The perfect man.

I am currently watching "Bad couple" a korean drama which tells the story of a woman who wants to have a baby but not willing to get married.
Because she believe that man are not trustworthy.
She found a perfect man and try means to seduce him just to "fertilise" her but did not want to marry him.
In the end, the smart and handsome, sincere and shy guy...
fell in love with her.

A very wacky and hilarious...yet touching drama.
Very relevent to my life...and...yet
It depresses me.

Because I know.
In reality, there is no such man.

Such a cruel drama to me.
Yet a good show to catch.

Nevertheless, it does me no harm to fantasize just for a little while more...until the show ends.

Life...

is so fragile yet...so strong.

...with all the news about the Sichuan earthquake.
Suddenly, I have an urge to let someone know that I have forgiven him.

I have move on. But I did not let know him that I have.

Maybe it is time.

Just a little bit more time.

Life is only so short.

AT least spent more time to love than hate.

HoT hOt HOt...

My room...is in such a wrong position in fengshui term
that it feels like an oven...trapping heat from the afternoon sun.
The temperature difference can be felt by just walking out of my room...
It is so hot until...
I dun feel like doing anything.

It may sound like an excuse.
It is.
But it is also true.

Hello!

More mushrooms!

My LOvely ChongFu Kids...

My St. Steph boys...

Abstract Expressionist

How interesting...
By my Primary 1 student.

This cat...

I was brushing my teeth one morning...
while I heard my nanny talking to someone outside the house.
Her tone of voice...
sounded like she is scolding some naughty kids playing in the corridor...

Curious...
I went to check who she was talking to...

This cat.

"I will throw you into the rubbish chute..!"

"Ask people to catch you and lock you up!"

My nanny threatened...
As if the cat understand.

The cat just meow.

I ask my nanny if this is the first time she saw the cat.

To my surprise, according to my nanny the cat always stand at the corridor and meow to my nanny in the morning when she is having her morning coffee.
This is however the first time I saw the cat, because I always left before my nanny woke up.
Or is still sleeping when my nanny is having breakfast.

The interesting thing is...

Despite the fact that my nanny hate cats and dogs...
and is actually scolding the cat...

I think my nanny likes the cat.

And...

I suspect the cat...kind of like my nanny too.


Just a feeling.

You have seen blue screen...HOW ABOUT RED SCREEN???

I am so in love with my G9 now...

Blue...

Replies for my open call for help...

Last Monday when my computer was in coma...

I sent out sms to fellow friends...
To ask for help if not pour my woes...

And I got creative replys like..

"Let your laptop rest in peace.."

or

'Buy a new one lah.."

The most interesting answer was however...

"why you tell me?'

Maybe I was too self-centred to realise that the crash of my laptop is none of their business.


Meanwhile, I would like to thank people who made an effort to solve my problems (Thanks Koyak!) or offer to borrow their laptop ( Thanks wendy!).

Glad that my laptop is back now.

:)

Since last monday....

My heart crashed slightly when my laptop crashed last monday.

Only slightly.

Afterall, this is not the first time.

Indeed, each laptop crash is like a heartbreak.
It not only makes you a stronger person.
It also makes you smarter.

I have long learn the importance of backing up.
Though I did not do a thorough job backing up every single file, but it is good enough to keep all my neccessary files intact and leave all my "not so important and can do without junks" in the deep blue sea of unknown when my computer is being reformat. May all my junk files rest in peace.I am sure I will not miss them because I couldn't remember what they are anyway.

Meanwhile, I would like to share my tormenting experience of not having my computer with me for a week.

A VERY VERY LONG WEEK.


Just a few weeks ago, I was blogging about my friend XN in one of my old posting, "how am i gg to live without my pc for 1 week..." , who sent her computer for service for a week...and I offered her suggestion to kill her time without her PC...

http://frillyobject.blogspot.com/2008/04/how-am-i-gg-to-live-without-my-pc-for-1.html

This time run, it is my turn to face the exact same situation.
This is what I would call RETRIBUTION.
I took the idea too lightly.
I was being cool about the whole idea of not having my laptop around for a week,
though I did mention that I WILL SULK.

I DID.

FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK.

I was experiencing COLD TURKISH sensation like a drug addict, for my case, a computer addiction, and was making me cranky and grouchy all week.
It was simply unbearable and my depression come back.

I tried all the mention activities I suggested to XN..

This is when my retribution came...

There is so much I can do, but nothing is done joyfully without my computer.

I tried to pack up my room...I did in fact.
IN silence.
Because I would usually play music while I am housekeeping...
But without my window media player...
It felt like eating tasteless cereal without milk.

I watch TV, and after watching that usual Hongkong Drama..
I would be reminded that I can watch the rest of the episode online...
YET I CAN'T.

I sit around to sing a song...
And reminds me of so many others songs in my window media player...

I tried to read a book...and fall asleep.

I took pictures with my new camera...
But can't upload the images without my laptop...

I wanted to contact RS in Fance to pour my woes of not having a computer..
But she is unreachable without my msn...

I had multiple urge to go swimming...
But I was too lazy...and the weather dun look good enough...

In the end, manage to do some housekeeping and packing and unpacking of my stuff...
watch Tv on and off without paying attention...call up friends to catch up...
read some books without registering what i am reading...

Finally, end up sulking most of the time since last monday.

Just as I have suspected.

Thank You.

PheW!

Yes...my laptop survive.

ONCE AGAIN.

Thanks to Kiat, this is the second time he manage to revive my laptop.
And this time...it took a week instead of a day.

A VERY VERY LONG AND TORTURING WEEK....

Hence this posting is especially to thank Kiat for his help, and apology for bugging him to fix my laptop over the weekends.

Thanks...thanks again.

Mac VS PC

I need a new Laptop...

But I cannot decide which to get.

