And here I am...talking about it...
I should be spending these time...DOING IT INSTEAD.

I NEED TO JUST DO IT.

REALLY.

ALL THOSE WHO EVER MADE AN EFFORT
TO KICK MY ASS...and SCOLDED ME...

Thank you.

头痛...

痛到暴...
痛到麻...

痛到想...

"何必呢...死了算了..."

那种头痛...

Kid's writing...

My handwriting has become "naive" lately...
As in...messy and childish looking...
Because I have been writing less and less...
Instead...
my writing ability is being replaced by the tapping speed of my fingers on the keyboard...
You gain something...u lose some...

And so...I thought maybe I should stop typing...
and post pictures of my handwriting journals...
to preserve my ability to WRITE.

Or...i will only be able to tap fingers in the future to express I LOVE YOU...
and not even able to write that properly with my fingers...

It is quite a freaky though...but if u have seen my handwriting lately...
You will know I am not joking...

Even worse...
because of infotechnology technology...
my chinese deteoriate...because typing chinese is so troublesome...and SLOW...
my mind is already jetting off with thoughts that my fingers cannot catch up...
Typing did speed up expressing sometimes...
BUT If i were to type chinese...i will go crazy...
Can you imagine a few chinese words for my previous posting is taking a lifetime for me...
I could have just write them on a piece of paper in a few minutes...

It does make a different in the choice of medium of expressing...
In this case...typing...EASE AND HINDRANCE expression at the same time...

you gain some you lose some...


This is life....

用手写字的心情．．．

用手写字的心情．．．

因为用了电脑的关系
近来连字都不用写了
从脑子里出来的思绪
被手指打在键盘上
化成文字
变成了

手打在键盘上的动作

发出的噪音…

每一个字
就只是文字而已

少了… …

时而蜿蜒曲折

时而整齐有序

少了… …

零乱心情

不奈烦的情绪…

少了… …

用手写字的心情．．．

Utterly blank...

Today is the deadline for Golden point award.

More than enough time for me to write something...
Or even compile something and submit.

I actually gave up.

Because I am not in the mood to struggle.

I feel so weak lately.

All the competitions I participated goes down to drain.

The more i want to achieve something lately...I simply fail.

So I was thinking...maybe I should just do things to please myself...
Instead of pleasing judges who are going to judge my work...
I should go ahead and do my own work...
Write my own stiff...
Do my own art...

Forget about those competitions...
Write something I love...
Compile a nice little journal...

Go make some art...
To heal myself...
Do a mini solo show..

For myself...
For myself...

A few more hours...

I got to feel guilty for another few more hours before I can tell myself it is over.

I hate the feeling I am giving up though...

The recurring question...

"What makes you think that your work is worth people buyin, if you only do that work for yourself...?"

Because of this question, it makes me want to make my art even more...

An artist only need to be true to himself.

I Only need to be TRUE TO MYSELF.

Practicing artist...

Yes, practice.

Like anything and everything in life.
If you want to be good at it...
YOu need to practice.

Including art.

Helplessly patriotic...

I am.

Despite the fact that I have been contemplating to leave Singapore ALL THE TIME.

I really am.

How patriotic?

I cry each time i sing those national day songs...

Singapore is my home...

But...a home I had to leave.

I love Singapore...

I really do.

Count on me, Singapore...

This is one of my favourite National day song...
Love it...
And I mean every word I sang...everytime...

I wish Singapore will be proud of me as an artist...
But I am sad..

I wonder if i can survive here as an artist.

I love Singapore...

I really do...

But staying here is so hard to make the kind of art I love...

"There is something down the road that we can strive for...
We are told no dream's too bold that we can't try for..."

"Just believe...just believe..."


I really wish.

As an artist...

As an artist...

You should always be ready to learn that...
not even the people closest to you
can understand what your artwork is all about...

You should always be ready to accept that...
you might be the only person in the world
to understand your own work...

You should always be ready to realise that...
doing art is a very lonely activity...

Only to you...that you know...what your art really mean.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am prepared and I am ready for all these.

