Contradictary Proximity

Not as if i am full of experience, afterall, I have only love once...I think...
But to me, Love is about proximity. Not all about, but a big factor.

Time, body and soul....

You need to be close.

Human beings are forgetful creatures and need to be constantly reminded of their emotions.

Being close is the reminder.

Just a little bit of it...on and off...is always a nice thing.

Which is also a sad thing...because when u love...you just want to see him all the time.
A little bit of it is not going to be enough.


Yet that closeness should be execute with caution so as not to become like an irritating alarm that makes you curse every morning.

Too much closeness kills.

That is what I mean by contradictory proximity.

Oh well...so much for my love wisdom...

A belated valentine's day entry...

For all those who had love, loving and will love..

Indecisive.

Indecisive is me.
If there is anything I want to change about myself, I wish I can make swifter decision about a lot of things. It is always because I cannot make proper decisions that causes me to lose a lot of chances in life. Of course, the ability to make thourough analaysis of situation before I make any decision is not a bad thing, but making decisions always cost me a lot of precious time.

Then I realise, by actually doing something is more meaningful then to decide whether doing something is a right or wrong move.

Right now, I have to decide, how to move on...
But then again, why don't I just move on.

Indecisive.
That is me.

Paris???...x-cew-see mua...??..non??...Laos.

For a long while, I thought I was sitting in a french cafe having a nice meal...
That kind of atmosphere, the food, the music and the french speaking owner of the restaurant.

If there is anything culturally shocking for me in Laos, that will be the fact that I am not mentally prepared to eat proper high quality french cuisine at a low southeast asian cost.
Not to mentiom there are more than a handful of good restaurant with good service on top of the food itself.

All for US$3 for a meal with drinks serve by a handsome and polite waiter.
That kind of price in singapore probably will only get you a burger in Macdonalds.

I change my plan to do any other kind of culture tour in Laos, after all the temple visiting on the second day. I decide to treat myself better by trying out all the nice restaurant along the main street.

Oh...and did I mention I did a lot of shopping...?

Nice.

Slow Travelling

I travel slow.
Not only because I like to but because I have to.
The past few weeks of lightning-speed travelling has proven to be taxing on me.
Sensitivity experience serious sensory attack without time to response and feedback.
One of the worst thing that could happen when I am travelling is to have NO mood to travel.
I keep travelling without the proper time to digest, to consolidate, to express my thoughts.
It becomes unhealthy like having a serious constipation of thoughts and emotion accumulating somewhere at the back of my brain.
I don't like that kind of feeeling.
Hence, I need to go slow...slower...
Which is what i am trying to do now...
I am that kind of person...
I just need that kind of time.

Yesterday, I enjoy my whole day deciding what to have for dinner.
Today, I spend my whole day to walk around aimlessly.

Finally, I am writing something.

The sweetest smile...from Tao...

Last thing about Hanoi...

The sweetest smile...rememeber, the photo of the little girl sitting on my travel mate's lap, I posted a few days ago.

Her name is Tao. ( second sound for hanyu pinying)
She is such a sweet girl...and everytime I say Xin Chao! which means hello in Vietnamese...she will say xinchao shyly and runs away....
But she sometimes...she will talk to you in vietnanmese...which I wish I understand what she means...
She sings to me too once...

I will miss her smile.

Good bye, Hanoi!
Good bye, Tao!

Die die also must enjoy...

This is a singaporean expression....
"Die die also must..."
Which means...you have to do it (die die=even if it is going to cost you your life...)

And yes, I want to have this spirit, right here right now.

Technical difficulties -->My flu is currently at the stage of...
"I don't think I will die or need to rest all day in bed, but is having a heavy head and horrible throat to live with...plus occasional cough attacks...and the weak feeling of a typical sick person "
Fever will strike usually after sunset for a while....
The good thing is....
I defintely lost a lot of weight..., I should.

Meanwhile, something about Laos
which makes me want to "die die also must enjoy.."
It was the ordeal that I had been through at the border
It was a horrible first impression, at the border crossing....
It was NOT the problem from the Laos immigration office...
it was the chaotic crowds that charges into the border office as if they are catching the last train of the day...and throw their passports on the desk in stacks...
As a singaporean who grows up in an orderly environment, THIS IS CULTURE SHOCK!.
If there is anything wrong with my upbringing... that will be the failure of the government to train us to survive in this kind of harsh environment.
Naturally for me, I would try to observe if there is a queue...
Apparently there should be, if there are booths...
People simply rushed in....there is NO QUEUES...just crowds...
The person standing right in front of the booth was NOT being served....
while the people standing around, like 20 of them...simply throw their passport into the booth windows...
leaving the person standing right in front of the booth looking bewildered and not know what to do...
Not learning from what I have observe....I thought I should still squeese in front to check out the real situation...trying to be smart...
Then, I manage to squeese in front of the booth...thinking it was finally my turn...
the officer...simply just took the passport that people throw at the counter but ignore me.
And so...I gave up being polite and did the same, I throw my passport on the desk and wait...
It was after like ages....the officer return me my passport and told me to fill up a departure card, which I asked for but was ignored a century ago...I am pissed. I filled up the card, throw the passport back to the officer and left the booth....
This whole crazy situation lasted for almost 30minute...when people simple don't know what is next until a fellow traveller pointed out that we had to pay an admin fee to collect our stamped passport.
Finally someone is making some sense.

For a simple procedure as simple as...

1. People being issue arrival/departure card before they enter the booth area to fill in the forms...

2. Ushered into queues to pay for the admin fee with money exchange booth nearby for people who do not have local laos kip.

3. Finally get their passport nicely stamped.

It becomes,

1. A crowd of 30 plus people attacking the booth like placing bets at a horse racing centre last minute....
2. I went to all the wrong booth because there was no obvious order....as to how it should be done...
3. Get pissed off when people around do not queue up and simply throw their passport across the booth...and the officer just collect the stack thrown to him...
4. I learn to do the same...and dump my passport together with the rest of the piles...
5. Got my passport back like 5 minutes later with the departure card to fill up...
6. Gone to the money exchange to get local Laos kip to pay for the admin fee..
7. Paid for the fee and collect my passport finally.
8. Left the border with GREAT RELIEF.

So much for the first impression, bearing in mind...I just woke up from my 19 hours bus journey all the way from Hanoi to the border before I was ushered into this chaotic mess...

For all that I have been through to get into Laos...

Die die also must enjoy....right?
If you know what I mean.