Recently...I dun see xiao fei flying around my room anymore...maybe he has found a new home....probably a place with more trash than my room...anyway...this was the picture last taken when he fell alsleep on top of my laptop...hope he is happy now...somewhere out there... 

That is my limit...

£"@ON+_"?:<{}*!%^!£OVW!$&.....I am swearing.
Because I HATE DOING ESSAY WITHOUT INTERNET ACCESS!!!!!
SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL ME!!!!
and the worst thing is...I have to keep this feeling for 4 days until today to get online and POST IT!
Ridiculous me!
I CAN'T STAND IT!
That guy living downstair better be worth me staying or else I AM MOVING!!!!!

28/09/04

Liberation of men and women in the new millennium.

Wah...bombastic title siah...like essay topic...whahahaha..well sorry I cant help it...

While doing all the research on cyberfeminism....I have come to realise that feminism in the first place not only liberalise women but also men. Simply because with the transformation we women are going thru...the men have to change as well. Afterall, we live in a society like an equation. We gain a little here we have to minus a bit from the other side to balance. Hence there is no way men can escape from this revolution. At this point, I feel sorry for the men because they are somehow more anonymous throughout the whole movement or rather I would categorise them as being victimise throughout the whole process with the fact that they are almost voiceless in most cases. Regardless, the fact is, men are being liberated. For example, men nowadays learn the importance of being emotional, they learn to cry and learn realise it is ok to be weak as well as learning to make themselves “pretty”. While the women go out to work and become stronger physically and mentally. However, I am not suggesting a change of role but rather a better balance in overall to be more human in the sense both strong and weak for both men and women. Afterall, I still expect to see man open doors and pay for dinner...while I am willing to act silly and pretend I am still weak...With this...let’s cheer for this progress and hope that the new situation makes this world a better place for both men and women to live in.


26/09/2004

UnLeaSH!

I had a realisation tonight....as I stare into the mirror looking at my long curly hair....
I realise I have been doing injustice to my hair for many years.
To be exact...more than 20 years...
To be more precise....since the day I was born.
In fact, they are given to me by my mother through her genes.
It may sound as if my hair is my disability as I describe them....they are actually a gift.
They are lovely...they are long and...
They are curly.
Despite that they can be quite tangled and messy at times I never despise them.
I never cut them because of reason such as I dun like them, or try to straighten them because people think I should. I usually cut them because I am sick of my old image and want a change or simply when I feel like it but never because they are curly.
However, I realise I have been doing the greatest injustice to me hair since I was born simply because I never let it be what it is, and worse still , I try to tame it.
As I remember when I was in primary school, if you were to ask any of my old classmates...they will tell you how neat and tidy my hair is...I suspect some of them might not even know my hair is curly.
In secondary school was worse, where I will wear a hair-net to school to tame my hair...because I gave up combing it.
Or when I finally decided to cut it, I will put a lot of oil or hair gel or mouse just to comb down and stop it from frizzing.
In my JC days which was perhaps slightly better.....as I slacken my control over my hair to let it “be messy” a bit....simply maybe becos I get used to it...but still I never let it down and let it flow freely.
Until I was in NAFA, when things starts to get even better.....yet, no matter how messy, I will still bun it up or whatever to keep it up where it is...never dare to show it publicly...maybe only among friends and family...as they get used to it....but still...I seldom let them down to curl on their own while walking on the street....only very ocassionally...when I am at home...only.
There are of course many reasons to why I did all I can to tame it....simply because people expect me to do so....like it is something unruly for them to accept.....and improper to let my curly hair down...they think it is scary....
In fact, most of my Chinese friends will advice me to cut or go rebonding....which none of them so far has actually say they love my natural curly hair...NONE OF THEM.....sadly...But things are different with the ang moh though....I always get very flattered when they like my hair....even before I came to Glasgow....I have friends from Australia and Germany who like my hair a lot....and classmates now in Glasgow who simply envy and feel jealous of my hair.....even my Greek friend and Nigeria friend loves them....only except all the my Chinese friends....regardless whether they are from Malaysia, Hong Kong or China....none of them like it.
It is sad, because I have been doing injustice to my hair simply because others dun like it....though I never despise it....It is bad enough to simply try to tame it.
My hair is just like me.
I should like it be what it is....since I am already courageous enough to let myself be what I want to be...why can’t I let my hair be so as well.... what an irony.
Perhaps I should free my hair from my own oppression and let it find it’s own freedom and identity like I did to my soul. I dun see why I shouldn’t let my hair be what it really is. Perhaps that is the key to why I always feel there is still something not right about myself....something not completely unleash.....