But still feels sad when I learn that my best friend
cannot understand the value behind my art making...

I am prepared and I am ready.

Or maybe...I am not.

But I have to be.

I have to be.

As an artist...

Strange cloud

In the beginning...

Simple and happy

Light and fluffy...

Slowly...

Acumulating existency...

Drifted and pushed helplessly...

Gaining weight and physicality...

Saturate at peak density...

Burst and let go unwillingly...

Bit by bit...

Losing...

Reducing...

Parting...

Slowly...

Light and fluffy...again...

Strangely....

Simple and happy...

Like how it was in the beginning.

Michael Landy...

His Break down...is a major art project that inspire me a lot...

It could be the next big thing I wanna do for my art...

After a proper documentation, I want to throw, recycle or give as many things as I could... away.

I want to let go.

I want to feel light.

It is time to let go...

Even my hair...

There will be a time...before I leave this place.

940 days ...

Suddenly, I was curious...

How many days am I away from the big day...

I did a rough calculation on my calculator...

940.

To what?..YOu may ask.

I am 940 days from being 30 years old.

I am not young anymore..

But NEVER TOO OLD TO DO THE THINGS I LOVE.

It just makes it more urgent to want to do certain things in life...

So much more urgent...

Feeling blue...

I was feeling rather blue these few days...

Blue as in...moody.

But...somehow...it was not a bad thing...

Blue...but I am enjoying it.

Because it makes me think.

It stir up words and emotions...

Colours and imageries...

I kind of like this feeling...

Sad but I enjoy it.

Lovely old trees...

In Singapore...it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to have a tree in your backyard that is old enough for you to hang ropes and put a swing to swing on...

Because you just can't for a few reasons...

1. You need to be filthy rich to have a backyard to your house in the first place...I mean...DAMN FILTHY RICH...

2. YOU need to be rich for a long long time...long enough for the tree in your backyard to grow strong enough for the branch to support your weight...

3. Finally, you need to have the authority to stop government from cutting down your tree if your tree is hazardess to road users....in case your tree is near the roadside...beside your house...

How sad...I love Singapore...but I hate how it has become.

Headache....a splitting one...

If you have never had a headache before...you will never know why "splitting" is used to describe headache...

Because it literally feels like the brain is being split up...and the image of a splitting cell will appear in my mind...to futher enhances and visuallise the splitting pain I am experiencing...

And why am I telling you this?

That was the kind of headache I had 2 days ago....
in the middle of the night while trying to sleep...

I was feeling out of breathe...and the headache was...yah...SPLITTING ...if you can imagine according to how i describe my pain...

That moment, so painful I thought I might die.

I freak out.

Not because I am afraid death...but because I wouldn't be able to finish what I wanted to do if I die that particular night...not now please.

In the end, here I am blogging.

I am SO GLAD I AM STILL ALIVE.

YOu should be tOO....

Thank you for reading my blog.

Raining...

Finally, it rains...crazily...
LOVE da rain...
I was sad on my previous posting because of the mental block I am suffering due to the horrible hot weather...
And now...

It is simply SHIOK!...

WOHOOOO~~~~~

RAIN!!!!

Nothing to write.

I have nothing to write.
No feelings to convey.
No one to hate.
No one to love.
No one to grumble about.
No one to miss.
No mood.
Nothing.

No...

Sad.

Love not in the way I love...

Love not in the way I love...

This is my dilemma recently.

My nanny is my second mum.
But we have heaven and earth kind of living habits, as in...very different lifestyle.


What I ask for now is just A PRIVATE SPACE, which is my room.

Yet, even if I lock up my room, my nanny will open my room with HER KEY.
EVen if I was only lying on the bed day dreaming, I really hope this moment is solely private.
I told her, there is a reason why I lock my door, it means I do not want to be interrupted.
I hope she understand. So far, she do not.

It pissed me off, even when I know she loved me and meant well when she open my door.
Mostly because it is time to eat dinner. And that will be another issue. I am NOT HUNGRY YET.

