Being different...

I am secretly please most of time when people say I am different.
But then, being too different sometimes makes me worry for a few seconds...wondering if there is anything wrong with me being different.

One day, when I was in a rather blend mood to go to work...I choose a boring black top and boring jeans to go to work...and to my greatest surprise...my colleagues were full of praise for my NORMALITY.
They...in unison , wished and requested me to dress up like that more often because they think "I look nicer then usual" ...which means they feel that I look strange usually....

If that is considered normal and nice...
I really rather be ABNORMAL and weird....
or else my life will be too boring...

Though occasionally, I do like the idea of dressing up normally to feel abnormal...

If you know what I mean.

Soduku and life...

I like playing soduku...
I like the feeling of completing a task...

I have always been playing this number game alone...
afterall this is quite a self absorb game...
Hence, I never know how good I am or how fast compare to others...

Yesterday, after a little competition with my friend LQ...
I realise...
I am extremely slow...and actually the worst kind of player...
Completely systemless...and impatient...

So she show me her trick...

1. Start from the top box...and go thru number by number from 1 to 9
2. Every new number filled up will give clue to more number
3. If some area is stuck...MOVE on and go to other numbers...dun waste time thinking...
4. Always scan thru and repeat scanning process of possibility from 1 to 9 again...

Very systematic and orderly and efficient.

While me, my style is...

1. Stare at the block of numbers...randomly
2. Here and there and everywhere...to check for number to be filled up...in no particular orders
3. Gets frustrated if i am stuck, and at some point will STARE at the numbers as if I am thinking...and waste time.
4. After the idling...I resume my task...and go thru all the inefficient way all over again until all the boxes are filled up.


I realise the way I solve soduku is the same as how I live life...
I am distracted and do not follow a system.
I do things spontaneously and randomly...
And this actually makes me horribly inefficient...

But the good thing is...though I am really slow...I enjoy this game as much as those who finish this in 5 minutes...

Like life...it is not about the quantity...but how much I enjoy while I am solving it.

10 things I learn this week...

Hey!...it is time for my weekly report...

1. My JVC digital camcorder records videos and save it as .mod files

2. I have learn that digital video files can come in varies forms, such as .MOD, .MPEG2, .avi.... and not all video editing software can support all of them...for instance...the FREE window movie maker from XP cannot support .mod file.

3. Other brands of camcorder also have their unique video files format...like .VOB and .IFO for sony...

4. .MOD files can be converted to .MPG simply by renaming the files...becos .MOD is actually Mpeg2.

5. Window movie maker do not support mpeg2 as well...wait wait WAIT!...is .MPG the same as mpeg2????? mpg, mp2 and mpeg2 the same thing or different? what is the diff??

6. I have learn that the more I learn the more confuse I am.

7. I have also learn that the more difficult it is to learn the more I want to learn...Yet, It is slowing me down and frustrating me A LOT.

8. I have learn that being HUMBLE is REALLY A GREAT VIRTUE.

9. I have learn that EVERY APPLICATION COMES WITH AN APPLICATION FORM.

10. I have learn to take a straight bus from marina square to somerset and that the $5 Char siew rice at KENJI RAMEN(near somerset MRT)...is OIISHI!

That's all.

:)

I was telling JM...

I was telling JM...about my frustration for not making art...
He suggested that it could be because I am not experiencing any extreme emotions now...

Indeed, such an enlightenment for me...

This one year plus to me is quite a void.
But it doesn't mean I am unhappy.

I have concluded that the reason for my unproductivity is due to the fact that I am feeling too carefree now...
Too contented...
No extreme emotions and feelings..
Which is unhealthy for an artist...

Haha...what an irony...

And so...should I continue to be feeling neutral and peaceful with life...and be UNPRODUCTIVE
OR...make myself miserable to make art...

I really don't know.

What do I really want?

Mahjong philosophy II

It is about Skill, luck, probability, flexibiliy, adaptability and maybe...the colour of the bra you are wearing for the day...

To be continue...

Conversational topic of the day with KY

Yesterday KY and I had some interesting discussion about

-video codec
-video editing softwares
-computer technology
-movie critic
-gender stereotying issue
-computer history
-Ada Lovelace, a beautiful lady with nice hairdo who is the first computer programmer?
-X-men and why it is a good movie
-Batman, a bad movie
-Sociology, gender issues
-Cyberfeminism
-Art media and technology, interactive technology
-Robots which read facial gesture?
-Science fiction
-Men in Black
-Alien
-Time travel concept
-Back to the future
-Virus, human as virus
-Men are from Mars and Women from Venus
-Website design
-Audio terms
-Jap drama theme song
-Amelie and Billy Elliot are good movies
-Matrix
-Man and woman are the same?

More or less...any thing else to add KY?

All about RS and me.

And so, since I have been having VERY LONG chats with RS recently late in the night...
I shall write down a list of things I come to conclude from our recent topics...

1. Guys who are well-travelled and open-minded are attractive to us.
2. We have special feelings for UK.
3. We want to go aboard someday.
4. Typical singaporean man do not attract us.
5. I will not convert and become a christian and she understand that.
6. We love KLUNCH!
7. We are proud of our chinese standard.
8. She is having headaches from friends who tries to matchmake her to any guys available...
9. We both agree that the singlehood retirement plan is brilliant if we are left on the shelf.

Yah..that's about it.
Anything else to add RS?

Bear with me.

There have been conflicting ideas going on for my art.
And lots of confusion in fact.

Yet there is something very clear.
I need to MAKE SOMETHING NOW.

I have enough of looking at other people's work and feel
miserable about NOT PRODUCING.

Feel sick when I know I can do it but not doing anything.

Angry when I keep finding excuse not to work.

Hence, I was telling RS that I plan to use my ART itself as a self-check
to motivate myself to produce art.

My art, used to be a source of ventilation for my exploding thoughts...
And a record of my daily life...
Now has an additional function...
As a self-check and motivation...
Also, I always wish my art to be a window for people to see what I saw...

This beautiful world...my beautiful life.

Bear with me...

It's coming soon...

PROMISE!

Girls talk...

If you wonder what we girls talk about....
These are some of the topics I have explore so far...

- Boys
- Men
- History
- Politics
- Economics
- Travel
- Arts
- Technology
- Family
- Siblings
- Work stress
- Gossip
- Geography
- Literature
- Book reviews
- Music
- Religion
- Fashion
- Korean drama/Tv programme
- Environmental Issues
- Household DIY
- Computers
- Craftworks

Hmm...more or less like dat...

Sarcasm.

This is something everybody can do it...
but not everyone can do it beautifully...
For instance me, I can never be good with this because I am too kind and most of the time too soft hearted to be sarcastic.

To perform it with grace, you need to be ruthless.
A fair bit of humour is required to ease the tension of being rude.
You also need a certain amount of reference and wits to give your sarcasm content. Finally, you just need a silly statement from your victim to trigger your talent.

CQ is an expert with this. He flaunt his sarcasm like composing poems...and overwhelm you with awe...especially when his sarcasm reaches a point of mattter of fact... Until I was almost always..taken in.
However, to reach this kind of standard of being sarcastic is not easy.
I realise he himself suffer from occasional confusion in expressing himself in order to perform sarcasm to perfection.

Finally, some words of advice...
Do not attempt sarcasm if you cannot handle conseqences...
A bit of sarcasm can be entertaining but too much can be annoying...
For guys, wrong kind of sarcasm makes you look ugly,
and wrong kind of sarcasm from gals makes you look bitchy.
So BEware!

Mahjong philosophy

The following only makes sense if you know how to play mahjong.

Different people have different experience in playing every mahjong game. Just like different people goes through different kind of life.
A game of mahjong is just like life itself.

You may have a good start but doesn't mean you will win.

You may have a bad start but doesn't mean you will lose.

You may have a strong front, but could be really weak inside...

You may have nothing in front but a strong formation inside...

You will not know who wins until the very end.

To be continued...

10 things I learn this week.

1. Thanks to the instruction manual...I learn to set up a Canon colour bubble jet printer and install the driver successfully at second attempt. The first time fail because I forget to test print and got to uninstall and install all over again.

2. If you couldn't find something that is suppose to be on the table...then it must be under it. That is my mobile...it took me 2 days to decide to look underneath the table and found it!..before that i ransack my entire room to no avail.Thanks to my nanny who insist I lift the table.

3. Rainy days can ruin swimming plan. That was an excuse, but a valid one. The real reason was because I was lazy and it happens to rain. This is a realisation after self accessment.

4. Teaching children drawing pays you about $16 per hour. I was given an offer to teach by my art agent...It cost about $16 per hour. I rejected it because it was in Queenstown. My agent told me.