With this, I have made a whole new decision. I have decided to keep it.
Long and curly as it is.
Lovely.

Frillyobject.
23/09/04
2.28am

Confession of a stalker...

John Wilson AKA the lightbulb guy.

I hope he will never come across this blog...

NEVER EVER!

That is his name...which I just find out from all the mails on the mail-table in the hallway this morning....it just happen that I am checking for my own mails while i unintentionly (who am I kidding)chance across a big A4 size mail with the above name on it. This is new...becos I never see this name in other mails previously...so it must be him....and yes his name is John.

And the next thing I did was something I should never do....I put his mail againt the frosted door where the sunshine is bleaming thru to try to read what was on it...only for a few second that I feel guilty about what I had just done that I quickly put back the mail....on the table...

The only thing that makes me feel better is that I din really see what is on the letter....not becos it was not visible enough but becos I was too nervous and gulity that I din manage to see what the letter was trying to say...before i put it back..though I did see a chunk of words...I am just too distracted to really read it....distract becos i am afraid anyone might just open the door or come up from downstair and caught me....

And so...that is my horrible deed.

I reckon nothing will ever happen again becos I am simply too nervous to face him now...just like this morning when I was about to go to the toilet...I open the door and see someone coming and quickly close up...becos I am just too nervous to meet him.

If that was really him...I dun noe what he will think...

And the most horrible thing is.....I got a mail today...
Which address me as "MRS C. S***H"
Where we know the ang moh always have problem with chines name....but this is more problematic becos they call me "Mrs"...which I have spot the mistake long ago and din bother to change. However...I am worry that he might see that and tot I am married....OH NO!...what should I do now????

And why the hell should i worry when I dun even dare to face him...

Crazy....this is so crazy!

24/09/04

Let there be light...Part 3

Room 9.
And his name is John or Johnny...watever.

Today, I make a second attempt to return the bulb.
Just as I open my door ...someone came home....before I even say anything...that guy say...it was not him.....oh...so it was that wrong person yesterday again...and he know I am looking for someone to return a bulb.
He must have thought I am crazy.
Anyway....he told me that the lightbulb guy’s name is Johnny....
And that Johnny will only be back after 9pm....

While yesterday....I sound out my landlord when he gave me the bulbs and gather that this guy lives in the room directly underneath the landlord’s room...which my landlord call him John....

As my investigation proceeds,...the only way to find out the truth....is to knock the door and find out if that lightbulb guy is called is really who he is....john or Johnny....watever.

Then...I waited.

Probably after an hour or two....I heard the door ....someone is back.
My third attempt coming.
I “dressed up”...and pick a bulb and went downstairs...it was a bit dark...
I remember seeing a lady staying in room 6...so was not him...and James mentioned that he is directly underneath....and I saw a corner room in a dark corner. 2 doors actually...but I only see one with light...I hesitate for 2 seconds and knock softly......

And the following is the silliest conversation I have ever engage in....


“ Who?”


“Erm......me.”


What the hell!....I mean...when he ask “who????”...how am I suppose to answer him...in the first place if I say I am who I am...I dun think he even knows my name....and instinctly...I choose to see.... “...me”....which is so funny....

Then I heard some walking and opening of door....and...

There he is....it was him.

Still cute....and I am glad my memory did not fail me...
Which this time...I try to take a closer look ......he is wearing a blue shirt today..it was white previously....


“Er...I come to return the bulb....thanks....”


“AhH....Oh...That’s great!”

As he took the bulb from me....and tossed it skillfully into mid air...before he catch it...a very friendly gesture as if getting something from a friend....very casually.......

And he end our conversation by saying

“Thanks a lot”...

“yah...thanks”...I said.

Which I am puzzled....Why did he thank me?

Anyway....I walk away as he close the door simultaneously...


