Treasure and trash...

It is so much fun to go through my family's boxes of trash.
The reason why it is fun...is because they are not boxed up in order.
They are a random mess of trash..my mum scoped from my room and my brother's and my father's.
And end up...each and every box is a ramdom of trash and treasure to be discovered.

One box...I found my long lost Nat King Cole CD in MINT condition.
Very very happy.
I almost wanted to buy a new one in singapore.

Found my uncle's old vinyl records...and guess wat.
I found STYLISTICS!!!!
What a weird infinity I had with Stylistics.

And then...I found some long lost books.
They are everywhere,,anywhere...
and full of surprise.

It runs in the family.
Especially my father, my big brother and me who are the "keeper"
My mum and second brother are "thrower" to keep the balance.

I saw my father reading a filmsy looking book a few day ago...
And he said he bought that when he was 16, he recorded it in his book when he bought it.
Interesting.

But I pissed at the same time.
Becos, some items are in very bad conditions...
Old metal stuff are badly rusty.
Paper stuff..and books turn yellow....or eaten away by bugs..
Cloth and old clothings...turn spotty...and dirty...
Sad...

And I will keep sneezing...if i dun put on my face mask.

Wrap myself up like I am in some virus infected zone..
to clear up the boxes...go thru them one by one..and see what is inside..
It's a pity i really do not have the energy to categorise them properly...too random..
Too MISCELLANEOUS.
The most i can do..is to put them together properly.
And pull out things that I wanted individually...

Anyway...I have yet to come across my own stuff..as I had only been going through my father's and my brother's stuff.

Wait till I attack the boxes in my room
That will be REAL TREASURE HUNTING!

Look forward!

A review of my resolution for 2007.

New Year Resolution 2007

1. Make ART.

2. Make a website.

3. At least run two shows this year.

4. Participate in residencies and projects.

5. Save more money.

6. Start YOGA-ing.

7. Target to drop 5kg.

8. Publish my book.


Apparently...I did not do much in 2007.
Because?...look at my 2008 resolution below!
I did participate in projects but my works are not selected.
And I did nothing for my book and website.
No shows running...
I gained 5 kg instead of losing it...
Money wise...same.

Things I want to do in 2008.

1. Publish books.
2. Start a website.
3. Do some good shows
(solo or group-impt thing is so something I am proud of showing).
4. Apply for my scholarship and if I dun get it..
leave singapore and go working holiday.
5.If I get the scholarship, prepare myself to study in japan in 2009.
6.If I dun, go work holiday for a year...and study in europe for my MFA.
7.CUT MY HAIR.

Things I want to buy...always...

1.A good new laptop with all the functions I need.
2.A good camera.
3.A good sewing machine.

Personal improvements...

1. Healthy weight loss of around 5 to 10 kg.
2. Learn Yoga.
3. Read read read...more books.
4. Watch some good shows.
5.Cultivate good sleeping and eating habits.
6. Stop wasting time.

Mental improvements...

1. I hope I am able to throw away some things which I couldn't bear to throw away.
Some junks around me for years...which I should let go off...and make myself more mobile.
2. As usual, I believe I have talked less over the years. Talk less...but express more in other forms. Talk less...and do more.

What can I say...
I will be happy if i at least fulfill 50% of what I want to do.
There is one thing for sure though...something to be happy about...
What I want is still what I want.

And those are really what I want to do.
I DID NOT FICKLED AND HESITATE THIS TIME...
I KNOW WHAT I WANT!

It is a great feeling!

Never love anyone again...

2 years ago...when I was so hurt and heart broken...
I was so sure I can never love anyone again.
So sure..so sure.
Now..
No one for me to love...
Yet...I am so sure that I am capable of loving like I used to be.

so sure...so sure..
Nothing is sure under the pressure of time.
Good things and bad.

I was consoling a friend who was heartbroken...
And he reminded me of myself 2 years ago.
I ask him if he actually felt that he will never love again...
He did.

What I can say is...
You will be ok.

Time will heal.
Really...really really...
YOu will love again when u are ready.
After some many many days later...
You will be ok.

BE STRONG!

Treasure or Trash?

Every now and then, I will open my 3 boxes of treasure and check out my old stuffs.
Those 3 boxes...are boxes of stuff I sea-mail back to Singapore from Glasgow.
They are the only physical remains of my memories in Glasgow other then my photos.

I always dig out my stuff in full excitements.
Because I have long forgotten what I have sent home.
I suspect...if someone throw all of these 3 boxes away...I probably wouldn't notice any lost.
All i would register...is 3 boxes of memories..which I couldn't remember what was inside now...is GONE..
Yet, whenever I opened them...I will be amuse by all my little treasures..yet at the same time be disgusted with stuff I dun understand why I did not throw away back then..
It is always a mix feeling...
And I thought since I did not throw away then..
I simply put them back...and refuse to throw it away now..

This is what I am dealing with.
Myself.
My stubborn self.

I do not understand what I am clinging to.
Those old brochure...old paper scraps...
Old moldy clothes...
MOLDY!...

I am so determine to force myself to throw them away.
If not all...I know I cant...
At least as many.

Until I am load off of my own trash and move on.
I know I cannot fly with my luggage excess...

Yet..I want these trash to be part of my art..
I am trying...

And how?
Documentations..
Filings..

I am trying.
I really am.

Technologically poetic & poetically technological.

I went to see the digital art show in science centre finally on the last day of the exhibition.
It was a delightful experience.
And i was glad that I made an effort to go.
I am that lazy.
But I wanted to see the show in Austria when I was in Glasgow.
It went on a tour in Taiwan...and I miss that too.
Finally when it reach singapore...I manage to catch it.

I wanted to say...
The marriage of art and technology...is simply...
Beautiful.

Poetically technological....
and technologically poetic.

Some simple idea...express whimsically.

And work of art is heighten....with technology.
Work of technology heighten with art...

I like it.

To do list before 13th Jan

1. Plan 2008 schedule.
2. Print out all the potential opportunities
3. Print Shiraishi photos
4. Clear up my room.
5. Buy a camera.
6. Buy my new year outfit.
7. Chase up Drift project progress.
8. Draw out my Chiangmai plan.
9. Finish reading "The sushi economy" and "The Accidental Art..."
10. File up and do accounting.

Suddenly...

I have a thought...
Maybe...
He did love me at that moment of his life.

This year 2008...

This is a year I think I am ready.
After I have used up 2 years to get myself ready.

I realise I have been expaining myself why I haven't really
been doing my art for these 2 years...
I am the only person who understand why.

Was watching a show...the lady ask the guy..
"Are you alright from your broken heart?"
The guy replied..
"As long as you dun touch the wounds..
I guess it will not hurt that much"

Indeed.
I have been avoiding touching my own wounds..
So that it will heal slowly..
Until I forgot about it's existence.

Time will heal...

Time has heal me.

2008.

I am me again.

Ready and me.

HAppY New YeaR!

hELLo 2008!

While everyone is rushing to see the fireworks...
I just want to go home.

This is how I welcome 2008.

I am actually quite a boring person.

I just want to spend this time alone.

But then...I am full of hope...for this BRAND NEW YEAR.

I am excited.

Mentally.

Though I never have the habit to celebrate.