5. Keri Keri is a city up north in New Zealand. CQ told me.

6. Auckland is in New Zealand. CQ sarcastically says "No, it is in africa"...which means "YES, it is in NZ"...if you know how to interpret his sarcasm.

7. The shops in New Zealand also closes at 5pm like UK.

8. The staff canteen in changi airport closes at 8pm.

9. This year's sakura blooming season in Tokyo is NOT as beautiful as previous...because it bloom too early and die prematurely...YQ told me.

10. You have to submit your thesis in Japanese if you study MA in Japan...again YQ told me.

Quite a nice song...

Lovely voice from Sheila Majid and Lin Yu Zhong....

Melodi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Md56h8gwPDw

Go watch it bah!

Hey!...MOVE YOUR ASS, BITCH!

Yah MAN!

MOVE your FAt ASS LEh...

StOP YouR DAMn LAmE LiFE aNd do YOur STuFf !

FoR buddHA SakE!

ArH mi TUo FuO.....

sHan zAi ShAn Zai....

Off to meet the hobbits!

HEy!...off to meet the hobbits...

Ohh...I wish I can go...
DAMN!..CQ is already on his way for a 4 months trip...
Not envy at all...BUT FULL OF JEALOUS!

I wonder how pissed I will be when he came back to show off his holiday pics...of course I still look forward to look at them...

Nevertheless... all the best and enjoy the trip!

Take care yo!

STOP BEING LAZY!

EH!...STOP BEING LAZY GIRL!
YOU SHOULD BE DOING SOME WORK NOW.
SINCE YOU ARE SO FREE AND ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT NOT HAVING ENOUGH TIME TO PRACTICE AS A FULL TIME ARTIST...YOU SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING NOW SINCE YOU ARE SO FUCKING FREE!!!!!

WAKE UP! MOVE YOU BUTT!

START DOING SOMETHING!

BORED!

I AM SO BORED!!!!!

Something I learn in 2004...

You learn something everyday. If you ever notice it.

Today, I learn something in less than 5 minutes.

My lesson today teach me NOT to wear sandals in WINTER even for 2 minutes.

It is 12.45am.

I am one of those people that make the mama shop along the street outside my house decide to operate 24 hour like a 7-eleven. By the way Glasgow does not have 7-eleven.

It was 12.30am..and I am going to start my journey to burn midnight oils for my essay writing. I saw the pathetic left over toilet paper on the table and foresee that I am going to run out of it before daybreak...I decided that it is not going to helpful especially when you will pee a lot in winter...and I am going to drink a lot of green tea tonight to keep myself fully awake. I decided to risk the freezing winter to run out and buy toilet rolls. Afterall, the shops are just 2 minutes away my house...how cold can I get.

I put on my bubble jacket and slip into my SANDALS....and ran out of the house....

First 10 seconds...fine...not very cold..still can tahan...then 30 seconds past...I saw the shop....my hands stuff in pockets....one minute past...er..not so fine...

I realise my toes are feeling tingling....1 minute 30 second later....where are my toes....?...i cant feel a thing...and 2 minutes later...I reach the shop.

Ah....thawing session begins...as I busied myself choosing which colour I should buy for my toilet paper...the ang moh here like their toilet papers to be coloured....although eventually it will be flush away with shit.....I just wonder which one will give a better colour combination with it.

In the end...after some struggle...I choose pink instead of green. That is becos I reckon pink will feel softer although they are both the same...just something psychological...then comes the 2 minutes ordeal again...this time was much tougher than the first run out of my room...becos back than I was nice and warm in my own room....first 10 seconds...not good already...freezing....why in the world did I wear sandals in winter...stupid....1 minute past...toes painfully losing senses....as I did not fully thaw when I was in the shop...hence refreezing becomes much more difficult to bear...1 minute 30 seconds.....I will NEVER wear sandals in winter ever again...as I speed past the trash collection area ...and then...my apartment....open the door frantically as if someone is behind following me....step into my room...

and AHHHH......thawing....

(This was written in November 2004, Glasgow, during winter. I am doing housekeeping with my old word files and found this...nothing is too late to share...)

Split ends...

While I was trimming my split-end...which I always do...I suddenly have this urge to snip off more than that tiny bit of my hair...

I am fed up with myself for not cutting my hair...

I push my luck further by cutting off...a few more centimetres upwards...and not one hair...but a tiny few strands...many more than ten strands....whahaha....that is nothing..because it makes no difference to my bushy long hair...I won’t miss that tiny bit of hair being cut off...in a spur of moment...

yet...i felt a tiny weeny bit of pain...in the slightest sensation of pain from somewhere in my heart when I hear the snipping sound of the scissors cutting those pathetic few strands of hair....and...the weirdiest of all....though I felt the pain...I am sure there is...I am actually very excited about it...that I have cut it.

SO what does it mean?


(This was something I typed and saved in my computer in 2005 but forget to post on my blog...thought it was nice..)

Spare me the agony

It was one of those casual moments when I type in my blogspot URL...and I enter this site instead...

http://www.frillyobject.blogpsot.com/

It was a typo.

I suspect when RS click on this URL and see what I saw now...she would be secretly be smiling to herself and tell me "SEE!...It's your fate...blah blah...this is a hint!"

While I am thinking...why in the world would a christian website has such a URL as frillyobject??? Funny, ha.

Scan through..concluded yet again...well...sorry folks to disappoint you...


NO, THANK YOU.

Let's put it in this way...like what I told RS...

I see this religious issue like chocolate.

Something a lot of people around love...CRAVE...
But to me...I just hate it.
I am also aware that people who offer me chocolate meant well..because eating chocolate really make them very happy...
However, personally, please do not try to offer me chocolate again.
I really don't like it.

Spare me the agony...

Show me mercy...

FOR YOUR GOD SAKE.

Please.

:)

MY LAPTOP CRASH!

First time.
This is his first time.
There had been times when i can feel it coming but never came.
But just 3 days ago...it crashed.

It appears to be normal all the while.
I was still watching youtube...and perform the usual various task such as listening to music...blogging, and msn-ing...everything seems too normal...no symtoms...

Then I shut down the normal ways...

Yet, 2 hours later when i try to start up....

I realise how hell look like for me for that moment. It flashes and reboot on and off...but couldn't start up....then it hits the blue screen and declare DEAD.

I was pulling my hair off...and felt like crying...

But there is no tears...

3.30am.

I mass SMS a few friends for SOS...it felt as if it was my baby running a high fever and i would have knock on someone's door crying for help in the middle of the night if i knew anyone can cure him. Someone save my baby pleaseeeee...

The first to reply was my brother at 4am.

I was touched. He left me 2 numbers to call for technical assistance as he is leaving singapore the next morning to CHINA.

Another was LQ. I am well aware that she can't help my baby...but her concern...HELPS ME. that is 4.20am already.

There are just people you can call at 4am. Those are people dearest to you most of the time. The last time I did that was when there was a rat in my room in Glasgow...I called my Bro.

2 other friends reply my sms the next morning..special thanks to them, SY and YH.

Next day, CQ was kind enough to ask me to bring my baby along to meet him and try fix it while we are at KTV. But it din work. Thanks anyway.

As I was already tight on my deadline, Ah guan offer his desktop at home for me to do my work...it was the only solution then as anyway his sis, my best friend was at home too...

The best part came unexpectedly when Kiat, ah guan's brother in the end SAVE MY BABY! I ask him to take a look and see if he can save it...worse come to worst reformat it so that at least i can start working on it....while fixing...I was served yummy supper of kaya toast and scramble eggs by guan...which I want to thank him by the way...

With the help on KY who sent me a link online to try out...Kiat finally manage to start up my computer on save mode...and fix up the problem...and even help me do a clean up...until 4 am at night...I really am more than grateful...THANK YOU SO MUCH!

In the end...MY BABY SURVIVED!

And not only that....this event also makes me realise yet again that life is beautiful and so are people around you....

So beautiful...

Thank you.

Yes...another sleepless night.

Yes...it is another sleepness night for me.
I am not surprise.

6.17am.
Another morning.

I made a wow discovery just a few days ago...
I found out that the sunrise from the back of my flat is lovely...
Not any less stunning compared to the sunrises I have seen in other countries...afterall it is the same sun...of course it is not the best...
but it is beautiful enough for you to stare at it...in awe.

Borrowed a rather interesting book today.
"The accidental Masterpiece-On the Art of Life and Vice Versa"

Inside...at the end page of the book..it says " art can be found almost anywhere and everywhere, if only our eyes are trained to see it...to do so is something of an art itself..."

And so my point is...

Yes, I lost my sleep...but I gain a beautiful morning.

Group photo!

The photo I love and hate...

Love it...isn't he cute...

Hate it...this photo is taken by Derrick and NOT me.

The 2 boys...

I secretly took these along the way...

they will be grateful to me one day...

That boy in the tub...