That is all....nothing happen.

The feeling is...I really find him cute and attractive....but the strange thing is...I always can only remember my reponse to his looks....”cute and attractive”...but even after the second time....I still cannot remember how he actually look like...it’s like...twice we met and both happens in less than 20 seconds each time......under bad lighting condition...first time...my room is in darkness when he was on my door....and I cannot see him clearly....and second time...the corridor is dimly lit...and I still cannot see him clearly....but I can see him....I am sure....just that not brightly lit enough to see clearly...only vaguely....but twice...he is charming.

And so....yah....so far because it will make no sense for anything to happen after I return him the bulb.....unless something happen again....where he will come upstairs or I go down....or else...that’s it.

Right now....I just wonder what he is doing....

23/09/04
I tried to read this whole story again...and thought it looks like some very potential romance story....if nothing really happen in reality...I am highly tempted to write it like a romantic fantasy....first of all....I wonder how should we proceed...wait....let me think....

Let there be light...Part 2

I finally get to see my landlord today and ask for 2 spare bulbs....I took one happily and nervously downstair...in search of the lightbulb guy...I saw another guy instead....actually I wasn’t sure if he is the one...but he probably isn’t becos if he is....he should know why I am downstairs....but he ask me “can I help you” instead....so I reckon he must be the wrong person....so I just went upstairs feeling a bit embarrass....a while later....this wrong guy knock on my door and ask me did I have problem with my lights and I told him I am fine now becos I got it replace already.....with a smile...I close my door.

I am amused by the fact that the guys living downstairs are so far very friendly about lightbulbs.....or maybe all guys are...when it comes to electrical appliances...if it was a girl...she would probably ignore me....just as I made such an assumption.....my neighbour Miss Tan knock on my door and say she found her spare light bulb.....duh......now I have 3 spares on top of the one shining up there right now....

Nevertheless, I am grateful....even to my landlord becos he offers to help me put on the new one....which I rejected becos I have already done so.....and find it ironic to have so many lightbulbs now.....

What I hope now is to find that guy soon and return him the bulb....of cos that is not my true intention...if you know what I mean.

22/09/04

Let there be light...

SHIT!....My bulb blows off this afternoon before I left home....
din replaced it...until I reach home to realise it is getting dark and my landlord is not back yet.....and my nextdoor neighbour just used up their last spare bulb....

Meanwhile...back in my room I did everything I can to light up my room such as to switch on the TV...and open my fridge(lights up when I open it.)..silly things....reading newspaper beside the TV and eating a semi rotten banana beside my fridge in case I ate the rotten part.....quite fun for a while when I realise this can’t go on...I decide to stick a note in front of my landlord’s room to tell him I need a new bulb.....

So I did....and went back to darkness and wait.

Some minutes past as I hear someone coming home....hoping that it is my landlord....i open the door and is disappointed to see a backview of a downstair neighbour walking down the stair.....oh well....continue to wait.

Then, a few minutes later....I hear a soft unsure knock on my door.
My landlord?.....I hope...but I put a question mark because I din hear anyone coming home other then the anonymous downstair neighbour....and most importantly, my landlord, James, dun knock this way....I can tell ....he usually will knock VERY LOUDLY as if I am deaf....

Nevertheless I rush to open the door, becos it might be my next door neighbour who have found a new bulb or whatever...so I open the door.


A guy that I have never seen before.


Cute looking guy....I can see that becos he has light up the whole hallway before he knock on my door(the hallway is usually lightless unless you purposely switch on the lights..)....and wait a minute.....since when is there a cute guy living in this apartment...I have seen a few and dun remember seeing any cute guy....I know a few polish uncles lives downstairs but they dun speak english!!!!...while this one speaks!...must be a new guy.....!


And he gave me a lightbulb....


THAT IS STILL HOT!

And say....he saw my note to James on the door......

I really can feel the heat on the lightbulb...and ask him if he has spare for himself....he obviously has...i am just asking stupid question....I thank him and close the door....I can tell that I am nervous when I spoke to him...becos I am!

Then...I open my door again in less than 2 seconds again...calling out at him who is at the stairway which I can’t see him anymore.....and ask him which room he lives in...so that I can return him the lightbulb when James comes back...and that silly guy...told me “I live downstair”.....and his voice disappear........of cos I know he is from downstair....but which room?