I have been having thoughts of buying a MAC...
But there are a few issues that stop me.

1. I am not familiar with using MAc...although I did have some tiny experience in using it when I was in glasgow...they are not pleasant experience.

2. I LOVE MY MSN messenger...and Mac is weak in that area.

3. I LOVE my window media player with a huge collection of WMA files..Mac is problematic with that...although not helpless but troublesome.

4. Mac is so much more costly...

5. Mac...is not friendly to a lot of softwares and programs...


But there are also issues with PC..

1. I am sick of the problematic virus and trojan...blah blah

2. I heard enough critics for Vista.

3. If they are as cool looking as MAC...but I think I did saw nice ones...

4. Not compatible to Final Cut PRo...my favourite program to edit video...but there are other programs available...

Oh well....looks like Mac has more issues than PC...

Hmm How?

It feels like getting a boyfriend.

Mac is like some guy who is too cool and elite...but not friendly...though trying hard to be...but still not friendly enough.

Pc on the other hand is too friendly but lack charisma...most of the time too friendly until it is vunerable to attacks.

And so...

Why can't I have something in between?

I am talking about laptop now...not boyfriend.

How?How!?How?

Oooh...interesting!

St Steph's boys...

My Lovely Haig Girls....

Yummy mushrooms...

Rabbits....looking elsewhere...

Ooohhh....Caterpillar!

"Je ne veux pas travailler" by Pink Martini

I wish you love...

How I found this song.

This song...I remember hearing this song many years ago in a movie by Arron Kwok and Kelly Chan...

Suddenly cannot remember the tune...but remember vividly in my mind...it was a lovely song.

I google it...and found the movie, "And I Hate you so", search in youtube for the movie...
Watched the last part...and I was lucky to have english subtitle for the movie in youtube...
Got the lyrics for the song...

Google for the title of the song...

And got..."I wish you love".

A classic song...
As it turns out...according to wikipedia...tons of singers sang this song before throughout the years...

Frank Sinatra, Laura Fygi, Natalie Cole, Nat King Cole, Lisa Ono...Rachael Yamagata...etc...

The music was written by Léo Chauliac, with French lyrics under the title "Que reste-t-il de nos amours?" by Charles Louis Trenet.

The English title and lyrics are by Albert A. Beach.


It was a sad song, I have to say...

It makes me sad...listening to it.

But I like it.

"I wish you love..." by Rachael Yamagata

I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love

And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love.

Sticky key??

The "shift" key on my keyboard is acting funny recently...
And so...I keep pressing my shift key...
And it suddenly activate the "sticky key" option...

Huh??

Sticky key?

what's that??

Well...

Yah...try that with your keyboard...press "shift" key 5 times...

To deactivate...press both shift key...or control and shift key.

I din try them..i just happen to got it suddeny and read about them online...

Curious...u try yourself.

Caffeine OVERDOSE!!

Time is 5.28am.
And I cannot sleep.

DAMN those free-flow Macdonald breakfast milk tea.


I am dying from caffeine overdose.
I drank 3 cups of tea this morning.

And the consequences is...

Despite being DEAD TIRED...and WIDE AWAKE for the past 23 hours...
I REPEAT, I cannot sleep.

And what is worse?

The worse is...I cannot sleep for the next 12 hours because I need to go to work soon which my schedule runs from 6am till 6pm...

THIS IS INSANE!

LET ME SLEEP!

I WANT TO SLEEP!

The music below.

Everytime I hear this tune below...

I will lose control.

I will dance Tango with my feet and air cello with my hands...

As if I really know how.

I wish I do.

"Libertango" by Astor Piazzolla/ Yoyo Ma

"I will...

go play basketball..
or watch a movie..
or watch tv..
or study korean lor..
or study thai..
or play my guitar..
or go shopping..
or go st james see girls..have a drink..
or just ride my motorbike to enjoy some wind.."

These are the answers from my brother QC, to the question in my posting below.

There are too many things he can do when his pc breaks down.

There are too many things I can do as well...
But then, I will still sulk.

Ha...

"how am i gg to live without my pc for 1 week..."

XN is sending out her pain to me.

"go home dunno do wat..."...she worries.

Her PC is down and is going to be sent for service.
Apparent, it will take a week before it returns.

And so...

I give her some suggestion.

FrilLyObjeCT says:
watch TV

FrilLyObjeCT says:
read a good book?

FrilLyObjeCT says:
have a nice long bath..

FrilLyObjeCT says:
cut ur nails..

FrilLyObjeCT says:
sit around and sing a song?

I have tried my best.

And she replies..

"i think i'll juz sit ard in a daze...haha"

It really shows how dependent we are on our computers nowadays.
XN is reduced to a dazing without it.

I probably will sulk all day.

What about you?

How will you live without your PC for a week?

Tell me about it.

Listen...can you hear the music?

Yeah...!

You learn something new everyday.

Today, I learn how to add music to my blog.

Enjoy!
Music by John Legend.
"Save Room"

Low blog rates NOT because I am unhappy.

I have been observing my blogging rates and patterns...
As I have conclude earlier...the happier I am...the more I blog.
But judging from my recent rates...
I probably will hit my lowest record.

But that is NOT because I am unhappy.
Oh but I am unhappy with something definitely...
And that is...

NOT HAVING INTERNET ACCESS TO BLOG WHEN I AM DAMN HAPPY.

And so...
I am actually rather happy recently.
Just that I dun have the access to blog.

ok...it's us again...

I remember we did more than two silly shots in front of the STOP sign...
I will dig out more next time...promise.

Yo!...It's me and my brother AGAIN....

STOP!...LooK!...and...Dodge!
How hilarious...

This is ME in a yellow dress...and my brother.

"Hey...you are quite pretty when you are young...but what happen to you now??"