It was a memorable trip for me with the boys...

What am I doing now?

It is 6.53am in the morning...logically I never wake up this early for no reasons...indeed...I did not.

I am just too wide awake since last night...

Nowadays...I am so lerthergic until I can do NOTHING.
And nothing means practically nothing.

This is the time of my life again...to hate myself.

As the cycle will goes...my productive peroid is coming soon...I look forward to it really...
I am excited myself to see what I am capable of producing...

I really do hope I am doing something...

The only thing I am glad is...I am still blogging...

My mind is still active at least...

Thank buddha for that.

Ah...the balloon man...

Sunset@Cambodia

Different time, different day...same spot, same sun...

10 songs on my current playlist...

1. Let's stay together-Algreen
2. My Cherie Amour- Stevie wonder
3. You make me want to fall in love- F.I.R
4. 关于我们之间的事- 张震岳
5. 失恋学-林宇中
6. 精舞门-罗志祥
7. A man and a woman- U2
8. I think I - Full house soundtrack...
9. I Heard A Rumour- Bananarama
10. I Only Want To Be With You- Dusty springfield

Powerplug..POWER!

Cambodia...Phnom Phen

SAPA-VIETNAM

Hilltribe children playing in Taphin village

HOIAN- VIETNAM!

A quiet little town...

I should be a BELGIAN!

RS, my friend proudly declared that she should be a SWISS! on her blog...according to the quiz "Which european nationality should you have?"that she had taken online and this trigger my curiosity...

How about me?

I should be a BELGIAN...

Yes...I took the test too.

I have got a high score of 88% for having a high potiential of being a belgian if I am a european...and followed by 75%, a tie between Irish, Swiss, Danish,Italian and German(in no particular order)...63% for Spanish, russian, British Dutch....then in decending order...French, Polish, turkish...

I wonder what makes me a belgian...I really hate chocolate by the way.

Anyway,
here is the test---> http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=198104

The hurtest of a breakup...

After seeing too many...

I realise the hurtest part of a breakup...is not when he says we are still friends...or watever shit they may offer after the breakup...

but to tell you they are attached again...
or worse getting married...

Not that we are so selfish to deny other people of searching for their own happiness...but you will start to think...how can this person who claimed that he loves you so much and how much one moment can love someone else so quickly...

It takes time. Of course maybe after some odds years if someone I used to love tells me he is getting married finally...I will be happy for him...but I definitely do not wish to know that he had YET another fling after he hurt me and someone is going to be hurt again...


For those who are so hurt, BE STRONG!

MEanwhile, if you happen to be NOT hurt during a breakup...then be smart to realise you could be the person who might have hurt somebody...in that case...

At least be considerate to the person you once claimed you have loved...

Please.

This is TAO!

Left on the shelf again...

Sorry, it's the same old boring issue regarding being left on the shelf...

But I want to highlight the real reason why I hope I am off the shelf.

Not that I need a man so badly. But I need a baby.

My maternal instinct is so strong that I suspect I have a high tendency for kidnapping somebody's baby...and really hopes to have one myself one fine day, if not, many.

I think I told too many about this...and it is nothing new already...

If I am still single by 40(initially it was 35...but I reckon...i should give myself more years), I probably will adopt one...or even have one artificially.

Seriously, I mean it.

Left on the shelf...

Today I was chatting with CQ regarding my worries for not able to find someone to spend the rest of my life with...and he commented that he can imagine the scenerio of a sad old lonely woman having a lot of cats and dogs at home...and feeds pigeons in the park during the weekends...which is supposed to be me.

Scare the shit out of me...I didn't tell him.

In sort, I am worry about being left on the shelf.

However, it becomes a mixed feeling when RS told me the statistics for divorce rates in Singapore is actually one third. Meaning out of 3 happily married couples we see walking out of the registry of marriage...1 will end up divorced.

How sad...meaning, even if you are married, it does not garuantee that there will be someone to spend the rest of the life with you...

Then, ladies and gentlemen, what is the point?

Let's analyse this... because of this depressing lost of faith in marriage, more and more people choose to be single rather than marriage which means...there are now more on the shelf then what we initially picture as "LEFT" on the shelf...not to mention those which are back on the shelf...

People who are OFF the shelf in the beginning could ended up as refund items and put back on the shelf...while people still on the shelf seems to be plenty.

So what does left on the shelf means now?
It only means that it is rather HAPPENING now on the shelf.
Plenty are on the shelf and no one is LEFT out.
Everybody has everybody.

Worse come to worst....
Just imagine...bunches of old single happy ladies forming a nice humble community who can support themselves...adopts some children and have some cats and dogs running in the garden...do cooking ,knitting, goes shopping or watch DVDs together...

Not a bad thing...

Do you get what I mean?

Are you with me?

Wear your heart on your sleeve...

Saw this line from a credit card commercial...
Trigger a lot of interest in me and went to do a search online on this phrase...

http://www.goenglish.com/WearYourHeartOnYourSleeve.asp

"People who wear their heart on their sleeve express their emotions freely and openly, for all to see."

http://www.answers.com/topic/wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve

"Also, pin one's heart on one's sleeve. Openly show one's feelings, especially amorous ones.

For example, You can't help but see how he feels about her; he wears his heart on his sleeve. This expression alludes to the former custom of tying a woman's favor to her lover's sleeve, thereby announcing their attachment.

Shakespeare had it in Othello (1:1): "But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for daws to peck at." "


Ah such a nice feeling...how poetic...

Do you wear you heart on your sleeve?

Makes life more bearable...

It is not the first time...and it will not be the last time someone said that I am childish.

I do not intend to deny this as I am well aware that I actually am.

In fact, I am proud of it.

As an artist, childishness is a gift.

If growing up means losing the ability to express your happiness or sadness freely and being true to yourself...I rather be childish.

The strong front that many put up just to prove that they have grown up simply makes life more miserable...

In another words, a quote from ZJ,

"(Childishness)....makes life more bearable..."

Indeed.

Heart, brain and body matter

It is about decicision making...and making something happen...

Often the case...your brain tells you to do something...but your heart is reluctant...

Or...your heart wants to do something...your body is reluctant....

And so....in reality....to make watever decsion and do watever in the end...


It really is a heart, brain and body thing to make it happen...

Heart, brain and body matter...

I LOVE YOUTUBE!!!

GO WATCH IT!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWPzxVMQU8g&NR

No hard feelings....please.

Below is a posting about religious issue which might be offensive. If you think you will be mad after reading it...and shall never speak to me again because of this posting...PLEASE DO NOT READ IT. I do NOT want to lost a friend. However, I still choose to post it...because I want to be honest. And if you choose to read beyond this line, I take it as a promise that you will not be angry.

















I was strongly contested when I mention "going to heaven is all an illusion"...when I was watching a movie which involves christianity...

It was a wrong move...because i was watching the movie with 2 christians friends.

I was critisize for making irresponsible remarks simply by the fact that if I do not know about what it really is...then i have no rights to make such remarks. Of course...I understand the logic behind if you wanna rebute something...you got to understand it before u rebute it. So it was my fault for making such remarks ALOUD. I should have say that loudly DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART to avoid the tongue-slashing.

Ok, my greatest apology.

I choose not to defence myself then was because I did not want to start an arguement. It could be hurting to argue about religion.
It could jeopardise friendship. And I do not want anything like this to happen. And I am in no position to win this arguement , not because I think they are right but because I dread the part where they can throw a giant bible to me and demand me to read it before I want to start the arguement. Which in the first place, I DO NOT WISH TO KNOW WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT. This issue in no longer about how you can prove something...if it is not relevant in your life..then it is NOT relevant.

Let's put it this way.
I am simply NOT INTERESTED.

While I am appreciate my friends intention when my christian friends say GOD bless you to me...I hope they understand why I say "I think it is all an illusion" It's like...they simply have the rights to impose their religious believe into my world...and I cannot share my free-thinker view to them.


Religious issue are forever sensitive...and we all know this long ago...
I shall remind myself to shut up next time if i want to make any comments on religious reference...but then..I hope our friendship can stand the test of religous seperation...while I do not have to practice censorship to myself even in front of my closest friends....


Not trying to pick a fight or start an arguement here friends.
Just want to let you know how I feel honestly.
And please spare me the agony...

NO hard feelings!
ok?

LOVE AND PEACE.

Wadever belongs to me....

The below posting is inspired by CQ.
He mentioned to me one day that " Wadever belongs to me shall be female." Eg. His bike's a lady...which he rides on everyday...

And so...I was inspired....decide to do some genderlisation for my properties...

For example...

My lip balm shall be MALE...kiss him all the time whenever I like...
My Pillow .....I sleep with him all night...


Comfy Shoes are female....go shopping with me...