Everything just happen.

While I am still in shock.....

I close the door again....this time wondering how am I going to change the lightbulb...I thought I should have ask him before he go...but anyway...I tried...and struggle for a while ...unscrewing and twisting and pulling...and could not get the stupid fused light bulb off the wire.......finally...I use my last bit of common sense to give it a push..and twist to get it off the hook....ahhh.....

DONE!....put the pipping hot new bulb on....and TA DA!.....

LIGHT!

It was when lights came that I start to thing about this guy....
2 things about this whole incident that I try to make sense of....

First of all, why did he know it is me who needs the bulb?

I only wrote my name on the note....and not my room number?....I never met him and I dun noe him and he dun noe me...how did he know it is me? Or know is room 3?

I reckon after he read the note on the hall way and hear me open my door to assume is my room.

Second, why did he have to unscrew his current lightbulb?...if he has a spare....he can just give me the spare....and I can give him a new one later....but he actually unscrew the one that he is using to give me...and use his new bulb?......ok...maybe he is smart to give me an old one and use a new one....or else I dun see any sense...

Finally....my room is filled with de-lights again.....
While I look at my lightfilled room....I can’t help but to rememeber my childhood fetish.....I used to have secret fantasy for guys who changes lightbulb....even though this guy din help me change one (I did it myself)....but he manage to spare me one...which is almost equivalent.....

Ahhh....watever....I am touched....becos how many people will make an effort to help strangers in the first place, some more he din even noe me or even noe who is living in room 3.....yet is willing to come to my resuce.....

Thanks.....

To the guy who brighten up my life tonight, tomolo night and every other nights...

That cute looking guy.

And...I sure look forward to return him the bulb....

Wait till I find out which room he lives in.....

Meanwhile....I change my mind about moving out...... ;)

21/09/04

My new friend..

I was watching FRIENDS ...this particular episode where Phoebe has this habit to name her house pest like Bob the rat and Susie the mouse....
Well, I name my house pest as well...
I used to name my house cockroach 小强...and lizard小明.....and 小强 is not小强only but小强 and family.....that was in my home in Sembawang in Singapore.
Meanwhile in Glasgow, I basically only have one major house pest(pet) which I call him or them..小黑...they are a kind of buggy looking bug......and liwei say is called German cockroach. And they are one happy family settling in my room ....you can’t imagine how at home they are when they like to come out and stroll along my carpet....the baby maggots are those that really freaks me out though....
The thing is, I just couldn’t bear to kill them...The only most cruel thing that I always do is ..if it is only one...I will scope it up with a piece of paper and throw it out of the window....and if it is more than one...like family outing and I happen to spot them....I will bring in the vacuum cleaner to SUCK THEM UP!

Tonight, I have a new pest friend.....I call him 小飞.( a name I always use to name flying insect)....It is actually a fly. Yes, I repeat, a fly.
Just one fly.
But manage to drive me crazy.
he has been hovering in my room for the whole day since this morning....I sort of ignore it at first but he becomes pesty...especially when he likes to fly past my laptop and parade its flying skill while I am concentrating....he also likes to fly past my ear to let me hear it’s humbling sound.....as if I am not annoyed enough.....there are a few times when I actually caught him resting on my book...once on my knee(no respect!)...looking at me as I look at him .....and sometimes right on top of the LCD screen of my laptop.....sleeping!!!!.....I know he fall asleep becos I tried to tap my laptop to drive him away...and it just stay there like none of his business.....



My friend Xiao fei...trying to read my book... 



I shall let him stay in my room for the night since it is cold outside right now and he probably have no where to go if I drive him away.....but that is it....only for tonight...

Anyway, he seem to have found a nice place to settle for the night at the moment , becos I have lost sight of him since I started writing....he must have been tired flying around the room for the whole night....probably felt miserable for not being able to find an exit.....poor thing...I shall forgive him....

19/09/04

One more miracle...please.

I wear spectacles.
This is a weird statement to start with for those who know me.
Most of them will not remember me with specs.
Because, in actual fact, I dun really need them.
But whenever I see my spec looking shabby and scratched, I will make an effort to upgrade or replace them.