Thank you for your comment.
But how come I dun feel flattered at all.

Yet another monkey story...

And so...I was surfing the net for more monkey stories...
after RS and XN show me their interesting discoveries...

I found this.
It's called "The Hundredth Monkey Theory"

"The Japanese monkey, Macaca fuscata, had been observed in the wild for a period of over 30 years. In 1952, on the Island of Koshima, scientists were providing monkeys with sweet potatoes dropped in the sand. The monkeys liked the taste of the raw sweet potatoes, but found the dirt unpleasant. An 18 month old female named Imo found she could solve the problem by washing the potatoes in the salty ocean water, improving the taste of the potato. She taught this trick to her mother. Her playmates learned this trick and taught their mothers too. This cultural innovation was gradually picked up by numerous monkeys in the troop and observed by the scientists.

Between 1952 and 1958, all the young monkeys learned to wash the sandy sweet potatoes and make them more palatable. Only the adults who imitated their children learned this cultural improvement. Other adult monkeys kept eating the dirty sweet potatoes. In autumn of 1958, something startling took place. A certain number of Koshima monkeys were already washing their sweet potatoes, the exact number is not known. The hypothetical number given was 99. Then it happened. The hundredth monkey learned to wash the sweet potatoes. The added energy of that hundredth monkey somehow created an ideological breakthrough. Almost everyone in the tribe was washing their potatoes before eating them, but a surprising occurrence was observed by these scientists. The habit of washing the sweet potato had jumped overseas. Colonies of monkeys on other islands and the mainland troop at Takaskiyama began washing their sweet potatoes.

Although the exact number may vary, this Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon means that when only a limited number of individuals knows a 'new way', it remains the conscious property of those individuals. However, when one more individual manifests this new awareness, the field is strengthened, a critical mass is reached, and the awareness becomes the conscious property of all. This new awareness is communicated mind to mind.

http://pure-research.net/healing/light/monkey.html

And so...what have you learn from this experiment this time round?
Try observing the young ones...and learn something new for a start.

Another monkey story...

This story is from XN, she sent me a link via msn.

Well, humans like to observe their distant relatives to know themselves better.
And this time, it is about gender preference.

They found out that, male monkeys like to play boys toys.

"It's thought of as a sexual stereotype: boys tend to play with toy cars and diggers, while girls like dolls. But male monkeys, suggests research, are no different (see a related video report).

This could mean that males, whether human or monkey, have a biological predisposition to certain toys, says Kim Wallen, a psychologist at Yerkes National Primate Research Center in Atlanta, Georgia.

Wallen's team looked at 11 male and 23 female rhesus monkeys. In general the males preferred to play with wheeled toys, such as dumper trucks, over plush dolls, while female monkeys played with both kinds of toys.

This conclusion may upset those psychologists who insist that sex differences – for example the tendency of boys to favour toy soldiers and girls to prefer dolls – depend on social factors, not innate differences."

How interesting.

You may want follow the link below to read the actual article.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn13596-male-monkeys-prefer-boys-toys.html

Monkey story...

I was chatting over the phone with RS a few daya ago,
and she told me an interesting experiments with monkeys about culture influence...

This is roughly how it goes...

5 monkeys were locked in a room with a bunch of bananas in the centre of the room.
Whenever the moneys tries to touch the bananas, cold water will be splash at them.
And soon, they no longer tries to eat the bananas because they knew of the consequences.

Then, one fine day, one of the five monkeys was replace by a NEW monkey.
The new monkey, not knowing the about the water splashing punishment,
approaches the bananas.
While all the rest of the 4 monkeys uses all means to stop the new monkey from doing so...
To avoid the water splashing punishment.

Soon enough, the NEW monkey learn that he cannot touch the banana because something bad will happen to him. He learned this through his inmates, by hook or by crook.
Yet, bearing in mind, he was never been splashed by any cold water, since he was introduce.

Then, one fine day again, one of the 4 old monkeys was replaced by another NEW monkey.

The same thing happened again.
The new monkey will go for the bananas, while the rest stopped him.
Eventually, as we have guessed.
No monkey dares to pick the bananas.

And the same thing happened overtime, all the old monkeys were replaced one by one by new monkeys.

At the end of the experiment, the room is left with 5 ALL new monkeys in the room
which all of them had never experience any cold water being splashed at them before...
since they day they were introduced into the room.

YET, NONE OF THEM DARE TO GO NEAR THE BUNCH OF BANANAS.

The moral of the experiment...
never underestimate the power of cultural influences and teaching against instinct.
And it sets me thinking...

Someone says...

"QY...will you marry me?"

Am I suppose to be flattered?
He is a good friend of mine.
He is a gay.

He just wanted to get a HDB flat.

Of course, there are incentive to marry him.
Quite a few in fact.
But, there is no love.

Maybe he do love me, he claimed.
As a friend of course.

But, sorry my friend.
Thank you and sorry.

One day, if I am ever going to marry anyone.
I will love him...and I want him to love me.

Maybe it sounds naive.
But I really wish.

I saw someone who looked like him.

I was at the pasar malam today.
I haven't been to one for a long time.
Feeling hungry...I walked around to look for food.
And saw someone...who looked like him, selling kebabs.

It shocked me for a second...or two.

How is it possible?

Indeed...not possible.

He was not him.

Of course...silly of me.

He sells kebab.

He might be a Turkish or Greek.

No wonder the resemblance.

I queue up for the kebab...because of him.

The queue was unusually long...and he looked up at me...

"Sorry, 5 minutes , ok?"

I smile back.

But I walked away.

I just wanted to look at him.

His kebab looks really good.

But...I do not have the appetite to eat anymore.

I cannot imagine what happen if i ever see that man again.
Not the kebab man, but the man he looks like.

I am not even sure if i want to.

Today...