Ok...I sound like a spoilt child who doesn't know how to aprreciated the blissful life I am in....
Most of my friend envies my serviced apartment kind of lifestyle living with my nanny with laundries done, cleaning up and meals prepared occassionally...
But honestly, I miss my slump life in Glasgow, messy, hungry at times, BUT WITH ABSOLUTE FREEDOM.


My nanny loves me, and I love my nanny too...

And well...

That is the dilemma.

What I want...

Not many friends of mine would ask me in the face...
"WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT IN LIFE?"

But there are at least 2.

This is a question I start to ask myself since I was 17 years old.

Exactly 10 years ago, I start to ask myself what I want in life...
On and off, I though I found somthing...vaguely...
And while searchin for the answer, I learn more about what I want...
Like trial and error, I did some, hate some, love some....

And now, I still do not really know what I WANT EXActly.

But...I did draw some conclusion as to what I want in a fragmented way...

I want a space of my own which is my HOME.
I want to MAKE THINGS.
I want to share my musing in LIFE...in words and art.
I want to travel and see the world and share what I see.
I want to love and be loved.
And finally hope that i can do all the above mentioned as a way to EARN A LIVING.

Yah...that's about it...at the moment...that is all.

Things I learn this week...

1. Bus 111 is a loop service and will pass by the whole stretch of Tanglin Road. (Thanks to my student SB...she moves to a new apartment and i need to find my way there)

2. One end of Tanglin Road leads to Queenstown...the other end is orchard road.

3. Bus 111 will also stop by Marina Square.

4. Hugh Grant actually can sing. (YH is the one who told me about this and ask N to play the song for me)

5. The term "entropy", " is the measurement of the disorder or randomness of a system ."
Such an interesting term....makes me wonder.... (Introduce to me by KY during an interesting conversation one fine afternoon)

6. According to Moore's Law, it takes about every 18 months for the computer to become 2 times faster by halving the size of wire and logic gates from which they are constructed. Every time the size of the components of a computer goes down by a factor of two, twice as many will fit the same size chip.

7. How to count in binary. ( From the book I am currently read, "Programming the Universe"

8. The idea of "ZERO" , "0" means " empty thing"....a powerful abstract idea of nothingness yet so concretely exist. ( From the same book.)

9. Four ways to go up Fort Canning Hill. 1, From behind Substation. 2, From Park Mall near Douby Ghuat MRT. 3, Beside MICA building. 4, From Clark Quay.

10. There is a Kinokuniya in Liang Court. And Meidiya which sells Jap stuffs in Liang court is interesting. You can walk tO Liang Court from Clark Quay. And to ZOuk from Clark Quay.

Wonder Woman.

That's me.


Allow me to illustrate the kind of wonders i have performed lately...

I worked part time in a restaurant
Teach 2 kids drawing and making craft 2 to 3 times a week
Had 2 exhibitions in 2 weeks...
Spend 3 days in a woodcarving symposium and artist talk...made a wood sculpture...
HAd to churn out competition pieces for 2 competitions...3 paintings and 2 sculptures...


A typical day...

Wake up at 8.30am...teach art,
go work in restaurant at 11.30am till 2.30pm,
go teach art at 3pm,
come back to work at restaurant at 5.30pm..
.and end a day at 10.30pm...
reach home at 11.30pm,
do my art work till 2am...

OR...wake up at 8.30am for the wood carving symposium,
ends at 5.30pm, go to work at restaurant at 6pm,
end at 10.30pm...
reach home at 11.30pm,
fall asleep in front of the TV at 2pm.

Tired...

I enjoy the art making part...
and art teaching...

But hate the restaurant work lately...

Hate list...

1. The fact that I need to do a hate list...means there is more than one thing that annoys me recently...and I hate it. Hate to do a hate list.

2. Hate it when I reached and see my room neat and tidy...
means my nanny tidy up my room...and put my things anywhere she thinks is RIGHT...which I do NOT KNOW WHERE?...the visual tidiness...is a mental mess to me.