As for gay...are those clothes and shoes which looks nice on display...
bought it but can't wear and doesn't fit....
Or never have the occassion to put on...

So much for the crap....
but so interestingly appropriate...

Don'cha think?

钓鱼 VS 撒网

Was telling the girls about my travel encounters during the gathering last sunday....

And one of my friend KS ask me if i gave the guys i met overseas my contact....

I tried to recall....I only gave out one name card despite the fact that i have a dozen in my bag...

And she point out to me...."不可以钓鱼...要撒网才行..."
She meant...I shouldn't be fishing with one bait and wait...I should be casting my net into the sea and trowl the whole school for one....

That is wisdom of the day for me.
It enlightens me the reason why I am still left on the shelf until now.

It struck me that I haven't been fishing at all...
I don't even have a bait...in the first place...
And the worst thing is...I should be casting a net now if i really want a catch...

But I do know what is stopping me...
I have been observing the fishes around me...
and none give me the urge to cast my fishing line...
not to mention I should be casting a net by now...judging from the urgency...3 years from now and I will be 30...
BUT, I don't want to catch a fish for the sake of catching it...

Meanhwhile...i reckon what i am doing now...is more like putting my legs into the water...and let fishes swim by to tickle me.... and see if I like that feeling...

No net...no bait...no catch...

Yet,

I am happy...and so is the fish.

I believe.

Contradictary Proximity

Not as if i am full of experience, afterall, I have only love once...I think...
But to me, Love is about proximity. Not all about, but a big factor.

Time, body and soul....

You need to be close.

Human beings are forgetful creatures and need to be constantly reminded of their emotions.

Being close is the reminder.

Just a little bit of it...on and off...is always a nice thing.

Which is also a sad thing...because when u love...you just want to see him all the time.
A little bit of it is not going to be enough.


Yet that closeness should be execute with caution so as not to become like an irritating alarm that makes you curse every morning.

Too much closeness kills.

That is what I mean by contradictory proximity.

Oh well...so much for my love wisdom...

A belated valentine's day entry...

For all those who had love, loving and will love..

Indecisive.

Indecisive is me.
If there is anything I want to change about myself, I wish I can make swifter decision about a lot of things. It is always because I cannot make proper decisions that causes me to lose a lot of chances in life. Of course, the ability to make thourough analaysis of situation before I make any decision is not a bad thing, but making decisions always cost me a lot of precious time.

Then I realise, by actually doing something is more meaningful then to decide whether doing something is a right or wrong move.

Right now, I have to decide, how to move on...
But then again, why don't I just move on.

Indecisive.
That is me.

Paris???...x-cew-see mua...??..non??...Laos.

For a long while, I thought I was sitting in a french cafe having a nice meal...
That kind of atmosphere, the food, the music and the french speaking owner of the restaurant.

If there is anything culturally shocking for me in Laos, that will be the fact that I am not mentally prepared to eat proper high quality french cuisine at a low southeast asian cost.
Not to mentiom there are more than a handful of good restaurant with good service on top of the food itself.

All for US$3 for a meal with drinks serve by a handsome and polite waiter.
That kind of price in singapore probably will only get you a burger in Macdonalds.

I change my plan to do any other kind of culture tour in Laos, after all the temple visiting on the second day. I decide to treat myself better by trying out all the nice restaurant along the main street.

Oh...and did I mention I did a lot of shopping...?

Nice.

Slow Travelling

I travel slow.
Not only because I like to but because I have to.
The past few weeks of lightning-speed travelling has proven to be taxing on me.
Sensitivity experience serious sensory attack without time to response and feedback.
One of the worst thing that could happen when I am travelling is to have NO mood to travel.
I keep travelling without the proper time to digest, to consolidate, to express my thoughts.
It becomes unhealthy like having a serious constipation of thoughts and emotion accumulating somewhere at the back of my brain.
I don't like that kind of feeeling.
Hence, I need to go slow...slower...
Which is what i am trying to do now...
I am that kind of person...
I just need that kind of time.

Yesterday, I enjoy my whole day deciding what to have for dinner.
Today, I spend my whole day to walk around aimlessly.

Finally, I am writing something.

The sweetest smile...from Tao...

Last thing about Hanoi...

The sweetest smile...rememeber, the photo of the little girl sitting on my travel mate's lap, I posted a few days ago.

Her name is Tao. ( second sound for hanyu pinying)
She is such a sweet girl...and everytime I say Xin Chao! which means hello in Vietnamese...she will say xinchao shyly and runs away....
But she sometimes...she will talk to you in vietnanmese...which I wish I understand what she means...
She sings to me too once...

I will miss her smile.

Good bye, Hanoi!
Good bye, Tao!

Die die also must enjoy...

This is a singaporean expression....
"Die die also must..."
Which means...you have to do it (die die=even if it is going to cost you your life...)

And yes, I want to have this spirit, right here right now.

Technical difficulties -->My flu is currently at the stage of...
"I don't think I will die or need to rest all day in bed, but is having a heavy head and horrible throat to live with...plus occasional cough attacks...and the weak feeling of a typical sick person "
Fever will strike usually after sunset for a while....
The good thing is....
I defintely lost a lot of weight..., I should.

Meanwhile, something about Laos
which makes me want to "die die also must enjoy.."
It was the ordeal that I had been through at the border
It was a horrible first impression, at the border crossing....
It was NOT the problem from the Laos immigration office...
it was the chaotic crowds that charges into the border office as if they are catching the last train of the day...and throw their passports on the desk in stacks...
As a singaporean who grows up in an orderly environment, THIS IS CULTURE SHOCK!.
If there is anything wrong with my upbringing... that will be the failure of the government to train us to survive in this kind of harsh environment.
Naturally for me, I would try to observe if there is a queue...
Apparently there should be, if there are booths...
People simply rushed in....there is NO QUEUES...just crowds...
The person standing right in front of the booth was NOT being served....
while the people standing around, like 20 of them...simply throw their passport into the booth windows...
leaving the person standing right in front of the booth looking bewildered and not know what to do...
Not learning from what I have observe....I thought I should still squeese in front to check out the real situation...trying to be smart...
Then, I manage to squeese in front of the booth...thinking it was finally my turn...
the officer...simply just took the passport that people throw at the counter but ignore me.
And so...I gave up being polite and did the same, I throw my passport on the desk and wait...
It was after like ages....the officer return me my passport and told me to fill up a departure card, which I asked for but was ignored a century ago...I am pissed. I filled up the card, throw the passport back to the officer and left the booth....
This whole crazy situation lasted for almost 30minute...when people simple don't know what is next until a fellow traveller pointed out that we had to pay an admin fee to collect our stamped passport.
Finally someone is making some sense.

For a simple procedure as simple as...

1. People being issue arrival/departure card before they enter the booth area to fill in the forms...

2. Ushered into queues to pay for the admin fee with money exchange booth nearby for people who do not have local laos kip.

3. Finally get their passport nicely stamped.

It becomes,

1. A crowd of 30 plus people attacking the booth like placing bets at a horse racing centre last minute....
2. I went to all the wrong booth because there was no obvious order....as to how it should be done...
3. Get pissed off when people around do not queue up and simply throw their passport across the booth...and the officer just collect the stack thrown to him...
4. I learn to do the same...and dump my passport together with the rest of the piles...
5. Got my passport back like 5 minutes later with the departure card to fill up...
6. Gone to the money exchange to get local Laos kip to pay for the admin fee..
7. Paid for the fee and collect my passport finally.
8. Left the border with GREAT RELIEF.

So much for the first impression, bearing in mind...I just woke up from my 19 hours bus journey all the way from Hanoi to the border before I was ushered into this chaotic mess...

For all that I have been through to get into Laos...

Die die also must enjoy....right?
If you know what I mean.

Too tired to bargain...

Sometimes,it is sad when buying something becomes a chore.

After so many days of travelling, it gets tired to bargain for simply everything.

For the first few weeks...it was a sense of accomplishment...to be able to slash the price by half...of whatever you buy...by now...It is plain tiring. Why can't they just have a fix price...a reasonable one whereby the local and the foreigner pays the same. A simple pair of socks...which cost $1, becomes $2 when they heard me speaking in english...do they have to do that? Or they just enjoy the part where I shake my head and walk away...before they say "ok...$1.50"...and still it is expensive. And then, one fine day you will find a stall selling the same thing, 3 for $1.

Shopping has never been more mentally agonizing than this.

As for those humble vendors, who charge me decent local rates, I make sure I went back again and again. Just like the dessert store at Hang can street...we went there twice a day for a bowl of red bean soup for 50 cents. Simply satisfying, physically and mentally.

I will remember never to go back to Cat Ba Island for a bowl of red bean soup , which is not even half as tasty but twice the price...because I am a tourist.

Aren't tourist human?

What have we done to deserve this other than the fact that we are here to spend money.