I saw someone who looked like him.

"But..my rabbit is white...."

I was teaching my primary 1 students to draw rabbit this week.

And one student in particular refuse to colour his rabbit.

I asked him why.

He replied.

"...my rabbit is white..."

I tried to convince him that this rabbit he draws is a magical one...

"This is a special rabbit in wonderland...and you can colour whatever colour you like."

"But...my rabbit is white"

...almost in tears....as he tries to explain to me why he can't colour his rabbit.


What can I say.

In the end, I made him colour all the rest of the things in his drawings...the grass...the clouds...the sun, the flowers...and leave his rabbit PURE WHITE...

As he happily did.

At Home Yet Not At Home

RS called up from France and said

"QY!...are you 'LOOKING TO MEET SOMEONE???!"

"What?!?? what do you mean?"

"You said that in your blog!"

"MY bLOG?? I changed my blog address recently. I think i informed you with my new address, right?"

"yah...but www.athomeyetnotathome.blogspot.com is working and someone posted something about "looking to meet someone!, I thought it's you!"

"really??!?..wait I check."

And here it is.

www.athomeyetnotathome.blogspot.com

Why not check it out yourself.

Though I also hope to meet someone...ALL THE TIME...

I SWEAR....

THAT IS NOT ME.

Headache

I am having a gigantic headache RIGHT NOW!
And it's KILLING ME!

Btw, did I also mention that I have been feeling nauseating since yesterday...

PUKE!

My new job...

Hmm...

I like my new job so far.
Really like it.

Of course the pay plays an important role...
But the most satisfying part is my client.

The children.
They can be devils and angel at the same time.

Drawings are wonderful.

Though the commuting to work part is never attractive in any kind of job...
But...I think I have improve tremendously in my punctuality and enjoy the journey.

Because I look forward to see the kids.

I notice I have loosen up quite a bit too...
Bought a new bag for work..
And a new blouse...just to look decent like a proper educator.

Feels good too...to be packed with work..and art.

Yah...that's all for now.

I have a dream...

A few days ago...
I dreamt that I drop 3 of right my molar teeth...
It was not painful...of course..because it is a dream.
But...it is kind of...sad.
Because a part of me...fell off and left me.

Oh..did I mention.
I have a wisdom tooth on lower left side of my mouth.
Half hidden under the gum.
No pain experience yet.
But my dentist said, judging from how the food accumulates
whenever i eat something ...
it will start to rot sooner or later.
Hence, in order to keep my wisdom tooth wise and healthy...
I consciously brush dilligently especially carefully on half of my
prevailing wisdom tooth to delay the process of decay.

I think I have done a good job so far.
I hope this can last me until my next visit to my Thai dentist in Chiangmai NEXT YEAR!

Wish me pain free!

Wish you happy too!

CHEER!

New Look!

Yeah!
I have decided to give my blog a new look!

And so...instead of the dark face blog...
I give it a fresh white.

Surprise?

Like the new look?

Tell me about it!
(If anyone is reading, of course.)

Weeee.....!

The Challange...

Suddenly, I am packing my schedule like mad.
I am sensing the challenge i put myself in after my Guanyin temple prophecy.
I thought, if this path that I have chosen is fated to be full of hardship,
I should make the most out of it.
If I am going to be flying around like a busy bee...
I want my hive to be full of honey.

I know it is not going to be easy.
But that is the reason why I have chosen it.

The challenge of it.


Thank you Guanyin-ma.

Nothing to blog about.

Or not.

I started a new job.
The job scope itself is nothing new.
But the person paying me is different.
The curriculum is different.
And my targeted clients are different.

I teach primary school now.
Have to be super punctual.
That will be my new work stress.
So far so good.
That's all.

I have a feeling...my blog is getting boring...
My life is getting boring...
I am becoming boring.

Boring...

The Guanyin Temple at Bugis...

I am a little sadden by my own destiny.

Looks like I am destinated to live a worried art life.
As my lots says...
My art life...is like the life of a bee...
When the weather is good, there is honey.
When weather is bad...no honey.
As in...it will be uncontrollably passive to the environment.

And indeed...for years it has been like that.

If my life...is fated to love art like bee love honey.
So be it.

As long as I am happy.

But am I happy.

At the moment, I really dun know.
I am sure i am out of my depression.
But I have a feeling I am nowhere near bliss.

Do something please.
Me.
Please.

Yahui said...

Maybe you will start to do your work when you cut your hair.

Indeed.

I think so too...long ago.

I AM BACK!

First thing when I reach home,
other than taking off my shoes and dropping my bags on the floor...
I digged out my laptop and connected the cables....

Log myself on.

My long-drained cyber-energy needs charging.

I have missed nothing of course.
Just that I can never get enough of the trash available in the cyberworld.
Those endless free dramas and movies.

Those endless information.

All I can say is...I know I missed nothing yet...I miss everything about it.

YO!

Yo!
How is life?
Mine?
Boring.
Rotting.

Anyway...
Life should be back on track when this holiday is over.
My Long vacation will be over soon.

Such a long vacation...
2 years...

Too Long.

Treasure and trash...

It is so much fun to go through my family's boxes of trash.
The reason why it is fun...is because they are not boxed up in order.
They are a random mess of trash..my mum scoped from my room and my brother's and my father's.
And end up...each and every box is a ramdom of trash and treasure to be discovered.

One box...I found my long lost Nat King Cole CD in MINT condition.
Very very happy.
I almost wanted to buy a new one in singapore.

Found my uncle's old vinyl records...and guess wat.
I found STYLISTICS!!!!
What a weird infinity I had with Stylistics.

And then...I found some long lost books.
They are everywhere,,anywhere...
and full of surprise.

It runs in the family.
Especially my father, my big brother and me who are the "keeper"
My mum and second brother are "thrower" to keep the balance.

