Why I feel blue today?

Man.
Likes to solve problem.

I was telling JM about my blues today...
I just wanted to tell someone.
Becos I believe by telling someone about my sadness...
I will release that sadness in me...and be free of it.

But I ended up doing analysis with JM about why I am feeling blue.
That was hard.
He is manage that quite well.
And the root of my sadness was MONEY indirectly.
which is a good try.

As my day proceed...
I was sharing my woes to as many people as I can get my hands on...
I begin to realise another source of my blue.

I actually had that moment in me today..
To think of just giving up art...and just settle down to find a full time job.
Actually...if i really do that...
All my financial issue will be resolved.
But the tot of giving up art...
Upset me.

I am not sure which part of art I cannot bear to part...
Sometimes I wonder if i really passionately love to produce art...
As I do not have the motivation to produce them sometimes...
As there are no incentive to.
The more i produce...
the more trash I create.
I can't sell them...and not meant to be sold.
And i wonder why i produce them
and after spending time and money to make them...
they worth nothing.
Maybe art...can be reduce to the level of apreciation...
or even teaching for me...
And I shall just live with that...
But the thought...makes me sad.
What exactly do I like about art?
What is it that i really need about art??
I do not have a concrete answer yet to that.

But I am sure...I am sad today...
More or less because...even though I am free for so many days...
I did not spend more time with my art making...
And i just wasted my time away.
I am afraid that I am just using art as an excuse not to work hard.

That is why I am feeling blue.