Too numb to feel the heart beats....

I have been heartless lately....or maybe it is simply too cold and numb for me to feel that my heart is still beating. Sometimes...i suspect i am heartless...especially when i keep telling people i dun really miss home.One thing for sure, I dun call home. I never have the habit to...but occassional upon request...I will make a short phone call phone to tell everybody i am fine. Today, i call home. As usual, we talk about the same thing.....the same people, same problem. But today, something is different. My mum told me she sprain her waist and had problem walking properly. Suddenly her voice sound different. Not as if her pitch chamge or she speak in a different language....but it was me. Her voice sound different, becos i suddenly realise my mum is getting old....just one year away from home...and she is old suddenly...well maybe not suddenly but I only realise it now...and this realisation almost make me cry....perhaps i have been too heartless to notice anything nowadays... perhaps...I am just being too self-centred to notice anything...perhaps...I am just numb...numb becos of the cold and miserable weather here....too numb to even feel my own heart beats...