3. Deadlines. But love it too.

4. Hate to battle to wake up.

5. Hate to stand in MRt train ( AbSolutely HATE it...and i believe I mention this before in my previous hate list BUT FEEL that it is neccessary to REPEAT!)

6. Hate the feeling of staring at a canvas and don't know what to paint.

7. HAte spending money.

8. Hate eating too much and feel bloated...

9. Hate going to work in a place which I feels disappointed with...

10. Hate feeling hateful.

Few things I learn this week...

1. It is against the law to climb trees in HDB area....KY told me.
Until now...I still wonder if this is true...and thought it is ridiculous...

2. No matter how hard you try to avoid work politics...it will still be there. The only difference is if you are lucky, you may choose to sit on the fence, but most of the time when u are not careful enough, you will fall on either side.

3. Wood carving is not as hard as I think but need quite a bit of physical strength on certain level... yet it is a matter of confidences...and the fear of making mistake that deter me from being involve...something I want to overcome.

4. When you do something that meant well, people might not think the same when they already think you are WRONG before you do it.

5. Teaching children art is NOT easy.

I think I can paint better than this...

The road between Marina Square and Esplanade...

THE GREAT SINGAPORE SALE!!!!

Allow me to steal the slogan from John Little...

"The sale worth waiting for"

Indeed.

This year, I am please with my bargains and may I present the list of items I bought...

1. NIKE Yoga/Pilate Mat - $37 WOW!(40% off, original price $61- I have been eyeing on this mat for months)

2. Speedo swimsuit - $9.90 WOW! WOW! ( Original price $59.98 but put in a rack for clearance)

3. Canvas and paints at 20%-30% discount (forget the price...)

4. Galenic Facial toner/wash $25.90 (50% off original at $51.80)

5. My daily facial wash at 20% discount

6. Giordano Jeans - $35 ( 50% off original is $69.90)

7. Systema mouth rinse x 2 - $8.50 (Buy one get one free)


That's about it...Spent quite a lot this month...hope i win something in my competitions to cover...

Still have a few items to grab...the china documentary DVD for my Dad...and some art materials...A NEW DIGITAL CAMERA...and a new LAPTOP or DESKTOP...a new phone(pure luxury)???...and lots of art books as usual...

wait till i have the money...

10 things I learn recently...

1. If you drink Yakult after you rinse your month with Systema mouth rinse, it will taste bitter.

2. The Black Box at Fort Canning Centre is a good venue for art exhibition and theatre production, the white box there is equally interesting.

3. Caffeine is used in diet products to stop body from storing fats.

4. My student's mum works in a bank.

5. I am actually quite a perfectionist in certain areas.

6. Some of the stuff sold in Art Friend is Cheaper than Saga city.

7. TopazMoment is a screen capture program good for capturing image from video.

8. You can get real bargain price during The GREAT SINGAPORE SALE!

9. My hair seems to grow longer...

10. Your Mother Gallery at Hindoo Road is somewhere near Little India.

To cut or not to cut...

I have a dream a few weeks ago...

I dreamt that I have finally decided to cut my hair...

And ask my father to cut it for me...

He did it...and snipped off a big chunck with a pair of big scissors...and i freak out...
and started to cry and regret when i see my hair being cut off...

I was really sad...

And so...

Even if I have been telling people i want to cut my hair...
and i am genuinely intending to do so...
And is really frustrated to detangle my hair all the time....

I still cannot bring myself to do it...
Because I will regret...and i will be sad.

Yet, I want to cut becos...

1. My hair is thinning...and ends splitting...and unmanageable...

2. I want to change my hair style...

3. I promise too many people I want to cut...including myself.

4. It's time.

Yah...only a matter of time...

I did remember there was once I dreamt of my new short hair look and I was happy...

Sigh...

So hard...

Did I mention that the indian uncle at bashaar bookshop and the china auntie at the fish noodle store praise my long hair...

But...most of my local chinese friends will say "CUt it off lah..."in a rather unaprreciative tone...

I just want to say...if i ever cut my hair off...it is not becos it is not nice...