I saw my father reading a filmsy looking book a few day ago...
And he said he bought that when he was 16, he recorded it in his book when he bought it.
Interesting.

But I pissed at the same time.
Becos, some items are in very bad conditions...
Old metal stuff are badly rusty.
Paper stuff..and books turn yellow....or eaten away by bugs..
Cloth and old clothings...turn spotty...and dirty...
Sad...

And I will keep sneezing...if i dun put on my face mask.

Wrap myself up like I am in some virus infected zone..
to clear up the boxes...go thru them one by one..and see what is inside..
It's a pity i really do not have the energy to categorise them properly...too random..
Too MISCELLANEOUS.
The most i can do..is to put them together properly.
And pull out things that I wanted individually...

Anyway...I have yet to come across my own stuff..as I had only been going through my father's and my brother's stuff.

Wait till I attack the boxes in my room
That will be REAL TREASURE HUNTING!

Look forward!

A review of my resolution for 2007.

New Year Resolution 2007

1. Make ART.

2. Make a website.

3. At least run two shows this year.

4. Participate in residencies and projects.

5. Save more money.

6. Start YOGA-ing.

7. Target to drop 5kg.

8. Publish my book.


Apparently...I did not do much in 2007.
Because?...look at my 2008 resolution below!
I did participate in projects but my works are not selected.
And I did nothing for my book and website.
No shows running...
I gained 5 kg instead of losing it...
Money wise...same.

Things I want to do in 2008.

1. Publish books.
2. Start a website.
3. Do some good shows
(solo or group-impt thing is so something I am proud of showing).
4. Apply for my scholarship and if I dun get it..
leave singapore and go working holiday.
5.If I get the scholarship, prepare myself to study in japan in 2009.
6.If I dun, go work holiday for a year...and study in europe for my MFA.
7.CUT MY HAIR.

Things I want to buy...always...

1.A good new laptop with all the functions I need.
2.A good camera.
3.A good sewing machine.

Personal improvements...

1. Healthy weight loss of around 5 to 10 kg.
2. Learn Yoga.
3. Read read read...more books.
4. Watch some good shows.
5.Cultivate good sleeping and eating habits.
6. Stop wasting time.

Mental improvements...

1. I hope I am able to throw away some things which I couldn't bear to throw away.
Some junks around me for years...which I should let go off...and make myself more mobile.
2. As usual, I believe I have talked less over the years. Talk less...but express more in other forms. Talk less...and do more.

What can I say...
I will be happy if i at least fulfill 50% of what I want to do.
There is one thing for sure though...something to be happy about...
What I want is still what I want.

And those are really what I want to do.
I DID NOT FICKLED AND HESITATE THIS TIME...
I KNOW WHAT I WANT!

It is a great feeling!

Never love anyone again...

2 years ago...when I was so hurt and heart broken...
I was so sure I can never love anyone again.
So sure..so sure.
Now..
No one for me to love...
Yet...I am so sure that I am capable of loving like I used to be.

so sure...so sure..
Nothing is sure under the pressure of time.
Good things and bad.

I was consoling a friend who was heartbroken...
And he reminded me of myself 2 years ago.
I ask him if he actually felt that he will never love again...
He did.

What I can say is...
You will be ok.

Time will heal.
Really...really really...
YOu will love again when u are ready.
After some many many days later...
You will be ok.

BE STRONG!

Treasure or Trash?

Every now and then, I will open my 3 boxes of treasure and check out my old stuffs.
Those 3 boxes...are boxes of stuff I sea-mail back to Singapore from Glasgow.
They are the only physical remains of my memories in Glasgow other then my photos.

I always dig out my stuff in full excitements.
Because I have long forgotten what I have sent home.
I suspect...if someone throw all of these 3 boxes away...I probably wouldn't notice any lost.
All i would register...is 3 boxes of memories..which I couldn't remember what was inside now...is GONE..
Yet, whenever I opened them...I will be amuse by all my little treasures..yet at the same time be disgusted with stuff I dun understand why I did not throw away back then..
It is always a mix feeling...
And I thought since I did not throw away then..
I simply put them back...and refuse to throw it away now..

This is what I am dealing with.
Myself.
My stubborn self.

I do not understand what I am clinging to.
Those old brochure...old paper scraps...
Old moldy clothes...
MOLDY!...

I am so determine to force myself to throw them away.
If not all...I know I cant...
At least as many.

Until I am load off of my own trash and move on.
I know I cannot fly with my luggage excess...

Yet..I want these trash to be part of my art..
I am trying...

And how?
Documentations..
Filings..

I am trying.
I really am.

Technologically poetic & poetically technological.

I went to see the digital art show in science centre finally on the last day of the exhibition.
It was a delightful experience.
And i was glad that I made an effort to go.
I am that lazy.
But I wanted to see the show in Austria when I was in Glasgow.
It went on a tour in Taiwan...and I miss that too.
Finally when it reach singapore...I manage to catch it.

I wanted to say...
The marriage of art and technology...is simply...
Beautiful.

Poetically technological....
and technologically poetic.

Some simple idea...express whimsically.

And work of art is heighten....with technology.
Work of technology heighten with art...

I like it.

To do list before 13th Jan

1. Plan 2008 schedule.
2. Print out all the potential opportunities
3. Print Shiraishi photos
4. Clear up my room.
5. Buy a camera.
6. Buy my new year outfit.
7. Chase up Drift project progress.
8. Draw out my Chiangmai plan.
9. Finish reading "The sushi economy" and "The Accidental Art..."
10. File up and do accounting.

Suddenly...

I have a thought...
Maybe...
He did love me at that moment of his life.

This year 2008...

This is a year I think I am ready.
After I have used up 2 years to get myself ready.

