A little low...

Nowdays....life is beginning to get busy...part time jobs...interviews...plans...occssionally...while lying on the bed at night when I couldn't sleep...I will cry a little bit...just a little bit...when i am feeling low...so low...but then...these kind of days are getting lesser...

Which is a good thing...


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In the past, Greece to me is as far as the Moon...somewhere i had no idea where it is on the map...yet...nowdays... keep seeing things that remind me of it....or even him...

Browsing the library....among the table of new books display....the one and only travel guide available...says "Greek Islands"...

Met my firend, XZ, last week, went out for dinner...and I asked him if he had been any where for holidays lately....he said, he just came back from Greece...

When out to watch movie with LW one day...and had tea after that...
she ordered Camomile tea with honey...
I was quietly startled....
Camomile...is not only camomile tea to me....
The smell and taste of the camomile tea....will always...
reminds me of the person...who teach me how to drink it...
Maybe one day...I will want to drink camomile again...
When camomile is ONLY tea....a nice refreshing tea...with honey.
Not somebody...

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Sometimes...out of the blue...while walking on the street...the thought of him will flash across my mind...and take my smile away for the day...

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I just want to tell myself...

BE BRAVE!!!

Be VERY Brave....

and be happy.

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Life...seems to go back in time....I am back to my life 3 years ago...doing the same part time job...
having the same dream again...

Nothing seemed to change....yet...everything has change....

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How are you today?

Those korean dramas are driving me crazy!!!!

Yes!!!!....
They are driving me crazy....
And I realise...they are the best healing medicine for my healing heart.
My vital source of energy to feel the world again....

My heart...no longer broken is healing...
Although I am still crying ...but my heart...it tells me...
"Chyiyun...it is over...you are a brave girl...and you will be able to love again very soon...hang on there...hang on and love will come again..."

And those korean drama...
Makes me want to love again...
Love....as in love only...
Love the rain...
Love the sky...
Love the air....

It doesn't have to be anybody in mind...
But a heart that can love again....

I like this feeling...

Got my powers back!

I lost my ability to do a lot of things...
Even my most precious ability to self-heal...
Like Woverine in x-men.
I used to be a very contented and happy little fish...
Can heal myself easily whenever I am sad...even enjoy the sadness a lot of time....

Until..I accidentally met a big bad fish from the sea...

I lost the ability to heal myself...and also...my ability to love the sadness in me...for a long time....

A few days ago...
Over the phone talking to my best friend yahui....
I was telling her....I am not seeing a problem with my life now...what i see is the stuation I need to cope with until I can find the kind of life I really want to live.
Having said this....my counsellor friend, yahui declare that my self-heal power is BACK!

I am glad.

A dream...

Last week, I dreamt of him.

I was happy in my dream. Evening though I somehow knew I was dreaming...
I am still happy.

Woke up.

Knew I was dreaming.
Yet I knew I was happy in my dream even though I knew I was dreaming.

But it was only a dream.

It meant nothing.

Nomad cloud....

Being a nomad is my biggest challenge in life now...
I move around...like a homeless...
I have my stuff everywhere....
In chiangmai...in singapore...
Within singapore...
My stuff are everywhere is different people's house.
Nowadays I carry around a toothbrush eveyday...
And I already have my own toothbrush in some friends house...permanantly there.
Because I might just end up anywhere in a friends house for the night...
I even bring along a set of pyjamas...

This kind of life is tiring.
I have to backpack even in my own homeland.

Nowadays...the only necessity is money and toothbrush and me.

What kind of life is this...

Life of a cloud maybe.

Little fish speaking...

"By the way I dont think he ever said something about beeing a fisherman...he is a fish too.. dont forget."..someone said.

He is a fish too....of course...

Yet one fine day....I asked him..."what do you want to be in your next life?"
He paused and think for a while...and told me..."hmm...fisherman"
And i ask him..."Does greece have a lot of fisherman?
He said" what do you think?...it is surrounded by islands and water..."

It's alright if he don't remember...
I am used to the fact that he always forget what i have said to him...
And is not surprise he always forgets what he said to me himself....

"If I were you, I would preffer to live and be caught at the open sea..." someone said.

But You are not Me...
It just reminds me of Bush...trying to tell Saddam..."Hey, if I were you...I would prefer to liberate the Iraqis....."
And see how the Iraqis die.

Bullshit isn't it.

Try putting a little fish from the fishbowl into the sea...
And see how she dies...

Don't forget...no matter how hard she cries...
The fishbowl will never be saltier than the sea...

With all those heartless fishes in the sea....
I would rather live in the fishbowl with my tiny seaweed...

Once again...I am not you...and you are not me.

Hope you Enjoy your sea...so big...yet always so lonely...
And Let me enjoy my fishbowl...so small....yet so cosy....

Nothing is really good or bad...only whether it suits you or me.

Can you see it?
No??...
Not with your eyes my friend..


...with your heart please.



Anyway...glad to hear from you.