Going solo...

It is always conflicting to be travelling alone.

To feel lonely yet enjoy the peace.
To feel lost yet enjoy finding the way.
To be alone yet always manage to make new friends.

From now on, I will be going solo for the next one week.

However, I will miss my travel mates A LOT, because there will be no one to fight the toilets with...no one to squat at the street for food with...no one to share the cost for food and lodging...no one to pick on...no one to talk to...no one to be sarcastic with...no one to complain about...no more snoring sound...

Not a bad thing, but need some time to adjust.
Afterall, I have been travelling with them for quite a while...
Kind of miss them now...

Just a feeling.

Travellers ALERT!

This Guesthouse at 83 Thouc Bac street of Hanoi...

This secluded guesthouse, behind a shop promise to charge a little less then usual...but add a lot of surcharge when they bill you....

I better check out as soon as possible.

Traveller's Fatigue

You know when you have this when you just wanna sleep in your guesthouse and refuse to go out the streets.

You also know when you have this when your immune system starts to deteoriate.

Yah, that's about it.

The sweetest smile...

Hanoi...FREAKING COOL!

This place is SHIOK!
For an artist, this is heaven.
All the materials you need, assorted according streets.
One street full of tools, the other full of paints,then another are all the glass, another metals, another fabric...
Like having a workshop downstairs with all the stuff in orders for you to use.

Heaven.

This is the place.

Loving it.

Sick moments

Yeah right!
It is my turn to fall ill.
Feeling lousy since i arrive Nha Trang.
A bit of sore throat, a bit of flu.

Feeling puky all day...
Slept throughout.
Cloudy weather, not suitable for any water sports.

Maybe tomolo...I will go fly a kite.

:)

So what if I am a tourist?

I made two Ao yai at Ho chi mingh city.
Ao yai, is the vitenamese traditional costune for woman.
One cost Us $ 17.50 the other cost Us $20

BOTH ARE OVER PRICED.
I am aware of that, but there is no way they are charging me the local price.

And why?
Because i am a tourist.

Local price is Us $ 9. According to my vietnamese friend.
What a difference.

Pissed.

Nha Trang City

2 bad experience.

One is the bus earlier on.

The other, is the hotel room with overdose air refresherer...
I am allergy to air refresherer....and all sorts of perfume and deordorant....
any kind...that my nose can detect makes me sneeze...
I was on the verge of suffocationg....and now, a bad sore throat and headache from the bad bus ride and horrible air refreshed room...

What a day...

Of all my days travelling for so many years, today is the only one I wish I am at home.

Where am I?

I was taking the 8pm bus to Muine yesterday. Supose to reach Muine by 12 midnight. At around 1.30am, the bus finally stop at a weird bus carpark quietly. No one came up the bus to tell anyone where we are now..or if we are suppose to get down. A lot of people get up and down, on and off throughout the journey and made the whole bus ride confusing.

I wonder again and again, time to time if that should be the stop I should alight.
Then i hesitated.
It was 1.30am, no one is on the street.
I suppose there should be a busier stop the bus will eventually stop for me to alight and find the boys.

2.30am.
The bus is speeding on a lightless road.
I have a bad feeling I have overshot Muine.
I resign my fate and when to sleep.
It was a horrible ride especially there is a inconsiderate lady who brought her dog along on the bus and block the bus aisle with the dog cage, at the expense of everybody's inconvenience.



3am.
We get down to bus for a short break, I ask the driver where we are heading...
Nha trang...
That is the stop after Muine.

Shit.

6.30am.
Reach Nha Trang city.
The first hotel we stop, I checked in.
I dun want to end up in the next city again if i dun alight now.
What a bad experience.
Really bad communication and coordination.
No one inform us of our location or destination.
If we are traveller , it means we have never been to that place, and how else can we tell if we reach if no one tell us where we are.

They assume we know when we should alight.
Maybe I am just not smart enough to ask.
But then again, 1.30am in the middle of the night....
I just dun feel like getting down the bus at that place that moment of time...
Especially when my mobile has no network and not working...

Just my luck.
Pissed.

Surreal Feel....

The most bizzare sight that I have ever seen...
A dozens of monks in orange with a yellow umbrella walking around the park toward one direction.

This is one of them.

Felt like living in the matrix.

The pain

A graffiti of a man's pain for man's inhumanity to man.

Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

Travel sense.

A country's prosperity lies on the hand the government foresight and her people's will.
If the govt of a country truely love it's people and wanted the country to be strong and prosperous, and people willing to work towards it, it will.
Like vietnam.
This country gives off energy from within.
From people to the whole country.
Gives me energy.

Cambodia on the other hand makes me feel helpless as a human being.
Poor children hawking postcards and souveniers everywhere...
It is useless even if you buy up all the stocks they sell...
They will still be poor the next day...
As a saying goes...
Rather than giving them fish to eat when they are hungry ...
we should teach them how to catch their own fish.
Cambodia still has a long way to go...
But the good thing is....it is growing defintely.

Vietnam Rocks!

Love it!
Loving it!
This place makes me high.
Full of colours and energy.
Is a growing city.
Buidlings are pretty.
Peope are happy.
Traffic is busy.
Food is yummy.
Everything.....

Today, first day in vietnam.
First impression..

I like it, I like it, I like it.

Anhyo Haseyo!

If there is one thing to be surprise with this cambodia trip...
It is NOT the Ang Kor Wat, after all it has been there for years...

It is the koreans...

There are probably the next biggest population in cambodia other than the cambodians.

Don't be surprise.

Travel Numb

I don't like the feeling that even travelling cannot trigger my sensitivity.
I used to be so excited by everything I see.
What I eat,who I meet, where I go, How I feel.

Nowadays, I am just not surprise anymore.
Not surprise by what I eat, who I meet, where I go and how I feel.

It is a calmness within...so calm that i cannot feel excited any more.
And I miss that excitement I used to have.
Maybe it is another level of appreciation now.
It used to be a lot of documentation, recording, photography, writing.
Now, it is purely enjoying the instant quietly.

Like watching the sunrise this morning.
Everybody takes pictures vigerously...
And I just don't have the mood to take any, also becos my camera is DAMN lousy.
Then, in the end....i rather just look at the sunrise directly
...than to look at the sunrise on my LCD screen.

That should be it.

There will be times you wonder...

Ah guan was saying, he felt lucky to be born as a singaporean.

I won't say I disagree. But strangely, I won't want to totally agree.

People here learn the way of life in a tough way but they have smile on the face.

Cambodia

Beautiful.

People are poor, but they do not give up hope.
That is beautiful.

Naked children swim in dirty rivers, they are happy.
That is beauitful.

A plate of local fried rice. taste mighty good.
That is beautiful.

At the end of a 12 hours journey, had a long shower and good night sleep.
That is beautiful.

Life is beautiful and so is cambodia.

DO YOU TUBE?

Hey....I know I am considered slow...but I am learning...

In terms of partcipating in cyber addictivity(addict+activity)....

2004, I was busy ICQ-ing and Msn-ing.

2005, last year...I couldn't stop blogging.

2006, this year, it is youtubing....

I am impressed by the power of sharing and also the desire to express.
I am impressed by the resources available.

Most of all...they are free.

So...do you tube?

Let's go travel!

Yes...I am packing up.

I am getting ready to travel.

This time...it is a 2 months trip to Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, China, Laos and back to Thailand, Chiangmai to spend chinese new year with my family.

A lot of techincal worries...even before we start the trip...

1) Visa for vietnam...In the past, singaporean does not need a VISA to enter Vietnam...but starting from 2006 November...it was required...
We rush down to the embassy to get it done. Was lucky enough to collect it last friday.

2) Railway was closed due to severe floods in several regions in Malaysia....We bought train tickets 2 weeks ago to travel by TRAIN from Malaysia to Thailand. Railway was opened and resume service after christmas. Phew...

3) Coastal storm in Thai islands...7000 residents and tourists were stranded in koh taos (island) because ferry stop running due to coastal storm around sura thani area ( Jetty). We initially planned to dive in Koh tao, but after this news...dive trip was cancelled and we decided to move upwards and go china instead.

4) Latest news...bankok bombing....embassies warn traveller not to travel to bankok. We stick to our plan so far...while observing changes....
To be updated...

So much so for this trip...

Still look forward...of cos...

The more difficult it is...the more exciting...

But Safety First...ALWAYS!

World peace and Earth peace, please.

Wish me luck.

New Year Resolution 2007

Since I suddenly have a few more hours...before 2007...

New Year Resolution 2007

1. Make ART.

2. Make a website.

3. At least run two shows this year.

4. Participate in residencies and projects.

5. Save more money.

6. Start YOGA-ing.

7. Target to drop 5kg.

8. Publish my book.



That's all...

Realise making art alone is a BIG task.