I realise I have been expaining myself why I haven't really
been doing my art for these 2 years...
I am the only person who understand why.

Was watching a show...the lady ask the guy..
"Are you alright from your broken heart?"
The guy replied..
"As long as you dun touch the wounds..
I guess it will not hurt that much"

Indeed.
I have been avoiding touching my own wounds..
So that it will heal slowly..
Until I forgot about it's existence.

Time will heal...

Time has heal me.

2008.

I am me again.

Ready and me.

HAppY New YeaR!

hELLo 2008!

While everyone is rushing to see the fireworks...
I just want to go home.

This is how I welcome 2008.

I am actually quite a boring person.

I just want to spend this time alone.

But then...I am full of hope...for this BRAND NEW YEAR.

I am excited.

Mentally.

Though I never have the habit to celebrate.

Good bye 2007...

I know I am never good at keeping my words...
When it comes to LAST POSTING...
I cannot help it...

Too much to say for the last day of the year...

I log out...and log in again...

I just wanted to say...

It has been a good year, I will miss you.

GOOD BYE 2007...

How I.

One last video from me to you.
For the last day of the year.

How I thank you.

Hit 200!

I have finally exceed 200 posting for 2007.
I am aware of the number..a few blogs ago..
and though I should hit 200.

For the fun of it.

Enjoy!

KIWI

Something to think about for the new year...
A wish to die for...

KNIT...

I think I can do that with my hair too....

To Roger, with love...

My desktop wallpaper REVEALED!...It's Roger Federer! Surprise!

The reason why I am so in love with Chul Soo...

SHIT HAPPENS!

I watched this short film...when I was in UK...
In the middle of the night when I reach home after work one day.
It was so hilarious...
I almost fall off my bed....

And the english title of this short film in UK was SHIT HAPPENS!

Enjoy!

So sweet...

Everything is going to start anew...

In less than 24 hours....

The last day of the year...
Is always the day that makes me think a lot.

Not as if I dun think for the rest of the 364 days...
But at least for today...
I think a lot more...

To prepare myself for the new year ahead.
ALso to access my past year.

Whether I have improve?
Deteoriate...
Or found something...
Lost something..

Think about everything.

I always like to stay at home...for the last day of the year..
If I have a choice..
I will stay at home.

Yet...
I had assignments to complete this afternoon.
My last art lesson for Soobin.

As well as...
A favour for Lisa...my manager to work in the restaurant
becos someone else is having holidays..
I hate to work as I have mention especially on this day.
Becos...
It is a day I consolidate and think.

Therefore...I am reluctant to sleep now.
I need to think NOW...
Tomorrow will be too late.

I sold myself for about $80 for the last day of the year.

I hope I can reach home before 12am tomolo.
And stay at home to think.

Wish everybody a happy new year.
A VERY HAPPY ONE.

Writing mood...

I rather like my own recent writing mood...
Especially after my blood donating ordeal...

I have been wondering why I donated my blood.
Maybe I want to let go of part of myself.
Perhaps some stubborness in me...in my blood.
想放下心中的执着...

I hope this writing mood will be there for a long long while until I need another rest.

I have been reading into the statistic detail regarding the amount of writings since 2004.

The moment which I am the happiest had more than 100 posting in a month.
In May 2005.

The saddest only had 1 in the whole month.
In December 2005.

One particular month with 1 posting...
I complained about not having the internet access to blog.
Which means...it's a technical barrier to express.
NO internet access.

Another particular month with 2 postings.
One is about the brief for the month.
The other is YET another complain that I haven't been
blogging becos I sold my life for cash.
Too busy working that is.

Those with 3 or 4 postings..are my low and sad days...

Those with flooding postings...
Are my good moods.

Though I agree that sadness makes good poems, good songs,
and good stories...
even good art...
Yet my productivity is dependent on how happy I am.
I realise.
The happiest days...are my most expressive days.

Which means...judging from my posting...
This month...is my happiest month...
Since since 2005 MAY.

This month.
The month that I read a lot, watch dramas...and stop selling myself for cash.
Is my happiest.

2 years...should be enough.
It is enough in fact.
To be myself again.
The me...I used to love.

2008.
I am me again.

HERE I COME!

2008 Resolution...

I have been thinking this.

I accidentally saw what I wrote a year ago...
And access what I have achieve...

I set a, 2 and a half year plan...
I am almost halfway.

I achieve the easy half...
The difficult half is yet to be done.

So much for all the rest and play.

Time to make art.
Things I want to do in 2008.

1. Publish books.
2. Start a website.
3. Do some good shows
(solo or group-impt thing is so something I am proud of showing).
4. Apply for my scholarship and if I dun get it..
leave singapore and go working holiday.
5.If I get the scholarship, prepare myself to study in japan in 2009.
6.If I dun, go work holiday for a year...and study in europe for my MFA.
7.CUT MY HAIR.

Things I want to buy...always...

1.A good new laptop with all the functions I need.
2.A good camera.
3.A good sewing machine.

Personal improvements...

1. Healthy weight loss of around 5 to 10 kg.
2. Learn Yoga.
3. Read read read...more books.
4. Watch some good shows.
5.Cultivate good sleeping and eating habits.
6. Stop wasting time.

Mental improvements...

1. I hope I am able to throw away some things which I couldn't bear to throw away.
Some junks around me for years...which I should let go off...and make myself more mobile.
2. As usual, I believe I have talked less over the years. Talk less...but express more in other forms. Talk less...and do more.

黄真伊

Yet another brilliant Korean Drama.
After so many other great works.
The theme opening is already impressive before I watch the show.
Wait till you watch the actual drama.

Be nice to me, it is my first....

DONATION!

A bloody one.

I went to the Blood Bank with Wendy because she wanted to donate blood.
And I tagged along.
And thought...
maybe I should donate blood too.

