Thank you, LW.

There is this chinese saying...

塞翁失马 焉知非福

(Blessing in disguise)

To me, I want to see this JCCI incident as such...

Yet, at this moment, no matter what, I am in pain.

I will sometimes went into a daze to enjoy my own depresssion.

I am depressed.

The wait is too long.

Yet in the end...for nothing.

I am angry to be exact. With myself mostly.

Even YH and SY , my two best friends, did not see the important of this scholarship to me.
Not being able to fufil this scholarship dream will affect my life for the next 10 years.
My art practice, my home, my space, my savings, my family, my location, my way of life, the language I will hear around me, the weather around me, my skin condition, my diet, the air I breathe in, the food I eat....who I will meet.

I am sad because I am at lost.
I cannot visualize myself anywhere doing what and for what.
I am LOST.
Even though I actually did prepare myself a Plan B to go Netherland to study my MA if my tokyo scholarship fails...I did not prepare myself to jump into plan B before I even try Plan A.

And at this moment of grief...
Someone manage to divert a ray of hope into my depression...
And shed me new lights...for my future...
LW.
I would like to thank her with this post.
She manage to cheer me up in the mids of my angst with one sentence.
A brilliant twist of the great wisdom of 塞翁失马 焉知非福 from our chinese forefathers...

She said,

"Maybe you are fated to marry a Dutch."

Hmm...yah.

Why not.