But I look forward.

2007 is going to be so exciting...

Love and peace to 2007...

Love and peace.

Ohhh...it's still 31 December on this blog...

If there is one thing that can make me feel better about 2007...

It is still 31 December now.

This blog site was born when I was in UK.

Hence 2007 for my life in this blog should exist within UK time.
Which means...I can still consider NOW, 31 December 2006.

Time, 2030.

A few more hours to 2007....ahhh....what a nice feeling suddenly...

Like I was given a few more extra hours for my life.

I like it.

01012007

2007.

Just a few hours past midnight and 2 things happened while I was packing my bag for my trip tommorow...

One, I burn my nanny's pot of Yong tau foo...and my nanny threw the whole pot away. That was at around 1am. I regret for not taking a picture of the burnt pot before it was being dumped by my nanny...and of cos...I feel bad for burning the pot. First thing of the year...and I did something so stupid.

Two, I was feeling bad about the pot...while watching TV and learn about the Bankok bombing which happened near midnight. 2 dead and 33 injured. Bankok govt is forced to cancel their new year celebration..who would have the mood to celebrate anyway...

Did I mention to you that I am packing up for my trip to Thailand tommorow?

So much for 2007.

And it is only the first day of it.

How challanging.

Oh well.

Happy New year!

LOVE AND PEACE!!!!!

4.25am

Peace and joy

Peace and joy.

This is my mood for this christmas.

Peace and joy is not easy.

Not last year at least.

This year, I found my theme song for this christmas...
my all time favourite christmas song in fact...

"Last christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day yo gave it away..."

This year, my heart is calm......haven't met anyone special ...

And so, my christmas day was sort of spent alone, not lonely though.
I was enjoying my rare peaceful and quiet.
That was my kind of joy.
Solitude and calm.

I was recalling my christmas in glasgow....I have been working...
At least here, I can rest.

Last year...I was at wendy's place for a tiny party, but this year, she went travelling with her mates to korean...the land full of handsome korean actors...

Yahui, another of my best friend needs to spend her lovely christmas with God and her newly wed husband....

And so...this christmas is ending soon in half an hour's time.

Peaceful and quiet for me.

My boss...

As usual, if you sent one letter to her...
She will sent you 3 or more...
She likes to flood people with words...

This time, I was in the wrong.
I have nothing to say...and so, whatever she says...
I just have to swallow...even if she digs out all the old scores...
This time...she wins.

My fate.

Letter of apology

After learning how to write a proper resignation letter just a few weeks ago...

I had to write letter of apology this time to apologise for that day being super late.

It was my fault and so I have nothing to say except for being sorry.

And so, the case is closed.

Life goes on...

What the !??!?

15th December 2006.

I woke up.
Look at the clock on my mobile phone...

9.05am

Hmm....

Am I dreaming...I ask myself...

9.05am...

9.05am...

WHAT!...

9.05am!!!!

I have class at 9.oo am !!!!!

And I am still in bed at 9.05am

SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!

I am LATE!...VERY VERY LATE!

5 students and their parents waiting for me....in the tution centre at Tiong Bahru and I live in Sembawang....

I shut my eyes for 1 second and hope that when i open my eyes again...
it was a dream...

But no.

I call my colleague immediately....call the tution centre....call my supervisor...

The biggest problem is...there will be no one in the centre to look after the kids...I have the responsible to look after them...

I will be in HUGE trouble...

Worst...I am already in SHIT terms with my boss...with this...she is going to slam me...

Rush down and try to get a cab...but the road is DEAD....no taxi...not even a vehicle...

15 minutes later...finally on a cab...beg the taxi driver to drive faster...

my supervisor is on her top...and say I should have call her earlier unless i just woke up....and i told her "I just woke up"...

she went speechless.

The taxi driver was speeding at 120km/hour and was constantly telling me to help him look out of traffice police on the road...

I was at a state of void...and I knew...I will be in big trouble.

Feeling miserable....

This is one of my worst day in 2006....

Being late, is not something new to me...
but this time...
almost stop my heartbeat.

Feeling terrible for the rest of the day....
And made my life terrible for the rest of my last working week...

Phew...

Time to write again.

It has been weeks...since I write.
I was huanted by my job over the past few weeks...
particularly...
my boss.
The job itself is pretty interesting, when it comes to interacting with children...

The last week of my job is exceptionally tormentful...and I have been counting down...day by day...
I was miserable to a point that I had nightmares and couldn't sleep well...

The first thing I do after my last assignment...was to GO STRAIGHT HOME AND SLEEP.

Ahh...peace and joy...

Life...

Sunshine after rain...

Resignation Notice

We learn something everyday.
Yesterday, I learn how to write a formal resignation letter.

What's this?

I have notice a lump on my wrist recently.
It happens suddenly as far as I can rememeber.
It was a weird lump that is painful only when I press it on a certain angle.
Other than that, it was just a lump.

Initially, I thought it was a dislocation or fracture, yet it was not so painful until I need any treatment.
I ignore for about a week, until my imaginations starts to run wild.

What if it is an alien hand growing out of my wrist?
What if it is cancerous?
What if it is a broken bone, infected?
What if...what if..what if...
What in the world is this?

It feels like a bone, yet not hard enough, but definitely not a growth as it was quite hard for a growth.

I went to a doctor in the end.

It was a ganglion.

Erm...ok...and so what is ganglion?

(http://www.med.und.nodak.edu/users/jwhiting/gangdef.html)

Definition: The ganglion cyst (also known as a wrist cyst, Bible cyst, or dorsal tendon cyst) is the most common soft tissue mass of the hand. It is a fluid filled sac which can be felt below the skin. It is usually attached to a tendon sheath (lining which lubricates the tendon) in the hand or wrist or connected with an underlying joint; however, some have no obvious connection to any structures. These may also occur in the foot. It often occurs when there is a tear in the ligaments overlying the lining of tendons or joints and the lining herniates out of the ligamentous defect causing a bump under the skin. Because there is often inflammation associated, the inflamed tissue produces a jelly-like fluid which fills the protruding sac. They may be rock hard due to a high pressure of the mucous like fluid contained within the cyst, and are often mistaken for a bony prominence.

(http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/BHCV2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Cysts_ganglion_cysts?OpenDocument)

Ganglion cysts used to be treated by slamming them with a heavy book such as a Bible - which explains the term 'Bible therapy'. This isn't a good idea, as you could cause further injury. Medical treatment options include:

Close monitoring - if the ganglion cyst isn't causing pain or interfering with movement, some doctors prefer to wait and see. The cyst may simply disappear on its own. ( good news! 30% of cases disappear on it's own!!!Yeah!)

Needle aspiration - one of the tests to diagnose ganglion cysts involves drawing off the fluid with a fine needle. In many cases (around 75 per cent), this treatment empties the cyst and no further action is needed.

Surgery - the cyst or cysts are surgically removed, usually by a specialist such as an orthopaedic surgeon. Ganglion cysts of the feet will usually require surgery.

And so...my doctor says, I should go home and observe it. It will requires attention if it grows bigger and affect daily activities...
I guess if I won't die from it, I am fine. Though it was a little painful sometimes, which means it could be pressing on some nerves, I think I can still live with it for now.

Fingers cross....

Really following up...

Yes...an update on my job. There hasn't been any update not because nothing happen but because there isn't a proper day off for me to sit down and type. So tired that I only want to sleep when I reach home.

Schedules and duties keep changing last minute, badly coordinated, and we have to travel to remote venues carrying big bulky and sometimes heavy material and the most annoying part...no travel expenses given and cannot be claimed.

Off days are like the biggest mystery for everybody...we just don't know if we are ever getting one, we either DEMAND FOR IT...or for some, just resort to getting an MC and skip work. Which worsen the matter as for those who still comes to work will end up with yet another last minute assignment.

Bad planning. Classes are schedule in venues without proper planning. End up with 3 classes running at the same time in the same studio. I have to move my student into the work office for his workshop.

Finally the worst of all, the boss. She did it all the time. 6pm our official knock off time...she will choose to arrive in office at 5.45pm and grab people to do things or discuss work matter. She can call people at 10am on Sunday morning to ask about unimportant work matters on people's off days. She didn't realise people has private life. She didn't realise she hired the wrong people to do the wrong job...she hires a childcare expert to do admin work and telemarketing. She hires an interior designer to do logistics, hires a sculptor to do coordinating and logistics...She exhausted man-power to do loads of marketing and programme developments...BUT...fails to see the importance of actually delivering a solid programme. She just wants to make money. There is nothing wrong, she is running a business...but to me...it is art...not some mass produce product. I feel sad. She is doing a business afterall, I understand, but for me, I cannot agree.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am the only one who cannot stand her working style. Maybe it is me, my fault that I cannot stand her...But after today, I am convince the problem is with her and not me... She called the office and announce that she is arriving soon at 5.45pm....four of us...heard the announcement, rushed to packed up, and head for the door...we have to resort to sneakingly use the emergency exit stairway in attempt to avoid seeing her at the lift.