To tell the truth, my spec is actually a very crucial prop to me when I am doing last minute work or when I need full concentration.
Though I always assume to be an almost perfect eyesight person...I will wear my spec when I need to mentally prepare myself to sit down and commit.

Like superman needs his tights and spiderman and batman who need their masks....I need my specs....maybe it is a mental thing....that whenever I put on my specs...I will be able to perform some sort of miracles.....always...

However, the specs trick can only be used in case of emergency....or else it will not work anymore...hence I would usually dump my spec somewhere until I need it....

Finally,....just recently...I found out the reason why the spec trick works...simply becos my eyesights are failing....and I need the specs to see clearly especially when I am working on my laptop.....with greater visual ability gives better concentration......and one most annoying thing to date is...my scratchy specs...I need a new pair please!!!!!!

Meanwhile...I am hoping my existing specs can do it’s usual trick one last time.....one more miracle before I graduate in peace.

19/09/04

Chaotic order...

I usually will need more than one pen when I am working on my essays in the middle of the night or whenever, as long as I am in the middle of deep concentration processing my work. I cannot afford to lose time looking for misplaced pen.

One(pen) will usually be among my hair(in most cases) where I will poke through to hold my bun of hair while another is probably lost in my pile of notes and in today’s case was camouflage among the columns of my keyboard.
So here I am writing with my 3rd pen which I suspect I might just left it somewhere later when I go and get a drink, but no worry.....becos I akways know where to get the 4th!


Ps/ most of my blogs are written on papers before I type them on computers mainly becos things dun always happen when I am using my laptop and I need to write things down immediately or else I might just forget...it is always difficult to just sit down in front of my laptop and start to recall things....I mean...there are sensations which only last a second....so pen and paper is still my best friend....
19/09/04

Red among the yellowish apple green...

I am biting my apple looking at my laptop screen, listening to the news on TV and at the same time writing this diary entry,....I am simply impressed by my ability to multitask, although I know I am better off doing one thing at a time.

Well, that is besides the point becos I am actually going to write something about my teeth. It bleeds.... While I bite my golden delicious apple and left a tint of blood stain on the apple....very nicely fused into the flesh of the apple and produce a tiny fizzy blot of red in the mids of light apple yellowish green flesh.
Very nice.
I like it.

18/09/04
23:30

I am in this terrible happy mood that I shouldn’t be becos I really should be all stressed up doing my essay and yet was too happy and relax to produce anything...
So terribly happy...
It was the songs that I am listening to. The love songs that made me so in love, yet no one to love, and still so happy...
Something must be wrong with me...
I hope I am not going to cry on the 23rd Sep...that is the day before my official deadline...

18/09/04

Jobs...

There are shity jobs that you hate and never what to do as well as nice cosy ones that i am doing right now!!! to guard an empty computer room with all the internet access I want....what a luxury...and they pay me £5.25 an hour for it....boi....I am lucky!...

A request...

Please please....anybody...
If you have read any of my blog or just visit the site to find out about my updates...please let me know your presence by dropping some comments...because I need to know if anybody is actually reading them.....
Or else, I feel like I am taking to nobody...

Sob...


Ok...I know I am pathetic...

I am.

21/09/04

Words from the wicked unbeliever....

CAUTION!
The following are not suitable for people who call themselves christian.
If you are and still wants to continue to read the following, please that note that I am not trying to be offensive, and forgive me for being truthful but I just can;t help it...

Bottom Line is....





READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!





At this point, I have made yet another realisation.
Yes, I am beginning to suspect that God may have exist.
However, this suspicion makes no difference to the fact that I

DO NOT believe in him/her or it.

I find it ridiculous when people wants to convince me into converting by trying to prove the existence of God....especially when I was always told “The fact that you dun see a moon does not mean that it dun exist.”..yeah right.....so.?...We dun prove the existence of something by proving the existence of something that we can’t see exist. Because eventually, we will see the moon shining happily in the sky looking differently almost every night.
Moreover, so what if (assuming God is a male) he does/do/did exist...
We dun believe in something with it existence.
We believe in something we believe.