Registered...and was given a large red and white sticker to be paste on my T-shirt which says..

"Be nice to me, it is my first donation"

I felt like a kid, happily receiving a big sticker to praise me for my act.
During the examination,I was tagged under "Malaria Risk" by the examiner
becos I travelled in malaria risk countries within 12 months.
But I was accept as a blood donor nevertheless.

First...

a nurse prick a tiny-mini hole with a stapler-like thingy
and collected a bit of my blood and drop it into a blue solution.
I was told later by wendy this is to check the blood's density against...
I guess the blue solution is copper sulphate.

It sinks...a bit and hangs in the middle...

I passed as long as it dun floats...but not with flying colours...
I concluded...becos it should have sink to the bottom like other drops of blood.

I enter the room with many comfy looking arm chairs...
and a few nurse start to crowd around me...
They are smiley and nice to me...like what the sticker on my T-shirts tells them.
I ask a lot of silly questions...
and finally lay comfortablely on the chair.
Ready to do my act.

I was rejected by the blood donation team 10 years ago...
becos the nurse can't find my blood vein.

10 years later which is now,
it was not an easy job either.
They tried my right hand, then my left...
and decided poke on my right hand eventually.

A tiny injection...
For localised anesthesia...
Skillfully done.
Followed by...I don't know what...
But a tiny pin prick sensation as I was told to look away
and talk to my friend instead...
Which I suspect it must be more than a pin prick..
That I decided to steal a glance...

I regret it...
It was a painful SIGHT.
Not that I can feel anything...
Becos of the anesthetic...
But I know it should be painful by the size of it,
Just that I cannot feel it.

Then the nurse prompts me to squeese the little cushy sponge
to give pressure so that my hand and pump blood into the donation bag...

I skive a bit and was caught...but manage to pull through.

Finally...It was over...
and wendy told me I can choose colour for my hand bandage...
But it was too late when the nurse choose
blue for me to match my t-shirt.
Not bad actually.

The nice lady told me
I can carry my own blood for a while
before it is being sent off for process...

It was a weird feeling..
My own blood...
Separated from my bloody...
In a Bag...
and I was carrying it...

Like a baby.
My baby.
It used to be part of me.

Strangely.

Then we happily left the centre and
go for our free refreshment in the canteen...

Soya milk and Soon guey for me.

Then...wendy and I head for the food market across the bloodbank
for pork porridge as planned.

Walked down the slops of the bloodbank
cross the road...less than 10 minutes of walk...
I suddenly feel weak in the knees..
Really weak...
Followed by a nauseating sensation...
I told wendy i feel like puking.
She thought I was joking.

Then a few more steps later...
I started to sqaut on the walkway...
I need to puke.
I knew it.
I AM NOT JOKING.

Passersby stop and offered me medicated oil.
WHICH I NEEDed.
I am thankful to the old lady who offer me her medicated oil.

Then...
I VOMITTED.

It was the soya milk and soon guey.
It was NOT hard to recognise them.
They are in still in good shape...
As they are not eaten very long ago.

I told wendy that I feel bad that I had left my puke by the pillar...
The soya and soon guey must be feeling lonely and unwanted.

Anyway...we head for the food market...stayed for 15 minutes..
Wendy ate her breakfast while i still feel unwell.
I called the blood bank and told them I vomitted.
I was told to go back.

Wendy and I head back to the bloodbank..
SLOWLY.
We stop on and off...between this 10 minutes or less distance.
I just cannot walk too fast...becos the nauseating sensation is still there..
But nothing left to be throw up..

Wendy start to feel giddy herself too..and break into sweats...
It was her turn now..
we reach the door step of the blood bank...
And we stopped..
A few more step...
but I was feeling too sick to continue..
I lay down on the floor of the door step of the bloodbank...
Hoping that doctors and nurses will run out to save me...

No one came out.

Wendy was not feeling well too...
She looks pale by now..

I decided...
I need to go in...just a few more step...
I walked up the step and told the lady in the lobby my situation...
And Wendy walked in slowly.

Both of us...are being wheeled into the rest area...
given pressure test, blanket and water...

Nurses told us...we should eat before the donation.

My pressure was 90/60 i was told.

A bit low.

Then we rested.

The pink shirt guy across who was donating blood looks familiar..
But it was not important anymore..I was too weak to smile.

Then...after...a lost track of time..
We had to leave...
Becos we are occupying blood donation beds...
And we felt better anyway...
Nurses warn us not to go shopping before we left.

We left the bloodbank..

AND GO SHOPPING!

I need to buy my organiser for 2008.
I drag myself with wendy to kinokuniya.
Got myself a new organiser.
Which I was happy of my own choose.

And actually wanted to continue to shop becos
there are crazy year end sales not to be missed.
YEt...I was too weak...
I tried...
But wendy told me...
I looked pale.

I gave up.
And went home.

Along the way home..
it was still an ordeal.
I had to walk and stop...many times.

Feeling nausaeting...
until i reach home

Bath...
Saw myself in the mirror...
And like my whitening look.


I excitedly called wendy and told her
"原来捐血可以美白...!"
(Donating blood atcually had whitening effect...!)

She replied in a matter of fact tone...
"不是美白...是苍白..."
(Not whitening...is PALE looking)

Oh..hmmm...

SHE IS RIGHT.

I called my brother and and friend and told them my ordeal..
Before I tugged myself to bed.

Woke up...
Confessed to my nanny that i went blood donation
and was scolded by her...
Finish my dinner...
And decided to blog...

Feeling the tiny pin prick pain on the finger from the first test...
While I type on my keyboard...

"Be nice to me, it is my first ..."

Maybe...

It is also my last.

No internet!!!!!!.....会死人的! 会死人的!

会死人的...没错.

Without internet....I will DIE!