Last week...one colleague officially left the company, while the other tender her resignation and works until the 22nd Dec who has been counting down already for her last day...

This week, one tender her resignation yesterday, another today...

Tomorrow, it will be me.

Follow up...

My apology for not following up my job progress...
It was due to the fact that I was utterly exhausted after my work everyday.
Mentally and physically.
It was simply draining...felt like a sugarcane totally squashed....

I have been wondering if it was only me who cannot stand this boss...and the kind of work...in the end...I realise...everybody is tempted to quit...
and all are just waiting for the right time...

I better be the first, so that I can move on...but still...I need to wait for the right time...regardless how I hate this job, I need to be responsible for my job...

The very last time I was pissed off, was when my boss sent me an email and tell me, she had paid me more than the rest her staff, and she wants me to justify my worth...she also sent me an email and ask me to list down the stuff I am suppose to do, to show her...

Well...maybe she thinks she overpaid me...and I wasn't working hard enough for the money she paid...while I am totally exhausted.
If she is reading... Dear boss, I earn more waitressing in a restaurant than working for you.

Pissed off.

Girl's best friend

Diamond???...

Nah.....it's shoes.

Went shopping with colleagues yesterday and end up buying 3 pairs of shoes...feeling rather guilty and sinful because I am always proud of my own thriftiness....I dig my brian for excuses why it was alright to buy these 3 pairs of shoes...

My conclusion was... next time no matter what my friends say...I should only buy those I really am willing to without feeling guilty....and now I am guilty.

It is not as if I have bought something I dun like, but I have spent money on things that I shouldn't. I do like all of the 3 pairs, but I really am guilty. Because, usually I will only buy something if it qualify my stringent criteria and make sure it is worth spending my hard-earn money.

First, comfort level.
Second, preference.
Third,affordability.
Fourth, durability.

Above was my criteria for buying shoes.

This time, 2 of the pairs were bought becos my friends likes them more than me. They are really nice shoes. But I feel the pinch.
Something must be wrong somewhere...and it is the comfort level.
Those 2 pairs, were wrong becos of the comfort level.
While the pair that I really like...was detest by my friends...they simply think that the one and only pair which I think is most worthy...was the only pair I shouldn't buy...

In the end...I buy all 3 pair.

Feeling rather guilty and sinful, I have decided to make sure that all 3 pair is well worn and worth every cent. I am going to wear them until they fall apart...

Shoes...how can any women live without...

OFF DAY

Today is my lovely off day.
But not lovely when i have loads of lessons plan to hand up by tomorrow.
Off day...I spend my whole day doing office work...

Pissed.

Thursday...

Sianz...

I knew the painting lessons is going to be super boring..
And it is going to scare them off.

I told my boss this will not work.
But she insist on doing things her way.
It is not as if I never make my point clear, I show her my doubt.
I voice my doubt.
I tried my best.
I was slammed.
No one is standing on my side upfront...they just kept quiet...
Let her be.
She is the boss.

And true enough...the students are freak off by the boredness
I am not guilty..and I appreciate their feedback..
SO THAT I CAN BOMB MY BOSS WITH THEIR FEEDBACK.
Of course my teaching can be more interesting.
I hope.

I am actually angry also that I was put in a spot whereby the boss has her own ideal of how art should be teached...
and what the student wants...

I am no longer interestinged in upholding my own stand...
This is NOT MY ART...
BUT ONLY A JOB TO ME NOW...

Time to end it.

Nightmare begins...

Today is a very efficient day.
BECOS THE BOSS IS NOT IN FRONT OF HER COMPUTER bombing people with emails.

And so...I was left in peace to finally do my official job. Lesson planning.

All goes well...until she step into the office at around 4pm.

Meeting starts...

Nightmare begins.

WHY AM I HERE DOING THIS??!!!

First thing in the morning...I turn on the computer and search for a resignation template...YES...I want to quit..or at least getting ready.

Today, I spent the whole day...doing things I hate the most in my life.
I spent more than 7 hours sitting in front of the computer trying to figure out how to run EXCEL...I was told to do logistic for the saturday assignment I got.

WHY AM I SITTING HERE DOING THIS?..
I ask myself.

I know there are millions of people doing this everyday...
and they will probably laugh at me...for not knowing how to operate EXCEL program....

The reason why I choose to do art, other than passsion...is also because I do not want to spend my life doing a 9 to 5....doing admin work.
Not that it is something wrong...but it is something that will bring me to tears...and makes me feel miserable from head to toe.


And here I am...hired as an art teacher...BUT SPEND MY WHOLE DAY....doing this. Bearing in mind I still have loads of lesson plans and other stuff to complete.


WHY AM I HERE DOING THIS??!!!
I was pulling my hair...and freaking out ...

After endless fruitless communication online emailing her to and fro...
It was to my greatest embarrassment to finally find out...it was my fault that I do not understand her instruction...

YES. MY FAULT FOR NOT KNOWING HOW TO RUN EXCEL.

And so...the resignation template I found online earlier in the day...was saved and carefully hidden in my thumb drive....

TODAY IS NOT THE RIGHT DAY.

There will be.

Sunday...

Today was my lovely off day.

I was warned by my colleague not to check my emails in case it spoils my off day mood...

I should have listen to her advice.

Too late.

This is only the third day...

I was really pleased by the fact that I do not hold the office key.
Therefore, I was excused for the morning to work...as no one is in the office.I was told to report work at 2pm.

HAppy, I set my alarm to 9.30am the day before.
That was the time I was suppose to report work usually.
But today...I can sleep until 9.30am.
Feeling please...
I really slept well.

9.30am.
My mobile starts to make noise.
I switch it off...thinking it was my alarm...
2 seconds later, it started to make noise again...
Sensing something not right...SHIT!!!>>I jump off my bed...and realise...THAT WAS MY PHONE RINGING!!! AND NOT MY ALARM....(becos I set different tone for incoming calls and alarm.)

It was my boss.

9.30am...exactly.
She probably has been waiting for the clock to struck 9.30am to call me.

First thing in the morning...and I am pissed.

I was told to sit-in a painting class and do logistic for the class....
Blah blah....

Life...

While you think you can get away for the day and skive...

The BOSS IS THERE...WATCHING!

This is only the third day...

I wonder how many emails my boss sent out in a day...

Ahh...I am so sure the 2nd day will be better..after a good night sleep.

But but...

I wonder how many emails my boss sent out in a day...

My mailbox is flooded with her emails....to give a rough figure...
I receive more than 25 emails at the end of the day from her...
And as far as I know...this happens to all the rest of my 7 colleagues..

So what's new today? My boss propose to start a painting class and I will start this lesson this Thursday...,, interesting??..NO...I still haven't finish my lesson plan and now I have a new class to run...

The only happy thing today was the completion of ONE lesson plan...
this is nothing to be proud of...as there is 5 more to go..plus all the unknown from my boss....who know what she will bomb me the next minute...


For the first time in my life, I do not look forward to receive emails.

2nd day ends.

I survive.

Day 1

The first day of work is like being wash away by Tsunami.

Confused, and worse still, the person who is suppose to be "take care " of us...broke her ankle and is on medical leave for the next one week.
Me..and another girl who is as new as me....start to help around doing admin. job and at the same time trying do researches on the lesson plan we are assigned to work on.

And so, I was given task and deadlines to finish up lessons plans by next week and was hint by the boss that MORE will come.

Lunch is with the boss. Quite a generous affair...which I have a bad feeling this is not going to be an easy job...

Phone rings all the time...emails popping up everytime you refresh the page...

That was first day...even before I figure out what was going on...

It ended.

Help!

I have a feeling my laptop is going to crush!
AND I AM GOING TO BACK UP!

BUT F**K!...no spare disk or back up storage...

I hope the next time I log on my laptop it is still kicking...

Meanwhile I have tried my best to upload some of my stuff online...
to reduce casualties...

GOD!!!...if there is...Please help me.

A little news...

I am going to start my new job tomorrow...

Who knows what is ahead of me...but I do hope...it will be beautiful...

My life...

It always is.

I just have to grasp it.

I was walking home awhile ago...

Yes...I was walking home a while ago...thinking about the movie I have watch 4 hours ago...

A good movie...is one I will talk about even after a few hours or days after watching....

A bad one sometimes get the same definition...If it is SOooo bad that I have to keep critisizing it.....

Of course, this one today is a good one. Becos of the ruthlessness in it.
It has a brilliant double twist. MAgic and science....

Beautiful.

I like this show...

"The Prestige"

Please go watch it everybody.