There is one thing that have always bother me a bit.
That is the reading of bible.
Since I am a non-believer, I choose not to read it, in case I “get tempted”, judging from the responses from all the believer I have seen so far, I have to admit the bible might be in some way “attractive”.
However, I have change me mind recently.
I have decided to read it.
Simply becos, you have to know what something is before deciding to oppose it.
Or else I will be in no position to reject it if I dun even know what it preach.

So first thing first, I read a bible.
This can happen becos of a coincidence, my neighbour is leaving and she happen to leave me a book which titled “Holy Bible New Testament”. And so even if I dun believe in God, I believe in fate, so I decide to read it.

And I am so glad with my decision becos the first thing I flip upon in the book is...
“Do not be yoked with Unbeliever”
I shall copy the whole paragragh I read in order to illustrate my point later for those who are not familiar with the bible...

“ Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?...blah blah blah...”

Clearly, the person who wrote the bible is not sensitive enough to realise that the world do not exist only in black and white. There are apart from various tones of grey other colours like red, blue, yellow, green, pink...and so many so many others which I can’t even name. What rights did he have to dismiss unbeliever to be wicked?
I love peace. I dun like to differentiate people by their believe, afterall we are all sharing the same air on earth. why must there be such a differentiation and alienation in which to separate people into believer and non-believer...I think it is sad....If God really exist,..he should do something about his bible and his believer as to how they preach....this is so wrong...at least to me.

And yes, I can see that this person who wrote the bible(apparently under the influnce of God)is clearly unfamiliar with Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity, which is such a shame that I shall do him a favour of enlightening him with the following understanding

Light do not exist without Darkeness.

This is a simple way of life and you have to live it to know it. Apparently, this person havent learn enough in life to make such realisation...


I can feel my blood pressure heighten a bit as I was writing it...while I tell myself...I shall forgive all this...because I love peace...whahahaha....Meanwhile...yah...

WORLD PEACE.......

With this, I shall end my blog for the time being and continue my quest to read the bible. Though I can anticipate a few blood boiling moments that might be unpleasant, I look forward to the potential entertainment I can get from this book while criticising it....


20/09/04

The UltimATe TraSh!

Yes. The ultimate trash. I am refering to myself for the past two days. I sleep and eat and sleep and oh...watch TV and sleep and yah listen to music and sleep and eat and sleep....the only point where I am slightly humane is where I start to feel guilty about not writing my essay...for 10 seconds...and that's it....and so...my beautiful weekend is spent on breathing in oxygen in the air to produce carbon dioxide.....and whatever....I am guilty of cos...but I'm LOVING IT!

The fear...

I guess the most scary thing that could happen to a blogger...is not that someone is peeping into her secret or exposing her true identity...but the fact that no one reads it...*shiver*...

Life is beautiful....

Ah...life is beautiful when you can sleep without having to set your alarm for the next morning....and it happen to me yesterday...breath in...and breath out...I like the air today as well...keeps me alive...as if it din yesterday...
Ah...can't help feeling happy...lalala..lalala

090904

Toothache...

I got this toothache on the top left row of my inner teeth so bad that I need a dentist...but that was one week ago...it miraculously recover on it's own 2 days ago...so ...end of story.

The thing about beauty...or being beautiful...whatever

I won’t say it is unfair....after all I am not the one who is being at a disadvantage. This doesn’t mean I am beautiful, instead the following scenario clearly illustrate that I am being discriminated against becos I am not as 'beautiful'...what an irony...however this discrimination only means I get to SKIVE at work...and work less compared to my fellow colleagues...where both of them happen to be very pretty....double irony?.. The story starts 2 weeks ago where I register to a new agency for a special event job where typing skill is required...I work for the agency in a very large conference held in the SECC(something like SunTec or EXPO in Singapore)...as a registration lady..where my main job is to register new participant for the events that is available for the whole 5 days conference.....and make them pay...blah blah blah...so it happens...I was registration lady number 12...sandwiched between lady 11 and 13...where lady 11 is a very pretty Indian girl...with bushy eye lashes and very exotic make up...very pretty...and lady 13..was a Scottish Chinese...VERY PRETTY as well...BIG EYED...sweet smile , good complexion ,simple make up and all...then me...small eyed NO make up..frizzy hair...pimpled face.......the 3 of us doing On-site registration for doctors and researchers from all over the world......