I was informed by my mum that my 45 days in Chiangmai is going to be networkLESS.
No telephone. No internet access.

I start to behave like a grochy kid...and start to sulk.
I called my mum to grumble about it...and called my brother to scold him for cancelling the intent...then I called my second brother in Batam...to complain to him...called my best friend...and told her I will die.

So much for all the sulking...but I was still PISSED that I actually made plans to stay in thailand longer becos I thought i could have enjoy my holidays...hiding at home...while seeing the whole world at my finger tips...

The only survival source for me..I was told...is TV.
That should be good enough usually...but not anymore.
I tried to imagine.

It was worse than nightmare.

10 years ago...I would have laugh at my own post.
Now...I have to laugh at my own addiction.

Without internet...
It means...
I CANNOT...

watch youtube,
watch movie online,
check bank account and make transactions.
surf net,
read books,
check out resources,
catch up with friends,
read news,
submit proposal,
online shopping,
do research,
look out for inspiration,
correspond to my work,
make plans,
organise my show,
cry watching dramas on tudou...
watch documentaries for free...
search for materials for web design...
send emails..
check emails...
get to know latest discount..
update my facebook...

IN 45 days...I am trying to figure out now..
How am I going to fill up this empty slots...while not doing ALL THE ABOVE.

In fact, I do have a lot of other things to do...

Yet it scares me...to know that...
I AM UNABLE TO DO ALL THAT in the next 45 days from 13th jan onwards.

It scares me.

I only hope...
It is a blessing in disguise.
I know I am capable of surviving.
But it is going to be a torture.

I have so many other things to do...
yet...without internet...
It's like losing touch to the whole world.

How do I live without you.....

Oh...How do I...

Oh...How do I live....

SOMEBODY!...HELP ME!

CRASH!

My laptop hit blue screen again just a while ago.

I noticed the hefty pant coming from my laptop...
That kind of "work too hard for it's age" motor spinning sound.

Time is up soon...

You have to go...you have to go...

Time to back up.

This thing call friendship..once more.

So much for my emotional thoughts about friendship.
I was just being grouchy and grumpy.

Friends are still friends after all.

That is our kind of friendship.

Facebook Again...

I have been very resistance against facebook for a while...
I did not want to join any friends network online...
I forgot the reason why...
until I am going through my potential friends list...
and I see someone I never wanted to see again.

I remember one of the reasons for my resistance...

I know somehow...he might just be one of them in the network.
I wanted to avoid...seeing him again...even online..
I actually am afraid...he will find me.

That's all.

Facebook

I am finally on FACEBOOK...
A network a lot of my friends have been pestering me to join...
And I use PESTER...becos they really do it on a mental level and cyber way...

When i am finally on it...

I thought...what a waste of life.

It looks fun though...
I suspect I couldn't escape the fate to spend some N-hours of time in the future on yet another cyber reason to keep up my cyber image...


But ,I am too tired to build any thing as yet.

My own life is in a mess...
These network just seem too superficial for now...
like another friendster to a higher level...

I found the best friend whom I am losing on FAcebook...and send her a poke...
In the hope that...maybe this shall be the new way for us to interact in the future...
Without taking up her time...and me feeling guilty.
If that is the only way now.

I will try anything.

I am that desperate now.

If she ever realise it.

I am not complaining...I am lamenting.

I wanted to stress that...this thing call friendship.
I am not blaming anyone for how things developed.

I am not complaining...

I AM LAMENTING.

Showing griefs....and airing sadness...

If you feel I am being over-sensitive...

It is because this friendship is very important to me...

Regardless...no point in clarifying...

She never reads my blog anyway.

This thing call Friendship.

Friendship.
A very fragile relationship...
That can be easily dilute and broken by time and distance.
Yet, the biggest factor to change it...is choice.

As in...how important you feel u need to spend your time on it.


Some friends...are always there in your life...
While some fade away with time.
When you leave your school...
When you leave a job...
When you get married...

You make convenient new friends...and forget the old...
You make friends who lives close to you...and forget those far away...
Who can blame that...human beings are lazy...I am too.

Yet, recently...
I am sad.
I actually find myself tongue-tied when I want to honestly tell a best friend that I felt left out by her...since she get married...
I tried...like i used to...to try to catch up on the phone...
but each time...it gets more and more difficult...
It was to a point I was so reluctant to call yet...made the call because I know...
If I do not call her...she will usually not call me.
I thought...maybe she is busy...but I am not.
If she can't catch up with me...I can catch up with her...
Yet...I think I am losing it...
Nowadays...I even feel guilty that I might be imposing her life...
No matter how friendly she sounded on the phone like she used to be...
I always have to hang up...feeling very sorry that I interrupted her life...
She is that busy...or I am too free.

She once said " Family is family..."...I understand...but what about friends?
Isn't friends still friends?

I can be understanding...yet I also understand...if this goes on...that is about it.

This thing call friendship...
Is like any other relationship...

needs to be water like a plant...

Take it for granted and leave unattended...

Is a choice.

That's about it.

This thing call friendship.

Wow...I only knew the version by Swing out sisters...until i heard this...

La la (means I love you) by Swing out sisters



THE ORIGINAL VERSION-Lala (means I love you) by Delfonics!

Let's Stay Together...Algreen

MY FAVOURITE SONG!

Great song survive through time...

Taiwanese Version




Korean Version



THE ORIGINAL from The Spinners

Some other classic GREAT songs from stylistic...I just found out...they are the original singers...

YOu are Everything....this song...the first version I ever heard from was from Grasshopper...the cantopop groups in the 80's who sang this song in chinese...and afterthat...I heard an old version by Teresa Tseng...and now...I found out...it was actually from The stylistics...Wonderful song...

Stylistics....The original singers for the song " I can't give you anything but my love"...used as the commercial theme for Gatsby commercial...