Worth it.


As your movie critic today....

I wish you all...a beautiful day...


Strangecloud

Hmm...

Nothing new recently...bUT...

Coming Soon!

;)

My reply to a friend's comment.

The following is from the comments of my previous blog entry "The bestman"


"A friend. said...
Everyone is meant to die but not everyone to live. If you keep following other people's bullshit you will loose your self once more. Try to find your own best-man. Choose and not be chosen. It will start with a kiss… "
2:48 PM



strangecloud said... (This is me replying)
I guess different people sees things differently....perhaps I sound as if I am following people's bullshit...but..my dear friend...you fail to see the romantic side of the situation....I was trying to be romantic...about the whole issue...and most importantly...it is not about choosing or being chosen..., it is about...whether we have feelings for each other or not. To choose ....sounds as if whoever i choose is going to love me as much as i love him...this being naive...don't you think?...I did choose before...not as if I never. But it was the worst choice I have ever made. BEing the one to make the choice is NOT NECCESSARY ALWAYS A GOOD THING!..This is a lesson for you to learn about life, if you haven't realise. Life is beautiful and you don't always have to make choices...sometimes...it just comes to you.
5:06 AM

The bestman

Who else can be called the bestman....other than the groom's bestfriend.

Yes.

He is the bestman.

Yahui was married off yesterday in a joyous mood...while me, the bride'smaid.....notice the bestman for the day....rather interesting fact about him was...he is still single and available.

YET, this man...is a NO-GO for me.

*disappointed*

I actually knew the existent of this man 3 years ago...

And it was yahui's idea to matchmake me with the bestman so that the 4 of us...can go out together...unfortunately...we are simply not fated to meet...for a couple of times..either I was too busy...or have sudden assignments....that I couldn't join them...or the bestman...was too busy and couldn't join us...

We somehow...never meet.

Then, I was off to glasgow...for 2 and a half years....
While the bestman...was of for national service for 2 and a half years....

Finally I was back......and last week during the church rehersal...I finally met this man. The bestman of cos.

After some cheeky discussion with yahui about the prospect of me and the bestman....she conclude that the bestman is not suitable for me.

She says...he will not consider me.
BECOS...I AM NOT A CHRISTIAN.

hmmm....after so many brilliant invention created by man to enhances communication and break barriers....human beings contradict themselves by creating barriers at the same time...

And so...I resign my fate to the fact that this man is not meant for me...
unless he manage to convert me...(which is not likely)...or I convert him...(which is not likely too)...OR...we respect each other becos of love...which haven't happen YET.

Then I told yahui..."perhaps...we are just fated to meet yet not fated to be together...( just to take note...we only know each other for 3 days only...and haven't spoken more than 10 words probably...no signs showing the bestman interest for me...while I do steal glances of him ocassionally out of curiosity for 3 years..)


I told yahui..."既然是有缘无份,那就下辈子吧"...(which means..since we are fated to be meet yet not fated to be together..perhaps in our next life...)...and yahui said the most cruel words to me ...

She said..."我们christian没有下辈子" ( we christian dun have next life)

OHHHHH.....of cos....christian goes to heaven...and non-christian like me...reincarnates to our next life...

which means....我们连下辈子都没有...(we dun even have next life to meet...I have though...he dun)

And so...yahui totally cut off all hopes and possibility for me.

This bestman...is really not bad...
But TOO BAD...for us...we don't even have a chance...not even in our next life...


We will be too far away from each other by then...

How far?..

He will be in heaven, while I will still be on earth...

Heaven and earth...that far.

Hmmm.....if that's the case...

NEXT PLEASE.

Cutting hair issue

I dreamt of myself having a new haircut yesterday night...
I have lost count how many times i have dreamt of myself cutting my hair...

The last 3 times...was not so sad compared to the previous ones....

As far as I can remember...there was once...I dreamt that i have a mushroom looking hair style....and i feel strange in my dream...not sad though...probably feeling funny...

Another time...was a short haircut...yet I was actually feeling happy...

Yesterday night...I was telling ruisui...it is time to cut my hair...
and I dreamt that I cut my hair...this time...
I was feeling weird...

I think it is time to cut my hair....for a very long time...I wanted to.

NOw...it is no doubt that I will cut my hair anytime from now on...
The only problem left...

How short...or how long do I want my hair to be....how much to cut....how much not to cut....I have been thinking hard lately....

My only worries...is that...I will lost some of my secret admirers for my long hair...hahaha...they could be more disappointed than I do...if there are any.

HA.

Oh well...I will think about it.

Cut my hair...hmmmm...

It's time.

Lovely day for everybody...

Finally....yahui, my best friend is happily married off to the man who brings out the best in her....
Both of them...are made for each other...

I was so happy and touched...that when she was walking down the ale with her father in the church...I was standing behind her in tears...

I was happy for her...

Wish them all the love and happiness...

Qiyun

Congratulation!!!!!

Yesterday was Yanni and Jiun Yang's wedding day....and today is their wedding dinner....

And I am thrilled!....to see them happily married....

So so so happy for them....

I wish them all the love....and a lifelong companionship....

Congratulation...!!!

;)
yun

Feeling lousy....

A few years ago....I was crying alone in glasgow becos of this shitty job I did for part time...and since then....no other job is shit enough for me to ever want to quit....

Today...after so many years....
I was glad that I quit this current job that I am doing for part time...
I can't wait till my last day next monday....

This current job was actually a refered job.
This is a branch restaurant from the original restaurant I used to worked for many years...
I was being warned that the manager is eccentric....
It turned out that though the manager is eccentric is some ways...
but He is not as mean as one of my colleague...
And she is the only reason why I cannot force myself to work with in this restaurant anymore....
She do not give people basic human respect.

That is all I want to say for now.
I can't wait until monday...

Everybody....please take care...becos...
Shit happens all the time.

Love you all...

Mental Equilibrium > Spiritual High

I was chatting online with YQ a few days ago...
And he asked me why I was feeling high...

I told him....

Because my life is back to normal again...
and normal...
means a balanced, self-regulative mind and heart....

My mind and heart loses their power to maintain equilibrium since a year ago...when someone broke my heart...

Time heals....with my heart(and mind) gaining back its original state...
My world back to normal....returns to equilibrium...

Confusing as I sound...."what has balance got to do with feeling high"...

I explained to YQ...

BEing mentally balanced....means everything is well regulated emotionally...
resulting in me feeling spiritually light-weighted...
Hence feeling high....


Mental equilibrium ==>Spiritual High

Get it?

No?...Nevermind.
Yes. Good.

Thailand In state of EMERGENCY!

China News Asia Headline quote " Troops seize Thai PM's office"...
while Thai Prime Minister is in US attending UN meeting...
He declared Thailand in State of Emergency.

This is the first attempted coup in Thailand since 15 years....
and army chiefs being sacked.

General election initially scedule to be held in October was already postponed to November after the Hatyai(southern thai city) bombing a few days ago...

Really...I hope for world peace...
Everybody...please take care...

YES!!! YESSS!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!

Ladies and gentlemen....

I...AM....CONNECTED!!!!!!!
Finally!!!!!

After being stranded in a connectionless home for the past 5 month...
Finally figure out how to get connected by stealing my nanny's grandson network...after numerous trials....and trecherous configuration on my computer...it is not easy...especially for a techno-dumb like me...

Love the cyberworld....
Love being free again!!!!

I am FREE!!!!!

Yipeeee!!!!!

Kiss you all!!!
My cybermates....kiss you alll!

strangecloud

Feeling high...

Although life is still boring...
My soul is feeling high....
I can make myself happy by a mere silly thought...
And make myself laugh at my own wistful thinking...

One of my korean pop idol is going to be in town this weekend...
He is coming to singapore for a product promotion...
And...he is going to stay in Ritz-carlton...
I beg my manager to let me work this sunday...just to make sure I am walking on the same surface area on earth as my idol...or maybe...we could have breath in the same air in the lobby...
Silly me...but happy.
By the way...i work in Ritz-carlton.

I have been seriously making decisions about my near future...at least for my next 2 and a half year...before the next JCCI scholarship is due...
Should I be working hard for money...or working passionately for art..??
That is my dillema.

Meanwhile...life ...
Boring as usual...but beautiful as always...

No longer feels lonely...
Because love...is in the air...
It's nobody...
It is from within...

Feels high...

Love life.


Strange cloud...happy.

Happy Gal...

I can feel it in my bone....

I think I am in love again...
Not that I am seeing anyone...
I am secretly in love with somebody...

This time...
This person...I shall carefully admire from far far away...
And that's all...

I dun want to get hurt again...

I will be happy enough.

And ohhh!!!... I got a lovely sun tan last weekend...

This boring life....
I love it.

All the best for those who love me...

Kiss you all... :p

strange cloud