At first, everything is under control and I felt very bored...then I was still very bored...and again very bored... slowly I realise desk 11 and desk 13 is always occupied....by enquiries...and registration...becos it is an open area...people just walk up to the desk themselves...so they have a choice who they want to be served...while I serve only 6 participant in 3 hours....my next door neighbour...lady 13 served 10......plus a lot of lost participant seeking help from her...while my desk is “patronless”....and she had to refer them to me...whom I happily take over.....nothing really struck my mind until when both my desk...(desk 12) and desk 13 is free...and a handsome Spainish doctor...walk towards the desk....lady 13 was not paying attention to him...while I smile at him...and was about to offer some help... he just walk pass me and register with lady 13....at this point...I understand the whole situation and what is actually going on for the whole day....people just walk towards these 2 ladies out of instinct and I am sadly...(in terms of personal pride) being ignored in a sense becos I DUN ATTRACT THEM...however is secretly happy and have nothing to complain about (in terms of personal advantage) becos in this way...I work less, get the same pay...and make less mistakes.....and frankly speaking I wont blame that spainish doctor...becos I will also choose to register with Karen (lady 13) instead of myself if I were him becos..she really is so pretty that even I will steal glance at her occasionally...and on top of that..very sweet and friendly...the prefect image of a customer service rep...

So...life is fair and square...like what my friend ah guan have said before...for my case today...even though my pride was a little hurt for the fact that the handsome doctor did not register with me eventually...I shouldn’t mind at all becos if this kind of scenario keep happening for the rest of the days....I am more than glad.. as long as I get paid!

030904

I am so impressed and yet so not.

I am so impressed by the fact that I can churn out 500 words in less than 5 minutes to write a blog entry...but couldn't get myself to write a 4000 words essay in 3 weeks...of cos I have a lot of excuses and I think they are very valid but still I am so not impressed by this fact. By the way....I WANT INTERNET ACCESS!!!!!!

I am such a fake!

This is something I can't stand myself lately...I am such a fake!..to my landlord...while usually I am a VERY SINCERE person to everybody.This is what happened...2 weeks ago I call up the broadband company to install broadband in my room...I told my landlord about it and he say "NO PROBLEM!"...but then in the end...he chase the technicians away and scold them for drailing holes in his flat...I won't blame him..becos is his property and he is right to protect it...few days later....he told my neighbours that he feels bad about it and ask them to tell me to go ahead and call up the company to do the installation again....but now the problem is...the NTL company has already CANCELLED my name and BLACKLISTED me for broadband installation...and....I am soooo busy now I dun have time slots to wait for installation....and the MOST FUSTRATING thing is...my essay is due this sunday..I NEED THE INTERNET FOR MY RESEARCH AND WRITE UP...but couldn't continue in the middle of my writing becos my offline links is cut off without internet accesss....I really BLOW UP!...Thanks to my landlord who chase the technicians away that morning....I am now stuck with an unfinish essay and a VERY TIGHT WORK SCHEDULE!.....and ON TOP OF THIS....he comes to knock on my door and ask me if I am OK....welll...I really wanted to tell him I am NOT!....thanks to him...i have to carry my 3kg laptop and walks to school....resulting in SEVERE backaches shoulder aches as well as thigh muscle cramp from walking with heavy object...especially when the laptop bag is actually not very carrier friendly when you have to sling it across your shoulders....that is when I finally have an off day from work and I had to go to school for the internet access...with the rest of days...trying to work offline at home...and get stuck in all the links I tried to bookmark but can't access becos I dun have connections at home!!!!...I am sooo FED UP!...and then....comes the FAKE part....I smile at my landlord and say I am ok, I just dun want people to feel bad about things...besides WHAt else can I say...ask him to F**K OFF?.....i really hates it when he knocks on my door on my precious off days...just to ask me if I am "happy"and won't go off and keep talking...I tried to be polite but sometimes i am soo sick of entertaining him..I told him I am busy...I am happier if he gives me a break and leave me alone!.....and finally...I am determined to MOVE as soon as I can find a cheaper flat or somewhere as cheap....I SWEAR!